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 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 376
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sexPage 5 of 50    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Yes you can have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex. If you think with your brain and not your crotch, it is easy to have a great friendship. I have a great friendship with a couple on single men and a couple of married friends and maintained these friendships for many years. I would never think to cross that boundry and change the dynamics of our friendship. Grownups can do all sorts of things if they set there minds to it.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 381
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/11/2010 3:46:10 PM

I'm not friends with my mom, my sister, etc...they're family.


LABELS, Labels, labels............do they ever actually have any real definitive meaning behind them.

Your friends, your family.........is there are difference in how you interact with them? These are all people that you would typically have a non-sexual relationship with and you would most likely keep your sexuality/sexual frustrations confined to your own thoughts............otherwise known as "self-control over your sexuality."

In my case, my brother is my best friend and he says I am his best friend as well, BUT we are also family. We simply enjoy spending time with each other in a non-sexual way...............which is a platonic friendship/relationship, even though we have the same mother and father.

Gads, that was exhausting to explain!!!

Chill Time
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 383
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 388
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 9:55:36 AM
Since I'm not really attracted to most women, I can have platonic friendships with them. If I am attracted to them, sooner or later I'm probably going to make a move. Hence, for the 10% of women that actually attract my interest, I am not interested in being platonic friends with them.


For women out there who think their men friends would say no to them should they dance naked in front of them and offer them a night of pleasure,ha! think again.So long as the man is straight and single,a few will even if they are not,will go for it.
Nope, sorry. She'd have to be hot, and I'd have to be attracted. Otherwise, I'd rather just keep things as they are and not complicate them with sex.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 390
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 11:58:51 AM
So what I'm taking from this discussion is that possibly men and women can be platonic friends but women should take it as a given that it's the guy's weiner that's at the core of the friendship? I would be inclined to say"bull", because I have male platonic friends that I COULDN'T POSSIBLY GET DRUNK ENOUGH- OR DESPERATE ENOUGH-to ever have sex with...it would be like boinking my brother (EWWW!!)-but then again, I'm not a guy so I don't guess I can say what goes on their heads. I'll admit that from time to time I've had male platonic friends I did find physically and even in some cases emotionaly attractive, but they were either married or seriously involved with someone so I did something else that some are claiming is impossible- I CONTROLLED my feelings,and put up a mental/emotional barrier against any sexual and romantic feelings because they had no place in the friendship
Cindy O
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 391
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 3:30:45 PM
"I'll admit that from time to time I've had male platonic friends I did find physically and even in some cases emotionaly attractive, but they were either married or seriously involved with someone..."
-------------
Right, so the only thing that stopped you from taking it a step or two beyond the so called friendship was the ring on his finger. Obviously it doesn't stop everyone from "upgrading" the friendship. *laugh* Men and women can't be friends. It's that simple. Take it from your own post - you've felt attraction both on a physcial and on an emotional level. Let me ask you: have you felt the same way about women, too? No? Well, there it is - men and women can't be friends - unless he's gay or truly feels no attraction whatsoever (very rare since he's dancing around her, pretending to be a friend in the first place). All that friendship is about is the tension, the hope that one day she'll give him the green light to bang her.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 392
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 3:50:08 PM

Right, so the only thing that stopped you from taking it a step or two beyond the so called friendship was the ring on his finger.


A wedding ring on a man's finger is not the only thing that stops a woman from crossing the line or respecting the boundaries of a friendship. Other variables may include.....

-respect for the institution of marriage.
-respect for the man's wife and/or him and their relationship.
-respect/appreciation for the frienship and trust of the man's wife.
-having and living by her own solid and moral ethics.
-doesn't enjoy the drama of coming between 2 people.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 393
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:03:50 PM

Right, so the only thing that stopped you from taking it a step or two beyond the so called friendship was the ring on his finger.

