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 Angelaisahippy
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 51
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friendsPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Depends if there are children envolved or not. My father and mother were always best friends even when they married others. It was great for me growing up. It made for a much healthier situation.
 plainjanedoe
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 52
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:58:54 AM
Thank you so much for this thread. My guy I had, ( yes had), seemed to think nothing was wrong with being friends with his ex. (They don't even have children together, because that would be a whole different situation.)
It's funny how she didn't get in the picture until we started talking. Then she seemed to be constant throughout the relationship. Who was the first person he would call when problems would arise in our relationship? Her. The only response he could come up with were 2. I don't have a lot of friends, and you have male friends. My point always is but I wasn't married to my male friends or had sex with them. Just didn't seem to matter in his book. So where are we at now? He is seeing her to see if he wants to pursue a relationship with her, because she can apparantly give him some direction in his life. According to him, she already gave him direction once, that's why she is an ex. Go figure. I guess if he can't find his own direction by now, maybe it's not worth all of it afterall.
 sexxyusername
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 53
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:52:23 PM
ok, either they're still screwing each other, or the exhusband still wants to screw the ex wife or vice versa. Simple as that.
 southernlady1840
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 54
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/21/2009 5:32:50 PM
kinda hard to lump ass that into one group... depends on the situation... if they have children thats a given ... if they just friends and keep it on a level playing ground then thats all cool... if she is using him for any and everything then ya may want to speak up....

in this situation you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and if that does not stop it then give him his wallking papers he cant force you to be a part of that if you dont allow it...
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 55
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:23:08 AM
Obviously you can't generalize this subject and with kids involved it's fantastic if there's a decent relationship.
That being said, my experience with this was the ex was determined to get him back. Played the whole innocent game, but was constantly playing mind games.
I'm sure she still is today.
I have no desire to rehash the whole situation, but to all the exes out there who swear you now just have a great non-sexual relationship... if you really care about your ex and kids, BACK OFF when a new person enters the picture.
You're going to get territorial. It's human nature. But you've got to keep your opinions to yourselves.
That's how you treat people you genuinely care about, you let them live their own lives.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 56
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/22/2009 6:27:26 PM
tallshag, only1DayWalker, cfb62, well put!
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 57
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:43:14 AM
Just like any other friendship-as long as thier friendship does not control or change my life in a negative manner, have at it!

If I felt boundaries were being crossed by any friend of my SO, I would say something. If my speaking up doesnt net any satisfactory results, then I guess I have some choices to make, dont I?

I would prefer to deal with a man who keeps things friendly with thier ex, especially when children are involved..but like anything in life, there must be respect and boundaries.
 bobster99
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 58
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 6:15:07 PM
I am sorry, I can't believe they can be best friends. In the words of Harry from Harry met Sally, men and women just can't be friends, the sex gets in the way.

My ex wife (god , I hate even saying that) were best friends when we were married until she did something bad. Now, she tells people we are still friends and I have to correct her.

Friend don't betray each other so really, we are just old friend. Old friends who drifted apart but still smile and say hi at the grocery store. I still do nice things for her, partially because we've known each other for almost 20 years and (only because I know she will never see this) I will admit that if we could rekindle the magic I would take her back without a second thought.

Anyone who calls themselves Best Friends after a divorce, Either one or both of them are in denial. Either they can't move on or one has and is just using the other.

Sorry for the reality check.

I am working on distancing myself from my ex and as long as she doesn't call me having a meltdown I will be fine and move on.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 59
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/26/2009 6:52:22 AM
bobster, you are the voice of reason. Not only you are wise, you are so funny (judging from your profile). I wish you to find your other half soon.
 WONDERMAN37
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 60
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:53:15 PM
I think in a case where they had kids it is great for the kids that mom and dad still are friends, but that's just me. I myself was divorced with no kids and it was very easy for her to hop her broom and fly off into the sunset.
 BlueLikeJazz777
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 61
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/27/2009 3:26:18 PM
Bobster-

Why not just ignore her meltdown and move on?
 Candy731
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 62
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/6/2009 12:12:54 PM
I have been dating a guy for the last 7 months that I met on here, he too is best friends with his ex. For the most part it is for the kids. I have no problem with this for the most part, until she calls every night and keeps wanting him to fix things all the time in her house. Just lately she has asked him to go on vaccation with her and the kids, she will pay for the whole trip. She is a great woman and we get along great but I think she is still hung up on her ex. The way I look at it is if he wanted to be with her and not me he would be. But he has choosen me over her so I will deal with her as part of our life.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 63
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:22:27 PM
My mother and father got divorced when I was six, and are best friends. Know what? I thank God for it. My father was never absent from my life, he never failed to pay child support, he has always been there when we needed him. People get divorced in all kinds of circumstances. Adults learn to co-exist. Those who don't are overgrown children.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 64
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:50:03 AM
What is wrong with being a civilized adult, setting an example for children?

