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 Nghtshft
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 4
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Well my opinion is this.....if you are so worried about such behaviors of this individual then I would move on...I really can't concieve people changing just because you are not happy with something they do...some might but most won't.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 8
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Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 6:37:50 AM
No one can be changed. And if you get into a relationship with someone thinking you’re going to change them, you’re asking to be hurt and shouldn’t be surprised when it happens.
 DeagleNINja
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 12
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:11:22 AM
^^^ Very smart and lovely lady....wouldn't change a thing
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 13
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:12:15 AM
Change when in a relationship usually happens buy itself.

We change habits and behaviour because of our partners ... however, if either party feels that he/she is being forced to change ... I have a feeling, this relationship won;t work out for long
 Peachy77
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 15
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:24:00 AM
Is it worthed to try to change such people although they might never turn from their bad behaviours? What do you think?


That depends...are you trying to get someone to quit smoking, or trying to get them to quit cheating...?

Ultimately they say you can't change someone, which is true from the perspective of they have to be willing to change, and they need to have time to do i. If you can put up with the bad behavior for say, a couple years while they try to get it right, then you probably can do it, and it might be worth it.

If you're trying to get them to change an attitude that's not always that hard, but then again it might be your attitude that changes.

However, if you're trying to change a personality trait, you really can't do it...you might be able to stifle it for a short length of time, but it doesn't change, and always comes back. People who are introverted will pretty much always been introverted, they may change some behaviors but the personality will always be the same. And ultimately a lot of our ingrained behaviors are based on our personality.

In the end, it depends on what you want to change.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 16
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:34:36 AM
People aren't projects. We're complete in ourselves, all the good and bad. You can only change yourself and only when you really want to, NOT for someone else. I agree whoever said accept someone COMPLETELY and TOTALLY and be prepared to live with them just like they are, or move on.
 helen of troy
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 18
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Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:59:44 AM
It is a waste of time! They rarely change! It took me 4 years to pursuade someone to get their driver's licence reinstated after an impaired driving charge. Now that the suspension has been lifted for over a year, they have not even bothered to write the test! They still drink too much and prefer not to drive.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 20
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:16:17 AM
Let me add, though that WHEN you change, it changes others too. But it's a "project" for you to do, noone else.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 26
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:18:26 AM
Change is natural ... and no one is that rigid.

Relationships are separate entities apart from the individuals. In a relationship, both parties naturally change to accommodate each other and what's wrong with that?
 look in
Joined: 6/24/2005
Msg: 34
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/10/2006 3:59:44 PM
people are what they are.
Never change anything, they will be like a rubber band
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 37
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/10/2006 7:57:49 PM
^^^ smoking is bad for you anyway
 cuteguy53
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 55
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/11/2006 6:46:05 AM
I wouldn't try to change someone. Some things just can't be changed. It'd be better to find someone else who had the qualities you already valued instead of trying to make someone fit into your ideal.

I'm still a little undecided on manners, though.

I know how hard it is for me to change and virtually impossible to 'make' someone change. If you want to make the world a better place, change yourself. There are some control freaks in this world who try to run everyone else's life. That is pathological and they are very unhappy people...but they are the exception.

If a lover drinks too much repeatedly, move on. I am a recovering alcoholic with 26 years of sobriety and I know the physical, moral, and emotional degradation of the active alcoholic. Dont try to change him...pray for him and encourage him to get help.

As for manners, that is much easier to change. Some of us dont realize we can and should work on that area. If the other person respects your opinion, they will moify their behavior in this area. This is far different than trying to change the basic personality or traits such as high anger, resentments, controlling others..etc.
 ureadthis
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 67
Everyone tries to change people....
Posted: 1/12/2006 9:54:46 AM
Sometimes its for mutual benifit and other times for selfish benifit. If its for mutual benifit its worth it. Its pretty simple. Anyone who says they are accepting of ones character 100% has probably already changed it to suit their desires.....

Change is good, forced change is not. Do what you want. And expect others to aswell. If you change a person and they call you controlling then tell them to shove it up their ass and learn about self control....If someone changes me its because I decided to do it. Nobody is held at gun point. Always do what you want. Be prepared for the worst and expect the best.

People ask for change all the time. The reasoning for the change is what is important.

As for people being negative, well I think there needs to be a balance someone that is always positive doesnt always tell you what you NEED to hear. Sometimes we need to hear the negative to weight the choice of changing.
 da1udesire
Joined: 6/28/2005
Msg: 78
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/15/2006 4:22:06 PM
This is a long but VERY true story....

