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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 141
How can you predict sexual compatibility?Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
livingquestion,

Sounds to me like you lost trust on your intuition, as you say "it used to work pretty well." Sensuality is a big trap? You relay on intelligent and respect now? I feel sorry for you. Sensuality, more than sex is very important. Your intellect will not provide you with passion or a channel for your desires. And even though respect is paramount, when you base your relationship on that, you become just like the old Japanese women that did nothing but abide by that code of respect. So live a little.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 144
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:07:23 PM

I am perfectly at Peace and content with my little life.

You feel like burning with desire? Please go ahead.


Good for you. I am glad that you are content.

But why just content?

Why little life?

Yes I am burning with desire. But a desire to live. Have you ever heard Mozart's Requiem? Even in the end of life it can be lived with absolute passion. So wake up tomorrow and say to yourself "my little life is an awesome life, and regardless of all the other stuff happening, I am ready to make it mine." Okay, that is a little cheesy. Hehehe. So take care girl. Have fun!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 146
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:39:52 PM

Actually Mozart's Requiem is one of my favourite.


Confutatus! Venedictus! la, la, la lalala. Hahahaha. Good taste girl. Now I hate philosophers. Read them, but got more from Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. Or the words of the Dalai Lama. Or even Neruda. Life is so irreverently brutal you do two things, push for what you believe, hard, try to help others, gently.

Okay, I am off subject. But it's all related to sexual compatibility. If you're with a person who is a dahhhhh. After the few sexual encounter it will be back to dahhhhhh. If you are with a crazy b@astard, it's al mental, an in the end sex is mental.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 147
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:46:37 PM
I do compatibility horoscopes. I always ask every man his complete birthdate. This will at least give me an indication if there could be possible chemistry. That is a foundation to begin with. This no guaranteed all will work , it just shows if it goes anywhere whether their will be chemistry.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 152
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/2/2007 7:14:03 AM

(Msg 154) I have looked at a lot of profiles, and generally down the page ( where will we first date) is this statement or something that is similar in meaning
"we will go for a drink and see if there is any sparks" or connections."
For the life of me I can not understand how any one would feel or see sparks upon first meeting,……………… Can any one explain this to me?


It’s the same principal as a first impression. Some people we are immediately drawn to and others we aren’t. That doesn’t mean the person is a good person or a bad person. It’s just a certain “something” or some “things” that draw us. It could be a certain look or a certain way they express themselves or just their smile. I believe it’s a lot of factors we are not consciously aware of and, for me, that has to be there.

Why is it important? Although it’s not politically correct I’ll use the following analogy. Let’s suppose you have a chesterfield (sofa/couch) that you inherited or purchased many years ago. You just love the look of that piece of furniture.

As time passes it becomes worn and needs replacing. While some people will just go out and buy a new couch others will have that one upholstered at a cost higher than if they bought a new one. Why?

Or perhaps one purchased that special sports convertible second hand. They’ll spend money on that car when they could get a more efficient automobile for less cost. Why?

The same principal applies to relationships. If the initial attraction is there then one is more likely to put more effort into keeping it.


I am a complex human woman, there are layers and layers to my being.


But when a relationship is based on “qualities” rather than on “feelings” what happens when another person comes along with better qualities? If we’re going to enter a relationship based on logic and quantifiable factors then it’s only logical to dump ones partner when someone with better or additional qualities comes along.

If my priority is a woman’s financial status it’s relatively easy to determine that. If she has a bigger house or better job why would I stay with my present partner? If I’m seeking an empathetic individual and I meet someone who volunteers their time helping the less privileged why would I stay with someone who only donates at holiday time? The point is if I’m with my partner solely because of qualities, which I can readily assess in other individuals, the chances are I will be frequently changing partners.