I would not say I was his "best friend" but out of all of the women, he said I was the best--simply cause I let bygones be bygones, I never had my hand out like a toll booth (not materialistic). I think all in all it helped my son be at ease alot. He's what mattered most to both of us. I could not handle the man's alcohol problem despite helping him with his rehab.
 GreatExpectations31
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 65
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:31:56 AM
Ladies!! Seriously?

Have we who have been married forgotten why we got married in the first place? Have some respect. I'm not putting down anyone's beliefs, but I personally went on a double date with my ex husband last night and I had the time of my life. (and no we didn't watch dirty dancing).

I wish him nothing but the best and if someone else makes him happier than I can, more power to him! Isn't the name of this site "plenty of fish"? Seriously, there are so many people out there, staring up at the sky wondering where their life went wrong and just waiting for someone to come HELP ease the pain.

No one can take all of your life pain away no matter what it is. Not even the person who inflicted it. That's why I think forgiveness is TRULY a magical thing. It takes away jealousy, and replaces it with confidence. It takes away resentment and replaces it with sympathy. I'm so happy that my personal tragedies have always forced me to take a good long hard look in the mirror and WORK on growing and moving forward.

Nothing worth having in life comes easy. Just had to be said.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 66
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:43:22 AM
"Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends"
-----------
Well, since men and women can't be friend that's the only exception where both have once been fu-cking like rabbits and it came to an end. However, in some instances (many perhaps) neither one can find a new bf/gf and resumes the fu-cking again, until someone else comes by and has to put up with that garbage.
 cmans76
Joined: 10/7/2009
Msg: 67
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:38:08 PM
I am friends with my ex and it seems to work good for us. It is the best thing for our little girl. Its not like we go out together or even want to hook up ever again. Its just we know we can depend on each other when something happens and we need to help each other for our child's sake. We were friends long before we dated or got married. We just weren't meant to be married.. Hating someone is harder on you than it is on them. I don't see a problem with being friends with ex's as long as niether of you still wants to get back together. Especially when kids are involved.... Of course if I didn't have a child with her I would not have a reason to be friends with her and most likely wouldn't ever talk to her...
 fit2date
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 68
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:11:01 AM
My ex-wife is my best friend, but we live 1400 miles apart. The children are our main concern. We get along better as friend than we do as a couple. My ex-girlfriends same thing except no kids involved. I just have no time for jealous behavior.
 GreatExpectations31
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 69
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:17:35 AM
I guess it just comes down to my original belief: "marriage" is for the birds. lol
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 70
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:22:20 PM
She got the ring, and I got the finger.


LOL


We don't keep in contact, there is no reason. If I want to talk to our boys (well they are my ex-stepsons but we still have a relationship) then I call them directly, or get ahold of them via facebook or msn. So yeah there's no reason to be friends. I wish the best for her, we both deserve to be happy.
 GreatExpectations31
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 71
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:26:41 AM

She got the ring, and I got the finger.


 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 72
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:28:32 AM
I was in the same boeat as goober dippin pants. Most men could not handle the fact that I got along with my ex when he was alive. I did it for my son and today he is a thriving Senior, even made Honor Roll few times.

There was no "benefits" as I made sure of that. I am surprisingly considered part of the family after all of these years and he made me next of kin . I don't want any money, I want my son to have it.
 imhotep95
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 73
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:48:31 AM
I am proud of the fact that I am cordial with all my ex's and good friends with a couple of them. I always ask people about their relationships with their ex's because for me it tells me something about how they deal with conflict and loss.
 beccalt
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 74
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:43:01 PM
I have to disagree. When my ex and I divorced we were both still on our lease. He moved to the front bedroom and I had the back. We had realized that our marriage wasn't going to work and that we were better at being friends than a couple. We have been there for each other through numerous problems and helped each other through. Neither of us have wanted to hook up with the other since the divorce. If something drastic or wonderful happens we are one of the first people that the other calls. We also respect boundaries. I am now also friends with his new fiance. I have hung out with them for birthday parties and even went to the hospital when they had their new baby. As long as the guy I'm dating does not mistreat me, which any true friends would mind, he has no problems with them.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 75
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:29:30 PM
op,
depends... if they're just plain friends, i see nothing wrong with it. just because people divorce doesn't mean they have to be enemies or sever all ties...especially when kids are involved. i think you refer to those exes who aren't quite over each other...or to those who are involved in some sort of ego games. if truly over one another, neither feels any romance and a real friendship is possible. in that case, i think it's silly to cut a long-term friend out of your life simply because you were married. to execute this well, however, both parties must be wise, mature, and truly over it. i wouldn't cut any other long-term friend out, so why should i cut an ex out as a friend? in my case, i don't particularly respect my ex, so i don't contact him. again, no different than with a friend for whom i have not a lot of respect. basically, depends on the people involved. of course, not many people execute it well...there is often some sort of unhealthy psychology involved...but as i said, that's not always the case.
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