About 5 years ago I was laying in bed watching TV, not finding anything good on, I grab my cell phone and started messing with it... I discovered I could go into chat rooms... So I go in there and there is lots of not so nice ppl, swearing, being nasty, talking sex... hehehe... they all had names like "sucmydic" "bigcock4u" all that... so just as I was about to leave.. this guys says hi to me. his name on there is 2nice... a normal name, so I decide to say hi. We start talking. I am trying to ask him how to get my email off my phone but it is difficult to hold a conversation in there.

I try to give him my phone number, but he is to shy to call. Finally he calls me about a week later. We have a nice innocent conversation. We start talking more and more, each time he says Thanks for spending time with me, you dont know what you have done tonight.

As the weeks went by and we talked more and more, I learned that he was a "Thug", living in San Antonio, into drugs, scams, fraud, in and out of jail...& he loved to drink. And he would talk to me about the only life he knew... He had a good side to him that wanted to come out, but it was hard for him to leave the gang life he always knew. He would go to church a few times, stay out of trouble for a short time, but he would always go back... we talked on the phone for over a year, and after only 7 months, he tattooed my name on his arm. He said that I was Angel de la Guardia, his Guardian Angel, Instead of going out to get wired and drunk, he would stay home talking to me for hours. I felt obligated at first to be there for him. I thought if I was not there for him to talk to, he would just go back to doing the wrong thing. I told him I would always be there for him, he could call and talk to me anytime. I told him that I believed in him and I knew that he could become the persoon he wanted to. I always encouraged him to Stay strong, and stay safe. We started having feelings for eachother, and soon it was difficult not being near. I flew to TX (from NH) to visit him, I stayed 3 weeks. The following month, he flew up North and stayed with me 3 weeks. The following month, I moved to TX to be with him. I was so in love with him, and he made me so happy. He was doing really good, no drinking, he cut himself off from all his old friends, he would take his mom with him for support if he felt he might run into a friend downtown, and not have the strength to walk away... We were together for 3 years.. I always told him how proud I was of him, and I always believed in him. For Family and other reasons I had to move back home suddenly. We were forced apart and I was devistated. We talked on the phone 10 times a day for the first 3 months I was gone.. then slowly the calls went down to about 2 times a day.... eventually it was once every few days, and I learned that he went back to drinking... there is alot more to this story but I am just going to tell you happy ending. We are still friends and keep in touch every now and then. But he has changed his life around. He is going to church again, he got off of his probation early, he has been sober and clean for almost a year and is devoting his life to God... It was a long hard road for him, but In my heart I always knew he would do it. I am a firm believer that, if you want something bad enough, The ONLY person stopping you from getting/doing it, is yourself.

I don't feel I changed him, I was just there for him, you can't change somebody because you want to, they have to want to change, and they have to do it for themselves.. nobody else..
 thatgirl_next_door
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 81
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/16/2006 10:47:07 AM
You know... I look at it this way...

How would I feel if someone thought my ways were wrong and tried to change ME?! I'd lose it! I'm happy with who I am and how I do things!!! I don't want to be changed so I won't try to change others... just accept them and appreciate them for who they are!
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 82
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Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/16/2006 11:33:45 AM
A lot depends on how important the behavior is which needs to be changed. If a person is 30 years old and not potty trained yet then something is going to need to be changed !
There are 3 ways to get people to do what you want.
The 1st way is to punish them. But they will only do enough to keep from getting punished.
The 2nd way is to reward them. That works better, but they will only do enough to get the reward.
The 3rd. way is to make them understand why it's important. When people understand WHY something is important then they will do anything you ask.
Think of it like that.
 wodehousefan2
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 92
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 9/28/2007 9:36:28 AM
No one can change anyone but themselves. No amount of: time, effort, energy, love, threatening, violence, therapy, or anything else, will change another person one bit. Why waste your life trying to do what can't be done?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 94
Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 9/28/2007 3:01:22 PM

There are also people who do believe we could change someone from their wrong doings by care and concern and love and attention.
In such case, I think we do need to somehow Sacrifice. Our time and patience, our perseverance, our belief and hope, are all required to keep on with the situation till we are able to reach the point we desire. But, then, we can also ask ourselves: Is it worthed to
try to change such people although they might never turn from their bad behaviours?


Stop trying to change anyone. It will not work. All you are doing is being an enabler of that particular behavior. In the end you waste years of your life until one day you say enough. So stop wasting your time. Come to terms that first you are not going to change that person, second are you willing to leave them? Yes? No? Live with that.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 97
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Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 9/28/2007 3:20:26 PM
PEOPLE DONT CHANGE!!!!!

either you accept them for who they are and learn to adapt and live with it..(dont expect to be happy this way)

or...........................

You move on!!!...(recommended)
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