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 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 153
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?Page 3 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)

Just like always you are looking at "things" from a different angle

Hey, it's my duty to please your booty. Someone has to bring a different perspective into these otherwise dull forums.


Hey I just thought about something... when this girl turns 21 and starts hitting the bars that ole boy with the saggy thingies will really have his hands full.


Wouldn't she have her hands full then?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 154
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/22/2008 9:15:06 PM
RE msg 155 by mahogany_rush:
What I find humorous Dave, is your justification of why guys in their 40's should be marrying 18 year olds.......For every one guy who truly loves his 18 year old bride, there will be 100's has mastered the art of manipulation and control who seek out these girls who have " daddy complex"
I quite agree. There are other things to consider as well:
1) Now this is happening in large numbers to women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, too. Just read the forums, and you can see just how often women get into abusive relationships.
2) One thing that seems to be prevalent nowadays is the "protector complex", the need for women of all ages to be with a man who makes them feel protected, often physically. This has not escaped the notice of players and abusers, and they use it regularly to great effect.

A girl or young woman, who is in school and never been out from under the protective wing of her parents is easy prey, especially if he is an authority figure. In her young life she will have had many male authority figures and she has learned to trust them. It doesn't matter whether it's a teacher, principal, doctor, boss etc etc .
A few more points:
1) 18-year-olds in our society are considered "easy prey" because it is expected that they have not yet learned about what life is like, because it is expected that they haven't been exposed to it. So protecting 18-year-olds until they are older will just produce inexperienced 25-year-olds who are "easy prey". So we need another way of dealing with the issue.
2) Players and abusers follow a rule: if she's been played/abused before, she's more likely to let herself get played/abused again. Call it Stockholm Syndrome. But it's real, and it works. So cutting 18-year-olds out of the picture, does not change the problem for everyone else.

well the reality is he married her for her youthful appearance
The reality is that there are now many women in their teens who are not that attractive to many men, and there are many women in their 30s, 40s and 50s, who are incredibly attractive to many, many men.

when she has a baby or two and her body and moods change I wonder what happens next?
Men are marrying women in their 30s, and experiencing exactly the same problem. She has a baby and everything goes haywire.

The only difference is that today, it's much harder for a man in one of the first four categories to get away with seducing a young school-age girl or woman. Society will not allow it!
This is also very true. Unfortunately, 18-year-old women are allowed to date 18-year-old men, and now, as many 18-year-old men are skilled players and abusers, as they have learned from the Internet, their brothers, and their friends, and they have been getting involved much younger, so by the time they turn 18, they are very experienced as players and abusers. What is even more problematic, though, is that sexual offences in men statistically form 2 groups:
1) Young men in their teens and twenties, who tend to become immaturely involved in criminal acts, and see sexual assualts as just another form of exciting criminal behaviour. Many of these men grow out of this behaviour, and some regret their former actions, but often not before they have committed sexual assaults against young girls. There are statistics stating that something like 40% of young girls admitted that they were coerced into sex by young men, some violently coerced.
2) Men who are not generally involved in criminal behaviour, who commit sexual assults against women. These men tend to commit the same assaults as young men, and right throughout their lives.
Basically, young women have as much or more to fear from young men their age as older men.

Even if the marriage survives and most likely she will out live him, so what happens in 30 years the woman is a widow and wants to date again , she has no idea what to do, if you dont believe me go look at some of the forums about women who are having a hard time dating because they married young and wasn't experience enough dating, married older men in the beginning, but you seem to have forgotten , older men gets older in time.
There are plenty of women who married young and learned enough from their marriage to understand how to handle men. There are plenty of women who have dated for a long time and still don't know how to handle men.

Sorry I but I believe in letting the 18 year old be a 18 year old, experience life dating the ups and down, the loves and heart breaks, its part of defining one's character .
It would be nice to believe that experience is a definite answer to learning how to deal with life. I thought so too as a young teenager. Unfortunately, it's not. The lessons that one needs to learn about life, that define one's character is not a long list, and the experiences that teach one each lesson is not a long list either. You can learn it all in 3 months, if you choose to learn from your experiences. That is the problem. Most people just don't learn from their experiences, and keep making the same mistakes, until they encounter an experience so horrible and difficult, that they are forced to change. Many people don't even learn then, and just get stuck in the fear of a repeat of that experience.

