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 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 2
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten mePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Nope, haven't regretted it. I don't know that I consciously chose not to marry but I guess unconsciously I knew that it wasn't for me earlier in my life. I knew as a child that I didn't want children and have never regretted that decision. Yup, my cats are my kids.

Having said that, I find now that I would like to meet a man for companionship. While I have lived alone, traveled alone and done so many other things alone, I would really like to have someone to do these things with. I think it would enrich the experience.

Tink, Calgary
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 4
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 11:59:15 AM
we are living that song
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 7
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 12:50:25 PM
Cheers to you too, Simplybefree. I will check out your web page and maybe check out the book as well. I'm sure I can find it or reserve it at the public library.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Tink, Calgary
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 12
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:42:32 PM
^^^^ maybe she is afraid of being hurt again but, who cares, that's her decision. Also, there could be a myriad of reasons like, for instance, (examples only 'cuz i haven't the foggiest of you, your sister or your lives/family situtation and I'm not pointing fingers at anything in particular) - maybe she saw what kind of marriage your parents, you, her best friend, etc. had and didn't want one just like that. Maybe she is just content within herself and at this point in her life doesn't need "another half" to make her "complete"; maybe she just likes making all the decisions in her life by herself; maybe she's glad that she doesn't have to pick up someone else's socks, dishes, drycleaning, and whatever else - the list could go on and on.

I know my reasons, conscious or unconscious, are very personal reasons and I become highly offended when people ask why I have never married. The majority of the population assumes it's because no one has ever asked me. WRONG! I rank that question right up there with asking a childless couple why they haven't had children after 10 years of marriage - it's a crass and rude question which is no one's business but those it involves!

Okay, I can get off my soapbox now. Next,
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 16
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:59:57 PM
i haven't given up on finding my true love. in fact, i once thought i had... but my sterility got in the way.

i did want to marry and have children. but it didn't happen. and by the time i found someone i wanted to marry, i learned then that i couldn't have children.

there have been MANY days when i've regretted it and feel i've missed out. but there have been many more days when i know, deep in my heart, that i would've been a lousy mother because i didn't have good parenting role models.

what i do know about myself, is that i could be the world's best friend to some wonderful man. and i will keep trying to find that relationship!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 18
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:08:14 PM
by the way.... simply... i am enjoying my life more the past couple of months, but i have taken major steps to change it to something more fulfilling after years of languishing.

taking those steps has gone a long way toward making me feel better about the path i'm on.

but it doesn't mean i don't have regrets. just that i've learned to work around them.

there's more adventures ahead for me!

 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 20
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:28:12 PM
@ talldarkone.....I apologize if you felt that I thought you were judging. I know you weren't. I know you were asking a question to learn more about a certain situation that so many people find themselves in these days. Not to worry. I hope you weren't offended when I gave you my heartfelt take on my situation 'cuz I wouldn't want you to think I was pointing fingers at you or anyone for that matter (except maybe one A**hole on this site that used to live in Canada and now is back in the Excited States where he belongs!!!!!) Sorry - I just had to do that one!

Have a gooder,

Tink, Calgary
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 25
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 6:14:31 PM
^^^^hmmmmmm, very interesting concept from a man, who to my knowledge, cannot bear children.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 35
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/2/2006 3:51:43 PM
Rouxx, I absolutely, positively never did want to have children and I don't, for one minute, regret that decision. That is not to say I'm not maternal - I am very maternal. Friends and acquaintances are constantly telling me that I should have had a dozen kids. Nope, natta, didn't want them. Somebody else's are nice for a very short while and then I can send them merrily on their way. Some of us just know better than to do something we just know isn't right for us.

Tink, Calgary
 uneekguy
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 38
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/2/2006 5:54:36 PM
When you don't have kids you don't want 'em but when you do have them....you wonder what you would have done without 'em!
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 46
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/15/2006 10:11:23 AM
TallnDark - it seems to be more accepting to have "been chosen" or divorced in this society than to not have taken the challenge and gone that road of being married. Not sure why this should be the case.... Never have I given up on trying to find my true love or have not taken the challenge as I figured it would not last... still seeking.:
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 51
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/23/2006 3:05:30 PM
It is my hope that I will meet the right fellow and I know that I will, when the time is right. I have decided to take my time with meeting men, and making sure that he is a compatible and enjoyable partner before going further in the relationship. I cannot have children because I had to have surgery some years ago, but I am open to the possibility of adopting children after being married for a couple of years.

I was adopted myself, so I can appreciate the beauty of a child being chosen and wanted by two loving parents. My Dad especially was a wonderful father and a fine role model for being a parent. To me, biological connection is not necessary to be a good parent. If a man insists that he wants to do things the "natural" way, I let him know that I can't have children biologically, and if this is a deal breaker for him, so be it. I wish that man the best, and I just move on.

