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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????      Home login  
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 bostonjen
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 26
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
If all parties involved have openly stated that everyone is free to see other people, then it's fine...I actually perfer that kind of relationship at this current time in my life. But if the parties involved stated that they are "Exclusive" and one goes outside the relationship, it's dead wrong.
 MasterFireWalker
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 27
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/4/2011 11:29:03 PM
What's interesting is how old this thread is: Of course it's okay!

It was my primary girlfriend's idea. She prefers it this way.

And we are just wired that way.

Most people delude themselves into believing that they are monogamous.

One person after another.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 28
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/8/2011 4:40:25 AM
If a luantic like Charlie Sheen can have 2 lovers, so can anyone else!
I`m thinking about drinking "Tigers Blood" this morning!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 29
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/8/2011 9:06:12 AM
If you're casually dating, probably. If you're beyond that stage, it can be, if they're both in the know and agreeable.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 30
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/8/2011 11:21:47 AM
If you're all openly poly, have been fully upfront about it, and everyone is given the love and respect they deserve, then of course it's fine.

If both people you are involved with know about each other, and are fine with it. Then it's all good.
If you're keeping the relationships hidden from each other, then that's cheating, and is wrong.
If you told them about each other, and they're not okay with it… then definitely you'd have to end one (or both).

But polyamorous relationships are about honesty, trust and respect.
So there's no secrets there.

Some people will say that you can only love one person. And if that's their belief, they're welcome to it. But it definitely doesn't hold for everyone.
There are countless people out there in loving and lasting poly relationships. It's entirely possible to love more than one person.
If you're not able to do so, then that's fine. There's nothing wrong with choosing monogamy. People should always go with whatever works for them.

But please don't ever assume that you speak for the world. Saying that it's not possible to love more than one person is simply wrong. Saying YOU can't do so, is fine.

I've been in poly relationships before. And remember that poly DOES NOT mean open. It doesn't mean going around with tons of different people. Or just having lots of sex.
It means loving and respecting more than one person at a time. Being fully honest with them about everything.
My personal preference is a closed and committed poly relationship. Meaning I have multiple partners, who are partners to each other as well.
Though I've been in poly relationships where I essentially had two girlfriends, who were independent of each other romantically. So they knew all about each other, and would hang out as friends, spend lots of time together… but they wouldn't be romantically involved with each other. Just with me.

Right now, I have a wonderful girlfriend, who I love dearly. We are currently looking for a wonderful woman who might join us. Someone who would have an EQUAL part in the relationship. Be just as loved by both of us as we love each other.
We're open to other possibilities, but that would be our ideal.

My girl has a date coming up with a nice girl she met online. She knows exactly what our situation is, and what we seek, because we've been completely upfront about it.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 31
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/8/2011 11:50:14 AM

Sure, as long as they know about each other, or are aware that you consider them girlfriends, of course you should not have a problem with them having other boyfriends then.


All depends on the dynamic of course.
Personally, I don't want my girl being with other men. I've made that clear to her right at the start, and she's perfectly fine with it. She wants no man but me.
She WOULD like to find a woman to be with, but only if that woman is willing to be with me. So it's all good. We're basically both looking for the same thing.

If someone doesn't want their partner to have other partners of the same sex as them, then that's something they need to talk about. If their partner is fine with that, then good for them. If not, they'll either need to give up on being poly, or find a new partner.

And remember, while the OP's first post might have been more gender specific… this works both ways. While there's plenty of men who would like two girlfriends, there's just as many women out there seeking two boyfriends.

One of the mistakes people make is treating this like a one sided issue. As if it was ONLY men who seek some sort of harem, and women are all poor victims in this. That's definitely not the case.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 32
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/9/2011 8:42:47 AM

Good Lord, well is it okay for your girlfriend to have two boyfriends?


If that's your dynamic, sure.
I know plenty of poly "couples" where the woman has more than one boyfriend, while the men involved are all only involved with her.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 33
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/9/2011 9:15:11 AM
True. There are plenty out there who are simple cheaters.
And you come across many who claim to be poly, but don't respect or understand the lifestyle. They simply try to use it as a cover to excuse their cheating or abusive ways.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 34
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/9/2011 9:55:27 AM
What's the old saying? Having one woman is a good thing. Having 2 is better and having 5 is great....


Let's clarify.

A guy can only have 1 or 0 girlfriends.

The rest are just bed mates for him.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 35
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/9/2011 11:01:19 AM

Let's clarify.

A guy can only have 1 or 0 girlfriends.

The rest are just bed mates for him.


Very wrong.
Maybe you can't love more than one person. But there are countless people out there who can.

