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 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 751
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sexPage 31 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
^^^It's not just specific to women, men pull that BS too. Idiots that linger on for years hoping they will get their day and that their patience will pay off. It's a plague of both genders, but still its a good and instant disqualifier and can save you time to focus on someone with more class. Yep avoid those who talk loud on their cell phones in public and those who talk often about their opposite sex friends including ex's. All attention whores.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 752
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/2/2013 3:03:10 PM


My room-mate David and I have been platonic room-mates and friends for over five years now...it is a financial situation...we like to live the way we do, and it takes two to do so. From day one it was known there would be NO 'craziness' between us and that's how it's been and will continue to be...why complicate a very good thing with sex that would eventually ruin it?

Ok....
Now then, give him a couple of beers, turn down the lights turn up the music and then start dancing around the room wearing nothing but a smile or perhaps some really sexy lingerie...
If he's truly a platonic friend or if he's gay, he will ignore you... I'd bet he goes for the sex...
 nightmonger78
Joined: 4/27/2013
Msg: 753
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/2/2013 4:09:53 PM
i just emailed a woman who stated she's looking for something serious (they ALL are).

anyway, during the course of our chat, she voluntarily informed me that she has a male best friend who helped her get through her divorce. and that she's tired of "games."

i didn't pry or anything, but she then stated that all they do now is talk on the phone.

so i asked her if she's open to FWB. (figuring what the hell, i didn't take her seriously, so i gave it a shot)

she declined. stating that she's "been there done that." and if she wanted to, she could go to her male best friend for that. (yeah, i kinda figured that)

haha! i didn't care what her response was. i then told her that most men will NOT take a woman seriously if she has a male best friend who "used" to be FWB with her. i mean, come on. really, what's gonna happen if she gets into an argument or some drama comes up with a new man in her life?? who's going to "console" her during that difficult time?? her male best friend that used to be FWB...... somebody there is holding on to something in the past. which one of them it is?? who knows.....
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 754
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/2/2013 6:14:07 PM
^^^.....and who cares cuz it's time to move right along, lol. Those people are funny...as if we are stupid enough to buy that line, your best friend is of the opposite sex and it's all so innocent, how charming....not! It's a bad joke actually and emotionally healthy people will just walk away upon hearing that nonsense. But they just keep trying, these forums are overflowing with the type who thinks their OS friends are more important than partners. Yikes! They need to date one another and put disclaimers on their profiles.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 755
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:08:09 AM
Ok....
Now then, give him a couple of beers, turn down the lights turn up the music and then start dancing around the room wearing nothing but a smile or perhaps some really sexy lingerie...

A friend doesn't find it necessary to "test" another friend, especially in such a ridiculous and over the top manner.

If he's truly a platonic friend or if he's gay, he will ignore you... I'd bet he goes for the sex...

Another ridiculous statement, not because it's guaranteed he'd go for it, but because even if he did it proves nothing about whether or not men and women can maintain a non-sexual relationship as just friends. Nonetheless, I'm inclined to think that if, after a long-term, strictly platonic friendship a woman suddenly tried to seduce a man that he'd be very suspicious of her motives and at least question her to make sure she means what she's saying, is sober, straight and in her right mind.

In any case, even heterosexual male and female friends have been known to have sexual relations with each other when certain conditions were met. Could be a one-off, could be a latent desire, could be curiousity about same gender sex, could be a need to feel physically close to someone.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 756
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:36:14 AM
Some people are so driven by their sexual desire that they cannot just have friends or sisters or any person of the opposite gender around them without needing to sexually fantasize about them. They are totally driven by sex and of course will screw your mother/daughter/boyfriend/father...given a few seconds alone and with someone feeling the same way they do, they simply cannot see past the desire to be sexual with someone, anyone. So you can imagine that they cannot for the life of them figure out what people who do not feel that way about having sexual attraction to others, they think people who can be non-sexual with anyone who might seem attractive sexually to them can possible be non-sexual. They think everyone is like them, just lying about it or something is wrong with them. it doesn't compute in their brain, because yes, they would do that person given any sort of chance. They are not wired to see people as other people, other people are possible sexual targets for them. And it has nothing to do with gender, although testosterone levels may play in it, most people really do have control over their sexual desires and many people have zero sexual desire in inappropriate situations.

