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 ace76
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 26
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Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Cheating begins as soon as you develop feelings for someone else while your currentily involved in a relationship. Its a betrayl of trust, leaving yourself open to new oppertunities. If your looking or testing the waters your cheating, hence cheating, bending the rules to get what you need.


No, cheating is acting on those feelings.

People cannot choose what feelings develop.
 ace76
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 27
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Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:04:41 PM

People cannot choose what feelings develop



Yeah I heard this is what Ted Bundy thought as well. Please for the love of God tell me you are not serious, or in the least would like to rephrase that....ALOT!

Have fun ;)!


Seriously, how bright are you?

I mean, what would a serial killer have in common with anything there, other than a weak attempt at discreditation?

Look, i'd like one person here to tell me how they've "chosen" to fall for anyone.

Please, let's hear how you found someone and created your feelings out of thin air, instead of your body choosing it for you.

 missskinnypinny
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 28
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Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:06:25 PM
its cheating full stop take it as a warning get out of there and find a real man u deserve better and should demand it good luck hun x
 ace76
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 29
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Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:31:45 PM
[QUOTE]I'm curious to get other peoples opinion on this subject !!!

Is it still cheating if someone you are in a relationship with, is constantly chatting to people of the opposite sex online regarding sex??

How about if they say to these people "my gf/bf are gone to bed and I'm really horny....wanna help me out?"
Is that "technically" cheating or not??

Please....opinions do count !!!

thank you to all those to co-operate !![/QUOTE]

You know, I completely breezed over the details in this.

I'd still say it's not technically "cheating" but it's sad and pathetic.

If you must know, my opinion is backgrounded in another forum like this (with more guys than girls) of which a guy in there yelled over and over again that ANY friendship with a woman when you are in a relationship is an "emotional affair" which I thought was completely psycho. He kept on saying how "that's where it all starts" - and obviously I have female friends I have no interest in, so I had to debate it. Not to mention, such a thing says he has zero self-discipline and is just a horndog who can't deny any woman in front of him.

Besides, what sort of people do this internet stuff, anyway?

I rarely meet people off the internet (I think i've done it 5 or 6 times in my life, of which 90% of them had no chemistry at all), so all of these concepts of "online relationships" and cyber-whatever, just seem like a big waste of time, to me.

I mean, what's the point of having a relationship if you can't be with them?
 lyin eyes
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 30
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Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 11/30/2006 12:55:02 PM
yes if you make a commitment online or not a commitment is a commitment
 finlandik
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 31
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 11/30/2006 5:57:21 PM
Yes it is. it does not matter if it's online. it's still cheating.
 Ralph42
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 32
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online? NO!!!
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:54:24 AM
While I realize that very few men actually masterbate -- just ask one -- I have to say that "cybersex" activities are nothing more than content for masterbatory fantasy.

There are studies that suggest many heterosexual males sometimes have homosexual fantasies in mind while masterbating. Does that make them gay? Nope. Likewise, masterbating to an image or a story (and that's all cam or chat could reasonably constitute) doesn't make the individual a cheater. It doesn't even necessarily mean that there is anything lacking in their actual real-world relationship.

Now, as for the lack of discussion of such activity with one's partner: what a surprise. Look at the freaking taking place here. Does anyone really wonder why someone doing this wouldn't be "open" about it? That still doesn't make them a cheater. Out there, in the real world, people are rarely absolutely honest and with good reason. That sort of expectation is a recipe for destroying any relationship.

The hypothetical scenario set out by the original post isn't cheating in any meaningful sense. Cheating is about acting on fantasy, not the fantasy itself. It's okay to have fantasies. It's okay to masterbate to fantasies. It's even okay to involve other's in some sense (and has always been).

Consider the situation this way. If the person were surfing for pornographic images or stories on the net, how many here would still argue that is cheating? Assuming most would take the reasonable position (I know that might be a stretch) that this does not constitute cheating in any meaningful sense, then the basis for considering the present scenario cheating is simply temporal. So, if the pornographic image/text was produced a month before being utilized, it would be okay? What about a day before? An hour? A minute?

Like it or not, in the real world, people thankfully still expect physical, sexual, contact for cheating to have meaning. Thinking about cheating does not constitute cheating. I'm really, seriously, worried that with the mindset displayed here, those days are numbered. That ought to concern everybody because what it means is accepting the notion of thought crime. I sure hope I don't live in such a sickeningly totalitarian society.

