Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 80
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friendsPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I was in the same boeat as goober dippin pants. Most men could not handle the fact that I got along with my ex when he was alive. I did it for my son and today he is a thriving Senior, even made Honor Roll few times.

There was no "benefits" as I made sure of that. I am surprisingly considered part of the family after all of these years and he made me next of kin . I don't want any money, I want my son to have it.
 SWEET BLACKNESSSS
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:55:42 PM
I dont' have any ex-husbands, but I stay friends with all my ex's. After all, we were friends before we were lovers. It just didn't work out as a couple for whatever reason. My ex's didn't want to be my friend at first, but afterwards they came to the conclusion that they still wanted me in their lives even if we weren't lovers any more. I would like to think that we are all adults and should be able to be friends, unless there was abuse involved. That's another story. With me, males are better companions than females. We talk about our new relationships and everything.
 imhotep95
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 82
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:48:31 AM
I am proud of the fact that I am cordial with all my ex's and good friends with a couple of them. I always ask people about their relationships with their ex's because for me it tells me something about how they deal with conflict and loss.
 beccalt
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 83
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:43:01 PM
I have to disagree. When my ex and I divorced we were both still on our lease. He moved to the front bedroom and I had the back. We had realized that our marriage wasn't going to work and that we were better at being friends than a couple. We have been there for each other through numerous problems and helped each other through. Neither of us have wanted to hook up with the other since the divorce. If something drastic or wonderful happens we are one of the first people that the other calls. We also respect boundaries. I am now also friends with his new fiance. I have hung out with them for birthday parties and even went to the hospital when they had their new baby. As long as the guy I'm dating does not mistreat me, which any true friends would mind, he has no problems with them.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 84
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:29:30 PM
op,
depends... if they're just plain friends, i see nothing wrong with it. just because people divorce doesn't mean they have to be enemies or sever all ties...especially when kids are involved. i think you refer to those exes who aren't quite over each other...or to those who are involved in some sort of ego games. if truly over one another, neither feels any romance and a real friendship is possible. in that case, i think it's silly to cut a long-term friend out of your life simply because you were married. to execute this well, however, both parties must be wise, mature, and truly over it. i wouldn't cut any other long-term friend out, so why should i cut an ex out as a friend? in my case, i don't particularly respect my ex, so i don't contact him. again, no different than with a friend for whom i have not a lot of respect. basically, depends on the people involved. of course, not many people execute it well...there is often some sort of unhealthy psychology involved...but as i said, that's not always the case.
 Inspector0013
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 85
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2010 9:14:56 AM
What a horrible reason to be 'best friends'! What message does this give children? One which shows that marriage is disposable, and that monogamy is for suckers. Children need to be raised to be realistic, and also established as outstanding citizens. THIS is the parents job. The whole message of "I wouldnt want to marry your other parent, but I will keep them as my best bud", is quite a factor as to why the divorce rate is at its highest point in history. People need to stand up and take responsibility, the other sex is not a buffet bar.
 BoboTM
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 86
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 1:04:49 PM
I'm good friends with my ex. We divorced because we grew apart as lovers and partners, not because we don't like each other. We've been friends for 18 years, were married for 14 of those. Why should the friendship end just because the marriage did?

I speak to my ex nearly daily. We talk about our daughter, our day and whats going on in life. Speaking about other relationships is awkward, but we do keep the other informed as to our social life.

Also, there are no 'benefits' involved with our relationship. There is no going back to being married. So why should it be an issue?
 Joci72
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 87
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 2:19:15 PM
I don't get it... why can't two people still be friends after a divorce?
I'm friends with my ex boyfriend - we were together for a year and have been friends since for 15 years... I don't want him back and he doesn't want me back... but we do value each other as people.

It is possible that if two people seperate, for whatever reason, they may still value that person but cannot be in a relationship with them.

I don't think this is a case of the ex wanting to manipulate but sounds to me like someone who is extremely possessive.

