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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends      Home login  
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 GreatExpectations31
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 69
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friendsPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I guess it just comes down to my original belief: "marriage" is for the birds. lol
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 70
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:22:20 PM
She got the ring, and I got the finger.


LOL


We don't keep in contact, there is no reason. If I want to talk to our boys (well they are my ex-stepsons but we still have a relationship) then I call them directly, or get ahold of them via facebook or msn. So yeah there's no reason to be friends. I wish the best for her, we both deserve to be happy.
 GreatExpectations31
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 71
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:26:41 AM

She got the ring, and I got the finger.


 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 72
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:28:32 AM
I was in the same boeat as goober dippin pants. Most men could not handle the fact that I got along with my ex when he was alive. I did it for my son and today he is a thriving Senior, even made Honor Roll few times.

There was no "benefits" as I made sure of that. I am surprisingly considered part of the family after all of these years and he made me next of kin . I don't want any money, I want my son to have it.
 imhotep95
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 73
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:48:31 AM
I am proud of the fact that I am cordial with all my ex's and good friends with a couple of them. I always ask people about their relationships with their ex's because for me it tells me something about how they deal with conflict and loss.
 beccalt
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 74
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:43:01 PM
I have to disagree. When my ex and I divorced we were both still on our lease. He moved to the front bedroom and I had the back. We had realized that our marriage wasn't going to work and that we were better at being friends than a couple. We have been there for each other through numerous problems and helped each other through. Neither of us have wanted to hook up with the other since the divorce. If something drastic or wonderful happens we are one of the first people that the other calls. We also respect boundaries. I am now also friends with his new fiance. I have hung out with them for birthday parties and even went to the hospital when they had their new baby. As long as the guy I'm dating does not mistreat me, which any true friends would mind, he has no problems with them.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 75
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:29:30 PM
op,
depends... if they're just plain friends, i see nothing wrong with it. just because people divorce doesn't mean they have to be enemies or sever all ties...especially when kids are involved. i think you refer to those exes who aren't quite over each other...or to those who are involved in some sort of ego games. if truly over one another, neither feels any romance and a real friendship is possible. in that case, i think it's silly to cut a long-term friend out of your life simply because you were married. to execute this well, however, both parties must be wise, mature, and truly over it. i wouldn't cut any other long-term friend out, so why should i cut an ex out as a friend? in my case, i don't particularly respect my ex, so i don't contact him. again, no different than with a friend for whom i have not a lot of respect. basically, depends on the people involved. of course, not many people execute it well...there is often some sort of unhealthy psychology involved...but as i said, that's not always the case.
 Inspector0013
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 76
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2010 9:14:56 AM
What a horrible reason to be 'best friends'! What message does this give children? One which shows that marriage is disposable, and that monogamy is for suckers. Children need to be raised to be realistic, and also established as outstanding citizens. THIS is the parents job. The whole message of "I wouldnt want to marry your other parent, but I will keep them as my best bud", is quite a factor as to why the divorce rate is at its highest point in history. People need to stand up and take responsibility, the other sex is not a buffet bar.
 BoboTM
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 77
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 1:04:49 PM
I'm good friends with my ex. We divorced because we grew apart as lovers and partners, not because we don't like each other. We've been friends for 18 years, were married for 14 of those. Why should the friendship end just because the marriage did?

I speak to my ex nearly daily. We talk about our daughter, our day and whats going on in life. Speaking about other relationships is awkward, but we do keep the other informed as to our social life.

Also, there are no 'benefits' involved with our relationship. There is no going back to being married. So why should it be an issue?
 Joci72
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 78
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 2:19:15 PM
I don't get it... why can't two people still be friends after a divorce?
I'm friends with my ex boyfriend - we were together for a year and have been friends since for 15 years... I don't want him back and he doesn't want me back... but we do value each other as people.

It is possible that if two people seperate, for whatever reason, they may still value that person but cannot be in a relationship with them.

I don't think this is a case of the ex wanting to manipulate but sounds to me like someone who is extremely possessive.

I certainly don't want to be the only woman in any man's life but I do expect them to be faithful. As a matter of fact I don't trust any man who does not have female friends. It shows them to be men who only see women as a sex object, someone to own or possess... no thanks, I would want to be with someone who sees the opposite sex as real people
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 79
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 6:52:30 PM
he should be civilized and be friendly...they do have children...but i agree....to receive phone calls in the middle of the night...they are divorced...and they need their space
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 80
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 7:09:04 PM
op,
depends on the exes. no need to blindly dump a friendship with someone you may have known for 20 years. most people wouldn't dump other long-standing friendships, so why would an ex be any different. now there's a big difference if the exes are more than friends...then you have reason to feel insecure...well, actually, that's not even reason...afterall, people are going to do whatever they want to do....and no amount of speculating, worrying, or anything is going to change the outcome.

as an ex, i can definitely assure you i have no desire to manipulate my ex...if anyone were to perceive it that way, it's in that person's mind...it's just not reality. to me, an ex is someone i've known for a long time, so i don't necessarily cut off all ties...even if were to remarry (lol which i'm not planning), an ex is just another pal. it might be the case with some people that there's more to it, but you can't make blind statements. as a piece of pragmatic advice, just ignore it and quit stewing yourself up...he's gonna do what he wants to do anyway. that also reminds me that if she's hanging on, he's letting her for some reason. that aside, as i said, you're reading too much into it...so what if she, his mother, or the guy down the street calls...it's just a voice...and he has the romance with you...not the guy down the street or anyone else.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:12:34 PM

I don't get it... why can't two people still be friends after a divorce?

For the same reason most people can't be friends after one person wanted to desperately stay in a relationship and the other did not. The person who did want to say should be as far as hell away from them until they recover from it (which can take good time). If there's kids involved of course, that makes it harder and a slower process of course. And if there was something damaging about it on a personal level that caused the divorce -- you can't expect them to actually keep a friendship. You can END UP "being friends", ie not enemies, sure. But one shouldn't while they're hurt and should part ways as much as possible. And over (long periods of?) time, I'm sure, they can not-be-enemies and be cordial and have no hard feelings, that's good.

But the OP's thing was about being best friends with an ex. That is more than a bit odd... whether it's an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.
 83GS650
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 82
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:47:37 AM
I have learned that unless your current spouse is your best friend it wont work, a relationship needs that level of friendship to work so ANYONE else being that go to person will hurt your current relationship. Now mix in that being an ex and it makes things even worse for your partner to understand and will break down some trust.

Friends or friendly sure, but I expect my partner to be my best friend.
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