No, actually,that wasn't always the "only" thing.Quite often there are other factors as well,but I thought that it was worth mentioning that SOME people can get their brains AND their hormones to work in harmony. And I have had other unattached male friends that I could certainly appreciate their looks, personality,whatever, but did not care to act on that appreciation-regardless of how single we both happened to be.

Men and women can't be friends. It's that simple. Take it from your own post - you've felt attraction both on a physcial and on an emotional level. Let me ask you: have you felt the same way about women, too?

Well, other than a couple of rare situations-no. But then I'm not a lesbian or bi-sexual.

very rare since he's dancing around her, pretending to be a friend in the first place). All that friendship is about is the tension, the hope that one day she'll give him the green light to bang her.

I do not think you can make that statement unequivocally about all men-all you are telling us is that maybe YOU can't be friends with a woman unless you think you have some hope of getting in her pants someday. I don't think you can claim to speak for the entire male gender.
Cindy O
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 394
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:35:49 PM
"Well, other than a couple of rare situations-no. But then I'm not a lesbian or bi-sexual. "
------------
*Laugh* Again, I can only repeat what I've said the whole time - men and women can't be friends. Don't you see it? When you write that you're aren't a lesbian or bi-sexual you more or less confirm and confess that I'm right - even in your own case. If there's attraction the friendship bull$hit is off - it's moved to something else - as it does in 99% of all cases - unless he's gay or just totally disgusted by the very thought of sleeping with you.

"I do not think you can make that statement unequivocally about all men-all you are telling us is that maybe YOU can't be friends with a woman unless you think you have some hope of getting in her pants someday. I don't think you can claim to speak for the entire male gender."
-------------
Yes, I can't speak for every male on this planet but I CAN speak for any HEALTHY guy out there who's attracted to a woman he can't get in bed. And yes, I can't be friends with a woman I want to have sex with or one that I'm attracted to. It's very simple - just like 1+1 = 2.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 395
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:58:55 PM
I don't k, kn, kno, know............a guy who isn't in "control of his sexuality" while in the company of an attractive woman, just doesn't sound like a HEALTHY guy to me!!!!

I wasn't in "control of my stuttering problem" bbbbbb bbuu bbbuttt, but I got some help from a speach therapist with that.

Mr. RoadRunner can't control his obsession with Running, so he's taken up to get his mind off of Running!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 396
view profile
History
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:23:27 PM

Yes, I can't speak for every male on this planet but I CAN speak for any HEALTHY guy out there who's attracted to a woman he can't get in bed. And yes, I can't be friends with a woman I want to have sex with or one that I'm attracted to. It's very simple - just like 1+1 = 2.

No.....you cannot speak for for anyone but yourself.
For those of us that have had male friends for years without any issues......we know better.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 397
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:51:30 PM
Apparently Robert hasn't evolved enough to think with his big head instead of his little head. Any healthy guy out there can have a platonic friendship with a woman. A REAL man is capable of anything, including friendship with the opposite sex (without the sex part). Every man is not looking to bed every woman he comes across, that is just a pathetic statement.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 398
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:57:22 PM

Yes, I can't speak for every male on this planet but I CAN speak for any HEALTHY guy out there

How would you know about healthy guys? I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, but I've read a lot of your posts and I would not call you particularly "healthy". I realize that men may have sexual thoughts more often than women do, but what you suggest is that "healthy" males have their lives pretty much ruled by their d*cks, and there ISN'T such a thing as a woman that a hetero guy would find so unattractive that he would't want to boink her. Just because SOME MEN are so hard up that the crack of dawn looks good to them, doesn't mean that they are ALL like that.
Cindy O
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 399
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:29:06 PM
"I don't k, kn, kno, know............a guy who isn't in "control of his sexuality" while in the company of an attractive woman, just doesn't sound like a HEALTHY guy to me!!!!"
------------------
And you can't see the forest for the trees.

