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 AUTHOR
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 326
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find? Page 9 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
magicallaroundme:
If she wasn't forcing herself on you after 20 minutes then you had no business going there.


This is not true. If she is preoccupied with a man she is currently with and you can get a foot in the door for when things are not great or end with him, then you are "there" so to say afterward. Even women who turn you down as a mate now can take you on as a mate later when their situation has changed.
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 327
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:13:54 PM
magicallaroundme:

Another thing about Christian Carter... He excels in giving good advice about how to engage a certain kind of man.


yes, he is giving advice about alpha males. A-holes. He is trying to explain to women how to get and keep a man who is not interested in keeping a woman. Inevitably, it end in failure unless she puts way more into a relationship than he ever will, he will leave her without ever considering any of this. She's wasting her time listening to him in the first place.

No woman ever really gets an Alpha male, otherwise, he isn't an alpha. It's insane to me why women keep searching for them in civilized society other than that those women are stupid.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 328
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:14:59 PM

Maybe I'm in the minority of women out there but I have never nor do I plan to "stop at nothing to get a man I want". ..... By all means I will let him know I am interested, but to go to the extreme of not letting anything stop me from doing that, well for starters if he is doesn't reciprocate nor show signs of interest back then umm, no point of me going there -- no matter how much he may be the man that I desire. ... That would be obsessing no? ...

To me its pretty much very simple, and this applies across the board: If signs of interest is not reciprocated or if one party has to go to great lengths to get their interest across (aka: chasing) then this definitely is NOT the type of relationship I am interested in. If a guy has ever had to "chase" me -- then there is something definitely wrong in that picture. If I liked him in the same way, he would never have to use such extreme measures to get his point across. Doing so means he did not get the message that I was not interested and he is now teetering on the the borderline of obsession.

I don't play mind games nor do I tolerate it. None of us should either really.


You don't seem to be too far away from what we are talking about. Nobody is talking games here or obsession. Just a mutually reciprocated escalation on interest. It may have seemed we were talking about a unilateral female banzai charge but I assure you that is not what was understood between us guys. The kind of thing that you describe was exactly what we were referring to. It is taking note of the rapidity and the end state of the interaction that is what we are looking to. For instance:

A guy sits at a bar next to a girl.
She says "Hi".
He smiles and swivels his chair toward her
She plays with a coin in front of her.
He starts telling a bad joke.
She forces herself to laugh and gives him a playful swat.
He chuckles and asks he her name.
She tells him and turns her chair to face him.
after about a half an hour of banter things are heated.
She is telling a story and grabs him by the forearms.
He turns his head to listen better and give her some verbal feedback.
She takes a sip from his glass. etc...

That stuff can and does happen rapidly. Whenever it does, it is a good sign. The guy should... MUST match her step for step. She is inserting herself into his ken and he should be inviting her the whole time. If she is all "Ho hum. Humor is for the indolent of mind. I prefer verisimilitude." Then leave off he should and not look back.
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 329
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:19:48 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^ thats true. But I think we are still disagreeing what a decent woman is.

Lets say said woman was into the man enough to go home with him and even be"exclusive" and meet the family and everything, but really, she was always looking around for her next man.

That aint decent imo.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 330
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:35:28 PM
^^^^
Yes. We are definitely agreed on that. Are we agreed that anyone we would consider decent would necessarily be drawn from the pool of ebulliently interested?
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 332
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/17/2011 12:54:46 AM

Those words are a little extreme in using to describe how woman might show interest don't you think?


I think it can be said that most intelligent, confident, self-respecting women will show interest with straighforward communication and/or signs but this DOES NOT mean that they are going to use such extreme measures of throwing themselves at you either. ........ Believe me, MOST self-respecting women will know where her boundaries stand.


No, I don't think they are extreme. It should be expected. I am not asking anyone to respect themselves. I am asking that they invest... in totality. As for intelligence and confidence... a guy should reserve them for himself. The girl should cede all instances to him or be regarded as too butch.

She has the option of not going along with it. Most don't. Men should not count on them doing so... most women are NOT relationship material. Still those that do go along should be seriously considered and even treasured.

