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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?[closed]      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Lost Guru
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 242
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?Page 33 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?


Many women do.......
 kywindwalker
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 243
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Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/5/2006 5:45:21 AM
i bet if you put youre profile on here...put youre pic in front of a big house...nice sports care...a big boat...and if you posted the same profil with out thoes pic you would get 50 times the e-mail from women...
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 244
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:10:12 AM
^

Fair enough.

I do appreciate your advice and your honesty. I'm sorry to hear about your wife who had passed away, but you had a great 24 years with her and you loved her, and you probably would give up every cent you had now to have her back. I think thats great that you had that time together to have someone enrich your life.

And you are right, the wealthy learn to not often advertise they are wealthy. It becomes complicated. And you are right with the age thing as well, I know plenty of older men, rich and poor, who have a hard time finding dates or even just basic companionship.

Heres the thing, at this point in my life, I am already independently wealthy and have been for quite a few years now. I don't push out the specifics too much in my profile for some of the reasons you've stated, but I think I read some of these posts and I wonder where the perspective is coming from.

See most people aren't independently wealthy. Many people are one paycheck from getting the boot out of their own home. Doesn't mean they are not good and decent people. I know plenty of good people, rich and poor in life and plenty of bad people, rich and poor in life. But often a thread like this discusses the issue from the side of someone who hasn't amassed a great deal of wealth. Too often, its - Why should I marry a rich guy? Very few times do you hear the perspective of why should a rich guy marry you. I don't believe that I'm right or wrong in my views, they are just my convictions on what I believe, but I do think I do lend certain views as a rich guy to be honest.

I think part of the reason I amassed my wealth was I actually chose to not get married and have kids to this point. I know lots of people said I was cheating myself of a great experience and definitely missing out. But I own a law firm. That does alot of divorce work. Divorce is big business unfortunately for the hearts of many people out there. I also own a plumbing company. I'm surrounded all day by lawyers and accountants and advisors who have a vested interest in protecting my wealth ( I go under, they lose a job) I think I learned alot about the issue of love and marriage and relationships by seeing divorce from a whole different perspective. Here I am actually making a profit off of peoples misery and inability to escape a financial obligation punishable by incarceration. It made me think alot. Also having a company where you are knee deep in shit alot makes you think about the issue of human nature and love. Most of my friends are divorced now. Don't see their kids. Lost their homes. Lost not only a major portion of their assets but also valuable years of their life in stress and suffering. A friend of mine lost his job, was divorced, couldn't see his kids and was probably going to go to jail. He shot himself in the head. Never have I felt and seen something more powerful. To me after that, marriage equaled a certain death. Not just financially but emotionally.

Most of my posts probably discuss the issue of liability, certain aspects of the law and questions about finance. Its because thats what I deal with all day long. Its how I see things or have to see things to make my businesses profitable and successful.

I'm retiring in less than 5 years, probably in less than 2 to be honest. I've been lucky as you've said you have been and gotten a few good bounces financially in life. I wasn't born with the money, I bled for it the hard way. I think that also colors my views about rich men and the issue of marriage.

When I was younger I wanted love, or the kind of love you think you want when you are younger from what movies and books and pop culture teaches you about love. But I don't see it that way anymore. If a woman just wants my money but she makes me happy and my life is enriched because of it, it doesn't bother me. To me its an issue of whether I find a greater sense of value in my life with that person. And not just some bimbo on my arm at dinner parties to keep everyone impressed or just sex. A sense of value to me means that I feel that I am getting something in return that I feel makes me a better person even if its something most people would find distasteful for themselves.

I'm 35 now. I'm not old but I'm not exactly young anymore. My time is valuable to me. Sure I have the freedom with my time to pretty much do what I want now. If I want to leave the office and play Pac Man for a week, I can. But because I can doesn't mean my time will last forever on this Earth.