There are many women who are professionals with careers who have simply not met the right man, and are waiting to meet someone who is right for them rather than just any man off the street who might be totally incompatible. I read somewhere that marriages that occur later in life actually have a higher chance of success.

Anyway, I wish everyone success here at POF!!

DW
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 55
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/30/2006 8:35:39 PM
Well at least I am off the hook when it comes to kids--my brother has two wonderful children.

I hope to be married someday, and could go with either no children or adopting children after being married a year or two, depending on the situation.

Best wishes to all!

DW
 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 64
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:24:17 AM
UMMM. I dunno where that guy in message 24 got his ideas, but (I hope) he isn't speaking for the entire male sex.

I am a 44 year old never married guy. When I was in my late teen through 20's I was in the military....moving all over the world a lot. In my early 30's, I tried to play catch-up, but all I accomplished was to decide to get a dog, instead. Now, I'm not what would be considered "prime beef" by most, so - here I am.

My opinion about having children (despite the fact that I would not be the one bearing the child) is simply.....If I were to meet and marry, it would be the woman's FINAL decision to have one or not, because she's got to do the hard part.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 66
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/14/2011 5:26:52 AM

B'LADY'S WORDS OF WISDOM...IF LIFE DOES NOT TURN OUT THE WAY YOU ONCE WANTED...LEARN TO ENJOY THE LIFE THAT HAS BEEN GRANTED TO YOU!!



I wish so much that I had gotten pregnant when I was still able too.To never be a mother is a huge regret to me.



~OT~ Well, I've been single much more in my adult life than not. I had a child, but sadly he died. I'm in the Bermuda Triangle of this subject. I'll always be HIS Mother, but he's no longer here to be his Mom. Oddly, that, to many is a curse. I'm "damaged" in the eyes of those who either don't like to know such wretched things happen, or I'm needing rescued from such horror to others. Either way, it's an odd place to be. There will always be those who have to pick apart a situation that simply doesn't need to be picked apart. My opinion ~ maybe they can all date one another and stay out of the main-stream dating pool!! I don't judge anyone's preference for marriage/and/or children or not. It's such a personal choice. JMO
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 69
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/26/2011 5:48:09 PM
^^^^^^^LOL ~ Care to tell us how you really fell about marriage? So if you have a pre-planned speech, why wait til date #3? Wouldn't it be wiser and save time/effort/energy and money to just tell them this before date #1 ?? You wish to be alone indefinitely, why bother with this at all?? Just curious.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 71
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:36:09 AM
Now that I'm in my 40's, I really have no regrets about not having children, I do wonder sometimes but I realized years ago motherhood just wasn't for me, took alot of flak for it at times because people just couldn't understand why I wasn't married with kids like them. I made my life choices to live my life the way I wanted to and not follow the norm and I'm a pretty happy person these days knowing I made the right choice for my happiness.
 LivnnTX
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 72
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:25:02 PM
I can sum it up for you very easilly: CAREER!
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 79
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 8/20/2011 7:30:27 PM
I don't know, I mean as a little girl ,I always dreamed of getting married,of having my own babies.........but as I've found out in my later life, some things,no matter how hard you want them or how much you pray and cry over them,if they're simply NOT meant to be........you can't make them be. I'll admit I toy with the idea of adopting.....there's SO many (TOO many,really) kids out there who desperately need love. And,right now, I can't afford it. Who knows??.....maybe one day I just might adopt one or two.But, when it comes down to basics, I AM basicaly happy with my life. i have a beautiul home, a wonderful family,friends who love me.......and, in my career,children who I'm blessed to see every single (week) day and offer them my joy & love. They love me back too,which is always a GREAT feeling! As my wonderful,beautiful late Mom used to tell me,"Maybe you're not meant to just care for just one child...maybe you're meant to be like a serrogate to A LOT of children,because you're SO loving....ever think of that?!" Thanks,Mom! All in all.yes,I AM happy. Mom also taught me to "Count my blessings...I have SO much to be thankful for!",so I do,every day. Thanks again, Mom!!
 ClaireChristine
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 80
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 8/20/2011 11:35:55 PM
Right on Tink. It may happen for you too. Lets hope. I am in the same situation and have not regretted my life choices. I have never dreamed of my wedding day or finding a husband. I knew it was not for me. I have had varied love life and my freedom has always been as necessary as breathing for me. I have worked and supported myself and dependent on nobody... I like men but to be committed to one only and supposedly forever limits life experience and I am way too curious for that.

 ClaireChristine
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 81
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 8/20/2011 11:41:04 PM
Wonderful story Bluebutterflies... I agree that there are children that need our care and attention that are not necessarily tied by blood...
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