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 RFlagg
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 73
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?Page 2 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Anecdotal personal experiences:

- A friend of my daughter's parents split after being together 20+ years. She was 55, he was 73 ... almost 20 years between then. Both had been married before. She went off and got into another relationship, but he, sadly, passed away not long after the breakup.

- An ex-g/f's mom married a man who was 25 when she was over 45. That was 30 years ago and their marriage is stronger than anyone else's that I know.

- I met an amazing young woman a few years ago ... she was 18 at the time and I was 42. We connect on many things: philosophy, literature, politics, religion, humor and she is extremely attractive (or at least I thought so, but part of that could have been due to the strong intellectual connection). Circumstances placed us together practically daily, although we never "dated" (or did anything romantic). I certainly considered it though. Ultimately I am glad we did not follow that path for a number of reasons, but age is only an indication of the fact differences and issues might occur. Age in itself is not the issue.


I do not think there is an age X that is the limit for someone who is age Y. For a man who is 40, how can anyone say the youngest he should date is someone who is 30? What if a wonderful woman comes along, but she is only 29? Or 28? Or 27? .... Or 18? Where is the line and how is it determined? And when you state "it is X years" think how you would feel if you met the man or woman of your dreams and he or she was just 1 year younger (or older)?

Apparently Plato said (and I would like to find the actual quote because I think it was someone else who said it), "A man should marry a women who is half his age plus seven years." Which means that a woman should marry a man who is double of seven years less than her current age.

Man's Age / Woman's Age
18 : 16
20 : 17
22 : 18
24 : 19
26 : 20
30 : 22
40 : 27
50 : 32
60 : 37

Problem is, the formula is only good for about 2 years, then he has to dump her and marry someone a year younger. *smile*


Really, if it works, it works. If a couple came to me asking if their age difference would be problematic for a long-term relationship, I might warn them about the difficulties they might face. Same as I might warn them for an interracial or interfaith or alternative lifestyle relationship. All of these can be difficult. But I would not condemn any of them. To do so is to discriminate, and I would not discriminate on the basis of sexual preference or race or religion, so why would I do so on the basis of age?


Good Luck!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 76
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 12/25/2005 4:45:50 PM
Of coure that is you...Not everybodyelse...I live in FLORIDA and work hard all my life for what i own..Never ask the goverment,parents,or anybodyelse for that matter for anything...I will not give that up for nobody....I use to think like that back in my 20s when i got screwed over that really brought some light in my life...There is more to life than paying bills..And thank god for that...Take for example.My ex so call girlfriend is hook up with a real winner(52 years old,No driver licence,no car,no pot to piss in,In and out of jail all his life,ex-con)Yes that is a real winner..That is what i call a nice guy...Usually when people think that way usally have no abition to have anything in life...And about 90% people become the person they are with.....You know what makes you happy..Then that is fine...But what makes you happy may not make somebodyelse happy...There is truth to that..There is women that will love a man that turns 4o that does not have a pot to piss in(Because he drank all his life,drugs) that will worship the ground he walks..To each his own!!!!!LIFE IS CHOICES!!!!!!!Sleep with dogs get up with flee bites!!!!
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 81
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:00:05 PM
celine dion has been married to her husband since 1994.. he is 26 years older than her... apparently they are very happy...(and she def didn't need the money....)

so, who knows...whatever the reason this couple in question got married, it could work... good luck to 'em, i say
 leeanna50
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 87
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:28:27 PM
better yet what was the 40 year old thinking, my brother did the same thing 11 months later she ran off with a 27 year old man...and my brother to this day didnt see it comming or understand why she did it..her reasoning was, her and the new guy liked the same kind of music.....lol
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 88
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:54:49 PM
While I feel 18 is a bit young the girl has an opportunity to make a good life for herself. She can continue her education even if part time. The guy probably has a home and car and a few $$$ so that worry is over.

They probably won't be heading to the bar every Friday night. How many young people get mixed up with booze and drugs? Then there's STDs.

A reasonably healthy 40 year old can do most activities young people enjoy. Not only that but they'll have the money to enjoy more expensive activities like skiing, for example. Not too many young people starting out can afford a skiing weekend unless their parents foot the bill.

As long as the guy is decent he can provide a better lifestyle than she'd find with a guy her own age. Not just financial but a better role model, in general. In all likelihood he will be appreciative and treat her well.