If I want to meet a girl, the distance issue doesn't bother me. I'll fly her in first class and put her up in a five star hotel and have a limo drive her around. If I can afford it, why not? At some level its just money, I have it to spend and I can always and do make more of it. Money is not the be all end all, but its a tool. If you don't use it to make your life easier and give you more options, then its like a tool that leave unsharpened and unused. I know most men don't have the options I have, so I use those options to give me more options. I'm not looking to 'buy' a woman. I'm looking to 'buy' myself the option of not letting the issue of money interfere with actually meeting good people. And back to gold diggers, a very young health good looking woman with a career and education is something worth spending on in my book. Some of them are just gold diggers sure, but some are actually women who know what lines not to push and have a sense of their own value in the dating world.

People like to label. They want to believe all rich guys are old bald geezers who can't get it up and have to overpay for sex. But they also want to believe all golddiggers are blonde bombshells who can't put together a four word sentence. I don't see it that way. I watch what happens at my law firm ( that being said, please no one at POF ask me for an attorney or specific legal advice or accesss to specific legal advice, thanks) , plenty of gold diggers come in all shapes, sizes and attitudes. A family making 40 thousand a year combined where the wife cheats, files for divorce, takes the kid, and half the mans assets to me is a gold digger. If I lost half my assets, I'd still live well. For a guy just getting by with what he had to start with to lose half is devastating.

An aging overweight single mother with no career options and a bunch of unruly kids is a bigger gold digger to me both financially and emotionally than a woman who likes to go to nice restaurants and decides she wants to explore the world where money is not a barrier.

I respect you onceloved, I think you said what you said for my benefit with honesty and I do very much appreciate that. As an older guy, you were just looking to lend perspective and insight to a younger buck. Thats not common these days and I think its very cool. I guess all I can say is while people not agree with me or understand my views, I can, at least in this thread, give some different perspectives about how a wealthy guy would see the issue of being rich and being married. As a wealthy guy, I know a bunch of other single wealthy guys, just works that way and lots of them feel the way I do.

Anyway, whether someone is rich or poor here, I really do wish them the best of luck with whatever they are looking for in this life. No Hard Fast Rules.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 245
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/5/2006 9:02:31 PM

What about being smart, funny, interesting, compassionate? You only think in terms of wealth and status. It's classist.


There was a nice quote from Brian DePalma's The Untouchables - "You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. "

You can get further with being smart, funny, interesting, compassionate and rich than you can get with being all those things and not be rich. I'm not saying its fair, I'm not saying its right, I'm saying thats how the real world works.


I begrudge men who see women as potential pieces of property and feel that their wealth makes them more deserving of a woman's love than anyone else.


I don't see women as pieces of property. I see that some women set themselves apart from the pack. Some have a head start with their beauty, and some work hard and put themselves in a position to set themselves apart. Not everyone is Angelina Jolie, even beautiful women have to work at looking their best and maximizing what makes them appealing. If an already beautiful woman is willing to work out and take care of her diet and health to help her quality of life and possible attract a better mate but an overweight single mother waitress won't work out and can't find attract a better mate, whose fault is that?

Its too easy to say some are born with it and some are not. People work at it. Even womens talk shows do this, they take women out of the crowd and give them makeovers and show them how much more appealing they can make themselves to potential mates. Its true in life - if you do nothing, don't be surprised if you get nothing. Not everything falls into the laps of beautiful women at their whim, many have to work at their appeal. They have to work at maintaining their appeal. They have to work at improving their quality of life.

Can alot of women say that? The ones who cry and moan about no one wanting them? Can they say if finding a mate was so important that they did everything possible to improve their chances of finding a good mate? You won't find them sitting at home watching Oprah and eating Pringles. You want something in life, you go out and get it.


You're right. After all, ya gotta work hard to buy that wife and outbid the other guys!!! It's like ebay!!!!


When someone dreams of a career as a kid, what do they do? They pursue it with all their heart. Society, schools, their parents, their friends all encourage them to do what it takes, work as hard as they can to achieve that goal. If a kid wants to be a doctor, hes gonna have to sacrifice things to study, he might have to go to a far away school to get a better chance to get into medical school, he might have to work all night long in a crap job to pay for his tuition. But sometimes thats what a person has to do to get that dream career. You have to outcompete people, this is no secret.