I'll try to explain it as to a 5 year old: a guy who's not attracted doesn't have to be in control of anything - get it? If he's gay it's even easier. Some women truly don't understand this at all (usually the ones that are hardly ever approached by men in the first place - ugly?) but most of them do and yet act (deny) as if they didn't. There's a friendship alright - on HER terms because in most cases it came about when SHE rejected HIM and offered a friendship instead. This is SO typical if we're talking about a good-looking woman and one who KNOWS that she's good-looking. So he's hanging in there hoping that one day when the Sun rises in the west instead of in the east, that she'll grant him a second chance and give him what he's been dreaming of ever since - sex. That's how simple it is - fancy that! *laugh* If there would be a contract clearly saying, "No sex - ever! Only friendship! Contract broken - penalty by hanging" and both have to sign their names (easy for her), he wouldn't even grab the pencil.

So, as long as there's even a glimmer of hope (and a friendship does offer hope in 99% in a guy's mind) he's going to hang in there. There's no question about it. However, all this only applies to a guy who's yet to grow balls, wake up and realise that she's not worth it. There are plenty of other women out there prepared to give him not only friendship, but love AND sex as well. That's an easy choice for me.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 400
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:36:28 PM
I don't know that father's spend much time talking to their sons about being in control of their sexuality or how to be in control of their sexuality, while in the company of others. I suppose the problem could be hormonal as well, just like erectile dysfunction or sexual addictions.

Apparently JFK was taking medications for Addison's Disease that alledgedly caused his sexual addiction/promiscuity. Anyway.........it's speculation that he was murdered because of his sexual affairs that led to pillow talk with too many women who had communist/mafia connections. O.K....enough trivia!!!!

In any case..........I really don't know a whole lot about men's sexuality. But maybe we can understand why our platonic male friend keeps running away after a few minutes.
Too hot to handle....to hot to stay
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 402
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:45:05 PM
"I have many platonic male friends , and they aren't waiting on the side lines to get a "green light"."
------------
1) I pity them.

2) "and they aren't waiting on the side lines to get a "green light"." And how would you know that? Exactly - you don't. You don't even understand how this works by agreeing with an earlier post that is about as naive as it gets. And you have many platonic male friends, huh? That's even worse.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 405
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:58:35 PM

There's a friendship alright - on HER terms because in most cases it came about when SHE rejected HIM and offered a friendship instead. This is SO typical if we're talking about a good-looking woman and one who KNOWS that she's good-looking. So he's hanging in there hoping that one day when the Sun rises in the west instead of in the east, that she'll grant him a second chance and give him what he's been dreaming of ever since - sex.

I'm sure this happens to men who are dumb enough to be friend-zoned and stick around when the only commonality is he thinks she's hot, she knows it and uses it to her advantage. But I think what many of us are talking about is friendships that arise from common INTERESTS, or being neighbors, maybe, or someone we work with that we become friends with. I don't DO a lot of friend-zoning guys who just approach me out of the blue and seem more interested in something sexually based. I can see where that sort of thing could lead to a guy PRETENDING to be 'friends' with a woman because he thinks at some point he can get into her pants. I'm talking about friendships that arise from shared interests, enjoyment of each other's personality, living in the same community or neighborhood-NOT these deals where a guy hits on a woman and she says "No, but let's be friends". Guys, if a woman turns you down but you keep meachin' after her hoping that being her "friend" will get you into her pants, you are pathetic and she should be ashamed of herself.
I'm talking about friendship that arises from common interests, personalities that interact well, work/school associates that become friends outside that setting,neighbors, friendship from a shared cause.
Not "friendship" based on a guy hanging around as a "friend" to a woman who clearly just isn't that into him, hoping that being a "friend"will get him laid. I'm not sure that can even really be called "friendship"-sounds more like opportunism to me!
Cindy O
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 406
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 7:29:00 PM
So we have a 33 year old who's longest relationship was 3 years talking about friendships. Can't quite fathom that some mature folks, and I don't mean older folks, I mean mature folks, can have friendships with the opposite sex. I've kept socks around longer than you've been in a relationship. I've had friends of the opposite sex longer than you've been dating. Friendships can work, again, if you think with your big head instead of your little head. And beauty or ugliness has nothing to do with whether a woman has male friends or not, get a grip.