Most men would love it if all 18-year-olds would be immature, experienced the ups and downs of dating, and all women over 30 had already learned this and developed character, because then 30-year-olds would then have the following attributes:
1) Great looks. Nowadays, with healthy eating, gyms, and various skin products, there are plenty of women in their 30s who are far more attractive that women in their 20s. So if all women over 30 were mature, they would all look after themselves for their own health, and would look as good as a woman in her 20s, but with the advantage of maturity.
2) Great in bed, because they would have learned to let go of all of their hang-ups about sex.
3) Great for a relationship, because they had done their time fooling around, had got rid of all their insecurities, and any arrogance and anger.
4) Reliable in a relationship, because they had learned to spot players and abusers, and would not be enticed into an affair, because they weren't feeling wonderful about themselves.
5) Willing and able to resolve problems in a relationship, because they would have learned to identify which problems are real, and which are just imagined, address any problems in a direct and forthright manner, and would be willing to work at a relationship solidly, and also willing to acknowledge when the problem is purely the man's fault, and not enable his bad behaviour by blaming themselves.
6) Not suffering from problems caused by past relationships, because they would be mature enough to find resolution to problems in previous relationships, and mature enough to not stay in something really emotionally or physically damaging, so any emotional or physical damage would be relatively short and thus most such problems would be easily overcome.
7) Knowing what they want, so dating would no longer be a long-drawn out affair.
8) Confident in themselves, so they would be apt to approach men who they could see would get on with them.
There are lots of other possible benefits, to a mature, beautiful, physically healthy, emotionally stable woman.
Such a world would mean that 18-year-olds were not worth dating, because their youth, beauty and emotional openness would be just as much present in women over 30. So there would be no downsides to dating 30s women, and far more downsides to dating an 18-year-old woman.

Men who would want to use women selfishly, would never get anywhere, young or old, because mature women would be smart enough to spot them, and would protect young women from them. So all men would be forced to treat women with respect, would be forced to become celibate or involve themselves fairly with women, would get regular great sex with a great-looking woman with a great personality, and everyone would be happy.

If you can figure out how to solve all of the above problems, and the others that I can list, and somehow ensure that all women over 30 have the character to do all that I have listed for themselves, that is automatically going to make men's lives fantastic, please let me and every other man know how to do this. Because our lives would be Seventh Heaven.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 155
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/22/2008 9:20:52 PM
^ Interesting comments, but I can't help but notice that you talk about women as if they're some sort of helpless, innocent lambs. There may be players out there, but there are just as many skanky ho's that are just as bad. Also, there are many women that are responsible for their own decisions, like chosing the bad boys over the nice guys. In some cases, it may be a case of a player seducing a naive girl, but I'd venture to say the majority, or in at least in half of the cases, it's silly girls pursuing bad boys/players. C'est la vie!
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 156
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/22/2008 10:21:42 PM

Interesting comments, but I can't help but notice that you talk about women as if they're some sort of helpless, innocent lambs. There may be players out there, but there are just as many skanky ho's that are just as bad. Also, there are many women that are responsible for their own decisions, like chosing the bad boys over the nice guys. In some cases, it may be a case of a player seducing a naive girl, but I'd venture to say the majority, or in at least in half of the cases, it's silly girls pursuing bad boys/players. C'est la vie!
I believe that is the basis of the argument.

Most posters who believe that a 40-year-old man should not be allowed to marry an 18-year-old girl seem to be of the opinion that the girl needs "protection", as if she would never date an older man if she was in her right mind.

Posters who believe that a 40-year-old man should be allowed to marry an 18-year-old girl seem to believe that 18-year-old girls are quite capable of making up their own minds, and if one chooses to marry a 40-year-old man, she knows exactly what she is doing, and is therefore making the right choice for her.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 159
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:04:33 AM
JMHO, of course, but I find it rather distasteful. I can't imagine what a 40 year old man would have in common with an 18 year old teenage girl. He sounds like Page #4 of the Mid-life Crisis Catalog.

Where did he take her on dates? Chuck E. Cheese? Toys R Us?

Sounds as though he's looking to take a dip in the Fountain of Youth. Blech.
 huronbraxx
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 162
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:08:03 AM
hmmm well i can understand if they were dating for a couple years already and just got engaged at 18 but... what about people who marry at 16? and i don't mean to someone a lot older maybe both at 16 or 16 and 20 w/e, it relly depends on the induvidual, i fail to see why marriege ends the possibility of post secondairy education why should it? even some single parents who had their kid when young still manage and without being rich either. as for what they see in eachother.. really depends on the induvidual
i know actually of a 16 y/o and..... 35 y/o who married..... well he was just a pig and shouldn't have knocked up his daughter's 15 y/o best friend but... neways as for the status of thier relationship last i heard he was in prison for dealing drugs and she(with thier kids... 3 i think?) was back home with her parents (think she around 21 now)
suffisive to say the daughter and son(original) moved to live with thier aunt when they first found out what was going on , maybe it turned thier stomaches as much as mine.
anyways the moral of this story is... she seemed happy married to him and havng kids, everyone is different.......
 krystalle555
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 163
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:33:43 AM
look at catherine zeta-jones and her hubby? she's hot and he's...well..not...but they're both uber rich and happy. she was smart. older men bring security emotionally and possibly financially.