It is right and proper that a man cherish a woman. Both parties need to facilitate the conditions that make it possible.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 334
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/17/2011 2:02:04 AM

Though there are men and women out there who are willing to bend over backwards bc they believe that method proves the intensity of their interest. ...... If it works for them, then more power to them. .. .... Just that from my own experiences I never found the need to resort to that extreme to garner attention from a man I desired. .... (Dont get me wrong, I'm not saying "its so easy for me to get attention" -- what I am saying is with proper common-sense communication, demonstrating one's intention doesn't have to be such an obstacle)

I don't doubt that for even a second. Even if you had said "It is so easy for me to get attention", I have no reason to dismiss that either. There is nothing inherently wrong with how you do things. Only do realize that there are other styles and I endorse a particular one. That in no way means that you cannot succeed by using yours.

I don't represent all men only a small cadre of like minded ones. That the less demonstrative approach that you employ may not pan out on us, it will on many many others who hold other thoughts dear. You can rightfully say, "eh, your loss" unabashedly. You wouldn't like our kind anyway. If you can honestly say "more power to them" (the ones who bend over backwards as you describe) then I can say you are being very fair minded and you do impress me much on that level.
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 335
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 3/17/2011 2:47:00 PM
magicallaroundme:
^^^^
Yes. We are definitely agreed on that. Are we agreed that anyone we would consider decent would necessarily be drawn from the pool of ebulliently interested?


Lol, yes we are agreed. Thanks for teaching me about the word ebulliently!

The trouble I found though is that women can be fickle with their interest even worse than men. At least with us men our interest is caught primarily by appearance. With women, personality, charm, and what he does for a living matter more.
 ghostrider73a7x
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 337
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History
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 4/29/2011 5:19:48 PM
@ 37 years old & after numerous failed relationships & a failed marriage, is it still even worth the heartache, frustration, & disappointment to still try & find "the one" ?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 338
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History
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 4/30/2011 5:14:29 AM
I don't know about finding THE one, but I expect there are enough variations in women who are both defective enough to see ME as acceptable, and yet viable enough as human beings for me to find THEM acceptable, that I might find one to share at least some of my remaining time having some fun.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 341
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Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 5/8/2011 12:28:02 AM

I'm sure its already been said somewhere in the 20 pages of this thread but I'll summarize it again ~

1) Nice guys who whine about women not wanting them = TURN OFF
1.1) Self-defeatist attitude = TURN OFF
1.2) Woe-is-me attitude = TURN OFF

2) Just because you think you are a "nice guy" does not mean that women the world over owe it to be attracted to you in that way.

3) QUIT going after women who do not want you. This goes the other way for women chasing men who don't want them too. Why would you want to waste time on someone who clearly is not attracted to you? ... Why waste brain cells even pondering WHY they aren't attracted to you?
3.1) Why take interest in women who have no damn clue whats good for them?? If they lack the most basic conscientiense to discern between what is and isn't good for them --- they probably lack a lot of other things in the EQ dept too. It probably tells a lot why they are in relationships which are usually filled with drama highs and lows. ... You honestly think this type of woman is "decent" and worth pining over?? ... .......


Why is it that the a-holes seem to be getting women's attention all the time?? ..

Because many times you will find that they reflect exactly the opposite of what I just stated above:

1) They don't sit and feel sorry for themselves.
2) Instead of carrying a self-defeatist attitude, they have a go-gett'em attitude. One chick rejects you? Who cares. They move right along to the next chick.
3) They don't take interest nor waste time on chicks who do not care for them.
4) They don't care what others think of them, and to some women, this interprets as "confidence". .. these women will allow themselves to idiotically fall for this facade.

Usually guys with this type of attitude will not care much for anyone's feelings at all but their own selfish desires; aka: a-hole syndrome. .... Types of women who fall for them are usually emotional wrecks who, as I pointed out above, do not have healthy EQ's to discern what is and isn't good for them ..... They will allow themselves to be manipulated into unhealthy, train-wreck relationships. ... Then along come the "nice guys" like OP sees scenarious of such and wonder why they cannot attract women like this ?? .......


Thank you Minnow8764 for summarising my thoughts exactly!

Women DO like "nice guys"... just not the ones who spend all their time whining that "all the women I like/meet go for a**holes." WHY do so many of these "nice guys" automatically assume that if a woman doesn't like THEM, then the guys they DO go for *must* be a**holes?
That's like me saying that just because a guy isn't attracted to ME, he must automatically go for "skinny b*tches", because I think I'm "nice". (I don't think anything like that, btw. I'm not that stupid!) "Nice guys" need to accept that not everyone they might be attracted to, will be attracted to them in return... and GET OVER IT.

