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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????      Home login  
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 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 101
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????Page 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)


lets be real here.

there is only one person you love in a polygamist relationship...

yourself.

its all about greed and self gratification.



no need to give me a speech about how I'm ignorant or that I could not DO it, blah blah blah...


I'm not a child and I'm not naive I understand human behavior...


Everything else is a justification for one's own self.


It's pure ignorance to think that that poly relationships are all about greed and self gratification. That's the typical dogma spouted by those who think that poly in any form is "wrong".

If you can't understand being poly, or monogamy is the choice you've made... that's fine. But don't for a second think that everyone who's poly is somehow just greedy and wants everything for themselves. They're absolutely no different from any of the monogamous people out there. They simply choose not to confine their love to only one person.

The only real difference between mono and poly relationships... is the number of people involved. The love, devotion and commitment is just the same.
And of course, there's always going to be liars, cheats and players in both. :p
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 102
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/12/2011 3:50:30 AM
Boondock....Bro, I gotta disagree with you this time! I only have experience with open , not poly.. With open you gotta be able to share and not be possessive....you have to love and trust enough to allow your partner their sexual freedom. With poly, since it's much more than sexual freedom, you're sharing their heart too! I'm TOO selfish for that!

I think that the selfishness is applied when you want someone all to yourself.... like monogamy!
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 103
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/12/2011 7:05:14 AM
Baby steps for me... I need to start at just one please.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 104
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/14/2011 1:06:33 PM
jco- I'm not talking about an ""open"" relationship...

I'm not talking about a relationship where one person has bunches of sexual partners other than their main gf...

I am talking about POLY ... for the reasons you mentioned as well....sharing your heart...

That's what I'm talking about...not your body.
 HORSEFLY1234
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 105
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/15/2011 4:32:47 PM
Ok to have 2 girlfriends? Maybe when you're young and experimenting, but as you grow up, the fascination dies off.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 106
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What about two boyfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2011 9:45:02 PM

What about a girl having two boyfriends?


Absolutely. As long as the couple are not:
1. Married
2. Engaged
3. Have both agree to an exclusive relationahip no one has any right to say anything.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 107
What about two boyfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2011 5:32:23 AM
Boondock:


I'm not talking about a relationship where one person has bunches of sexual partners other than their main gf...

I am talking about POLY ... for the reasons you mentioned as well....sharing your heart...

That's what I'm talking about...not your body


Right, re-read my previous post.... I was saying OPEN is all about the sex....poly is all about sharing LOVE. You could not possibly be selfish in a POLY relationship as you previously stated.
When people think of each, they tend to focus on the one person as if it were one-sided. truth is that yes, you may initially think that having two GF's is cool in a selfish way, but that selfishness won't last long when you find your GF's have other boyfriends.....selfishness just won't work.

Open to a lesser degree, in this case you're sharing their body but not their heart...still can't be selfish or insecure.


The ONLY relationship where possessiveness, selfishness and insecurity can be gotten away with is monogamy! By possessiveness, selfishness and insecurit I mean WITH your partner not AGAINST them! Obviously if you're a "ME" selfish person even monogamy won't work too long.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 108
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 7:25:31 AM

Maybe when you're young and experimenting, but as you grow up, the fascination dies off.


Except that for polyamorous people, it's not a fascination, or experimenting… it's a way of life. It's just how you're wired.


Absolutely. As long as the couple are not:
1. Married
2. Engaged
3. Have both agree to an exclusive relationahip no one has any right to say anything.


I know plenty of married people who have a third (or more) involved in their relationship. Being married has nothing to do with it.
By law, you can't marry more than one person at a time (which is kind of stupid), but there's no reason you can't have as many partners as appropriate for you.

My girl and I have agreed to be exclusive. We're not going out dating other people. However, we are looking for a third. So if we get to know someone special, then we'd happily start dating her (either as a couple, or both individually).


@jco415

You make some wonderful points. It's good to see others who get it.