I think the man is taking the bigger risk although how long do relationships last today? The divorce rate is around 50% even when couples appear perfectly matched.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 90
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:23:58 PM
I agree! It's the logical thing to do.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 91
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:49:24 PM

English Lass, I don't know if you're aware of this, but Celine Dion's hubby met her when she was 13 years old or 14 years old, he was lucky there was the statue of limitation ran out years ago, so Celine and her perv hubby isnt a good example.


she was actually 12 when he became her manager... no one has "confessed" to when they became lovers (why assume she was under age?) she did proclaim her love for him tho' in 1993, when she was 25 years old..

i wouldn't be surprised if she came to love him because he'd assumed a kind of father figure role in her life when she was very young.. because he'd always supported, guided and protected her..... or maybe she just has some sort of electra complex toward him....whatever the reason for their ending up together, my original posting was to show that it is possible for a younger woman to be with a much older man and for them both to be happy together, without there being any kind of monetary sneekiness involved (well on her part.. i guess if someone wanted to be very cynical they could say that that was why her manager "seduced" her - because of her obvious talent and potential income.. )
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 93
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:02:53 PM
I probably wouldn't marry a 18 yr old woman. But if another man decides to marry a much younger woman, then that is their business. Not mine or anyone elses. An 18 yr old is a legal adult in most places, if not all.
 totum_spirit
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 97
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:24:48 PM
Wow the insecurity of this thread. It amazes me to the length we will go to put another person or group down. People (even young people) have a choice as to how to live their life. They have a choice as to what happens in their life. So many comments here and those that made them have pain in their own past, so how can YOU say that just because you took a bad path in life everyone else needs to follow your lead? Me hell yes I have made some huge mistakes but those mistakes made me a stronger person. I am sure I have broken a few hearts but mine has been broken also...do I become negative just because I have hurt? NOPE!

I choose to live my life, I choose to forgive myself for hurting others and I choose to forgive all those that have hurt me. Would I change anything in my past? HELL NO!! All those things are what made me whom I am today so why would I wish for a different, unknown me as compared to the person I am at this moment. To be honest with you I think ALOT of younger women should date older guys. The reason is that the maturity of older men is (most of the time) are AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT A WOMAN SEEKS IN A PARTNER? The drama that goes around in our younger adults lives is worst than it was in my teen age years. I also defend the right of younger guys to date older women...an older woman is so tinder and kind to a young lover as compared to the same age girlfriend.

Now the big question...why is it everyone thinks things are supposed to last forever? Does love last forever? Divorce rate backs that one. Do we live forever? Not in mortal bodies. Does the earth stay the same? No it changes everyday. So when we put a TIME limit on love or relationships (thinking each time it must last forever) by placing the time limit on it you kill it that very moment. You destroy some thing that is pure and real because it is not happening as fast as you want it to. Instead of enjoying that single moment in time we want it to last forever...will you be alive in a few minutes...will you be alive tomorrow...next week...next year? I, we, you don't know the future so why not enjoy today tomorrow is unknown.

So if any 2 people decide that they want to be happy around each other it is their business not ours. The time they send together today will help make them who they are tomorrow. It is sad so many that disagree with this thread are the ones that are jealous that it is not them.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 98
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 6:30:31 PM
My opinion is simple. I have met a lot of people in my life. A very high number of those people wanted to ruin other people's relationships, out of jealousy, and a need to control other people's lives. The rest, just wished people well, and dealt with real problems, like the men who will ensure that a man who beats a woman stays out of her life.

I have the utmost respect for men who stand up for women, and stop them being subject to domestic violence, especially by men of their own age. The people who interfere in other peoples lives when they are not wanted by either partner, and ruin their happiness, are control freaks, and I have no respect for control freaks.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 101
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:35:14 PM
My opinion is simple. I have met a lot of people in my life. A very high number of those people wanted to ruin other people's relationships, out of jealousy, and a need to control other people's lives. The rest, just wished people well, and dealt with real problems, like the men who will ensure that a man who beats a woman stays out of her life.

I have the utmost respect for men who stand up for women, and stop them being subject to domestic violence, especially by men of their own age. The people who interfere in other peoples lives when they are not wanted by either partner, and ruin their happiness, are control freaks, and I have no respect for control freaks.
 monica1215
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 104
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:29:47 AM
I definitely like the way you think!! I couldn't have said it any better. I've read your "messages" and just had to tell you ... we are on the "same page" !
 Jacobus101
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 109
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 2:15:48 AM
What do I think of 18-year old girls who marry 40-year old men?

I have a subconscious feeling that the middle-aged crowd, with their careers and wealth and apparently attractive receding hairlines, are stealing from my hunting grounds, LOL. A friend of mine described it as "like a lion taking the meat from us young fledglings, leaving us with only the scraps." There was a girl the same age as me (20) that I wanted to date, but she only goes for much older men. She was taken up to Boston with him for some reason or another. I have to admit, I was a little annoyed when she was fawning over a letter from him, a part of which described his favorite cartoons from the '70s! The gut reaction for me is to ask why a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and crows' feet who she doesn't even know and whom she has no common interests with is more attractive than a young and athletic man like myself.

I had a similar "gut reaction" when, after a Mass at my church had ended and I was leaving the building, I saw the most beautiful woman ever (I still believe that today), dressed in a tight, purple cashmere full-length coat and a beautiful black lace mantilla veil over her hair. She had to be between 19 and 22. I was about to approach her and say hi, but then she reached out and held hands with a man who I thought was her father. He must have been over 40. I saw the weddings rings on their hands, and that was the end of that. And something really felt wrong after he started resting his hand on her butt. I suppose I shouldn't judge, though.