Personally I wouldn't do it. I have a close-minded family. And I like to do active and sometimes stupid silly things for fun which an older man may find, immature.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 164
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:14:30 AM

(Msg 155) What I find humorous Dave, is your justification of why guys in their 40's should be marrying 18 year olds.......For every one guy who truly loves his 18 year old bride, there will be 100's has mastered the art of manipulation and control who seek out these girls who have " daddy complex"


In msg 89 I did say I felt 18 was a bit young but for the sake of argument I’ll stick to 18 and 40. Today, the vast majority of 18 year old girls are anything but naïve.


so by marrying this guy you think she will live in domestic bliss and live happily ever after? well the reality is he married her for her youthful appearance and innocence and when she has a baby or two and her body and moods change I wonder what happens next? 20 years old stuck with a couple of children hubby decides that working and making a living to support the family is important, and she gets to come on to POF and look for friends because she bored? yep sounds like a great life bud.


Do you think that after, say, five years of marriage when the guy is 45 and he has a 25 year old wife he’s going to neglect her because her body has fallen apart?

Let’s look at the two hypothetical kids. Who is going to make the better father; a young guy in his 20’s struggling financially to make house payments, pay a babysitter/support his wife or a man of 45 who either owns his home outright or has a very low mortgage and has got rid of his “oat-sowing, partying, hang out with the guys” years?

If the wife is bored with the 45 year old guy she certainly won’t be entertained by a 25 year old guy. Assuming she loves her husband she will have access to much greater entertainment and travel by virtue of his financial position. Furthermore, he will be more appreciative of her. A 25 year old woman is not as special to the typical 25 year old man as she would be to a 45 year old. The only question is does she love him? If yes, she’ll live a much better life as will the children.


Even if the marriage survives and most likely she will out live him, so what happens in 30 years the woman is a widow and wants to date again , she has no idea what to do,….


If the marriage lasts 30 years that, in itself, justifies the arrangement. I do see your point about dating, however, an 18 year old in today’s society is not the same as an 18 year old starting out 30 years ago.

Technology and the access to information has changed everything. Also, I will assume over the 30 years she took some courses even if relating to hobbies. We’re not talking about someone taken from a remote area of the planet. As to dating it’s nothing more than meeting people and seeing what two people have in common. Surely she will have social skills. In fact, her social skills will probably be superior to most as she will have been exposed to a greater variety of situations. It’s pretty much a win-win situation all round.


(Msg 161) Basically, young women have as much or more to fear from young men their age as older men.


Exactly! Older men who are interested in young women are going to be more appreciative when they have one. It’s that simple.


(Msg 167) Nup...she doesnt need protection except from predators.


I find it rather amusing 40 year olds are considered predators but 18 or 19 year olds aren’t. I think it’s time for a quick review of “Testosterone And The Adolescent Male”.


(Msg 168) I believe kids when turning into adults should learn how to live on their own, so they can develop the self esteem and know how and what it takes to live on their own, so if they get into a relationship and if something happens to the partner they already know that they can live again on their own, because they did it before….


I don’t feel that argument holds up as there are many 18 and 19 year olds who marry and then divorce their partner a few years down the road. Obviously they didn’t have issues of self esteem or were nervous about living on their own.


I dont believe for one f ucking minute any 18 year old should be married period, I dont know what the stats are but most of those who marry under 21 years but many of them are divorced by 30 year old, most of them seem to be somewhat bitter towards men,….


My EX was 18 and I was 20 when we married. It didn’t stop her from having an affair at 30. She didn’t lack self-esteem, I assure you.

People do not stop learning because they marry. With computers and the available access to education and communication, not to mention public service announcements and social programs, it’s not like the stories from 50 years ago where the guy tied the woman to the kitchen sink.

As for them being bitter if their partner was such as a$$ and they lived with such abuse they now have access to hundreds of men. They should be shouting how great life is but, alas, such is seldom the case. If they felt their partner was an a$$ and now believe most of the men here are users and players what does that tell us?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 170
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:54:20 PM
RE msg 167:
Nup...she doesnt need protection except from predators.
The main group of men who have the greatest interest to use women for sex and an ego boost, and who are likely to abuse women through a lack of conscience, that are likely to fool an 18-year-old but not a 30-year-old woman, are young men, because young men tend to be only interested in "sowing their wild oats" and in engaging in criminal and violent behaviour, and 30-year-old women seem to be well aware of young men's natures, but young women seem to still believe they can change him. So it's young men who are the predators for young women. I am glad that we are in agreement that young women need to be protected from the vast majority of young men.

The only thing worse than people who break Law...are predators that inch along the boundary, feign innocence & cite "rights".
Young men claim they have the "right" to date young women, and when questioned as to how they can treat young women like a piece of meat, and then ruin her reputation by calling her a "slag" to anyone who thinks well of her, they claim they didn't know it was wrong. I totally agree with you. Most young men are worse than criminals.