People often seem to think that the guy with two girlfriends is greedy for having two of them. But, nobody seems to think that the woman, who gets to enjoy a boyfriend and girlfriend, is "greedy" in any way.
It just shows how ignorant and one sided these opinions tend to be. A man is horrible for wanting two girlfriends. But a woman, oh, she can have whatever she wants, that's fine. LOL!

One of the key reasons seems to be that most people think that men are pigs. Plain and simple. They expect men to be sexist and all. Women are always seen as the "victim".
I know plenty of triads where it's the WOMAN who went out to find another woman to join them. My girl has been actively seeking a woman to join us. And I love her for it.
There's also countless triads where it's two men and one woman… yet for some reason you don't see countless "Is it alright to have two BOYFRIENDS?" arguments come up.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 109
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What about two boyfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:27:46 AM

What about a girl having two boyfriends?


I and most men wouldn't share my girl friend with another guy but hey, some are into that kind of misery... so for them it's acceptable...
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 110
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 2:06:30 PM
I think it is ok for a girl to have 2 boyfriends. I wish I did.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 111
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 2:27:25 PM

I think it is ok for a girl to have 2 boyfriends. I wish I did. banana:


A lot of women seem to think it's okay to have as many men as they can string along. You're not alone in that. I doubt you're going to find many guys who will put up with it from a girl who doesn't give head though. lol


As far as guys having more than one girlfriend, it depends on whether you can afford it or not.
 WidowInLoveAgain
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 112
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 3:23:04 PM
Women who are willing to share a boyfriend are not looking for a long term committed relationship. Women looking for commitment would not be ok with this. Women who are not looking for a commitment long term may be willing to do this. However, if the man expects a woman to be down with this then he better be prepared for the women to each have another man on the side too. What is good for the goose...

I would say when dating casually a man can date as many women as he likes as long as he is clear with the ladies they are not the only one. Likewise the woman should be clear to date many men.

When one of the parties involved opens the monogamy discussion all bets are off. When this happens there needs to be full disclosure and the two need to date exclusively, severing ties with other partners, or they need to go their separate ways.

Many women, myself included, may be willing to date multiple men at once but draw the line at sex. When I cross the line into a sexual relationship it is only in an exclusive monogamous relationship. It is only with full disclosure and an understanding. If the other party were not willing to be exclusive I would sever ties and move on until I found someone willing to be monogamous.

If all parties are aware the dating and sex is not exclusive, adults are free to do what they want. If however it is not open and above board and the women do not know about each other it is WRONG! It is always wrong when done in secret. Having to keep it a secret proves how wrong it is.

I was involved with a man who lied to me about being exclusive. I made choices after discussions of exclusivity and monogamy and was given lip service, being told whatever was needed to get me to seal the deal. The lies went on long after the relationship was consumated. Finding out there was another woman from the beginning and I was the second woman to become involved was devastating. It did not matter that he viewed me romantically and her as a friend he just happened to have sex with, it caused me pain. Once the line was crossed he did not cut ties with the friend with benefits and both relationships continued on. We both felt we had a boyfriend.
We both felt we were the only one. It was wrong from the beginning and in the end when the truth came out everyone involved was hurt.

When I was in my twenties and had casual sex it was no big deal. Now as a woman of maturity, I want love and commitment. I am not willing to share a man.

Married men, who mislead a single women into dating them, are doing this same premise, and those men are not interested in "dating", they are interested in sex. Very few women would willingly date a married man. The wife is usually not a willing participant. This is clearly cheating.

When a single man with a girlfriend does the same thing, and brings in another women, to date, and engage sexually without informing the first woman and the new woman they are not exclusive it is cheating, just like the married man. Few women with a boyfriend they are sexually involved with would be "ok" with him taking on another woman, and few women are so desperate as to be seconds for a man who already has a sexual relationship with another woman.

The fact that this thread exists tells me how low we have come as a society. The concept of polyamoury is a new twist on an old concept (think commune) and is not the norm. Full disclosure is the thing that separates consensual sex and cheating. Most men, who are bedding multiple women do so with no strings and would never call them relationships. Not all women who are bedded by a man are "girlfriends". When we were teens we didn't think about being boyfriend and girlfriend after the first date or two. The label implied a decision to be a couple. You can't "be a couple" with two women simultaneously.