This is a good way to see if someone would cheat on you or harm your children or hit on your sister, etc., just take a good long look at how they feel about being in situations where it should be non-sexual, but for them it would be sexual.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 757
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:42:37 AM

these forums are overflowing with the type who thinks their

viewpoint is the only right one.
I 've known plenty of people with opposite gender housemates.
I've also known of situations where someone used a "friendship"ploy to serve an agenda of one kind or another. And other situations where someone used a "romantic relationship" ploy to serve an agenda.
Fortunately I've observed and experienced enough romantic relationships that had no "hidden agenda",to know that"romantic relationship" is not "always" a ploy.
I tried to think back if I knew of any male/female housemate situations that fell apart because the guy was just biding his time to try and get in the woman's pants-and I don't. Most of the time when a male/female housemate situation ended, it was because because of purely logistical or practical reasons. I think I recall one situation where the male housemate moved out because he got married.
I've also known of "mixed households" where 3 or more people of both genders shared a big house, and were all great friends and looked out for one another,kinda like brothers and sisters. But I'm sure that someone will try to tell me that this was just a situation where the male housemates were just waiting for the opportunity to get into the female housemates' pants. Some people apparently have seen nothing in life but underhanded behavior ,and only known people who are completely at the mercy of their hormones, with no sense of honor and little self control.
All I can say is that it must royally SUCK to have such a distrustful, cynical and bitter outlook on lifes' human interactions.
Cindy O
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 758
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:58:15 AM
It's already been proven than you can have friendships with the opposite sex. I've had some that lasted five or ten years, until they move away and settle down somewhere. I still have friendships with the women I went to school with and work with. It works as long as one person isn't pining for the other person.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 759
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/3/2013 5:17:58 PM

Another ridiculous statement [betting he'd have sex with her given a clear opportunity], not because it's guaranteed he'd go for it, but because even if he did it proves nothing about whether or not men and women can maintain a non-sexual relationship as just friends.

Well, it's about the chances, though. So if you could clean house in Vegas on betting on that, then it proves that it's very difficult to maintain a 100%, sexual-stress-free relationship with the opposite sex when you're close & 1-on-1.

It doesn't have to be a 100%-of-the-time. Or to have a small minority % where it's 100% a-okay. So what is a 100% sexually-stress-free relationship with the opposite sex? No sexual tension building up. Nobody "likes" the other. Of course, if they're close & hanging out 1-on-1 you'd need a good uncommon reason for that... not the other way around where you'd need a good reason to say why there'd be anything to wonder about.

But group-friends? Yeah, that can be fine. Or people who are friends and live a good ways away but on FB and during holidays run into each other and each other's mutual friends a bit, etc? Sure. Those level of friendships don't raise any eyebrows from peer mall-watchers or significant others.

We are ADULT and intelligent enough to know that if we were to EVER 'go there'...what we have and like about the relationship would be gone

There is that, sure. However, it's not immature to "go there" if there's real feelings. It would be "non-adult" to go after the other if one was just horny but not at all into them in that way and there was an established, close friendship. However, if it's Offered or even obviously-but-not-blatantly offered to him, that's a different story.

Here's an example:
You come back from the bar with your close, 1-on-1 male friend. You're both pretty tipsy but not hammered. He needs to use your bathroom. When he comes out, you're laying on the couch, buck naked and say "Take me now... I want you... fvck the hell out of me!"

Does he:
(a) Tell you that he can't and doesn't want to ruin such a beautiful friendship, and leaves.
OR
(b) Comply.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 760
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 7:54:29 AM

Sex is obtainable to most at most times...a good, tried and true friend is NOT...especially in this day and age we live in...


