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 AUTHOR
 Pandy
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 10
I need help PLEASEPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Restraining orders don't mean diddly.


@Marilynized...THIS ^^^^was the comment I was refering to....perhaps YOU should get it straight.

I agree that the weapons should be unloaded/disabled....BUT if you dispose of them, or damage them, and they are his property, that can mean that you are guilty of theft and/or responsible for repairs/replacement.


If he comes up behind you and sticks a gun to your head by all means wave your piece of paper at him - see how far that gets you.


The topic as I understood it, was how she can get herself away from this situation right now...and she seems unwilling/unable to leave her home. THIS is an effective method to get him out of her home.
Preparation for the potential of his coming after her later is a seperate issue, IMO.
 Nghtshft
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 11
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:35:56 PM
First thing you should do is get rid of all the guns...take them to a friends....Secondly get a restraining order....Thirdly have some friends come and stay with you....always protect yourself....just outsmart the guy.
 Nghtshft
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 12
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 1:11:15 PM
Here's the way the law is going to look at it....if he took the gun out and loaded it and then put it back...no crime. If he pointed at her then there is a crime. Although it scares the shyte outta ya, if he didn't actually threaten her with it they will not do anything...Get rid of the thing for good and call some friends over....I really doubt he will try anything with others around....
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 13
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 2:22:06 PM
Dont do the "self injury " as suggested. The doc will know it wasnt from a punch if its a clean cut from a razor. You dont need to creat false charges againt this guy. That can go against you in later legal wranglings.
You should already have enough to charge him. I dont know what the law is where you live but threatening someone with a loaded handgun is an offence. He has threatened your life. You have been within 1/2 an inch of your life because thats about how far the trigger needs to go before you are dead. Dont waste time. Call a lawyer and find out what you can do. When the bf goes to work have the cops come in and remove the gun. but remember he can just go buy another so you need to remove yourself and him from the house. Tell everyone you know about him and the threat with the gun. He might not kill you the next time but theres a pretty good chance he will do it at some point. DONT think he will change. If the cops wont remove the gun then get a video camera and get your lawyer to film you or a friend (someone that knows how to safely handle a gun). Use gloves so you dont get your prints on it. show the camera it is loaded. Unload it. put a trigger lock on it and hide the key. put the bullets or clip into a baggy and hide that too but in a seperate place from the key. Find somewhere to store the gun. Move his stuff out. if you have the cash do as someone suggested and move all his stuff out. store it. The cops said you have to give him 30days to move out. check with the lawyer. if he has no rent receipts then he might not have proof he isnt more than just a guest. Does his drivers license have your address on it? if not then boot him. Once you get him out stay with a friend. If you have the means rent a cheap apartmanet for a month and rent a car for the month. Dont park your car outside a friend place if your are staying there. if he knows where all your friends live then he might drive around looking for you. You need to disappear as best you can for a few weeks. get the restraining order. It wont prevent him from harming you or trying to kill you but it will show that you are actively trying to protect yourself. If he violates it without actually killing you then he gets in trouble. Document everything. Save answering machine tapes, or voice mail. save letters/notes. Keep a diary of everything he does and says to you that can be threatening. remove his stuff and send him on his way. but whatever you do do not stay in your current place. at least for a couple of weeks because its a sure thing that he will go back on the first night and try to sweet talk you or beat you.
Your relationship was over the moment he picked up the gun. you cant change him. you cant fix him. you cant help him. He may tell you he is sorry. he may tell you he loves you. he may promise to never do it again. say what ever you need to appease him but get the Hell out of there. Next time it will be worse. At some point he will kill you. END IT!
Lesson for next time. If you have a guy move in, DONT let him bring a weapon into your house. If your next bf has one tell him to rent a locker for it at a gun club. And that if you ever see him with it you will dump him.
Any guy that threatens the woman he "loves" isnt a man. And he doesnt love you unless he can control you. He thinks violence or the threat of it will MAKE you love him. Or at least obey him.
Now get off the computer and call a lawyer and call a mover to get his stuff. Get it all done today because tomorrow might be too late.
Good luck and be safe!
 Pandy
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 14
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 2:45:34 PM

The situation is - the girl is in trouble - people are throwing around getting a restraining order as a solution to her problem which was how she can get this sicko sway from her and her home now.
Yes a restraining order is effective to get him out but you must be prepared after that. Some of these nuts go even crazier once you slap them with a restraining order - so no it is not a seperate issue - goody she is safe for 24 hours while he is locked up - then what? Think about that later? No that is not acceptable. She needs to make a plan that goes beyond immediate relief - don't forget about the next day.


It may not be a seperate issue in her life , but it is a seperate issue as far as this THREAD is concerned. In order to keep it on topic, we should be discussing her more immediate concerns. Having her in an attorney's chair WILL insure that measures are taken. These people are trained in procedural safety. And will not , thankfully, advise her to break the law by filing a false police report.