The short answer NO, but that does not mean that some men won't try and pull it off.
Eventually though, it will come back to bite you in the behind.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 113
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 9:46:59 PM

Women who are willing to share a boyfriend are not looking for a long term committed relationship.


That is complete garbage. Of course they are. There's countless poly couples out there, MMF or MFF who have been in long and loving relationships. I know some triads or foursomes who have been together over 20 years.

So don't ever spout ignorant nonsense like that.


When one of the parties involved opens the monogamy discussion all bets are off.


Except that for countless people out there, monogamy is never an issue. Being honest, faithful and open is of course. Perhaps not just picking up random people on a whim (though many couples still do that).


When this happens there needs to be full disclosure and the two need to date exclusively, severing ties with other partners, or they need to go their separate ways.


Unless of course they're poly. At which point they work out just what they would seek in other partners, and how many.


Many women, myself included, may be willing to date multiple men at once but draw the line at sex. When I cross the line into a sexual relationship it is only in an exclusive monogamous relationship. It is only with full disclosure and an understanding. If the other party were not willing to be exclusive I would sever ties and move on until I found someone willing to be monogamous.


And that is your choice. You choose to be monogamous, and seek a partner who is the same. That's fine.
Doesn't work for everyone though.


If all parties are aware the dating and sex is not exclusive, adults are free to do what they want. If however it is not open and above board and the women do not know about each other it is WRONG! It is always wrong when done in secret. Having to keep it a secret proves how wrong it is.


That I agree with. One of the key elements to a poly relationship is honesty. You have to be open and honest about everything. If you're going to go out with someone new, then you let your partner(s) know about them.
I always make sure anyone new I start getting to know gets to know my girl as well. The three of us have to be able to connect. Now, it might not always be perfect. I've had women who wanted to be with me, and while they liked my girl, and would be her friend, they couldn't be sexual with her. And that's fine. Because we're all open about what's going on.

But cheating, on any level, is just wrong.
And yes, cheating happens in poly relationships just like in monogamous ones. There's always going to be scum out there.


Few women with a boyfriend they are sexually involved with would be "ok" with him taking on another woman


You'd be surprised. Especially considering there's a poly group in Toronto alone that has well over 50,000 members.


and few women are so desperate as to be seconds for a man who already has a sexual relationship with another woman.


Why should anyone be seconds? Sure, there are some who want to be a "third" in a relationship, or treated like a pet by the couple. But many triads are equal relationships. Mine have been in the past. None of us was any more important than the others.


The concept of polyamoury is a new twist on an old concept (think commune) and is not the norm.


Poly is in no way a "new twist". Loving and devoted polyamorous relationships have been around for countless years.
Just because it's something YOU can't accept, in no way makes it "wrong". And yeah, it is quite normal for people to be polyamorous.


The short answer NO, but that does not mean that some men won't try and pull it off.


The correct answer is YES, it's quite acceptable. As long as you're open and honest and respect what poly is.
If someone's a cheating **stard... well, yeah, that's another matter. LOL!


Eventually though, it will come back to bite you in the behind.


Or like most it will give you a long, lasting, and love filled relationship(s) that will be more wonderful than anything you've ever known.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 114
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 10:58:27 PM

Women who are willing to share a boyfriend are not looking for a long term committed relationship.


I'm curious... have ALL women conferred, agreed then elected YOU their vocal representative?

One of my best friends is a woman who longs to be in a poly relationship with a man and another girl.... she has more trouble with the men than the women... too many men are too possessive...even when it comes to another girl.

I can't say much though as I'm too possessive too....I can't share hearts.