RE msg 168:
protecting our children doesn't mean locking them in their rooms and protecting them from the outside world, its means teaching our children about life and letting them experience life whether its teaching them how to be responsible, how to find there first apartment to financing to how to avoid certain types of people.
First, most parents do the exact opposite of what you recommend. So it seems to me that you are recommending that parents behave differently in how they raise their children. I wrote this in my statement:
So we need another way of dealing with the issue.
So would it not be true that you agreed with me?

Second, a child is given 18 years in which she is not held responsible for her actions and during which time, a parent is given the responsibility to teach her childIn that time, you could take 6 degrees. That is more than enough time to teach your child responsible action. I should know. I know enough people who learned plenty of responsibility by that age. Why would you want to deny teaching your child at a time when the government will protect her from serious harm? Why do you feel that 18 years which is 36,000 hours of work for a 40-hour week, is not enough to teach someone the basics of how to get through life?

Third, the most vital skill one ever learns is to stand on one's own two feet, and make one's own decisions. To rob your child of that skill, is the worst thing you can do, because that child will only learn it when you are dead, when she has no-one to bail her out when things get serious, such as if she owes a loan shark to someone who wants her to pay it back by prostitution. The law states that your guardianship of your child ends by 18. So that lesson is learned at age 18. Why do you want to stop your child learning the most vital lesson she can learn, to make her own choices?

I believe kids when turning into adults should learn how to live on their own, so they can develop the self esteem and know how and what it takes to live on their own, so if they get into a relationship and if something happens to the partner they already know that they can live again on their own, because they did it before, most of them who develop high self esteem dont fall into certain traps set by these sick perverted f ucks out there.
Most people I know who learned this, already learned how to do this before they moved out of home, including myself. Some of the most important skills in living on your own, are:
1) Taking care of your own bills, which you learn by having to manage your own finances while still at home.
2) Looking after your own home, which you learn by looking after your own room in your own way.
3) Looking after your own clothes, which you learn by doing your own laundry.
4) Cooking for yourself, which you learn by cooking some of your own meals.
5) Cooking for others, which you learn by cooking some of your family's meals.
6) Living by yourself, which you learn by being left alone in your own room.
7) Finding your own friends, which you learn by finding your own friends, when you are still at home.
8) Most important, taking your own chances, which you learn by being given some choices at home.
Practically anyone who is self-sufficient at home, finds moving out is just an extension of what they learned at home. People who struggle when they move out, only struggle in those areas in which they were denied the opportunity and encouragement to develop self-sufficiency in those areas while they were still at home. Why would you deny kids learning those skills when you can help them the most, before they are 18, and then expect them to learn these skills after they are 18, by trial and error, when plenty of people who use trial and error keep making the same mistakes, time and again?

I know man & women who fell into traps set by perverted people. But they were all running away from a home where they were restricted in their behaviour, even after they reached 18, and were never encouraged to develop their own self-confidence before they left home.

When I was 18-25, I spent a lot of time living around other people. The one consistent thing I noticed was that people who showed a great deal of self-oncfidence and self-esteem, spoke of their parents, particularly their mother, as though she encouraged them to do things for themselves, even as a young child, and those who showed a great lack of self-confidence and lack of self-esteem, always said their parents criticised them when they were younger, and did not encourage them to do things for themseves.

Most people don't learn confidence and self-esteem between 18-35. They learn it between 0 and 18, and then from 36 onwards. Why are you expecting the opposite?

I dont believe for one f ucking minute any 18 year old should be married period, I dont know what the stats are but most of those who marry under 21 years but many of them are divorced by 30 year old, most of them seem to be somewhat bitter towards men, you want proof look at the threads started by women who were in abusive relationships, most of them have the common trait, they met their b astards when they were YOUNG.
I spoke to many such women. In every case, these women were emotionally discouraged from developing self-esteem and independence by their parents, when they were YOUNG. They only met abusive partners, way after their personalities had been severely damaged by their parents.

What you are saying is the truth. However, these patterns were set in place before they met these men. By their parents. And once their parents set them on this path, nothing on Earth could stop it.
End of story.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 173
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:10:26 PM

(Msg 123) For whatever reason you think its ok for 18 years old to marry guys in their 40's and I disagree with you I believe that 18 y ears old should go out and experience life, your argument is based on economics.


Not just economics.


You think that kids that age aren't naive, of course they are, they are not equipped to make logical or mature decisions, look at how many teen pregnancies are out there….


Thanks! You just added another support to my argument. How many 18 year olds are impregnated by 40 year olds? Take the average 18 year old who wants to get involved in a relationship and possibly get married or start a family. Do you think they are better off with another 18 year old or with a more mature person?

What is the 40 year old doing wrong anyway? Do you think today’s 18 year old is going to be dominated or “owned” by a 40 year old? It’s not going to happen.