Frankly, I'd be more worried about someone hanging out on a singles, dating site "for the forums" than an individual hunting for a virtual partner for masterbation. Keep in mind, regardless of the tastelessness of the original post's hypothetical statements, the person is admitting being in a relationship and only expressing an interest in real-time pornographic content for the purpose of masterbating. There is no discussion of meeting "for coffee" or any interest expressed in any sort of relationship other than the moment; they are not interested in any reality underlying the fantasy being sought.

I feel sorry for any future partners of persons that are so insecure that they need to feel control over the thoughts and fantasies of their mates. That is so double-plus wrong.
 fallingangel9837
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 33
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:43:39 PM
Its sick , and yes I consider it cheating .. some people need to grow up and realize that there is more to life than "gettin off"
 Looking_in_Ottawa
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 34
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Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/5/2006 8:28:51 AM
Cheating is cheating. Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. If you are getting off with someone else, then its cheating .. even if it is only words.

If its just regular chatting, then no, its obviously not cheating. Some people get under the impression that once you start dating someone that speaking to the opposite sex must end. Thats just silly. Mind you, I can understand the concern about chatting to new people all the time. Its the allure of meeting people online, the unknown factor .. that I think people fall for.

Having said that, if one is in a good enough relationship, then it shouldnt be an issue.
 Ralph42
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 35
no! No!! NO!!!
Posted: 12/5/2006 10:45:54 AM
Just because a bunch of people mindlessly repeat a mantra, that doesn't make them right. There is no way to describe the scenario set out in the original post as "cheating". What seems clear from the responses, that are not simply taking the position that this is a punishable thought crime, is that a whole lot of projecting of insecurities lead to the respondents' conclusion that this is "cheating" on the protagonist's SO. In the scenario described, there is no discussion of any meeting, no intention to extend the internet relationship beyond the moment, or any interest expressed beyond that consistent with the gradification of a harmless fantasy.

For the thought crime proponents, there is no meaningful response. I would merely point out to them -- and there seems to be a lot of them -- that the social implications of this mindset ought to disturb everyone. If sanctions existed on thoughts, most people would be in prison. When is the last time you "thought" of doing harm to someone? There was a thread on this board recently about revenge on an "ex" that included a number of criminally convictable "thoughts" being expressed (assuming the same reasoning as in this thread). Perhaps all those folks should be tracked down and arrested? Of course, not!

There is a world, a real world, of difference between thoughts and actions. Fantasy made real is cheating. Otherwise, it remains nothing more than a harmless thought.

For those that project their own insecurities onto this scenario, they should simply re-read the original scenario and stay within its boundaries. Not even the gender of the protagonist is actually expressed. To project from it to the building of an internet relationship, blossoming into physically meeting and actually having sexual contact is a bit of a stretch from the original post. That's my opinion.

If those projections were to transpire, then of course, the result would be cheating. What more than a few respondents seem to fail to grasp is that this is not a foregone conclusion based on the scenario laid down. The scenario is simply about the use of pornographic material for masterbatory fantasy fullfilment. If accessing pornography qualifies as cheating, I suspect there are not many men, and probably not that many more women, out there that have not cheated. And the mindset that accepts this proposition is pretty messed up, to say the least.

It parallels Dorkin's thinking but takes it down a notch in silliness. Maybe some of you take comfort in dorkin-ist propoganda but she's mercifully out of her misery now and the rest of the world will move on from the extremist, male-negative, militant lesbian mindset she propogated.

