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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends      Home login  
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 Notanother1likeme
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 26
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friendsPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I think this is a great topic. Since i have been divorced i have ran into more men that have their ex wifes as a best friend. Im thinking what is up with that. Dont get me wrong i think its great if they share kids and they are good friends. But to be divorced and no kids they why are these men so wrapped up in being best friends with their ex wife?
 Maverick2272
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 27
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 7:24:27 AM
Ok I didnt get sleep, but now that I think of it... we are talking about being 'best' friends here... I dont think I could manage that. She was my best friend before the marraige.. I dont think she will be after the divorce. But I would like to think we can still be friends, or on a cordial mature level for the sake of the kids.
 Notanother1likeme
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 28
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 7:37:29 AM
My ex husband and i were best friends up until we divorced.I think you really dont see someone for who they really are until you go through a divorce.
 livewirehere
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 29
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 4:30:14 PM
I have to agree Redlace... It's not like I talk to my ex daily, or even weekly. Sometimes only once a month or so. (and sometimes you can have a best friend, but not have the ability to cohabitate)>> But, I feel staying friends and keeping things as friendly as possible is best for our kids, as well as us. It's hard enough for them to go through a divorce. At least they see us acting in a mature manner instead of fighting over custody or "things".... I know it's helped them deal with all of it.
 Maverick2272
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 30
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 6:45:23 PM
I would love for it to be this way, but so far she has indicated she wont co-operate and at least be cordial.
See? I didn't acknowledge cordial as an option but now I use it in all my posts... lol.
I dont know what I will do, other than continue to make the best of it, shelter the kids from it as much as I can.. and keep moving towards getting on with my life.
 1gal
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 31
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 8:26:37 PM
Nothing wrong with being friends with an ex. But there are many limits,when getting involved with a new relationship. For one you cannot be true friends without common respect for eachother and your personal lives. If there are children involved,LEAVE that at the children.But to often so many people use the children as an excuse,to still be a part of the ex's life.
In the long run everyone gets hurt.So stop using kids as an excuse to keep dibs on the ex.Because an ex is an ex for a reason. You'll never have a chance at moving on,when the ex is constantly hovering over your head. trust or no trust.
If people cannot be honest,they shouldn't be with anyone in the first place.
 Puckerdillo
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 32
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:44:41 PM
Hey now, I'm friends with my ex. Why not? Sometimes she gives up some of the coochie and it works out well.
 Shangrilah
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 33
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:57:11 PM

See? I didn't acknowledge cordial as an option but now I use it in all my posts... lol.


You're alright, Maverick
 mycorosso
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 34
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/24/2006 3:22:15 AM
One can be "friendly" without being "friends"...With more than one person at a time too!

If two could've gotten along they wouldn't be eX's They'd be together
 Notanother1likeme
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 35
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/24/2006 4:56:36 PM
By george i think we have found the sharpest tool in the shed!
 kinda!
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 36
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/25/2006 4:49:30 AM
There is nothing wrong with a person being cordial with a ex.

some time jealousy can confuse friendly- with other intentions.

sometimes insecurity can confuse cordial- with cheating.

sometimes ppl read more into a friendship than what is really there.

I would prefer being cordial and friendly with my ex- but alas his new wife feels ,that her husbands casualness, means he is sleeping with me.she i guess never realized, i was thrilled she got that monkey off my back...lol
 livewirehere
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 37
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/25/2006 1:08:03 PM
My ex is 2000 miles away, so it would be pretty hard to be too "friendly" with him... Which I could never do again, anyway---that's one reason we're not married anymore~
 j-mix
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 38
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/25/2006 2:33:43 PM
it is better be best friends.

or you want them hate each other?
 floating on top
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 39
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/26/2006 3:26:11 AM
me and my childrens father are friends but not Best friends, seems to me if you can be best friends then maybe you should of tryed a little harder in the marriage and not given up.But I totally agree with you it sure made it easier when my first grandchild was born and we all were in the room as a family.
 raculad
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 40
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/1/2006 2:40:15 PM
I can see what your saying here and I disagree w/you. as Im still friends with not only my ex-wife yet with most my ex-girlfriends I do understand that yes as a g/f you or any other woman wants to feel special, you want to be the only one..what you may not understand is each and every one of you are special.. my ex never tries to manipulate me and I never do that with her.
now guys want the same things they want to be that one special person as well but if we were to ever ask you to stop hanging out/w or flirting/w or what ever is going on w/ your best friend be it male or female we would be accused of trying to control you.. or we would get the bs line that we just want our cake and to eat it too ... um hell ya I want my cake and gonna eat it.. in the end you were friends to start with and you can still be friends afterwords.. I also realize you may not see it that way, so ask yourself for the right guy, can you give up your best friends.. all in all I detect an extremely jealouse person here and Im sorry but a good strong relationship has no room for jealousy especialy if one still insist on haveing his/her friends to hang out with otherwise you end up loseing the guy/gal you just thought was all trhat you wanted something special with. turning them into another ex you insist did something wrong by keeping an ex as a friend...

there are reasons people get divorced thats beyond their control so please dont hold something so trivial against them for being the kind careing and loveing person you are actually looking for... lol some people just have no clue
 Thealee
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 41
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 6:38:07 PM
My ex and I are best friends. We began as best friends before we got married. We simply grew apart over 15 years. We have children together so when we split, we made a point of meeting on a regular basis to help the one left at home cope. After a time, we became more comfortable with each other, no more long silences. Now we talk about his girlfriend, who I am interested in meeting, etc. He is on this site, hidden right now because he is seeing someone. It can be done only after each side gets through their anger and hurt. After that, you have to set your limits and learn to tell the other "That is none of your business" or "let's talk about something else, that subject is not open for discussion". I hope the best for my ex..... because if he is happy he will leave me the hell alone. lol
 Ginny35
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 42
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:47:08 PM
I'm one of those who has remained friends with her ex, even though we don't have children.