I've been in poly relationships before. And I loved both my girls equally. There was not a matter of playing favourites. I didn't love one and just use the other. The three of us were equal partners in the relationship.

I'm sorry boondocksaint, but comments like that simply spread the ignorance and stereotypes about polyamorous relationships.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 36
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/9/2011 3:46:10 PM
I curious, how is Open different than Poly? In both cases, there is approval on the SO's part, as I understand it.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 37
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/10/2011 1:19:07 PM

I curious, how is Open different than Poly? In both cases, there is approval on the SO's part, as I understand it.


The main difference is commitment.

Now, there's countless dynamics, and every relationship is going to be different. But in broadest terms, a poly relationship involved multiple committed relationships.
So one person with multiple partners, who they love and are committed to. These partners may or may not be involved with each other (or other partners of their own).

So a woman might have two boyfriends. These men may or may not be involved with each other. But at the heart of it, everyone is dedicated to everyone else in the relationship. Everyone knows everyone else involved.
If there is someone else to be added to the relationship, it's a decision that's made after everyone involved talks about it, and connections are made.

With an open relationship, in general, there's no set rules as to who's involved or how. There will usually be a couple, who are committed to each other... but they can be have as many other partners, who come and go, as they please. Others that come in are just there for sex or satisfaction.

The two types of relationships are VERY different.

My girl and I are openly poly. We seek someone who would join us in a closed and committed relationship. Naturally, the relationship process would go like most others, we take the time to get to know each other... make sure there's a connection, and take things one step at a time.
But ideally, we would end up with the three of us, together. Myself with both of them, and they with each other. We would be faithful to each other.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 38
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/11/2011 2:12:53 PM

Very wrong.
Maybe you can't love more than one person. But there are countless people out there who can.

I've been in poly relationships before. And I loved both my girls equally. There was not a matter of playing favourites. I didn't love one and just use the other. The three of us were equal partners in the relationship.

I'm sorry boondocksaint, but comments like that simply spread the ignorance and stereotypes about polyamorous relationships.



lets be real here.

there is only one person you love in a polygamist relationship...

yourself.

its all about greed and self gratification.



no need to give me a speech about how I'm ignorant or that I could not DO it, blah blah blah...


I'm not a child and I'm not naive I understand human behavior...


Everything else is a justification for one's own self.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 39
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/11/2011 6:59:13 PM


lets be real here.

there is only one person you love in a polygamist relationship...

yourself.

its all about greed and self gratification.



no need to give me a speech about how I'm ignorant or that I could not DO it, blah blah blah...


I'm not a child and I'm not naive I understand human behavior...


Everything else is a justification for one's own self.


It's pure ignorance to think that that poly relationships are all about greed and self gratification. That's the typical dogma spouted by those who think that poly in any form is "wrong".

If you can't understand being poly, or monogamy is the choice you've made... that's fine. But don't for a second think that everyone who's poly is somehow just greedy and wants everything for themselves. They're absolutely no different from any of the monogamous people out there. They simply choose not to confine their love to only one person.

The only real difference between mono and poly relationships... is the number of people involved. The love, devotion and commitment is just the same.
And of course, there's always going to be liars, cheats and players in both. :p
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 40
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/12/2011 7:05:14 AM
Baby steps for me... I need to start at just one please.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 41
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/14/2011 1:06:33 PM
jco- I'm not talking about an ""open"" relationship...

I'm not talking about a relationship where one person has bunches of sexual partners other than their main gf...

I am talking about POLY ... for the reasons you mentioned as well....sharing your heart...

That's what I'm talking about...not your body.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 42
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What about two boyfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2011 9:45:02 PM

What about a girl having two boyfriends?


Absolutely. As long as the couple are not:
1. Married
2. Engaged
3. Have both agree to an exclusive relationahip no one has any right to say anything.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 43
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 7:25:31 AM

Maybe when you're young and experimenting, but as you grow up, the fascination dies off.


Except that for polyamorous people, it's not a fascination, or experimenting… it's a way of life. It's just how you're wired.


Absolutely. As long as the couple are not:
1. Married
2. Engaged
3. Have both agree to an exclusive relationahip no one has any right to say anything.


I know plenty of married people who have a third (or more) involved in their relationship. Being married has nothing to do with it.
By law, you can't marry more than one person at a time (which is kind of stupid), but there's no reason you can't have as many partners as appropriate for you.

My girl and I have agreed to be exclusive. We're not going out dating other people. However, we are looking for a third. So if we get to know someone special, then we'd happily start dating her (either as a couple, or both individually).