(4ms4me) +1. Real friends last through lovers, whether male or female.


The problem is, people believe BS like this, and conduct their affairs accordingly, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you treat your SO like a casual throw-away, he/she will become a casual throw-away.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 761
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 8:01:38 AM

(Completely_Incomplete) The ONLY negative I've ever encountered with this scenario is potential partners usually NEVER believe me when I say it's platonic...


Ya gotta admire this stubborn determination to *INSIST* that you're right, and everyone else in the world is just a big Stupid-Head!


...that's their problem though, not mine...


No, it's yours. They've moved on, continuing to search for a more compatible/realistic woman, while you're spending yet another Saturday night alone doing your laundry.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 762
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 8:59:11 AM

A friend doesn't find it necessary to "test" another friend, especially in such a ridiculous and over the top manner.

Or, especially, when they're not sure how the test will end up....


but because even if he did it proves nothing about whether or not men and women can maintain a non-sexual relationship as just friends.

If he goes for it, then it proves a platonic relationship cannot be MAINTAINED.


In any case, even heterosexual male and female friends have been known to have sexual relations with each other when certain conditions were met. Could be a one-off, could be a latent desire, could be curiousity about same gender sex, could be a need to feel physically close to someone.

Which then would nullify the platonic argument...
 nightmonger78
Joined: 4/27/2013
Msg: 763
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 10:46:25 AM
while it's true that platonic friendship between opposite sexes IS possible, i would dare say it's few and far between. the chances are soooo slim, In My Opinion, based on the following:

divorce rates are at an all time high.

we as a society are blasted with instant gratification advertisements. i want results now now NOW!!!

people just don't like being accountable for thier actions. always passing blame onto others. just look at the news.

LOTS of people like to have their cake and eat it too. and they just LOVE rationalizing it to a point where they lie to themselves
that "hey, i'm not doing anything wrong" as they look at themselves in the mirror.

for christ's sake, people!!! some of you "pretend" to not know what constitutes cheating in a relationship, do a thread search, you'd be amazed.... hey look, i think i'm gonna start a new thread: if i go down on her, but she doesn't go down on me, is THAT cheating?

^^^^ how does this above statement relate to THIS thread?? simple. cheating happens with members of the opposite sex. DUH!!!

i think if you can truly look yourself in the mirror and say "today is a great day, and i'm glad i'm not f!cking someone over, stabbing them in the back" then i would say you're one of the VERY few "good" people left in society. LOL.

oh and i just LOVE this quote from Completely_Incomplete

The ONLY negative I've ever encountered with this scenario is potential partners usually NEVER believe me when I say it's platonic...that's their problem though, not mine...if someone can't believe what I say, they're simply not a match or intelligent enough for me personally...period...


i was chatting with this woman in my town, on POF, recently who straight up told me her best friend is male and all they do "now" is talk on the phone and nothing more. and he used to be FWB. i stopped taking her seriously after she said that. been there, done that.

a couple of month's ago, i went on two dates with this other woman who's best friend is her ex-bf.... and they LIVE together. regardless, i gave her the benefit of the doubt. the THIRD date, we were on her couch, watching movies. she pulls out her i-phone and starts taking pictures of us goofing off. she accidently shows me a c0ck shot. she apologized, but i stopped seeing her after that, i stopped trying. there were other signs too, that made me doubt her. i just don't want to date someone where i'm going to be wondering if she's banging someone else while dating me. i'm not a meal ticket. sorry if i seem "less intelligent" about this. oh, and she even told me before we dated that MOST GUYS have a problem with her being best friends with her ex-BF. does that sound familiar to some of you?? yeah, the rest of the world is wrong and crazy, and you're the only ones who are right / sane. rolls eyes.

honey , if you keep encountering men who keep telling you the same thing when it comes to you having a very close male friend, the problem is NOT them, it's you. they moved on. i just love how some people in this thread are stuck in their viewpoint and don't put themselves on the other side of the argument. i have opposite sex friends too. and there's no attraction going on, at least not on MY part. i don't know if my female friends feel the same way, i CANNOT read their minds. and THAT is the point.... how do y'all know for sure that your platonic relationship is just THAT purely platonic?

i went food shopping with my friend's wife a couple of years ago. he was still at work, but we were shopping for food for plans later that day, for ALL OF US together, hanging out. basically we all became good friends. anyway, we run into this woman who my friend's wife used to work with. they were catching up. that woman then started asking questions about her husband. it was obvious the manner in which she asked these particular questions while glancing at me. and keep in mind, me and friend's wife weren't doing anything suspicious looking ie. holding hands or being really close because.... NEWS FLASH! we were JUST FRIENDS. but y'all can see that to the untrained eye, to someone that doesn't know us, that sh!t is fvcking weird right? what if i ran into someone i went on a date recently, and she sees me food shopping with my friend's wife. CLEARLY you can UNDERSTAND why that would cause potential mate to have doubt in me right? some of you don't want to understand this viewpoint because it's all about you. here, have some more cake..... rolls eyes.

it basically boils down to modifying your behaviour and NOT eliminating your opposite sex friends. especially if you're introducing a potential mate into your life. why would you plant seeds of doubt? if you were just getting to know me, and i went on a date with you, but then i end the date with "well, it was nice meeting you, would love to see you again, but right now, i'm going to my best friend's house, who happens to be female, and we used to fvck" what would you think of that? come on now, be honest, you'd be 100% cool with that?? really?? naive.

i have a female friend who i wasn't attracted to at all 'cuz you reminded me of a cousin i have in Jersey. we hung out. i didn't "pay for her" when we went to movies/dinner etc. i just viewed her as a friend. she then drunk-texts me one night wondering why i never hit on her. i kinda had a feeling she was digging me, but i didn't lead her on, or gave signs that i was interested. i just texted her saying i didn't view her like that. she now has a boyfriend. point is, platonic friendships between opposite sexes is possible, but it's damn near impossible. chances are extremely low. why can't some of you see that?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 764
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 10:57:12 AM

The problem is, people believe BS like this, and conduct their affairs accordingly, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you treat your SO like a casual throw-away, he/she will become a casual throw-away.

Well said Arlo, well said. It is very potentially a self-fulfilling prophecy if you have the belief that friends stay forever and lovers come and go. Not just that, but it's an inaccurate statement. Everyone can go -- and lovers should be real friends -- therefore, they shouldn't come and go any moreso.

If he goes for it, then it proves a platonic relationship cannot be MAINTAINED.

Well, to be fair, I think her point was that even if her guy-friend went for it, it still doesn't mean All platonic relationships among society can't be maintained. Which I agree with... but at the same time, she seems to see it as a "Sure, that could happen with my guy-friend, who I see as the poster-child for a stable 100% platonic guy-friend..." If she believes that, then she has to believe that virtually all platonic relationships carry a risk along with it which has significant consequences if you have a sig-other.

That's why many people want to screen their SO's opposite-sex friends who they're relatively close to. It's a cost-benefit analysis. That opposite-sex friend being single and liking them (but has so far been able to maintain just fine) -- and your SO liking to hang out with them 1-on-1? High risk when your relationship hits rocky or boring/blah stretches.

Every situation is different -- they carry different levels of chances that more-than-platonic will rise up. When one has an SO and their relationship with the opp-sex friend doesn't tone down or distance some if it's been relatively close, then it keeps whatever chances there were, still there outside the window. And the chances of at least eroding a relationship or second-guessing it, etc, when one person has inner feelings for the other "friend" -- that's usually the unseen issue -- not necessarily running off and sleeping with them and dumping the SO.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 765
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 11:06:10 AM

The problem is, people believe BS like this, and conduct their affairs accordingly, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you treat your SO like a casual throw-away, he/she will become a casual throw-away.


(Confident-Realist) Well said Arlo, well said. It is very potentially a self-fulfilling prophecy if you have the belief that friends stay forever and lovers come and go. Not just that, but it's an inaccurate statement. Everyone can go -- and lovers should be real friends -- therefore, they shouldn't come and go any moreso.


What makes me laugh, is when people say they'll stand by their friends through thick and thin -- these are the people who would stab their own mothers in the back for a SO, never mind treat their friends like crap (and then wonder why their friends get upset, invariably coming to the conclusion that it's the *FRIENDS* who have the problem...).

I also find it mildly amusing when women swear, just *SWEAR*, that their male friends are just "friends". The more she argues, the less I believe her...
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 766
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 12:07:20 PM
If she believes that, then she has to believe that virtually all platonic relationships carry a risk along with it which has significant consequences if you have a sig-other.

Well, yes, I do. It doesn't really matter if I have platonic girlfriends or my significant other has platonic girlfriends or neither of us have platonic girlfriends (and vice versa) - cheating is always a possibility. Still, opposite sex friends seem to be pretty low on the list of who people are most likely to cheat with.

From http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/
Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional 41 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker 36 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips 35%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law 17 %

Friends may be the least likely place an SO is liable to stray to; I could find nothing that suggested it was a common occurrence. What seems more common is men cheating with their girlfriend's or wife's friend - at least, there were a lot of articles about that, though anecdotal evidence isn't very reliable.

This isn't to say that someone cheating with a platonic opposite sex friend has never happened; I'm sure it has. But it certainly seems a lot less common than other scenarios. It seems to me that if I wanted to safeguard my relationship from other females, I'd start with work - he'd have to work at an all-male workplace and never go on business trips. Next, I'd make sure he never met my sisters, or my female friends. Since I'm going all-out here, then I'd just have to prevent him from meeting any of my female relatives, and he certainly couldn't hang out with his bud's when their girlfriends and wifes were around. Of course, there's always the random stranger in a coffee shop to worry about ....

You know, I think men in burkas and n'qabs is really the only way to prevent cheating.
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 767
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 12:15:16 PM
Here's an example:
You come back from the bar with your close, 1-on-1 male friend. You're both pretty tipsy but not hammered. He needs to use your bathroom. When he comes out, you're laying on the couch, buck naked and say "Take me now... I want you... fvck the hell out of me!"

Does he:
(a) Tell you that he can't and doesn't want to ruin such a beautiful friendship, and leaves.
OR
(b) Comply.
-Confident-Realist

You know the denial is super thick when you spell it out(above example) for the reading comprehension of someone who is mentally challenged, and they still vehemently denial any possibility of hormones ever ever flying around or emotional intimacy that could ever ever disrespect a relationship. Nope, it's 100% homogenization of the sexes, no mystique.

Personally I have a great respect for masculinity and do not treat men like they are sexless creatures. How rude, so no I would never have a male roomate that didn't share my bed.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 768
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 12:25:41 PM
You come back from the bar with your close, 1-on-1 male friend. You're both pretty tipsy but not hammered. He needs to use your bathroom. When he comes out, you're laying on the couch, buck naked and say "Take me now... I want you... fvck the hell out of me!"

This is the second time this idea has come up. I suppose if I had to get my platonic friend tipsy, then practically wrestle him to the floor to f*ck me, that might say a lot more about me then him! And, it would say a lot about what kind of "friend" I am too.

You know the denial is super thick when you spell it out(above example) for the reading comprehension of someone who is mentally challenged. .

I feel pretty much the same way when it's pointed out that MOST adulterous relationships start at WORK, not with friends - their own, or their SOs! If cheating is SUCH a concern for you, why would you let your SO go to work where he/she is presented with temptation every single day, and he/she doesn't even have to force them with drinks and tricks!

And they still vehemently denial any possibility of hormones ever ever flying around or emotional intimacy that could ever ever disrespect a relationship

I haven't denied that it's a possibility ; I've only said that it's not enough of a possibility for me to worry about.

Personally I have a great respect for masculinity and do not treat men like they are sexless creatures. How rude, so no I would never have a male roomate that didn't share my bed.

I have respect for men too, and I do not treat them as if they can't think beyond sticking their d*ck in the nearest willing female.
 DonJ77
Joined: 2/8/2013
Msg: 769
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2013 2:39:37 PM
4ms4me:

"And they still vehemently denial any possibility of hormones ever ever flying around or emotional intimacy that could ever ever disrespect a relationship"

I haven't denied that it's a possibility ; I've only said that it's not enough of a possibility for me to worry about.


BINGO! That's what I've been trying to say but some people think they know it all, when it comes to relationships, and that we all fit their little patterns.

I've had female friends for years, and we truly are friends, and that's it.
If one is in a relationship I'm not going to go sleep under the covers with her for a month watching horror movies.
And even then, if her relationship with her man is good, and mine with her healthy, nothing's going to happen.


In any case, this thread is about whether platonic friendships are possible. Yes, they are. No need to nit pick and find problems all over the place.
Many of us know how to draw any boundary necessary to not 'provoke' an adultery.
Just like driving is dangerous but we can still do it.
Even if there's some attraction for the person, it doesn't make friendship impossible.

Nor dangerous.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 770
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/5/2013 1:21:11 PM

Still, opposite sex friends seem to be pretty low on the list of who people are most likely to cheat with. Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker 36 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips 35%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law 17 %

Co-workers are commonly the friends. "We're just friends!" Additionally, brother-in-law or sister-in-law -- much less chance than with someone they aren't related to in the family who's a friend.

Having an opposite-sex friend can come from all different venues. All you did, if anything is point to it's greater chances.

Now, here's the thing... most opposite-sex friends people have ARE just FINE! Most are group-friends. Many of them have a significant other... you all share friends, etc.

It's when it becomes a close 1-on-1 friendship that there's cause for possible concern. Even if they're BOTH single, other folks who know them both will probably be thinking "Are they going out, or...? What's up with them, by the way?" Why does that happen -- because it's not terribly common. One needs an exception for explanation that there's not something potentially brewing there.

It's not that cheating CAN happen statistically as a high-risk when a hetero guy & girl become close 1-on-1 friends... it's the opposite... it's more that it CAN be 100% OKAY. That's not the default, is what I'm saying -- it's the exception.

I suppose if I had to get my platonic friend tipsy, then practically wrestle him to the floor to f*ck me, that might say a lot more about me then him! And, it would say a lot about what kind of "friend" I am too.

That example though isn't wrestling. It's going with the flow -- in an example where all the barriers are lost -- no resistance, and an enticing invitation.

It isn't about men being all about sex. It's a hypothetical test to see if he would be game to roll in the hay, assuming when you were both single too. The point is, if he were to say "No", that means he never had any real non-platonic feelings for you. If you weren't willing to bet $2,000 that he would say No if that happened -- and you have a close 1-on-1 friendship with him -- you should have a much more distant friendship with him if you start really dating a guy.
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 771
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/6/2013 12:15:42 PM
Nope...I only *INSIST* I'm right...when I AM RIGHT...period. I've NEVER said I think everyone else in the world is just a big Stupid-Head!...just the people that don't believe me when I'm telling the truth...


If the overwhelming majority of men(all you say) are not comfortable with your roommate situation why do you insist on having your way? I think everyone here believes you when you say you two are not having sex, however can you not for a moment realize it is perceived as bad form in our society? In so much that your domestic relationship is a huge gray area and people don't want to fall in love and then get a big surprise down the road. Men are more apt to trust you if you present a clean slate, it proves your good faith and intentions. If you don't offer that from the get go, it's human nature for them to be wary. Not a good way to start up anything.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 772
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/6/2013 12:43:41 PM
I guess your best bet CI is try to find a guy who is in the same situation who will understand your arrangement-a guy with a female room mate or a divorced guy who is still sharing a home with his ex for financial reasons.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 773
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/6/2013 4:53:41 PM

realize it is perceived as bad form in our society?

Really? It is? Look, I live in small town/rural outstate Michigan and I know of quite a few male/female apartment or house mates. I know mixed groups of adults sharing a large house.
The only people who think anything of it are the extremely small-minded.

And ya know what else? There are alot of adult women who like the way their life is, and although they are very much open to finding a long-term romantic relationship, they aren't so panic-stricken about being single that they'll alter anything they are afraid "might" be misunderstood.

In so much that your domestic relationship

WTF? It's a platonic sharing of a residence, not a "domestic relationship".
One thing I've often heard from women living in the country, is that having a male housemate makes them feel a little safer.

I do however insist that when I tell ANYONE (yes...ESPECIALLY a potential SO) the truth about living with a room-mate that just so happens to be male, and that we do NOT have sex, then yes...I do INSIST they believe me...if they don't then it's perfectly fine with me for them to leave and go about their life...period.

I absolutely agree...I do not happen to have any room-mate( my house is too small) but I've dealt with men who seem to come with built-in distrust and I don't care to keep them around.

Men are more apt to trust you if you present a clean slate,

A "clean slate"? Having an opposite-gender housemate constitutes an "unclean" slate?
News to me.


I guess your best bet CI is

ANYONE'S "best bet" is to find someone whose own integrity allows them to trust that not every other person in the whole wide world is a conniving liar.
I'm sorry, but opposite-gender residence mates is NOT that uncommon- and not everyone thinks that it is some sort of "gray area".
No, not everyone can manage that kind of room-mate arrangement. And not everyone can manage to have platonic opposite-gender friends. This doesn't make those people bad or wrong, nor does it mean that their inability to have that kind of situation means that nobody can.
Cindy O
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 774
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/6/2013 5:40:32 PM

(Completely_Incomplete) No...I was actually correct the first time...It' s NOT my problem...it is theirs...they've 'moved on' because I've made them move on...I don't want to be around negative people who don't believe me when I tell the truth...what kind of an idiot would want that??? OBVIOUSLY SEVERAL THOUSAND PEOPLE FROM WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN HERE!!!


Here's the thing that so many don't understand: sometimes, you show the truth by ACTIONS, not words. From what I've heard hear, the "truth" is established by just going on and on, until the guy agrees with you, just to shut you up...


My Saturday night was spent with friends and family out and about...I don't do clothes until Sunday afternoon...just F.Y.I.

So...guess you're wrong yet AGAIN Mr. Troutman... :)


Yeah, but I'm cute, so I can get away with it...


Good Luck with that 'trying to make you look like an idiot' class you're obviously flunking out of...lol


Yes, I am flunking out of trying to make myself look like an idiot... getting all A's in making EVERYONE ELSE look like a mouth-breather, though...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 775
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/6/2013 5:49:17 PM

(peaceful_garden) If the overwhelming majority of men(all you say) are not comfortable with your roommate situation why do you insist on having your way? I think everyone here believes you when you say you two are not having sex, however can you not for a moment realize it is perceived as bad form in our society? In so much that your domestic relationship is a huge gray area and people don't want to fall in love and then get a big surprise down the road. Men are more apt to trust you if you present a clean slate, it proves your good faith and intentions. If you don't offer that from the get go, it's human nature for them to be wary. Not a good way to start up anything.


Because only her perception matters; if she *SAYS* she's not having sex with her roomate, then that's the truth, dammit, and any guy who's put off by her arrangement is just a big Stupid-Head! It's a very immature, selfish way of looking at the world. Just read other stuff she says: "he's not the right guy for me!" Very selfish, and a total failure to empathize with another's feelings/perceptions, implying that they're somehow faulty for not having the *EXACT* same view as her...
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