I do not mean to be rude

good. I'm glad that was a mistaken impression on my part.


So honey please don't tell me its a seperate issue. Getting him out is great - however it does not stop there - you need to keep yourself safe. I ended up having to move. - I don't mean to be rude but I know of which I speak and I will not sugar coat anything for anyone.


refer to my comment above on seperate issue as far as this THREAD is concerned, "honey".
once her case has been established correctly, she will get the help she needs in getting and staying safe.
 karensnewlife
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 15
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 3:55:48 PM
Go to a women's shelter or someone you can stay with. File for a protective order (they are free). After he is served the protective order, if the house is yours you can return - he will have to leave. You do need to get away. Good luck and God Bless you.
 look in
Joined: 6/24/2005
Msg: 16
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 4:14:11 PM
I had the same thing happen to me years ago by a man that I had dated for 4 years.
after I had not got good results from the police, they had come to the house, but he followed me to work, see even if you get him out of the house that won't make him gone.

I called his sister and had him put in an institution for I can't remember 30 to 60 days.
They had a structured routine and he received counseling and his solitary time allowed him a chance to reflect what had happened to us. I no longer had problems after that. He did love me even though things had gone wrong, that was a basic instinct it was the other stuff that made him go off the handle but the basic instinct came through in the end.

You must contact a family member for him to be committed or he would have to do it on his own, fat chance of that though I am sure.

Good luck
 Ldygmr
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 17
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:43:35 PM
Remove the arms from the home when he is at work. At the end of the thirty days, call the cops again.
 powerchuter42
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 18
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/31/2005 10:37:03 AM
Hi...Missie? is it? You've got three pages of forum replys now... What did you do... If you made it out then hopefully you are safe and smart enough to stay gone for as long as it takes to get this situation under control. Find some friends to hang with for awhile and get some GOOD advice from the local sheriff(not a deputy) and also a good local attorney(the one everyone thinks is an SOB but always has more cases than he can handle)... This advice should be specific to your individual situation. There are many variables to consider... The most important, however, is YOUR SAFETY!
 Soul Seductive
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 19
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/2/2006 10:14:32 AM
Well back home where I am from , philadlephia pa....I have seena lot of similar situations like this.....1) get a good lawyer that knows what he's doing....2) ask the lawyer about getting a permit for firearms in the home for self defense....A lawyer can help get rid of the guy immediately as well, within a matter of a couple days or less, even have him locked up for a good while.....The right lawyer can do more than just a good restraining order, just remember if you get a lawyer involved or take legal action against the guy, then you better follow thru completely.....cause if you start off with legal actions and then back off from them, the law will never take your complaints serious anymore and you will be left alone to suffer, the law will think that you are not going to do anything as far as pressing charges, and look at you as a joke....so if you start with legal actions...you better follow thru!!!
 lordmarduc
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 20
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/2/2006 10:23:19 AM
Damm! run disapear forget what you built up. I have seen this before. its your life, go to another part of the country. get family to help, you stay far away, real low profile, no inter net dating he will track you if you don't do this. its better than a 50% chance he will kill you, or you might kill him. then you will lose everything staying out of jail, you have to start over. i know its not fair but the world isn't fair.
 JustMe1819
Joined: 12/18/2003
Msg: 21
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History
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:42:36 AM
I appreciate all the advise. I am not at the house anymore and I am waitin it out everything is calm for the time being and he seems ok with things this way...

I can not respond to ever post on here but I want everyone to know that I appreciate the time you took. And yes the forums are a good place to post even over something like this because when you are out of options (or you think you are?) there are a lot of ppl on here that can help and give you more options that you did not know of. And Thorb... I agree with most of what you said and thank you... the house I live in is mine and being 24 does not mean that I have not paid much into it... I have almost got it paid off... its a long story but in any case it is all I have. thanks guys.
 JustMe1819
Joined: 12/18/2003
Msg: 22
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:45:37 AM
thank you all... GEORGY that was very nice of you. I am still gone.. it is very hard... because I do love him. but I know I cant go back. its not logical in any way. He calls my moms house a lot and has been by there a few times. Im hopin that it will slack of after a while. I guess we will see

You all have no idea how much I appreciate all your input... and the time you took to read this and respond. I just want to let you know that it means a lot to me
 feminita
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 23
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/6/2006 12:24:20 PM
come visit meuntil he is gone...why end up on CSI!?!?!
 ronforu
Joined: 1/11/2006
Msg: 24
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/11/2006 8:33:09 AM
Hi Missie,

If this guy is not on your lease he can be removed immediately, the incident should be reported to the police so that it is on record, taking out a firearm and loading it during an arguement is considered a threat and he should have been removed from your house.