Most here can't even find one person that can tolerate them so they are resentful of those that find two...or more!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 115
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/16/2011 11:33:07 PM
The fact that this thread exists tells me how low we have come as a society. The concept of polyamoury is a new twist on an old concept (think commune) and is not the norm. Full disclosure is the thing that separates consensual sex and cheating. Most men, who are bedding multiple women do so with no strings and would never call them relationships. Not all women who are bedded by a man are "girlfriends". When we were teens we didn't think about being boyfriend and girlfriend after the first date or two. The label implied a decision to be a couple. You can't "be a couple" with two women simultaneously.

Polyamory is far from a new concept and it's not the communal living of the 70s either. These aren't people just "bedding" other people. Most people who just wish to have sex with multiple partners certainly do not discuss things such as love, commitment, understanding nor are most completely honest with their current partner (if they have one) about their intentions. (Monogamy is a glaring testimony of that, people cheat ALL the time.) Polyamory makes having sex much more complicated than simply "bedding" others.

The short answer NO, but that does not mean that some men won't try and pull it off.
Eventually though, it will come back to bite you in the behind.

There is no "pulling off" anything when in a poly or open relationship. There's no sneaking, no one needs to lie/cheat. These are concepts that are so difficult for monogamous-minded people to understand for some reason. **sigh**

~OT~ I'm not in an open relationship, I'm personally not poly-minded. I do, however, live an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm absolutely certain that if I posted my particulars here on POF it would lead to all sorts of stereo-typical silliness, and even though I'm right here, stating out of my own fingers, those stereotypes are not factual (at least in the world I live in) I'd be told by complete strangers that I'm clueless. It's really too bad it is the way it is. If more people would investigate the honesty codes we (those of us in "alternative" situations) live by, they might just learn that being 100% honest about sex, sexuality, sexual fantasies, fetishes/kink, etc., etc., etc., would likely keep everyone happy and there wouldn't be such rampant cheating/lying going on. I've not been cheated on since I was married, in a monogamy based relationship. Go figure ~ you leave the social "norm" and the worst thing that can happen to you, your trust, your relationship disappears. Who would have thought? JMO
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 116
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/17/2011 12:34:09 AM

There's no sneaking, no one needs to lie/cheat. These are concepts that are so difficult for monogamous-minded people to understand for some reason. **sigh**

In either poly or mono relationships, there really is no need to lie/cheat... But it's done in both... just because you're in a poly, open or whatever, does not preclude lying or cheating... Those are inherent in some peope's character, and or they may do it for reasons they alone perceive... Maybe it's just simply to avoid 'drama' ...
Whatever, the simple fact is, that people even in poly or open relationships can lie and or cheat just as easily as anyone else...
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 117
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/17/2011 6:12:19 AM

~OT~ I'm not in an open relationship, I'm personally not poly-minded. I do, however, live an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm absolutely certain that if I posted my particulars here on POF it would lead to all sorts of stereo-typical silliness, and even though I'm right here, stating out of my own fingers, those stereotypes are not factual (at least in the world I live in) I'd be told by complete strangers that I'm clueless. It's really too bad it is the way it is. If more people would investigate the honesty codes we (those of us in "alternative" situations) live by, they might just learn that being 100% honest about sex, sexuality, sexual fantasies, fetishes/kink, etc., etc., etc., would likely keep everyone happy and there wouldn't be such rampant cheating/lying going on. I've not been cheated on since I was married, in a monogamy based relationship. Go figure ~ you leave the social "norm" and the worst thing that can happen to you, your trust, your relationship disappears. Who would have thought? JMO


I sympathise verygreeneyez.
I know plenty of women who enjoy various aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. And when people on a vanilla site like this find out, they tend to react poorly. Calling them sick or perverted or telling them that they shouldn't let others abuse them like that. Blah blah blah.
Being 100% honest and open about everything is a wonderful thing. It's a shame that too many people are too short sighted to appreciate that. They see someone who doesn't think just as they do, and automatically think that the people are somehow "wrong".
This thread is a perfect example. There's been plenty of ignorant and bigoted posts being made here. People who decide that poly is wrong, or that poly people can't be committed and honest with their partners, just because they have no clue what poly is, or how to share their hearts with more than one person.