When it comes to sex how can I possibly know if I’m compatible with another individual? Even if the sparks are there I can not know, for sure, unless and until I have sex with them. Unless there are problems with my current sex life how likely is it I would take a chance to find out if the other person is better? It’s not likely as I would be jeopardizing my current relationship without having proof or anything substantial to go on.

That’s why chemistry, sparks, sex is so important.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 153
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/2/2007 7:38:54 AM
If you can make a woman laugh, I mean really laugh......
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 155
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:25:13 AM

(Msg 160) If you can make a woman laugh, I mean really laugh......


Unless it's preceded by them saying, "Yea, riiight" as they're walking away.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 169
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/2/2007 7:04:57 PM
IMHO......
Men are different than women. Guys are more prone to have chemistry for someone they find reasonably attractive. Guys will pursue such a woman but it might well wear off in time. Then they will get labelled a player.
I think that it is simple .....most every guy that meets a girl that he finds very attractive and she treats him well.....then there is no limit to how far it will go. That does not mean guys are "too picky"
It's when a guy is with someone who is "just ok" then , that creates potential trouble .
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 175
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 10/4/2007 3:36:02 AM

(Msg 179) ..."Some" men, more likely a "few impatient, insecure men" dont feel 'accepted' or 'comfortable' until its sexual. I would bet sir, if you counted the "men's" replies in this thread, 90% of us men, said we want intimacy, companship, friendship, etc. and not primarily sexual intercourse or orgasm.


How can a man feel "accepted" and "comfortable" when the woman he is with does not feel accepted and comfortable enough to have sex? The point is men are not only interested in sex but as the old expression goes, "It's conspicuous by its absence."

Would someone feel accepted and comfortable about a relationship if the other person said, "I'll have sex with you but I'm not comfortable enough to be your friend yet." Or, "I'll have sex with you but as far as companionship is concerned I'm not comfortable enough yet to have others see us together." What type of relationship would that be? It wouldn't even qualify as a FWB.
 lie to me
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 178
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:50:32 AM
Can't speak for anyone else, but for me - there has to be mutual attraction. Just one person thinking the other is hot hot hot, won't cut it. You need to like and respect each other. If there's no respect, yuck. If you don't like them, what are you doing with them? At this point, you're ready to try the first kiss. If he can rock your little world with just a kiss, the chances are superb that he'll rock your world again at a later time and place. Being comfortable with each other, with yourself, and wanting to please your partner all play a major role. Guess I should also mention that being in love helps too.
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 182
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:15:56 PM
I've only been with a few women that were truly sexual compatible with me (in regard to what they liked doing, how often they liked doing it, and how well we moved together). My worry in the old days was always "is it the sex or the person that I'm falling in love with". On-line dating has been great for me in that respect. I get to know if I like the values and spirit of a woman before I meet her. If the sexual chemistry is there when we meet and the sex is great, I know the relationship is based on more than physical attraction and amazing sex!

As far as the "thinking you're too kinky or too mundane" aspect, that's always a risk. I've been with women that were pretty good in bed that I didn't have great sexual chemistry with. Don't give up though, and never settle. there's somebody out there for all of us that is perfect in the study, the bedroom and fullfills all our needs. Look at the search as an adventure, not as a chore.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 186
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/20/2007 3:01:15 PM

(Msg 190) Nothing is more of a turn-off than having sex with someone who doesn't let down their inhibitions..I mean, why are you taking off your clothes with someone you don't feel comfortable with anyway?


Exactly and it follows if one does not feel comfortable there is a problem.


(Msg 191) another indicator would be if they are a good kisser?


I agree. I think it’s all about the comfort level of physical closeness and until two people are physically close they’ll never know, for sure.


(Msg 196) In my opinion, I don't believe you can accurately predict sexual compatibility with someone until you've been intimate with them.

I mean, you might think you know, and have a fairly good "general" idea of how you're going to be together, but until it happens you just can't tell for sure.

And in my experience, you also cannot tell the whole story by just the first time, or even the second.