These "nice guys" have to STOP chasing women who are not interested in them. So one woman turns you down? Meh. So what? Just suck it up and find a woman who IS interested. Why waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Everyone is entitled to their preferences. You have yours, right? Well, so do the women turning down "nice guys" such as yourself. If these women really do prefer "bad boys", then that's their lookout.

Being "nice" isn't the only requirement in a relationship, you know. One friend of mine is constantly trying to set people in our friendship group up on dates because "X is such a nice guy/girl." That's all well and good, but there has to be an element of attraction there too, no matter how "nice" the people are. A lot of times, both people my friend is trying to set up are "really nice" people, who we adore... but that doesn't mean they'll necessarily be compatible in a relationship.
 yorfriend4life
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 345
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 5/14/2011 2:42:09 PM
Be selective -
eyes opened--
ears opened---
watch for the flags --

and ya
check out the Canadian Gals --there are some nice ones for sure.
Ive spoke and chatted with quite a few men from the states and they all seem to say the same things -
""""Those Candian women are great Sooooooo????

Road Trip ??
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 346
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 5/14/2011 3:09:14 PM


It's an eye opener....and you'll soon realize that nice doesn't equal good! In many cases "nice guys" are passive aggressive manipulators.

Note to self: Make sure to slap the next one around, and cheat as much as possible.


You miss the point - its not to be a lying cheating jerk, its about having the "balls" (confidence) to be yourself and not be a whimpy passive-agressive manipulator. The "nice guy" is a doormat, someone who doesn't have a good sense of "self" and thus resorts to "sucking up" to her needs to appease her and keep "the relationship". Both are about wanting "control" of the relationship, just from polar opposite directions.

A confident good person doesn't need to be "in control" - a healthy relationship is a constant state of flux, not that each can't "allow" the other to take control at times, but its a give and take, back and forth, a gray scale not the black and white of the extremes.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 349
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Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 5/15/2011 4:20:43 PM
This goes back to primal man and woman. It seems to men that the worse you treat a woman, the more she will love you. This is not true. Each woman is different. Some are Aggressive(dominant), some are middle of the road, and some are non-aggressive (submissive). This is where the chemistry comes in. It's how you are matched up to each others DNA imprint that counts. It's not about how much money you have, or how many houses you own, or how much money you make. Unless the women is into deceit, deception, and dishonesty. If she wants a real relationship, she will know what she wants.

I know what I want, and I know what I'm looking for. Do you?
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 350
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Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/6/2011 11:00:26 AM
me, i would be happy to find one, even an indecent one lol
 Huggyo99
Joined: 12/23/2010
Msg: 351
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/15/2011 2:29:26 PM
Woman are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
It's true. Every woman I know that is friendly and nice and isn't rude, is married.
Every woman on these dating sites is unfathomably picky and shallow that's why they are still single at 25, 30, 40 years old. I know I'm only single because of womans pickyness.

I've been rejected just because I dont make over $50,000
another rejected me only because I dont have a bachelors degree
another actually rejected me because I expressed an oppinion once in a wile ( can you believe that?) and i'm not talking a political, religious or moral oppinion.
and still another rejected me because I live a too far way (16 miles) I have a car.

These are just the one's who had a reason ( if you want to call them reasonable)
each one was a separate excuse. They all didn't agree on the same reason. If I'm so undatable then why dont they tell me the real reason if they have one that makes sence?
 Huggyo99
Joined: 12/23/2010
Msg: 352
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/15/2011 2:41:10 PM
who said anything about one girl rejected them for being too nice? People dont come to a conclusion based on one or a few experience. This is based on most, or all experiences. We guys see jerks being successfull with woman all the time wile nice guys get treated like shit. Woman dont even treat us like we have feeling. They use us until they find out we are to smart to be taken advantage of,then dump us. When we ask why they give us a phoney excuse or no excuse, then to make matters worse they wish us luck.
Saying woman dont complain and just move on (like your better then us) is easy for you to say. Woman dont spend hundreds of dollars it cost to date someone. Even if we go on a cheap date, gas isnt cheap. and if you gave a believable and logical explanation for not being interested then it would be tolorable. One girl told me she wasn't interested because I didn't have a BS degree. Beside that being a shallow and illogical excuse she could have easily read that on my profile before going out with me.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 353
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Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/15/2011 4:51:10 PM

I've been rejected just because I dont make over $50,000
another rejected me only because I dont have a bachelors degree