@jco415

You make some wonderful points. It's good to see others who get it.

People often seem to think that the guy with two girlfriends is greedy for having two of them. But, nobody seems to think that the woman, who gets to enjoy a boyfriend and girlfriend, is "greedy" in any way.
It just shows how ignorant and one sided these opinions tend to be. A man is horrible for wanting two girlfriends. But a woman, oh, she can have whatever she wants, that's fine. LOL!

One of the key reasons seems to be that most people think that men are pigs. Plain and simple. They expect men to be sexist and all. Women are always seen as the "victim".
I know plenty of triads where it's the WOMAN who went out to find another woman to join them. My girl has been actively seeking a woman to join us. And I love her for it.
There's also countless triads where it's two men and one woman… yet for some reason you don't see countless "Is it alright to have two BOYFRIENDS?" arguments come up.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 44
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 2:06:30 PM
I think it is ok for a girl to have 2 boyfriends. I wish I did.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 45
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 9:46:59 PM

Women who are willing to share a boyfriend are not looking for a long term committed relationship.


That is complete garbage. Of course they are. There's countless poly couples out there, MMF or MFF who have been in long and loving relationships. I know some triads or foursomes who have been together over 20 years.

So don't ever spout ignorant nonsense like that.


When one of the parties involved opens the monogamy discussion all bets are off.


Except that for countless people out there, monogamy is never an issue. Being honest, faithful and open is of course. Perhaps not just picking up random people on a whim (though many couples still do that).


When this happens there needs to be full disclosure and the two need to date exclusively, severing ties with other partners, or they need to go their separate ways.


Unless of course they're poly. At which point they work out just what they would seek in other partners, and how many.


Many women, myself included, may be willing to date multiple men at once but draw the line at sex. When I cross the line into a sexual relationship it is only in an exclusive monogamous relationship. It is only with full disclosure and an understanding. If the other party were not willing to be exclusive I would sever ties and move on until I found someone willing to be monogamous.


And that is your choice. You choose to be monogamous, and seek a partner who is the same. That's fine.
Doesn't work for everyone though.


If all parties are aware the dating and sex is not exclusive, adults are free to do what they want. If however it is not open and above board and the women do not know about each other it is WRONG! It is always wrong when done in secret. Having to keep it a secret proves how wrong it is.


That I agree with. One of the key elements to a poly relationship is honesty. You have to be open and honest about everything. If you're going to go out with someone new, then you let your partner(s) know about them.
I always make sure anyone new I start getting to know gets to know my girl as well. The three of us have to be able to connect. Now, it might not always be perfect. I've had women who wanted to be with me, and while they liked my girl, and would be her friend, they couldn't be sexual with her. And that's fine. Because we're all open about what's going on.

But cheating, on any level, is just wrong.
And yes, cheating happens in poly relationships just like in monogamous ones. There's always going to be scum out there.


Few women with a boyfriend they are sexually involved with would be "ok" with him taking on another woman


You'd be surprised. Especially considering there's a poly group in Toronto alone that has well over 50,000 members.


and few women are so desperate as to be seconds for a man who already has a sexual relationship with another woman.


Why should anyone be seconds? Sure, there are some who want to be a "third" in a relationship, or treated like a pet by the couple. But many triads are equal relationships. Mine have been in the past. None of us was any more important than the others.


The concept of polyamoury is a new twist on an old concept (think commune) and is not the norm.


Poly is in no way a "new twist". Loving and devoted polyamorous relationships have been around for countless years.
Just because it's something YOU can't accept, in no way makes it "wrong". And yeah, it is quite normal for people to be polyamorous.


The short answer NO, but that does not mean that some men won't try and pull it off.


The correct answer is YES, it's quite acceptable. As long as you're open and honest and respect what poly is.
If someone's a cheating **stard... well, yeah, that's another matter. LOL!


Eventually though, it will come back to bite you in the behind.


Or like most it will give you a long, lasting, and love filled relationship(s) that will be more wonderful than anything you've ever known.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 46
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:33:07 PM
The fact that this thread exists tells me how low we have come as a society. The concept of polyamoury is a new twist on an old concept (think commune) and is not the norm. Full disclosure is the thing that separates consensual sex and cheating. Most men, who are bedding multiple women do so with no strings and would never call them relationships. Not all women who are bedded by a man are "girlfriends". When we were teens we didn't think about being boyfriend and girlfriend after the first date or two. The label implied a decision to be a couple. You can't "be a couple" with two women simultaneously.