Wow! Looks like everyone is on the same page here. That’s the thing about sex. It’s not just a one time occurrence and drawing a conclusion. One can no more go out with a person once and determine if they like going out or are a homebody.

Determining sexual compatibility requires that sex takes place. Does the person look forward to it? Do they suggest it or is there a definate expression of terror on their face when seeing an AD on TV for bed linens, pillows or bedroom furniture?
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 188
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/20/2007 4:22:06 PM
predict??? go hands on and plug him on the first date.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 189
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/20/2007 4:59:44 PM
There is always a bit of "risk" involved when you first become intimate with someone. I don't think jumping into bed with a man immediately is the answer. I think you should get to know him first - see if you are compatible in other areas. If the hot chemistry is there, it will still be there when you are ready for intimacy.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 190
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:31:21 PM

(Msg 202) I think you should get to know him first - see if you are compatible in other areas. If the hot chemistry is there, it will still be there when you are ready for intimacy.


The problem with that is sometimes the chemistry is not all that hot and other things end up being the deciding factor. "We both like the same movies. We laugh at the same jokes. We both vote for the same political party." All great things to build a friendship on but a disaster if a romantic relationship is built on them because, sooner or later, one is going to miss the passion.

That's what leads to people saying they grew apart. Friends grow apart. Where is our best friend from high school or college or our first job? Where is our friend we used to spend every weekend with, years ago?

As we change, and we all do, we change friends. They may still remain friends but they take on a smaller and smaller part in our life and that's what happens to couples who base there relationship on friendship qualities.

The passion, the "I want you! feeling, has to be there and when intimacy is delayed it's natural to believe it's not there. At least not in sufficient quantity.
 NorseViking869
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 202
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:33:12 AM
Listen! the best advice I can give is listen. Do not just talk openly about what you want sexually, but guage the asnswers they give to inocuous questions. You really aren't going to know much by the first date( and it is best that you don't). If you chat alot like myself, you may find out more than you care to find out about your date before the first date. It is a double edged sword though. You know what you are going to be like together in bed, but, now you have that expectsation in your head, and never even gotten through a real life conversation. I say by the second or third date you should know wether or not you are going to have sex. Just sometime prior to those dates you should have a nice lengthy sordedand detailed conversation about fantasies,things that you've done and liked, things you have done and hated. Just be yourself and and be ready to be thrilled or disgusted.
 JLarsson
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 203
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:39:32 AM
If your sexual needs are very specific, get it out there. If your kinky and they guy can't handle the conversation, he's not right for you anyway. The issue your going to run into is getting the question out there before you waste too much time and not coming off like sex is all your out there for. Not sure how to overcome that, but as i've gotten older I've come to realize that a good healthy relationship is healthier if both people have expressed what they want and having thier needs met.

joe
 BDRT
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 206
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 10:27:55 AM
^^^^ I agree. Talk about it. But, having said that, there's really no way to know until you are actually having sex.
Let me share this. I was on a 3rd date with a guy, we'd not known each other very long, but were getting along very well and he made me laugh, all the good stuff. So, he comes to my place and we proceed to the bedroom. While doing the "deed" I suddenly stop and think WTF? It's raining in my apt?? This guy sweat so bad that this is seriously what I thought. Grossed me out completely. I mean, I don't mind getting all sweaty, but this was above and beyond anything I had ever seen before! We did not see each other again. The funny thing is, I didn't break it off, he did. I am still not sure if I didn't hide my dismay well, or if it was a case of he got what he wanted, so that was that. He just failed to show up at our next date and never called, etc. But my point is that it took actually having sex for me to find this out.
 algha
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 213
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 4:58:02 PM
Sex is a learned behaviour, but where and how do people learn? Well it seems mainly it is made up as time goes by. Of course there are manuals on particular positions and techniques, but the true art of sex is forgotten, in the modern quick fix world. NO… sex is learned, mainly by trial and error, the inept teaching the inept. If you wish to learn anything else one normally goes to a collage where highly educated people specialise in their chosen subject. You learn from experts. But this view does not apply to sex. Sex does no require learning it is “NATURAL” apparently, and the “I’ve had no complaints” brigade just have not stuck around long enough to find out.. Sex like any speciality is a learned behaviour, but who likes to be informed they need improvement, not males for a start. Women vote about their great sex lives with their feet, and divorce figures, and break-ups numbers say it all.