If a 40 year old man has to resort to picking up 18 years old in this day and age, well what does that say about the guy besides hes a f uckin loser, because he cant meet women his age, either do something about it or get help with your issues on why he cant meet women his age.


It has nothing to do with “resorting”. People live a long time today. There are 40 year olds who are not sitting at home worrying about their retirement. Just what makes a person a loser because they choose a different lifestyle? What do you think the 40 year old is doing wrong? What negative results do you see besides saying if the woman reaches 50 and has to find a new mate she won’t have dating experience. What else is wrong in your eyes? She can experience life with a 40 year old just as well as with any other male and probably experience a better life.


(Msg 174) If less time was spent being "reasonable", having polite discussions & listening to selfserving rubbish of others who do things like prey on the youth, weak, ignorant & vulnerable for their own gain...


I’ll put the same questions to you as I did to Mahogany. What do you think the 40 year old is doing wrong? Oh, and one more question. Do you think 18 year old “boys”are knights out to protect the honor of 18 year old girls?


(Msg 175) The modern young women is anything but "easy prey" (this is the old "poor me I'm always the victim" drivel coming to the surface again.) the modern woman is VERY well schooled when it comes to predators. Even to the extent of often rejecting genuine love mistaking it for predation.


For a while I thought I was living on a different planet. Very well stated, Crayonzz. I remember my daughter and my two nieces being 18. They were anything but naïve and subservient.


(Msg 176) NEVER in Health Studies was it ever brought up to watch out for dirty old men trying to sweet talk or buy you off with "lavish" to get into your pants.


Is there ONE 18 year old that hasn’t been taught and warned and advised about the “getting in their pants” issue? It is the adolescent guy that wants to “get in her pants” because “getting in her pants” implies that’s all he wants. Then he moves on to another one. It’s doubtful the 40 year old will “get in her pants” and drop her the next day. Why would anyone encourage an 18 year old to date those most likely just wanting a ONS and discourage her being with someone who will, almost always, treat her better? That’s the puzzling question.


(Msg 177) " A girl or young woman, who is in school and never been out from under the protective wing of her parents is easy prey, especially if he is an authority figure. In her young life she will have had many male authority figures and she has learned to trust them. It doesn't matter whether it's a teacher, principal, doctor, boss etc etc Mahogany_rush.


It sounds like you’re talking date rape? Trusting? As I asked earlier is there ONE 18 year old that hasn’t had the “get in your pants” sermon? Whether it’s an 18 year old or a 40 year old she will know if they are trying to “get in her pants”. Which one is more likely to honor their word and which one is more likely to say any damn thing to get in her pants?

RE: Msg 178: Great post, Scorpiomover!
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 175
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:35:18 PM
RE msg 179:

I am glad that we are in agreement that young women need to be protected from the vast majority of young men.
Dont misquote me to attempt to sanctify something Ive made my position clear on.
All I did was quote EXACTLY what you said, quote facts which you would agree on, and draw the most obvious conclusions from them. Or do you disagree and think that most young men have no desire to take advantage of young women, or that they do not

*raises eyebrow*...I do believe you and I crossed paths once before scorpio in relation to umm...this exact topic I believe albeit the age was different...under 18 if Im correct... and you were arguing for men your age being able to Legally sleep with girls then.
Actually, the case was a woman who was above the legal age of consent for that country. So there is not much different here.

However...I digress...I would not like to assume that someone hypothetically arguing for a case is infact a predator themselves.
I wouldn't either, because an enabler is worse than a predator. She is one who encourages "prey" to do what a predator wants, and she encourages predators to prey. So if I argued that hypotheticals were an indication of reality, you can imagine my opinion of such people who cast judgement. Let she or he who is without fault cast the first stone. As I have always been very determined to never take advantage of any woman for sex or a relationship, young or old, and never have, I can do that. Can you say you've never taken advantage of a man, because of his attraction to you?

Sometimes the only option is to apply the same boundaries to yourself ie. none... and inch along the boundaries of the Law as well to deal with people like these
I quite agree. I do that all the time. I never use a women for sex, and I always consider the woman's feelings in any possible relationship. But to apply the boundaries that you set to yourself, Kynnie, would mean that you would never date a young man, for sex or a relationship, because that would be taking advantage of his inexperience in the ups and downs of dating, and the heartbreak that often comes with it, even if no man below 30 would ever date you again. I'm not saying that would happen.

But I don't notice any of the posters who are posting their disapproval on those threads at posting equally disapproving posts on the numerous threads of 40-year-old women approached by a young man of a similar age. But I see almost unanimous support for such behaviour on those threads.
That is why I believe that the opinion of disapproval of any young woman with a much older man is just a double standard, designed to encourage women to do what they want, irrespective of the consequences, and to discourage men in all ways, of having a happy life.

If you had read my posts, you would know that I have made it very clear that if the man mistreats the woman without major genuine cause from the woman, then he is a complete scumbag and she should leave him on the spot and never go back. But you seem to gloss over that fact.
When I see your posts being objective and not guilty of a double standard, I would happily support your opinion. But I see absolutely no evidence of that, and much evidence of the converse.
 Jacobus101
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 176
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:59:18 PM
Man, this thread is pretty harsh on the young male population.

Dave1234, for example, writes a good apologetic in defense of 40 year old men and 18 years old women getting together. But these, for example, bring up a bigger question:


People talk about the 18 year old having to learn about life. Just what does the average 18 year old learn? How to survive on a student's income? How to drink in clubs? What, exactly, are they missing by being with an older man? They'll probably be enjoying skiing weekends. They'll be sleeping in a decent hotel when on vacation rather than sleeping in a hostel. They'll most likely be eating properly and not considering a bag of potato chips the main course for dinner.


If we 18-20 year olds are so bad off, why would a 40-year old man be attracted to one? As opposed to, say, a woman his own age, with one or more college degrees, more intelligence and wisdom, a much better job, much more money... essentially all the same reasons you gave for why your age demographic is better. why settle with just skiing when, with a middle-aged woman, you could go skiing in the Alps in Italy?


Also, you asked:


So, for those who find such arrangements "disturbing" perhaps they could specify exactly what is disturbing? What, exactly does the lady miss? If she finds the man appealing and is there on her own free will what 18 year old male can compete with what a 40 year old can offer? More love? More commitment? More respect?


Certainly, a 40-year old man can offer more money and more experience in the world.

But speaking as a young man, I know that I can offer my youth.

First, I'll have more time literally to be with her. Men already tend to die before women do; a 40-year old marrying an 18-year old is going to offer a huge chunk of life as a widow/er.

Second, I can offer a younger physique. I'm much more physically fit than the average 40-year old, and I'm not in the "prime" of life yet. I could be wrong, but I believe more women are attracted to a smooth, muscular young man's body than a middle-aged man's worn by time. And while a middle-aged man may still live an active lifestyle, it's almost inevitable that a (physically fit) young man is going to have much more strength and stamina. Furthermore, all his body parts work, and will continue to work for a long time.

Third, a young man may not have a middle-aged man's experience and wisdom, but if he's like me, he quite possibly will have a much greater passion for ideas and learning, often because he's in university. He's fired up in the marches and rallies , getting his hands dirty in community work, or is energizing a revival in his religious group. A lot of young women find this more attractive than a middle-aged man already set in his ways.

And finally, a few young women value sexual purity. They're more likely to find this in a young man who's inexperienced or a virgin, rather than a middle-aged man who's sewn his wild oats with many women over a long period of time, or has undergone one or even two marriages.


Finally:


How many 40 year olds are going to run around if they have an 18 year old girlfriend? On the other hand how many 18 or 20 year old males are going to be faithful to their 18 year old girlfriend?


I know many young men who are zealously devoted to one woman. I'd be one of them... if I had a woman to be devoted to, that is, LOL.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 179
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:21:36 PM

Frankly...you're just irritating me now...so I wont be making a post past this regardless of the drivel.

Thank God!!
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 182
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:47:50 PM
Some folks ask what they will have in common or what they'll talk about. I don't know about other people but my partner and I talk about things that are happening today. "How was your day at work? Did you read the headlines in the morning paper?" We don't discuss things from 40 years ago.

If one goes to a movie theater they will see people of all ages watching the same movie. People of all ages at the beach or in the park or at the mall or in a restaurant.

What do couples talk about? Sports minded people will talk sports whether they're 18 or 40 years old. People more into current events that discuss that. Couples will plan vacations together.

A person brought up on a farm will have had a completely different childhood from someone who lived in the city but how often does one sit around talking about their childhood?

It's not what they have in common or their common experiences that matter. It's what they want for the future. I know that doesn't sit well with most folks because most people believe a partner should "fit in" their lives as opposed to starting a new life.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 183
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:00:50 PM
RE msg 185:
DONT draw presumptions to my statements or decide for me what I will or will not agree on regarding your assumptions to my pattern of thought.
I will requote my post:
The main group of men who have the greatest interest to use women for sex and an ego boost, and who are likely to abuse women through a lack of conscience, that are likely to fool an 18-year-old but not a 30-year-old woman, are young men, because young men tend to be only interested in "sowing their wild oats" and in engaging in criminal and violent behaviour, and 30-year-old women seem to be well aware of young men's natures, but young women seem to still believe they can change him. So it's young men who are the predators for young women.
What part of this did you disagree on?

I dont give a damn about whether or not someone is of legal age...we've been through this. Its not that difficult to keep it in your pants and LEAVE kids alone. 15...16...17...18 and frankly...at your particular age MO is you shouldnt go anywhere near anyone under 25 even if you wanna label her a predator herself. Walk away.
Sex with kids is ILLEGAL. Got it? ILLEGAL. The law states what a "kid" is with regards to sex. If you don't like the law, move to another country, like Saudi Arabia.