We got together young, and spent 15 years of our lives with each other, ten of them married. When we split, it was after a lot of thought and consideration and admitting that we no longer had the same goals in life or were happy together. Sometimes there's not enough compromise in the world. But our breakup hasn't been hateful, so why should we not maintain a good relationship?

"Best friends," I'd say no. That's too close for comfort. But even though our marriage is ending, we still share some of the same friends and will always care about each other's families. I have a niece and my ex was her only uncle, and I would never want them not to have contact. He's been a positive role model in her life and that shouldn't change.

I think if you can do it, maintaining a friendship is a good thing. You do have to set boundaries and not be overly involved in each other's lives. You have to let go and be respectful and considerate of the feelings of new people in your former partner's life. But there's no reason not to keep up with how the other person is doing, be there for each ohter when needed as long as you do it in a way that is respectful of new partners, and share healthy relationships with the people who are in both of your lives.
 sunbonnet
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 43
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 1:12:36 PM
I actually had a guy try ot hit on me from on top of his ex wife's house. I guess he was certain it would show me what a great guy he was to be fixing her roof for her and being her handiman and jsut plain "being there" for her despite their being divorced. My first thought was "that man is still unavailable and I would always be competing with her for his attention." So I did not even given him a chance. I was just polite and pretended I had no idea he was trying to hit on me. I mean if they are on good terms then great but to be her "manservant" just tells me all I need to know to just say no.
 colwalt
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 44
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:44:34 PM
I sadly have two ex-wifes. One who I do not get a long with at all, and one who we have maintained a friendship. We own property together acquired while married, we ran a business together and we still have a great deal of mutual respect for each other. There is no manupulation what so ever. As adults we know that nothing is served by being enemies like two kids on a play ground. Her fellow died not long ago and I was glad she felt she could talk to me about it. This is a new world and a lot of the expected behaviors have changed. We see Bruce Willis and his ex-wife Demi Moore and both of their new spouces going on vacations together. Where I would not go that far, I do think they are at least being mature for the childrens sake. Wish my first wife could have been mature. Where I do not know, I feel you may be basing your expereince on a bad relationship where an ex was involved, but not all people nor all relationships are a like. If and when I find that what I hope will be my last and great love she will come first and that has been established. Best wishes to you
 colwalt
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 45
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:46:06 PM
That is over simplification of personal relationships. Just because people care enough about each other to be freinds does not mean that it is at the level of caring to sustain a marriage.
 tattoosue
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 46
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:52:19 PM
I have to agree with you on this, there is always more to the story, for one thing!

I too, have an ex that is one of my dearest friends, but to live and love in a one on one with him again? We are BOTH past that! It's a shame that this friendship we NOW have wasn't there in the beginning, but that's how life is, we GROW and CHANGE..sometimes together, and sometimes not.

What we salvage and keep can end up being much better than what we started out with!

I say, personal security and ego is what usually get's folks all a fluster in situations like this, but that's just me!

Obviously, if the "ex" is still causing emotional turmoil, then the situation can and will be stressed. It's all in how the relationship exists, and the respect the people in question have for eachother.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 47
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 6:40:16 AM
Sunbonnet, you are the winner!
 tallshag
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 48
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:42:47 AM
The ex and I get along, and we are both glad to leave it at that.

Back to what the OP said...it reflects well on both halves of a failed marriage when they remain friends. But I always wonder when they make a point to let the world know they are "best friends." I can't help but think the effort that went into making such an impression has to do with a mutual sentiment that is there, or isn't there.
 cdn-iceman
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 49
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:44:30 PM
Treselle, wow are you just a little bit paranoid here???? I would welcome a woman who is best friends with their ex, that generally means they are not bitter towards each other, its generally a healthy attitude to have.

Second how many best friends do you know that calls each other in the middle of the night? just a little bit over dramatic there? now if they have young children of course that might be the case.

Third I don't see why its disturbing? unless the new person doesn't introduces me to the ex, yeah ok then i can see your point, but if my new girlfriend introduces me to her ex husband and he seems to fine about it, not bad mouthing her or giving me warnings blah blah blah , I dont see whats the issue.
 AventuriousGirl
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 50
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:36:50 PM
I'm sorta friends with my exhusband, but I don't ever fight with him in any shape or form. I have fully moved on. I manage to have a decent conversation with him concerning the kids. Nothing wrong with being friends but hanging out with each other yeah. Do they hang out together? If they do, then maybe they haven't moved on yet.
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