When you apply for a job, the company weighs out your resume with everyone elses. If its a job you want, you have to find a way to improve your education or experience or contacts or whatever you can to be more competitive to get that highly desired job. The kids who are willing to work and put in the effort are often rewarded, the kids who don't are not. It is that simple.

Life is all about competition in all things. Fair? Unfair? Its just the way it is.

And dating is going to be any different?

Fortune favors the bold.


No, I do have a concept of value.


Do you? Because you want to push this 'money doesn't matter at all' vibe. And thats just , to be honest, naive. No its not the most important thing in life, but its pretty high up on the list. But go on, watch the thousands of hardworking people in America who are one paycheck away from poverty or the street and tell them how being 'smart, funny, interesting, and compassionate' will give their kids a roof over their heads and food in their bellies.

I never said money is everything, but you seem to want to push that money is nothing, and thats just not the truth.


Nope. It's contingent on how fat your bank account is.


I'm willing to spend, if you aren't, thats your right and I respect it. I don't care how much money I spend, one day I will die and all that green paper will mean nothing. But it only MEANS NOTHING WHEN YOU ARE DEAD, WHEN YOU ARE ALIVE IT CAN BUY YOU THE FREEDOM AND OPTIONS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE. This is true for all people, rich, middle class and poor alike. There are plenty of poor and middle class people who are misers, they don't spend a dime to improve their lives, to make themselves happy, to try to get some moderation between practicality and just enjoying life. You don't have to be 'rich' to be a miser. And just because you are rich doesn't automatically make you a miser.

Sorry man, I feel like you are the one who is angry about how money works within our society and the reality it plays in the dating world. I never said it was fair. I just said its the way life works. I dont care how you spend your money, although you seem to care a whole hell of a lot how rich guys spend their money on women. Just dont confuse YOUR issues with money with MY views on what money means to relationships, marriage and dating. My views are not invalidated because they don't mean your ingrained ideal of what you think they should be.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 246
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/6/2006 9:49:23 AM
I guess, to each his own. Gordy, I know you said that you go by what you see, not by what people say. Well, we all do. Each person's lens of reality is colored by that individual's belief system. We all see different parts of the same elephant, as they say. Maybe it's time for a paradigm shift.


mystykchyk,

I think part of the problem is the issue of money is often the pink elephant in the room. Its there, its an issue, but no one feels comfortable talking about it.

Try this -

You go to a party with a bunch of strangers. Whats the first thing they ask? You know what it is -

What do you do for a living?

They want to know what you do because its an informal way to gauge where you compare socio economically with that person. But you know what? No one really asks, right after the first question -

How much do you make doing what you do for a living?

Anyone find that odd?

That people do care about issues of money but they also care about not wanting to look like its important. But it is important. Thats the contradiction, thats the part people get befuddled on.

No woman is going to date you or stay with you ( well not many ) if you can't pay the rent, keep food on the table and keep the lights on.

But society says its rude to talk about money , its impolite, its not good to discuss it in many ways. I fail to see how that makes any sense at all. Money is a huge part of your quality of life, rich or poor. Its a huge part of how you can protect and provide for those you love and hold dear.

I grew up as an orphan. I don't think money is everything. I'd give up every cent I had right now to go back 30 years in time and have two parents in my life, rich or poor, who wanted to love and guide me. I would have liked that alot. But sometimes life doesn't give you what you want or even need, you just have to make the best out of it. So I appreciate a young beautiful vibrant healthy woman who is making an effort to improve her quality of life. Things don't always come easy to good looking women. But plenty of jealous women want to rag on them, calling them bimbos and sluts and gold diggers simply because rich guys are attracted to them.

Has anyone ever considered that alot of rich guys out there don't inherit it, they work hard, they suffer, they bleed for their money like everyone else? So why shouldn't they appreciate someone who appears to work hard and makes an effort to make a pleasant and attractive appearance? You don't have to be a supermodel to look good, plenty of women here could arguably do alot more to look better. And not just to attract men, but for themselves. When you take care of yourself, you are making a statement about how you feel about yourself, your own sense of self worth, your own sense of self confidence. Its not just a message to men, its a message to yourself.