This thread was specific to 18 F & 40 M...AND if you'd followed my posts last time...I stated clearly that I am an equal opportunity b!tch in these scenarios & hold women to the same standard.
Then at least we can agree on that.

People can agree to disagree...this is something I am passionate about...but it will never be an issue in my family cos luckily my ex hubby feels exactly the same way, he's not likely to be so verbal...and I am not likely to be as "sweet" & tolerant as you've seen here.
This is also something I am passionate about. However, I seriously doubt that you or your hubby are likely to anything BUT "sweet". Because the only guys I know who are about 40 and are with young women are men who take on the young men half their age and turn them into swiss cheese without breaking a sweat. Unless your hubby's name is Jet Li, I seriously doubt that being "non-sweet" would get him anything but a visit to the hospital. Or maybe he's like you, aggressive on a forum.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 184
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:01:18 PM
RE msg 186:
In my opinion there is still a huge gap in maturity levels, 2) Tell me what do they have in common that they could discuss on a equally intellectual ground??
I find a huge gap in maturity levels in people my own age, who have the stupidity to go and get themselves married to an abusive man, have no real interest in intellectual subjects and then think that they have something in common with someone who has never done that despite the numerous opportunities and who has a massive interest in all sorts of intellectual subjects. I ask you. Why? The only thing they want is sex and a willing companion. It's just creepy.

It’s easy to see what a barely legal girl sees in an older guy (or think she sees), but what makes a guy decide to forgo everyone in his age group for a girl who basically just learned to drive?
I'll be honest. Having read so many posts on this subject, I have real trouble seeing what a young woman would see in an older man. However, seeing as I've only just got around to learning to drive myself, I would find far more in common with someone who was in the same boat.

However, the 40 year old man should know better than to take part in sexual acts with “hot” teenage girls who lack the life experience necessary to put them on an equal playing field. Teenagers are sexual beings; they experiment. But sexual experimentation between two people with the same amount of life experience is much different than the sexual experimentation of two people separated by years of experience.
Where do you get the idea that teenagers are sexual beings who like to experiment? I've seen exactly the same behaviour in a 29-year-old woman. As far as life experience goes, I wouldn't doubt that similar levels of experience are going to make partners more compatible in theory. In practice, it would be difficult to say, because I've met quite a few people the same age who are of the same age and levels of experience, and their relationships were a disaster and my best friend was a virgin when she got married and her husband was very experienced and they get on fantastically and have done so for years. But if what you are saying is true that is a disaster for me. I chose not to get involved with people I didn't have chemistry with, and the ones I did never got off the ground. So I have a lot of experience in dating nice girls that I didn't get involved with. Where am I going to find a woman my age, who has dated nice men who she didn't get involved with? According to this, I would have no possibility of relating to a woman my age, who usually has loads of experience.

It is disgusting that some members of society expect a 18 year old girl to know better than a 40 year old male. In the end it comes down to this: What is worse? Having sex with a charming older man or an older man having sex with an inexperienced young female? Either way, the answer is the same: Any sexual relationship between two people of completely different levels of life experience is unacceptable. Thus, the responsibility should be placed on the adult.
If the male is just looking for some easy sex and the woman is looking for a relationship, of course it is wrong. The only problem with this scenario is that in order for there to be a problem with it, then people of similar ages would have to have similar life experiences. That would mean that the average woman would have about the same number of partners and the same number and length of relationships as a man her age. But from what posters report about real life, the average mature woman has a LOT more experience than a man her age and as you put it, "sexual experimentation between two people with the same amount of life experience is much different than the sexual experimentation of two people separated by years of experience".
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 186
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/25/2008 12:25:30 AM

Scorpio you're going in so many different direction that I have to send out a search party to find out what you are talking about, and I have to pay my WTF to English translator triple time and a half
Sorry, mahogany_rush. My brain runs at a mile a minute.


I find a huge gap in maturity levels in people my own age, who have the stupidity to go and get themselves married to an abusive man, have no real interest in intellectual subjects
what does that have to do with a 18 year old and a 40 year old?
It goes to the premise of the problem. Why do you have a problem with a 40 year old man with a much younger woman? Would you deny a 40 year old man a relationship? No. So you assume that he is able to find a woman who is on the same page as him. Most of the men who are now in their 60s that I knew, did find a woman on the same page as him. But they all got married in the early 60s to early 70s, before feminism had a serious influence on women. But the men I know of my age, don't have that much in common with a lot of women their age. Why? Because a lot of those men have interests in all sorts of intellectual pursuits, in cooking, cleaning, and in relationships. The women my age don't. Their interests seem to be about their kids, getting laid, work, money and not too much else. It's almost as if the men & women my age have switched the gender roles, and not met in the middle. So asking a man my age to date a woman my age would be like asking you to date a male chauvinist player. Sad, but true.