Sounds like you are in a dangerous situation and there may be retaliation after he is evicted.
I operate a protective service agency for woman and children, we are armed and well trained in domestic violence situations. usually are presence is enough to deter violent individuals. Our methods seem to work better than the police because were not bound by the same laws and procedures they are. if you need further assistance you may contact me, we can work with you if you cannot afford such a service.

I do recomend that after he is gone to be cautious and be aware of your surroundings, change all your locks, also be carefull what you say to other people about this guy, sometimes people who you trust can be your worst enemy. He sounds like hes controlling and probably obsessive so look for recording devices or cameras he may have hidden in your house.
Good Luck
Ron
 JustMe1819
Joined: 12/18/2003
Msg: 25
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/19/2006 2:00:09 PM
well I am still away from him and he is leaving me alone now. I have not heard from him in almost 2 weeks. So I think that he has taken the hint and went his own way. I am still not going home though. No until I am sure that he is gone and not comin back. So I think things are starting to look up now. Just wanted to give you all an update on how things are.
 JustMe1819
Joined: 12/18/2003
Msg: 26
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/20/2006 6:16:53 AM
thank you. I really appreciate it. I have only been to the house once and from what I noticed his stuff was gone. But I really didnt have time to walk around and look for everything. But eventually I will feel safe in my home again and I will be able to go home. Cant wait for that day
 starrider
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 27
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 1/20/2006 1:49:32 PM
It is better to walk out on 2 legs than to be carried to the grave by 12.---Seen it before
 stout81
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 28
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 2/2/2007 6:11:21 PM
yes, install a mini camera into multiple parts of your house, make sure it's hidden, move into a friends house for the time being, take only the most important things with you, material items can always be replaced. have all the legal paperwork in ready for him for when he gets home on the table or fridge and your not there. eviction notice and all the goodies. if he damages any of your things it's on camera, if he physically hurts you then it's on camera, the only way is to make him be without you, change your schedule, you should stay with friends he doesn't know if he knows them all rent out a room and board for a couple of weeks, meanwhile have new friends check on the house on a daily basis, hire a private investagotor or a personal security company to watch your house and look for any suspicious behaviour. this will be expensive but it will work men are idiots and they make us good guys look terrible.
 THE*JOSEY*WALES
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 30
I need help PLEASE Call the Cops
Posted: 2/3/2007 12:01:59 AM
It's a TERRORIST THREAT for a BF to take out a gun in front of you and load it.

It's a threat to kill.
I'd file a report and a restraining order, and ask the cops to take him the F*CK out of there.

I'm sure they would. I would if I was a cop.
 Reel Tyme
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 31
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 2/3/2007 9:48:14 AM
friend you need to repoet this to the police so they can have a record. i once helped with a female self defense class and most women did not report the kinds of incidents and that is why they continue. after that go to a friends or relatives house for safety. take some self defense classes so you will be able to handle yourself with confidence. also when you go around him take some male friends or brothers. most men that do those things to women will be less likely to try something when other men are with ya. next time if you can do a little research on the man you mess with so you can be safe friend.
 JustMe1819
Joined: 12/18/2003
Msg: 32
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:00:23 PM
UPDATE: I have been away from him for almost a year. He has not bothered me in over 5 months. So Everything is going good now. I have ran into him a few times and nothing ever comes of it. I think everything is ok.
Just so everyone knows, I did contact the police and shelters and everything. I had posted that on this thread, No one would help me. Everyone told me that there was nothing they could do. So I figured it out alone.I do understand that this is not the best place to ask for this kind of advice. But when you have tried everything else, I thought I could at least get other ppls opinions on what they thought about the situation. And I really want to Thank everyone that helped me through this, whether it was advice or talking me through things. Thank you all so much!
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 33
I need help PLEASE
Posted: 5/2/2009 11:09:56 AM
Almost 90% of women murdered are by a guy they are with or used to be with. There has been a huge rash of men killing his woman and his family and it's scary.

Any idiot with a gun using it to intimidate is a loaded cannon.

Move in with family or friends and get him out. Whats sad is that you picked a real loser; dont' tell me out of the blue you see his destructive ways and temper. Start being smarter with men.

I would get armed myself; this guy is bad news; you have huge issues with picking a guy; get the cops and the law involved; this is scary; do it now and get out of there.

I may even have him arrested; i'm sure the gun isnt' registered and all you have to do is say you felt very threatened.
 gemini_pinup_girl
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 34
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I need help PLEASE
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:44:48 AM
If you cant have an honest talk without fear of violence or verbal abuse: File a restraining order, have him removed from your home while being served. Include all threatening behavior and the part about the gun. No one deserves to have to live in fear. There is a crisis hotline for domestic abuse...they can help you "get your ducks in a row". Check the yellow pages or online. You can be anonymous if you wish. Don't give up! You are a brave woman to admit there is a problem before it gets even worse! Follow your gut! You were born with instincts for a reason.
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