All I can say is there's a key that fits a lock. One day it will find you when you least expect it.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 354
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Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/16/2011 7:13:50 AM

who said anything about one girl rejected them for being too nice? People dont come to a conclusion based on one or a few experience. This is based on most, or all experiences. We guys see jerks being successfull with woman all the time wile nice guys get treated like shit. Woman dont even treat us like we have feeling. They use us until they find out we are to smart to be taken advantage of,then dump us. When we ask why they give us a phoney excuse or no excuse, then to make matters worse they wish us luck.
Saying woman dont complain and just move on (like your better then us) is easy for you to say. Woman dont spend hundreds of dollars it cost to date someone. Even if we go on a cheap date, gas isnt cheap. and if you gave a believable and logical explanation for not being interested then it would be tolorable. One girl told me she wasn't interested because I didn't have a BS degree. Beside that being a shallow and illogical excuse she could have easily read that on my profile before going out with me.


.... whine whine whine blah blah blah.

"... who said anything about one girl rejected for being too nice?"
Oh for goodness sake. So more than one girl has rejected you. MAN UP. Everyone gets rejected in life. I've been rejected by loads of guys, doesn't mean I sit around whining/crying about it. Rejection is a part of life. Girls don't reject you for being "too nice". The world does not owe you a relationship just because you think you're a "nice guy". It is possible that these girls reject you because they're simply not attracted to you, for any number of reasons.

"...based on one or a few experiences."
No... these are all YOUR experiences. Don't try and project them onto everyone.

"We see jerks being successful with women all the time..."
Newsflash: not every guy who has success with girls is a jerk. We DO actually date nice guys, and form relationships with them. Just because that particular "nice guy" isn't YOU, doesn't mean we don't date them. We just prefer the ones who don't spend all their time whining that no girls will date them etc.

"They use us... then dump us."
I'll let you in on a secret I found last year: people can only use you as long as you ALLOW them to. YOU are the common denominator here. YOU obviously need to change the women you date.

"Women don't spend hundreds of dollars it costs to date someone."

Again, this is YOUR experience. Please refrain from the sweeping generalisations. So, the women YOU'VE dated haven't spent money on the dates. That doesn't mean no woman in the history of the world has ever paid for a date.
If dating is costing you *that* much, you need to find cheaper alternatives to dinner etc, especially early on before you really know someone. Added to which, don't buy them dinner etc expecting to get anything out of it except their company for the duration of the meal. If YOU choose to pay for expensive dates, that is YOUR choice... it's not an obligation. It does not mean they *owe* you anything.

"...if you gave a believable and logical explanation for not being interested then it would be tolorable."
Why does their explanation *have* to be "believable" or "logical"? Again, let me reiterate: you are not OWED anything. Not a date, not a relationship, not an explanation. Some women will just not be interested in you. There will not always be an "explanation"... if the attraction isn't there, it isn't there.

Also, please see my earlier post in this thread (it's on the same page as yours). There I have listed reasons why some girls don't date SELF APPOINTED "nice guys".

Now, please man up and quit whining.
 renhoek927
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 355
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/16/2011 12:11:17 PM
Every one wants what they cant have.
Women want to train the bad boy into being what they want
Men want the bad girl that they can teach them what they realy want.
Guys want to play Capt save a ho.
Ho's dont want to be saved
Yes we are all scewed up.
Thats why we need sites like this, it just aint easy
But we can have fun along the way
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 356
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Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/16/2011 12:45:09 PM

Every one wants what they cant have.
Women want to train the bad boy into being what they want
Men want the bad girl that they can teach them what they realy want.
Guys want to play Capt save a ho.
Ho's dont want to be saved
Yes we are all scewed up.
Thats why we need sites like this, it just aint easy
But we can have fun along the way


How True.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 357
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/16/2011 12:50:09 PM
There are a lot of decent people on this site.
There are a lot of decent people IRL as well.
If one is constantly attracting someone who
isn't "decent", at some point one would have
to conclude it's not them...it must be me.

I've yet to see a guy with his stuff together
come whinning to these threads that they can't
find someone "decent".
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 376
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History
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/28/2011 6:00:59 AM

Why is it that, when it comes to dating, people are so dismissive of the idea that one is owed something for good behaviour? Isn't this the moral code we all live by in all other aspects of our lives? Why does it not apply to dating? It's simple manners, isn't it?


There's nothing wrong with good behaviour. However, why is it that, when it comes to dating, people think they are OWED something by the world simply for not being an ass (in their opinion)?

Good behaviour does not automatically = attraction. You can be the nicest guy in the world, but if the attraction isn't there, it simply ISN'T THERE.
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