I certainly don't want to be the only woman in any man's life but I do expect them to be faithful. As a matter of fact I don't trust any man who does not have female friends. It shows them to be men who only see women as a sex object, someone to own or possess... no thanks, I would want to be with someone who sees the opposite sex as real people
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 88
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 6:52:30 PM
he should be civilized and be friendly...they do have children...but i agree....to receive phone calls in the middle of the night...they are divorced...and they need their space
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 89
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/17/2010 7:09:04 PM
op,
depends on the exes. no need to blindly dump a friendship with someone you may have known for 20 years. most people wouldn't dump other long-standing friendships, so why would an ex be any different. now there's a big difference if the exes are more than friends...then you have reason to feel insecure...well, actually, that's not even reason...afterall, people are going to do whatever they want to do....and no amount of speculating, worrying, or anything is going to change the outcome.

as an ex, i can definitely assure you i have no desire to manipulate my ex...if anyone were to perceive it that way, it's in that person's mind...it's just not reality. to me, an ex is someone i've known for a long time, so i don't necessarily cut off all ties...even if were to remarry (lol which i'm not planning), an ex is just another pal. it might be the case with some people that there's more to it, but you can't make blind statements. as a piece of pragmatic advice, just ignore it and quit stewing yourself up...he's gonna do what he wants to do anyway. that also reminds me that if she's hanging on, he's letting her for some reason. that aside, as i said, you're reading too much into it...so what if she, his mother, or the guy down the street calls...it's just a voice...and he has the romance with you...not the guy down the street or anyone else.
 Marco8711
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 4/21/2010 9:47:21 AM

I could just about tolerate my ex being friends with her ex-husband but when there was talk of going on holidays with her, the ex and her kids without me, enough was enough, it was for the kids sake apparently although keeping up appearences is not fair on the kids and or new partner. That kind of stretches ones tolerance ever so slightly





I will never understand it, if you have such a good relationship with them why did you get divorced then?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 91
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:12:34 PM

I don't get it... why can't two people still be friends after a divorce?

For the same reason most people can't be friends after one person wanted to desperately stay in a relationship and the other did not. The person who did want to say should be as far as hell away from them until they recover from it (which can take good time). If there's kids involved of course, that makes it harder and a slower process of course. And if there was something damaging about it on a personal level that caused the divorce -- you can't expect them to actually keep a friendship. You can END UP "being friends", ie not enemies, sure. But one shouldn't while they're hurt and should part ways as much as possible. And over (long periods of?) time, I'm sure, they can not-be-enemies and be cordial and have no hard feelings, that's good.

But the OP's thing was about being best friends with an ex. That is more than a bit odd... whether it's an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.
 83GS650
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 92
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:47:37 AM
I have learned that unless your current spouse is your best friend it wont work, a relationship needs that level of friendship to work so ANYONE else being that go to person will hurt your current relationship. Now mix in that being an ex and it makes things even worse for your partner to understand and will break down some trust.

Friends or friendly sure, but I expect my partner to be my best friend.
 fuzzkins
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 5/15/2010 4:07:14 PM

I have learned that unless your current spouse is your best friend it wont work, a relationship needs that level of friendship to work so ANYONE else being that go to person will hurt your current relationship. Now mix in that being an ex and it makes things even worse for your partner to understand and will break down some trust.

Friends or friendly sure, but I expect my partner to be my best friend.


This is where I stand. I have no problem with my BF being friends with his ex - GOOD friends, even. But "best" friends? No. I found this thread by Googling "men and their ex-wives", and the topic of this thread is exactly what I am facing right now.

My BF has been divorced for 5 yrs. They have a 7yr old daughter. I understand there needs to be a level of friendship in the ex-relationship - be it simple civility or an actual friendship. I get it. But really? BEST friend? It is damaging to the new relationship to watch your BF fall all over himself to continually run to save his ex when "she had a bad night". When "she is allll alone on Mother's day" (cancelling OUR plans for the day without a simple eye-blink - and, without even discussing with me first.) Um.... ouch. Add to that - he went to her to talk when WE had a very personal relationship issue. Crossing the line? You betcha.

I am friends with virtually every BF I had, and my ex husband (which I also have a child), but I am in NO WAY their best friend, and I do not hang out with them socially. It's generally limited to occasional emails, FaceBook chats, etc. I am very careful (out of courtesy to my BF) to be sure my ex-husband keeps it in check with his "over personal" conversations. Yes, we have a very long history....over 20 years. But what is most important to me now? My BF is. Because we have discussed a future together. It's just not right to drag our pasts into our future. It's respect. Pure and simple.

JMHO and dismounting my soap box.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends