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 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 651
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sexPage 27 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
Sure you can have a platonic friendship with a member of the opposite gender.....as long as you set the boundaries and stick to them......no problem.

and yes, I have many of whom I grew up with and there was no dating involved - we are all still friends from the old neighborhood and we still get together to catch up every now and then.
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 652
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/30/2011 4:47:41 PM
I think it's possible to have a genuine friendship with someone of the opposite sex.
I have plenty of friends that are guys, and we've gotten along great for years.
 Yolita11
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 653
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:30:49 PM

I don't know if anyone else noticed, but skimming through these posts I see this basic pattern being described over and over: "I have had plenty of opposite-sex friends that I have no romantic desire for, though sure, occasionally there have been sparks and sometimes a sexual connection and sometimes a man (or woman) does have some romantic interest, but..."

In a poll referenced in Psychology Today, 62% of opposite-sex friends report sexual tension. A Match.com poll revealed that 62% of platonic friendships (no comment on plutonic ones) crossed over the line into a sexual relationship. In that same poll, 94% of the respondents reported that they believed it was possible for a friendship to evolve into a romantic relationship.

"In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Sapadin asked more than 150 professional men and women what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women’s list of dislikes: sexual tension. ***Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship***, and that it could even deepen a friendship." (Asterisks are mine.)


Great post VirtuallyLove.

I get on really well with men and I've always had equal number of male and female friends. Most of my female friends don't have as many male friends and they say it's because the guy has always ended up fancying them. It does inevitably happen at some stage of a relationship, but if you really value the opposite sex for what they can bring to your life; then you learn how to go beyond that phase.

There may be residual sexual tension there but I've come to the conclusion that sexual tension is just a primal thing between humans. We have it with strangers, acquaintances, and close ones. At a very basic level we're still animals. We can largely override those natural instincts, but not completely. It doesn't mean we want or need to act on it.

Out of all the male friends / acquaintances I have, I only have one who is just like a brother to me, so I know that it's possible, but as I said above, I think to achieve this you need to value the person above your own ego. A lot of people subconsciously try to get their opposite sex friends to fancy them in order to make themselves feel attractive.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 654
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u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/30/2011 8:20:08 PM
i tried to be friends with men and it never worked. one guy who i was friends with b4 we dated is my bf now. id rather be friends with gay men better than str8 men. the past guys i met didnt consider me a friend just a **** buddy or a backup buddy yet i was suppose to drop everything for them which wasnt fair and told them not happening got rid of them. one guy i was friends with (knew him from hs) back in 04, it didnt last as i found out more about him after hs he was too much of a jackass, clingy needy, loser, sorry, etc. i talk to him once in a full blue moon yet he wants me back to date him lmao not happening. hes a loser he cant understand why he cant keep a gf i told him why he talks to them like they are dumb he did that to me he got cursed out we never dated wanted too but he has major trust issues
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 655
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/31/2011 8:00:58 AM

u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex

If it were impossible to have opposite-sex friendships, I'd have had only three friends for the last 10 years. PFT! I have many male friends. There's no sexual tension with any of them either. Three have wives, one has a long term GF and one lives in Canada, so clearly none of us think about getting naked when we have our marathon telephone calls or our get togethers or some type of socialization. This is about as silly as saying that a straight woman can't be friends with a lesbian woman. Makes no difference gender, sexual orientation, if they have blue eyes or brown. People are just people. We like who we like, we trust who we trust, we befriend those we find worth befriending. Pretty simple. JMO
 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 656
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/31/2011 10:01:49 AM
VERYGREENEYEZ:


it were impossible to have opposite-sex friendships, I'd have had only three friends for the last 10 years. PFT! I have many male friends. There's no sexual tension with any of them either. Three have wives, one has a long term GF and one lives in Canada, so clearly none of us think about getting naked when we have our marathon telephone calls or our get togethers or some type of socialization. This is about as silly as saying that a straight woman can't be friends with a lesbian woman. Makes no difference gender, sexual orientation, if they have blue eyes or brown. People are just people. We like who we like, we trust who we trust, we befriend those we find worth befriending. Pretty simple. JMO


Well, this brings up a question which probably has been discussed here (haven't read all the posts): How do you define friendship?

There are many, many different levels of friendship - from regular get-togethers where the discussion is fairly intimate to an occasional email or brief phone conversation. There is also some considerable difference between having an opposite-sex friend who's married, and socializing with them while with their (and/or your) spouses or significant others, and having a single opposite-sex friend you regularly see movies and enjoy dinner with, etc. There is a large difference between a casual relationship with an opposite-sex friend and a "best friend" relationship.

I think intimate opposite-friend relationships involving regular socializing (attending rock concerts, movies, etc., together, taking trips together, long walks on the beach at sunset ) will prove vastly more problematic for those desiring a romantic relationship than more casual opposite-sex relationships.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 657
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/31/2011 6:06:24 PM

I think it's possible to have a genuine friendship with someone of the opposite sex.
I have plenty of friends that are guys, and we've gotten along great for years.

Those guys are friends with you because they are all waiting on their chance to either make a move or sleep with you.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 658
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/31/2011 6:29:19 PM


I have female friends. Either A. They're not attractive enough for me to have sex with or B. I'm not attractive enough to them for me to have sex with. i.e. I agree

Chances are these guys are in the friend zone and have not gotten the clue that they're there.
Sadly she probably isn't attracted to any one of them...There for why she has so many guy friends.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 659
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/31/2011 6:41:08 PM

In the first case if you're really good friends for a really long time and one person is attracted to the other, physically, something is going to happen.

Takes 2 to tango. In the friend situation one is attracted to the other, but the other is not.
 Amboyace
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 660
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/31/2011 10:03:45 PM


I have female friends. Either A. They're not attractive enough for me to have sex with or B. I'm not attractive enough to them for me to have sex with. i.e. I agree.


+1
IMHO, for it to work, as a guy....the woman better bring a lot to the table for me to invest the time a real friendship takes. Otherwise, what's the point?
 _moonshadow_
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 661
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:48:56 PM
Guys and girls can be friends. Friends are people you love and connect with, just not romantically. It's a very simple concept really.

I meet one of my best girl friends because a guy friend of mine started dating her. It would have been terrible if she would have had the attitude that guys and girls could not be just friends. Instead of loosing a friend, I gained another one. It was great for everybody. :)


On the other hand, I had the reverse happen. I lost a friend because his gf had the attitude of the opposite sexes not being able to be friends. To the point that she did not want her girl friends being around him much less any girls he knew before her. It wasn't so great for everybody here.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 662
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/2/2011 1:13:33 PM
I don't know I'm able to be friends with a girl and not try and have sex with her. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't have sex with her. It just means that I'm mature enough to handle a platonic relationship. I'm inclined to believe that it's moderately impossible because at some point one or the other is going to get too attached. Either you're really good friends and you stay good friends cause you really like each other. Or you're not good friends and you don't. In the first case if you're really good friends for a really long time and one person is attracted to the other, physically, something is going to happen. I'm not saying it's impossible, but the odds aren't in anyone's favor.


Pdizzle's got it. Maturity is the ability to see the whole picture.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 663
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:09:35 PM
I have female friends and I have male friends. I don't "cuddle" with either of them.
But, they're still my friends. I make a distinction between acquaintances and friends.

I know, like, sometimes not like, acquaintances. My friends, are true..true friends.

I talk differently around the sexes..(I would hope most men do) but they are just as much of a friend as the next.

I would do what I could for them, and they would do the same for me.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 664
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u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/2/2011 6:16:30 PM
Men and women can certainly be friends. But only if neither party has unrequited romantic feelings for the other.
 FYVEOH8
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 665
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:46:46 PM
Obviously those who've never been there , find it either difficult or impossible . Those who's been there knows otherwise .
 Arteest1650
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 666
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:08:32 PM
Sure you can... if you're intelligent enough to rise above the thought of sex ... anything is possible.. if you cant look at the opposite sex without constantly thinking of ****ing them you have some personal work to do..
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 667
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 3:38:24 PM
^^^^yeah but Arteest1650, there's alot of territory inbetween your two extremes.

Sure you can have platonic friends....but is it wise? Does it compromise your current romantic situations, can you really be friends or is it a guarded liason(on guard to smash any sexual thoughts that might arise) etc....

My experience is even with the most noble of intentions and lots of naivety, every male friend of mine has eventually wanted to evolve into romance with me. One waited 20 year before he had his epiphany. I felt so betrayed, thought i could be with him like brother and sister.

No more platonic nonsense for me.

Can you drive on the wrong side of the street? Sure, a least for a while. Shoots you can just pull over repeatedly when necessary.
 artntango56
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 668
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 4:32:19 PM
I agree. And I believe that having had female "friends" it is only possible when clear boundaries are understood. And in spite of that, there are times when those boundaries have become and can become blurred.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 669
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 4:36:08 PM
Somebody of the opposite sex that you dont fancy or find physically repugnant BUT who you get on with really well cant be anything BUT a platonic friend


This kind of nonsensical claim that its "impossible" tends to only be spouted by insecure people who think no matter how butt ugly a member of the opposite sex is you'd nail them in a heatbeat anyway

So its their trust issues that are the problem, not people having opposite sex friends
 slimmer9999
Joined: 10/29/2011
Msg: 670
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:28:55 PM
I've had a relationship with a woman for years, and never thought about even considering having sex with her. Other than that it's usually the man that wants to have sex first if he is really attracted to the woman and they make movies about how all the sudden something strange happens and the woman wants to complete the relationship.Hopefully by that time no one is just setaling. How do you spell setaling?Settleing?
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 671
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:47:25 PM


...spooning and cuddling....
I don't know where this originated in this thread, but regarding a platonic relationship, spooning and cuddling is 100% out. You wouldn't do that in a platonic friendship any more than you would do it with a brother or sister. If you're doing that, one of the people, if not both, have feelings that go way beyond platonic.



LMAO...it originated in the OP ...wow just wow
 drkchld
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 672
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u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/14/2011 6:11:32 PM
at some point the guy is gonna try to make a move and i know this from experience.
 DashinC
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 673
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/15/2011 12:23:52 AM
3 am rant...

Everyone brings up the topic of sexual tension right away, understandable. So to me, the real question isn't about men and women being friends, but friendship in the midst of tension, specifically sexual tension. In reality what other objection or hesitation could there be, besides the sexual tension. Inability to understand? Language barriers? Different planet of origin? Nonsense.

Can a hetero-sexual man be friends with a homo-sexual man? How about a lesbian and a straight woman? Is the nature of our friendships defined, or rather, limited by who we want to sleep with. The desire is built into us, genetically coded and culturally supported. I'd like to think I can overcome my pre-dispositions. I have a couple females as friends. I'd definitely have sex with them in a world of no consequence. But there are consequences to our world. It is the deliberate restraint of impulse that allows the friendship to exist. In many ways you could argue friendship in the midst of such tension is nobler due to the intention and will power necessary for it to prevail. Is it worth it? In a world of millions why waste the energy? Wouldn't it just be easier for me to find males to fill the friendship slots? Unless the females are kept close for something unforeseeable. Perhaps its instinctual to keep the opposite sex close at hand in a platonic way as a safety net. Platonic is a term of timing.

Keep in mind Platonic love was a notion created over 2000 years ago to so Men could sleep with Boys, and justify it.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 674
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/15/2011 11:41:54 AM
How about a lesbian and a straight woman?


I've become chummy lately with a lesbian in one of my advanced yoga classes. She's fabulous, we are both in our 50's and she is still gorgeous and a very interesting person, we have really enjoyed hanging out some. Lately she has stopped stopping by my place before or after class, I can tell she's getting sexually frustrated.

This is what always happens. These type of pseudo platonic relationships come with numbered days. They don't last too long, but they are sweet and special for what they are. Because healthy people don't like the drain of sexual undercurrents or the frustration it causes. Male friends expecially drain my energy, it's just no fun for me to hang out with them for much longer than an hour.

Maybe some women get pumped up by the sexual tension. If I'm not going to ever have sex with the guy I don't want to feel his lust. Grrrr. Feels so wrong in so many ways. Yuk. How can you relax knowing someone is undressing you in their mind?
 kisroks4ever
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 675
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 11/16/2011 4:36:06 AM
You mostly certainly can have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex. Just so it's not the "friends with benefits" that's being put in with the mix or they do spoon and cuddle together, little extreme for "friends" I have to admit. Reason why people don't feel that way is because of insecurity and jealous issues that they need to deal with. A friend is a friend no matter what the race, gender or sexual preference may be.
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