I'm with Cindy on this one, we gather our friends from what we do in life - through work, interests, hobbys, sports, etc. I don't have any guy friends that are waiting around to bang me, they value the friendship as much as I do. This talk that men can't control themselves, are waiting in the wings to pounce on some half naked friend, have one thing on their mind, etc. is demeaning to men. Women are also smart enough to know who is a friend and who is wanting a sexual or dating relationship with us and so are men.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 408
view profile
History
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/12/2010 7:55:12 PM
Robert, you've made it quite obvious women mean nothing more to you than
a sexual partner. If they aren't willing to have sex with you.......you have no use for them.
thankfully.........there are a multitude of men out there that don't think like you.......no matter what you think you know about them.

I'd say the majority of my male friends have become friends because of mutual interests. There are a small number of my male friends that are men that I previously dated and we realized we didn't have what was needed for a romantic LTR relationship...but liked each other enough to stay friends. Men that say they want to be my friend, but continue to put the moves on me.....find out quickly I'm not interested
in keeping them as friends.
Like others have said........we talk about alot of things......bounce ideas off each other....give each other advice on the opposite sex. No one is "pining" for the other.

It's a shame you cannot relate....because a true male/female friendship is a
blessing.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 411
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2010 4:34:10 AM
I have always had more male friends because women get into relationships and ignore completely all their female friends, along with men having more interests than marriage and reproduction.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 413
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2010 7:16:06 AM

I have always had more male friends because women get into relationships and ignore completely all their female friends, along with men having more interests than marriage and reproduction.
Men do the same thing sometimes. My girlfriend hangs with her girlfriends at least once a week if not more, without me around, and I do the same with my buddies. It's healthy.

I value my female friends and wouldn't sleep with them because I don't want the dynamics of the relationships to change. We give each other advice on the opposite sex, have a few beers and chat about life, or just share unique perspectives. Well worth it.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 417
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2010 8:54:23 AM
The original questions was basically can you have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex. Doesn't mean that every date we go on turns into a friend in waiting. I have no male friends from this dating site - just dates that worked or didn't work. My male friends are from my social circle, you know, real life. Some of you guys just don't seem to get the difference between dating and friendship - two totally different things.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 418
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2010 9:52:52 AM
what seems to be happening here-at least in my perception-is that some are presuming that male/female platonic friendships arise from rejected male suitors allowing themselves to be "friend-zoned",hoping that somehow or other events will conspire to "give him a shot".
This IS NOT what most of us mean when we say "plAtonic friendship with the opposite sex"! We are talking about friendships formed in shared interests,hobbies, because we work together,because we're neighbors, or maybe we made mudpies together when we were 5 years old-that sort of friendship! We aren't talking about people we dated-(nothing wrong with being CIVIL to one another) and decided it wasn't a match. Or people who made a play for a dating/romantic situation and we told them, "thank you, but no".
I'm sure that there probably ARE women who hang around after being "friend-zoned" by a man she was interested in dating-but this behavior seems to be something more apt to happen with men. Apparently SOME males think that when a woman says "no, thank you, I like you as a friend but have no feelings that would support a dating process" that maybe she's confused, doesn't know her own mind, might get desperate some time-that "no" maybe DOESN'T mean "no"-and they'll trail around behind her being a "friend"-when really he's just a guy who hasn't gotten the memo-that women DO know their own minds,and when they say "thank you but no thank you" that "no" in "no thank you" means EXACTLY that-NO. En Oh. In fact, I guess I'd like to hear some enlightenment on why in the world a man would form an appreciable level of friendship for a woman who had "friend-zoned " him when he suggested a romantic involvement? I'm not saying men should be rude/hateful/enemies towards women who have tried to be polite and kind in rejecting their romance-based approach,but when she friend-zones you, she's probably trying to be kind and keep dissension out of a neighbor/co-worker/ same social circle situation. Granted, there are women who will friend-zone rejected "suitors" and take various advantages of the friendship, and yeah, I suppose in those cases he MIGHT get a fvck out of mercy, appreciation of help,whatever-but it probably is never going to become any sort of ongoing social/sexual involvement. I'm saying "men",because they seem to be the ones more apt to try and win the game with a "friend-zone" hand-but I imagine that the same thing can happen with women who hope that a platonic friendship with a guy will lead to some sort of dating/relationship scenario.
No, you probably can't be TRULY friends with someone of the opposite gender that you have an unreturned sexual/romantic interest in-but it IS, in many people's opinions, absolutely possible to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite gender, that had it's genesis in something other than sexual attraction. And I do think that sometimes a friendship based on a shared interest can admit of a certain degree of more "biologically based" attraction/interest-WITHOUT acting on it or seeking to further develop the "biologically based" aspect. But I don't think opposite gender people can maintain a friendship that is based solely on romantic/sexual attraction that is one-sided or where following that attraction would be inappropriate- or unwise!
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 420
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2010 11:28:41 AM