Again, these are just "gut reactions" I'm describing, not thought-out and reasoned statements.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 112
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:39:26 AM
RE: Msg 110:

Excellent post, The Next One!
It's nice to see logic which, unfortunately, is rare on these boards.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 120
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:22:03 AM
Wow! A lot of bitter responses from women on here. I actually knew a girl in high school who married a 38 year old man when she was the tender age of 18. Of course, we all thought that she was crazy back then and thought that he was some pervert. They are still together and have several children. I just saw her recently and she is happy as a can be. As I've gotten older, I really don't care to judge people and have come to understand that, in certain cases, there are people who society doesn't believe belong together but are ideally suited for one another. The worst thing that two people in a relationship can do is listen to all the other haters that are out there.

PS. Hmmm...I think I'm gonna go boink an 18 year old now...lol
 vbxtc
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 124
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:55:23 PM
One of the girls that I graduated from high school with married the girls soccer coach 3 months after graduation. I believe he was 31 at the time. Going back through a couple of yearbooks they seemed to be in a lot of pictures together, so who knows how early it started, but honestly who really cares. I graduated in 1981 and the last time I was in town (2005) they were still happily married, with a couple of kids. Real love does not recognize societal boundaries.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 126
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:55:59 PM
^ Hmmm, methinks someone has issues. You should read your own posts.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 132
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 6:35:08 PM
^ Bingo! Shouldn't have told her though. It was quite amusing to see her miss my point entirely. Anyway, I've seen her attack posters in other threads, so it seems this is just part of her nature. Obviously someone who hates to be wrong or who values her opinion as the gospel.

PS. Cue the obligatory angry response. 10..9...8...7...
 fennelfish
Joined: 6/28/2005
Msg: 133
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 6:41:02 PM
maybe they get along?
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 138
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:53:26 PM
RE: First post.

How would finding a man she wants to marry ruin her life or make her miss anything exactly? You're nuts. He's a man. You dont even know him, but the fact that hes seen 40 summers somehow makes him bad for her? A number is what you find wrong here. A number... do you realize how completely ridiculous that sounds? Try using your brain instead of just reacting. Good for her and good for him.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 141
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:04:02 PM
Demi always looks unhappy to me. Like she has a stick lodged somewhere unpleasant.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 143
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:36:13 PM
btw K - you do come off sounding angry .. even bitter. Not trying to p you off .. maybe it isn't your intention to sound that way. Communication isn't just about intent and delivery it is Also about reception. If "we're" hearing you wrong you might want to rethink your delivery.. just so we can all get along .. ;)


That was my point, but it seems to be lost on her. It is not the message so much as the way she writes the message and the hostility and contempt she conveys towards anyone that differs with her opinion. Anyway, it would be nice to have a civil conversation without the need to attack other posters. lol
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 147
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:25:04 AM
What I find comical is when people refer to the sexual aspect of the relationship. "The man is just using her for sex."

Having been an 18 year old male and a 40 year old male I can assure everyone I viewed sex at 18 differently than I did at 40. Condoms, pregnancy, disease, commitment,......name it.

Anyone who feels the average 18 year old male is more respectful, considerate, caring and loving than a 40 year old male has never been an 18 year old male. More 18 year old women or "girls" are going to be used by more 18 and 20 year old males than any 40 year old male.

The point is it has nothing to do with ones concern about the 18 year old as far as being used for sex or used for anything else for that matter. How many 40 year olds are going to run around if they have an 18 year old girlfriend? On the other hand how many 18 or 20 year old males are going to be faithful to their 18 year old girlfriend?

Which male is going to treat her with more respect and love? Which one is going to take better "care" of her, for lack of a better word?

I'm not sure if some of the posters here are extremely naive or their jealousy and bitterness is oozing out.

People talk about the 18 year old having to learn about life. Just what does the average 18 year old learn? How to survive on a student's income? How to drink in clubs? What, exactly, are they missing by being with an older man? They'll probably be enjoying skiing weekends. They'll be sleeping in a decent hotel when on vacation rather than sleeping in a hostel. They'll most likely be eating properly and not considering a bag of potato chips the main course for dinner.

So, for those who find such arrangements "disturbing" perhaps they could specify exactly what is disturbing? What, exactly does the lady miss? If she finds the man appealing and is there on her own free will what 18 year old male can compete with what a 40 year old can offer? More love? More commitment? More respect?

Help us out here.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 150
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/22/2008 9:23:23 AM
^ lol! Balls don't hopefully sag at 40 years of age. Hmmm...maybe they do so they can be at the same level as the saggy middle-aged boobs.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 153
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:01:16 AM

Just like always you are looking at "things" from a different angle

Hey, it's my duty to please your booty. Someone has to bring a different perspective into these otherwise dull forums.


Hey I just thought about something... when this girl turns 21 and starts hitting the bars that ole boy with the saggy thingies will really have his hands full.


Wouldn't she have her hands full then?
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