Women say, why should I have to work out to attract a man? Why can't he accept me for me? Well I say, why cant you work out for yourself, for you own life, and that you happen to attract more men is a by product of doing something positive for yourself? Even if you didn't want men, working out would decrease your risk for many health issues including diabetes and heart disease.

Many rich men go the extra mile in their professional lives, I don't think its a big surprise that many of them will be attracted to women who go the extra mile in their own lives.

Its just too easy for people, too easy for them to write off rich people as if everything you see on TV and the movies is true. We are not all Scrooge McDuck. We are not all heartless materialistic **stards. Many of us give to charity and give our time and efforts to protect those who work for us. Last year I paid for the entire medical cost of expensive and complicated operations on two disadvantaged children whose parents did not have medical insurance. I didn't do it because I wanted to be the big man or wanted lavish praise from parents everywhere. I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. Because I knew when I was a kid, and I was in that spot, I wished someone would do it for me. And I was gonna spend whatever it took to get those kids healthy. You think I was trying to buy those kids? Lots of rich guys do this kind of stuff. We just don't always talk about it. The same mentality that makes me give to children is the same that tells me if I like a girl, I'll spend to show her a good time and make her feel safe and cared for. You take the good with the bad.

Whether you are rich or poor, if you see something you want and you go after it, it will cost you. Maybe a little money, maybe some time, maybe a ton of effort. Not all the things that 'cost' you in life is just about money. But I think thats ok, things worth having and people worth having in your life don't come easy. Thats why they are worth something in the first place.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 247
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/7/2006 5:21:01 PM
i mean i am just kinda wondering MR GORDON GECKO your just coming off a bit superficial which is fine to a degree.......but if you found a great girl of low income and but just avergae lookin not a bombshell woudl u be seen with her? cause seems like you wouldnt


Sure I would. A good person is a good person. I fundamentally believe there are very few truly good people in this life, so if you find them, for friends or otherwise, you cherish those relationships.

The reason I'm here instead of out on one of the beaches is I've tried conventional tactics, and while they work, they are generally very slow.

You meet someone in a grocery store or at the gym or at a friends party, you know nothing about them. They might be single. But they also might be out of a long relationship or have major commitments like school or family. They might have dealbreakers that rule you out, that you don't find out about until later. It often takes time to elicit these things. And issues like smoking and wanting children can be tricky to bring up tastefully and still find out for sure.

I figure if conventional tactics don't work, then go unconventional. (Look at Ebay, before that was created, people just had garage sales, someone decided to try an unconventional tactic not yet used online and look how its exploded. ) With online dating, you know the person is single or has a single mindset, they are looking or open to looking and you see the dealbreakers right up front. I guess that discourages people but I think thats great.

I WANT to be ELIMINATED by women in terms of potential interest. The earlier the better, the reason is , then I can focus on the ones that have some potential for me. Some people see rejections as pure rejection. I see it as filtering. Someone filters you out fast, they are saving you time and are doing you a favor. In the same way, I want the power to filter people out quickly. If you are looking for a job, you put out alot of applications and resumes. Many companies won't want you, law of averages, does that stop you from looking? From putting more resumes out? No, you keep going. You are not going to win them all and its not a reflection on you as a person. I fail to understand why people dont look at dating the same way. You are going to , in the short term, lose more than you win. But if you can find one long term win out of it all in the end, then the squeeze is worth the juice.

I'm a guy and men in general, online or not, have to face it. You have to be the pursuer and you will get more strikeouts than base hits and thats ok. Women are choosy for all kinds of reason and for no reason at all. The guys who succeed are the guys who already know that failure is possible but never acceptable. You just keep plugging.