Polyamory is far from a new concept and it's not the communal living of the 70s either. These aren't people just "bedding" other people. Most people who just wish to have sex with multiple partners certainly do not discuss things such as love, commitment, understanding nor are most completely honest with their current partner (if they have one) about their intentions. (Monogamy is a glaring testimony of that, people cheat ALL the time.) Polyamory makes having sex much more complicated than simply "bedding" others.

The short answer NO, but that does not mean that some men won't try and pull it off.
Eventually though, it will come back to bite you in the behind.

There is no "pulling off" anything when in a poly or open relationship. There's no sneaking, no one needs to lie/cheat. These are concepts that are so difficult for monogamous-minded people to understand for some reason. **sigh**

~OT~ I'm not in an open relationship, I'm personally not poly-minded. I do, however, live an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm absolutely certain that if I posted my particulars here on POF it would lead to all sorts of stereo-typical silliness, and even though I'm right here, stating out of my own fingers, those stereotypes are not factual (at least in the world I live in) I'd be told by complete strangers that I'm clueless. It's really too bad it is the way it is. If more people would investigate the honesty codes we (those of us in "alternative" situations) live by, they might just learn that being 100% honest about sex, sexuality, sexual fantasies, fetishes/kink, etc., etc., etc., would likely keep everyone happy and there wouldn't be such rampant cheating/lying going on. I've not been cheated on since I was married, in a monogamy based relationship. Go figure ~ you leave the social "norm" and the worst thing that can happen to you, your trust, your relationship disappears. Who would have thought? JMO
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 47
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/17/2011 6:12:19 AM

~OT~ I'm not in an open relationship, I'm personally not poly-minded. I do, however, live an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm absolutely certain that if I posted my particulars here on POF it would lead to all sorts of stereo-typical silliness, and even though I'm right here, stating out of my own fingers, those stereotypes are not factual (at least in the world I live in) I'd be told by complete strangers that I'm clueless. It's really too bad it is the way it is. If more people would investigate the honesty codes we (those of us in "alternative" situations) live by, they might just learn that being 100% honest about sex, sexuality, sexual fantasies, fetishes/kink, etc., etc., etc., would likely keep everyone happy and there wouldn't be such rampant cheating/lying going on. I've not been cheated on since I was married, in a monogamy based relationship. Go figure ~ you leave the social "norm" and the worst thing that can happen to you, your trust, your relationship disappears. Who would have thought? JMO


I sympathise verygreeneyez.
I know plenty of women who enjoy various aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. And when people on a vanilla site like this find out, they tend to react poorly. Calling them sick or perverted or telling them that they shouldn't let others abuse them like that. Blah blah blah.
Being 100% honest and open about everything is a wonderful thing. It's a shame that too many people are too short sighted to appreciate that. They see someone who doesn't think just as they do, and automatically think that the people are somehow "wrong".
This thread is a perfect example. There's been plenty of ignorant and bigoted posts being made here. People who decide that poly is wrong, or that poly people can't be committed and honest with their partners, just because they have no clue what poly is, or how to share their hearts with more than one person.

As an aside greeneyez, are you on Fetlife?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 48
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/17/2011 8:26:20 AM

In either poly or mono relationships, there really is no need to lie/cheat... But it's done in both... just because you're in a poly, open or whatever, does not preclude lying or cheating... Those are inherent in some peope's character, and or they may do it for reasons they alone perceive... Maybe it's just simply to avoid 'drama' ...
Whatever, the simple fact is, that people even in poly or open relationships can lie and or cheat just as easily as anyone else...

Yep ~ they can ~ but the don't NEED to. Turn off your sexual prejudices, only meet/date/forge long term relationships with people of like-minds, it's highly unlikely there would be lying and cheating going on in that particular aspect of the relationship. It's just that simple. JMO


As an aside greeneyez, are you on Fetlife?

I am. I'll try to email you direct here.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 49
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:54:44 PM

I never had much success with fetlife but I can see how it would work for most people.

It doesn't work for me for personal endeavors ~ it's just a facebook in my opinion (but there are some really great topics in there if you don't mind learning how to navigate.)

OT
To each their own. How I choose to live my life is my concern, and any future partner I might have. For someone to suggest that I'm despicable and abnormal for having an atypical relationship is reprehensible.

Open-minded indeed.

I so agree. Reprehensible indeed. JMO
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 50
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 5:16:10 PM
You still don't get it... calling them 'reprehensible' is an attack on them... so you're ok to attack them but not be attacked? Now, do you see my point?

Oh geez!!! He's posting an opinion. He's not attacking anyone. Using the word "reprehensible" is not attacking others. It's how he FEELS, not something he does. How can I answer for him? Because I feel the very same way.
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