Sex is seen as both dirty and wonderful thus confusing even the educated. From my limited experience, it takes a woman to up to 2000, yes two thousand hours to have what I call a climax, and it appears to be a scary experience, and the fear of what is happening can take a considerable time to adjust to. I personally ask all woman one question to find out how far they have developed in personal sexual awareness. How long after wonderful sex can you either go to the toilet or make a cup of tea. Anything under an hour is not a climax, being able to walk in a straight line to the toilet can take 10 minutes after an hour on a good day, I am not talking orgasms, or even multiple ones. Good sex involves two components foreplay and penetration, and to get up to the 2000 hours we are talking at least a minimum of two hour sessions involving both components together a minimum of 3-4 times a week. Its hard work for the male but VERY worthwhile, as for the out of bed relationship, VERY REWARDING indeed especially for the male, but its hard work, needing dedication and attention to detail. You can forget the HOLLYWOOD sex educational nonsense, that is not where it is at, it just ain’t like in the moooovies. The human skin has over 200 touch receptors every square centimetre, and that is just their skin, unmatched by other animals. So children, maybe the real adventure is discovering exactly what the hell being human is all about, and like appreciating good food the McDonnalds approach might be possible to be bettered!
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 214
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:40:26 PM
Without getting to graphic about it (so as to save something for the bedroom) just talk about it a bit. You can get a prett good idea just having a casual conversation about it.
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 215
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:52:20 PM
funny..................


cheers
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 216
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 6:00:12 PM
Well, I don't think any couple should rush into sex too soon. I have values and don't think people should just sleep around, but when you get serious about someone and are in a committed relationship, I think sex is ok.

In this stage of my life, I would never marry someone without having sex with them first. It's not the MOST important thing, but it's high on the list.

Would you buy a used car without trying it out???
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 217
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How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 6:09:38 PM
Sexual compatibility is a huge part in any (long-term) relationship that I’ve ever been in. I’ve generally not given the same type of concerted thought with respect to this chicken/egg scenario as it is related in the OP’s question.

Sometimes the sexual relationship can happen like a house on fire--quickly. Luckily for me, I love good conversation, and that has always been the precursor of any new romantic relationship. I’m one of those women who get turned on by how a man thinks, writes, and speaks. Any man that I’m really attracted always has to engage me first along those lines. That would mean we’d already be talking a lot about our lives, about what we like and most importantly about who we are. I therefore would tend to know the degree of commonality that exists between us, and whether or not those other key aspects of compatibility are there. Like I said at the onset however, I’ve never moved through a distinct thought process around this (while I probably do admit to making those same determinations at some point), so this is definitely more anecdotal than anything.

I agree with the OP's thoughts that can be somewhat of a gamble. IMO, the risk can be mitigated by having really open communication at the earliest stages.

Btw, I also agree with a couple of opinions presented by other posters regarding indicators to sexual compatibility:

· A kiss says tells you lots---a great kiss IMO, is at it’s best sensual. A sensual person is usually a good lover because they are in tune with you and every nuance of how you are making them feel.
· A generous and thoughtful man usually IMO, extends these attributes to the bedroom.

Sensuality, generosity and thoughtfulness in one man = priceless!!
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 218
How can you predict sexual compatibility?
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:07:44 PM
...when you get goose bumps, your knees go weak, your stomach flutters, your mouth gets drier and other parts get wetter..

a good sign there's some chemistry there...
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