As an aside greeneyez, are you on Fetlife?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 118
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/17/2011 8:26:20 AM

In either poly or mono relationships, there really is no need to lie/cheat... But it's done in both... just because you're in a poly, open or whatever, does not preclude lying or cheating... Those are inherent in some peope's character, and or they may do it for reasons they alone perceive... Maybe it's just simply to avoid 'drama' ...
Whatever, the simple fact is, that people even in poly or open relationships can lie and or cheat just as easily as anyone else...

Yep ~ they can ~ but the don't NEED to. Turn off your sexual prejudices, only meet/date/forge long term relationships with people of like-minds, it's highly unlikely there would be lying and cheating going on in that particular aspect of the relationship. It's just that simple. JMO


As an aside greeneyez, are you on Fetlife?

I am. I'll try to email you direct here.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 119
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 6:28:11 AM

I know plenty of women who enjoy various aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. And when people on a vanilla site like this find out, they tend to react poorly. Calling them sick or perverted or telling them that they shouldn't let others abuse them like that. Blah blah blah.


I've actually gotten blessedly few of those sorts of things. I'm much more likely to get messages from men who assume that kinky equates with my being willing to sleep with any near-stranger who shows a modicum of interest; but then, I'm open about it on my profile, so I suppose I probably scare a lot of the kinkophobes away (note that being kinkphobic has everything to do with judgmental attitudes toward my activities, and nothing to do with simply not wanting kinky sex oneself).


This thread is a perfect example. There's been plenty of ignorant and bigoted posts being made here. People who decide that poly is wrong, or that poly people can't be committed and honest with their partners, just because they have no clue what poly is, or how to share their hearts with more than one person.


Yup. It's a shame when people aren't able to step back and see that other's real experiences may simply be different from theirs, and that's okay. We can all find what works for us and do those things.

*waves to fellow Fetlifers*
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 120
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 10:34:27 AM
I'm glad there are some people here who get it!


its fantastic feeling to share your partner.. its nothing to do with lack of commitment..


VERY true!






Verygreeneyes:
I tried to message you here but couldn't.....if you'd like to message me, please do.... I am on that "other" site too!
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 121
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:52:20 PM
I never had much success with fetlife but I can see how it would work for most people.

OT

To each their own. How I choose to live my life is my concern, and any future partner I might have. For someone to suggest that I'm despicable and abnormal for having an atypical relationship is reprehensible.

Open-minded indeed.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 122
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:54:44 PM

I never had much success with fetlife but I can see how it would work for most people.

It doesn't work for me for personal endeavors ~ it's just a facebook in my opinion (but there are some really great topics in there if you don't mind learning how to navigate.)

OT
To each their own. How I choose to live my life is my concern, and any future partner I might have. For someone to suggest that I'm despicable and abnormal for having an atypical relationship is reprehensible.

Open-minded indeed.

I so agree. Reprehensible indeed. JMO
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 123
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IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:05:23 PM


To each their own. How I choose to live my life is my concern, and any future partner I might have. For someone to suggest that I'm despicable and abnormal for having an atypical relationship is reprehensible.

Open-minded indeed.

Well, you're not open minded either then... You calling them reprehensible for how they feel is just the same as them seeing you as despicable and abnormal for how you feel...
Seems 'open minded' only applies when it's in your favour?
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 124
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:16:46 PM
Um, no. I'm calling them reprehensible not because of their beliefs, but for their attacks on me.

Two different things.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 125
IS IT OK TO HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS?????
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:53:03 PM

It doesn't work for me for personal endeavors ~ it's just a facebook in my opinion (but there are some really great topics in there if you don't mind learning how to navigate.)


Yup, I'm with verygreeneyes on this. I use Fetlife as a social networking site, a way to stay connected with my friends, know what's going on, post in groups about various topics, and perv delicious pictures. I don't use it for dating--it's not set up that way.


I Would love to find another woman even if she was straight and the sex was just with my Partner.... its fantastic feeling to share your partner.. its nothing to do with lack of commitment..


@Cali: I can absolutely see this being an amazing experience with the right people and a strong relationship.
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