But if you can find women who are like the women I grew up around, that would be a different story, because they still have the values that men my age value.


Where do you get the idea that teenagers are sexual beings who like to experiment
ask any teenage boy who is popular in school.
Do you have any idea about how many teenage boys are popular in school? Very, very, very, very few. You are talking about the vast minority. Then you have to realise that you are talking about Western society, which constitutes an tiny minority in the world. So the majority or the world doesn't think like you. Then you have to consider that most teenage boys who are interested in sex, don't "experiment". They just want sex. If they get sex a certain way, they want it again that way. There is no "experimentation" about it.

Inexperienced women, on the other hand, are prone to want to try things out for a while, that they have never tried before, and then decide that they "been there, done that", and don't want to go there again.

However, teenage boys will experiment with relationships. They will try dating a bi girl, or a bi-polar girl, or a girl with a past, or a single mother, or a messy woman, or a crazy woman, and then decide that they don't want some of them.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 189
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:04:48 AM
To sigi and mahogany_rush:

Maybe what I wrote was a bit overkill, and partially an expression of my feelings. But things have changed massively in the UK over the last 20 years. I know many, many men who enjoy cooking. But it has become very common for women to never cook, and for many, to not even know how. There are many women now who just want one-night-stands. There are a lot more men who are looking for a relationship. Women have become very into watching soccer, traditionally a male interest. Women are going out, getting drunk till they cannot stand, and getting into fights. The vast majority of women I have met, who talk about current events and politics, are over 55. Women tend to be very aggressive, as well.

Also, I don't know many teenagers here who have "heroes". I know that a lot of teenage boys are interested in getting laid with as many young women as possible. I know that a lot of teenage girls want to be WAGs (Wifes and Girlfriends of Soccer Stars and Celebrities). A lot of women emulate women like Victoria Beckham, Cheryl Tweedy, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. It's true that a lot of older women don't have any interest in copying them, but they also act the same as the younger women when they are out. Getting drunk and getting laid is big in the UK.

Maybe the US and Canada is not quite like this yet, but the UK is very like this.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 190
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:21:53 AM
I love threads like this! Just about everyone has an opinion, so these are always fun to read.

I would imagine there are lots of reasons for relationships with such a huge age gap. I have dated men who were anywhere from 24 years my senior (when I was in my early 20s) to men who were 24 years my junior (when I was in my late 40s). One thing I discovered over the years is that the men I was most comfortable and compatible with were the ones who were relatively close to my own life experiences, my own maturity level, my own interests and my own intelligence. For the most part, I wasn't going to find those similarities with a much-older or a much-younger man.

As I have gotten older, my perspectives on just about everything have changed. I may have been cuter and thinner when I was 18, but I wouldn't go back THERE for anything now. Most 18 year old females (and males, the truth be known) haven't experienced much in life simply because of their limited years. That's not a bad thing.... it's just a life fact. My question is, what would a 40-year-old man with so many more years of life experience HAVE IN COMMON with an 18-year-old, enough so that he would wish to marry her? While some people may have completely legitimate answers to that question, I find it difficult to find such answers inside my own experiences.

I didn't read all the posts, but I would LOVE to know what people would think if the genders were switched in the original post. Would people have a whole different set of feelings / perceptions / judgments if the BRIDE was 40 and the GROOM was 18?
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 192
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/26/2008 12:28:51 PM

Maybe the US and Canada is not quite like this yet, but the UK is very like this

Oh yes they are...


Would people have a whole different set of feelings / perceptions / judgments if the BRIDE was 40 and the GROOM was 18?

I think some people might have something to say about it, but there would definitely be a lot more support for it. It's typical.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 195
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:57:55 PM

maybe she never got her father's attention as a child??)


That's assuming a lot. Hmmm...I wonder if he yells out, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" during sex??
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 196
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/26/2008 5:52:28 PM

maybe she never got her father's attention as a child??)
I wonder if he yells out, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" during sex??


Ahahahahahahahahahaha. Gawd! That was good!

Thanks for a great laugh, Tick Tock!
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 201
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/29/2008 9:40:57 AM
Its a pity, Mr truthseeker, you couldn't bear to be REJECTED by me and start attacking me personally, its written in English your native mother tongue lingo, you didn't get the meaning of what I have written, go back to school that's what I am going to say to you.
And stop picking on people you don't know, you are old enough to know!!!


Didn't look like he attacked you in the post. Hmmm...sounds like someone doesn't like to be disagreed with, right princess?
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 205
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18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:50:00 PM
^ Mmmm...she's hot..I wonder if she's ready for marriage?
 goodglosguy
Joined: 3/3/2006
Msg: 206
18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 1/29/2008 3:56:44 PM
I know a couple who got together when she was 19 and he 49. They moved in and are still together after 7 years. No, they are not married but neither are a lot of couples.
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