NB: I know the fetter Frau's name isn't quite right. No need to give the thoughtless any food, in my opinion.
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 36
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/5/2006 4:07:52 PM
Just like knowing someone in person Some are "Friends"...some you just know and some maybe you can date You gotta find-out whose who and be real careful......just like in person
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 37
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/13/2006 2:49:14 PM
Internet "friends" who happen to be girls is ok if you agree as such If you've ecided to meet and start-up a "relationship",make sure you agree on the "friends" beink ok beforehand Use the site to find-out all you can and if you decide to meet,make sure you know why first The whole "friends","dating" and "sex" thing can be very confusing
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 40
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/14/2006 9:58:50 PM
It's "flirting" if the intention is to get the meet you and pursue it you can be in in a "relationship" and have "friends" of the opposite gender but that's a separate thread sex on a computer...I don't think so ***hole
 califlorida
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 41
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/15/2006 4:44:24 AM
I think it is not a healthy signal to be in this type of relationship ...if the subject matter was church, cars, music...not so bad...some people regard sex as a casual endeavor...I, myself, only pledge sex to one person in a relationship, which I am currently not in right now, but to me sex is the ultimate special thing that you just don't talk about with everyone, so my answer is this is defintely a bad direction and I
would not justify any reason to tolerate this...if it was OK for both of you to talk about sex between other people and you had discussed this, you would be entering a different perspective on the realtionship...one which changesd the values of truth, monogamy, and communication....I suppose it's OK for some people ...but you can count me out of that one...
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 42
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/15/2006 10:28:56 AM
To me, yes that online sex chat is cheating. It is also very stupid!!
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 43
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/15/2006 11:29:22 AM
There's many different definitions of "frienship" SO's have to be perfectly clear on what's ok
 ny_lady_13601
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 44
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/16/2006 8:54:27 PM
It's emotional cheating.....physical cheating could very well follow once they get it into their heads. Somehow I don't think they'd like it if they found out their significant other was doing the same thing behind their backs and how that would make them feel.
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 45
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online?
Posted: 12/17/2006 5:09:04 PM
^Yep ... Most of the posts on this thread validate my own opinions and feelings about this topic.

What are the "rules" about deleting your profile on here when you meet someone? Should you be doing that so you can focus on them and they know you are interested ... What if they don't take theirs off and are still on line ... profile still active? Being the honest trustworthy person I am ... I thought every one was the same (wake up hello!!!) Would you not do that as soon as you met and there was chemistry? Or am I dreaming! I get the impression that sure you meet some one but they are still shopping around ... for the bigger better deal ...
^Msg 180 ... I think it depends on the type of relationship both people are wanting/looking for, the agreement between the people and how honest they are with one another, not to mention how honest they are with their own selves. I would consider the underlying message that could be perceived by having an "active" profile and both parties' expectations. Just because you meet someone does not mean a solid, exclusive relationship has been established.

As far as this site goes, there are a lot of people who are only on here for the Forums and some platonic friends/pen-pals made along the way, including myself. One can always hide the profile or indicate on it that they are not currently looking to meet anyone else.

Otherwise, I would presume that they ARE looking for a supposed bigger, better deal. It can also be that they are giving a new interest some time to see if it works out before making an exclusive committment.


Either way, it does tend to breed insecurity and bring up a flury of trust issues, which is NOT a good way to start any kind of relationship. It's also a reason that I am leery with the whole online dating concept. While it may be a good to know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, it also tends to foster a mentality of people being easily "disposable," demeaning the whole relationship/courtship process.

Just My Opinion!

 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 46
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/17/2006 7:53:37 PM
only "partners" are "intimate" and if there's chemistry,might have an "explosion" b/f's-g/f's the commiment is less so,oh yeah,they're still "kids" too Partners...there's a commitment so yes,it's cheating Especially if there as "cute" as you "feel" Nothing wrong with "committed Partners" keeping profiles active to make "friends",might even meet other "couples"
 heather_honey
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 47
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:11:07 PM
Women that place a high value on themselves... don’t attract men like this!

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. A man respects a woman who won’t tolerate being treated badly. Don’t let him take advantage of you, Pride is sexy! He will not respect a woman who automatically goes into overdrive to please him. I call it cheating and wouldn’t give him a second chance, second look, second nothing!
 tomgm
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 48
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/17/2006 11:11:27 PM
It's cheating if your hiding it. If your partner is cool with you being sexual on the net with others than it isn't cheating. I think cheating is when you brake an agreement. In this day and age I'm sure this topic would come up in a relationship.
 wurl
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 49
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/18/2006 6:36:31 AM
YES, but of course it is cheating. Absolutely!

But, what's perhaps a more interesting question is why is cheating now virtually considered acceptable or at least tolerable, if not in context of the actual relationship but certainly in the larger context of society. That is, how else does one explain away the likes of ashleymadison.com which encourages extramarrital affairs! For a fee i might add!

Gotta go, desperate housewives is on and followed by Sex in the City.

lmao, "is it cheating", ..... hehe of course it is, but why is cheating now considered normal if not acceptable????
 musicnut46
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 50
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/18/2006 2:31:59 PM
I Agree Just ask a Lion It's okay to have "friends" of the oposite gender when in a "relationship" but too much touching,break some arms But if you waant to meet them and consider it,that's cheating
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