So to answer your question - No, a financially poor woman or one of average looks would not bother me and would not bother other wealthy guys I know. We realize whats going on in the world around us. People are getting laid off, downsized and outsourced. Its hard out there. Not everyone in financial hell meant to be there, sometimes life happens. I think however I am concerned about a woman being emotionally and morally 'bankrupt' Thats the kind of poverty, a state of mind, a way of life, that no one can easily recover from. I think the best example would be from WW2, many people were sent to prison camps and death camps. Some resigned themselves to eventual death and laid down to die. Some took the time to get up each morning, make goals even if they were tiny ones and rubbed some spit in their hair, combed it with their fingers and straightened it out each morning. People who did that had nothing, no money, probably on the brink of death, but they were not emotionally bankrupt. Inside they were rich in a way no money could buy. They had something, a sense of self worth, no one can take from you. That kind of character, that kind of resolve is what all men look for, whether you are rich or poor.

Someone can be 'good looking' and not ultimately be 'attractive'. And there are plenty of people who are 'attractive' but may not be classically 'good looking' But the kind of person who is 'attractive' is the kind of person with the self worth to take care of themselves. An overweight person is often not 'good looking' and not 'attractive'. Good looks is not something you can always control, you are born with what you are born with. Attractiveness however is something you can work on. If someone is really heavy and doesnt want to go jogging, it says something about themselves and how they feel about themselves before it even gets to what you think about them. So no, no man demands a woman be Angelina Jolie, he does however take notice if a woman makes an effort to make herself as attractive as possible, no matter how high or low her ceiling on good looks may be.

Its a simple concept. Men are simple creatures. Its too bad many women don't seem to understand that.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 248
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/7/2006 9:11:22 PM
You sir are devoid of true, human values and your mindset is what's helping to ruin our country and the world at large.


Like I said, I respect your right to your opinion even though its clear you have no respect for mine. I've been civil to you, I haven't made any personal attacks on you, I don't make any commentary on how you choose to handle your finances. But there you are with your personal attacks. It's all you have left.


If you feel that your money should be the primary reason why women are attracted to you, then you are trying to buy them. Pure and simple.


I never said money is everything, but you seem to imply money is nothing. If you feel that way, lets see how long any of the women on this site or in real life would want to date you if you lived in pure poverty, had no job and no prospects financially for the future.

Idealistically, thats nice, its a nice way to hope life would be but its not reality. The reality is if you don't have keep steaks in the freezer, you will end up in life eating alone.


People who believe in true love and romance and compassion. Those are things that cannot truly be bought.


And how is that working out for people? On a free site? Do you see people here dancing for joy and happiness all day long about their dating lives? For free, those things don't have such a great record in romance either.

And I never said true love and romance and compassion could be bought. Like I said before, sounds like you have some kind of issue with money, not me, sounds like you have some conflict about how money works in the world, not me.

But you know what can be bought? In the last five years I have paid for 14 different expensive and complicated surgeries and medical procedures for children whose parents could not afford health insurance. I'm not the only one, lots of wealthy guys I know give, and give well, to charities and disadvantaged folks out there. You want to paint every rich guy as some old heartless **stard with a bimbo on each arm. You think every rich guy started rich? My first business was one delivery truck where I slept in the back of it for the first five months at the ripe age of 19 years old. Your profile says your into comic books, do think when Bob Kane wrote Batman, that he envisioned a perfect man? Or a rich young good looking guy who lost his parents in a horrible tragedy? Do you think Bruce Wayne would give up every dollar he had to bring his parents back without a moments pause? Rich or poor, everyone has a demon to sleep with at night. I can't buy love, but I can buy a poor kid and his family the chance at life, a real life, without being saddled in medical debt until the day they die. Do you think those kids care if I am a good or bad man as long as they can run around and play again? If they can have a normal life again? Not every rich guy is a jerk and not every poor guy is a saint. Life isn't a comic book.


I could respond and pick apart everything that you said again, but what's the use?


Go ahead, pick it all apart if you want.

Like I said, it looks to me like the issue is your problem about money in general, not about how I view and deal with money.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 249
view profile
History
Would you marry someone just because they are rich ?
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:02:15 PM
^^^^^^^^^^@iwarrior ...

If a woman is faced between a blue-collar guy like me and you, who is allegedly very well-off, and she goes for you based solely on your assets, then she's not someone I want.


Now that was impressive ... see I knew I was right when I said I'd go out with you! Excellent post!

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