We men were being criticized for being immature, selfish and childish for not accepting platonic friendship from women we wanted to date.

So? people criticize other people for all sorts of things.
I did not read that thread,but here's my thinking-not all women are angels, and there are those who will dangle this teensy tiny bit of bait in front of "friend-zoned" rejected suitors because they might be useful in some capacity or other. Sometimes at some point a 'reward' fvck may be forthcoming-and there have been some rare situations where the friendship DID take wings and fly away to the land of romance. But it's not that common.
So if a woman has just rejected your interest in dating her, but pressures to "be friends", it COULD be that she's a very kind-hearted woman who hates hurting people-or it could be a woman who thinks you may be of use for some purpose or other and doesn't want you to get too far away. Some women just have this 'fear of drought" mentality and wants to keep a plan b man, a plan c man,etc-even her back-up guys have backups. I don't understand that myself, but I guess I feel sorry for a woman who would MISUSE "friendship" because she's terrified of not having a man in her life at all times.
So there was criticism in a thread of men who won't accept "friendzoning?" Big whoop!
Did anyone's d*ck go missing as a result of this "criticism?" Hel-LO! this is Adventures in Modern Dating-whatever one does-be they male or female-there will be some who will CRITICIZE. If you see no earthly reason- OTHER than sexual/romantic interest- that there would be a basis of friendship with someone who has rejected you as a romance partner, don't try to maintain a friendship. I'm not talking about rudeness, being an enemy, being uncivil, just don't go into that friendzone.

if these single men you meet at your hobbies, shared interest points, on the job, at the gym, in church, around the corner was ATTRACTIVE enough to you (not just looks, but it's a difference maker), most of you wouldn't be thinking about "platonic friendship" with them at first.

Well, I wasn't confining my thoughts and comments on the subject to "single men". What is it you would have us do? NOT be friends with men where there is a shared interest UNLESS we wanted to date them? Hell, I would be missing some VERY DEAR platonic male friends if there had to be a 'dateability factor' in the mix. But I'm not going to pass up what looks like a friendship opportunity just because I 'could' see myself dating the guy. To me, friendship is a strong and important part of any serious pair bond relationship, too. And who knows-even though I initially saw dating potential, I may rethink that as I get to know the guy-but still want to be friends with him if there is a context! Or I may decide that the friendship is too valuable to risk getting romantically involved-despite the attraction. If there is a MUTUAL romantic attraction, and a contextual friendship, then that is what I find preferable for dating/romance/relationships-not just dating guys where only physical attraction is present and little other shared interests or common ground.

The original questions was basically can you have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex.


With a backstory about situations. There was more to it than that.

OK, if the 'backstory' involves one member of the friendship having the hots for the other member-especially if the "hots" situation is alluded to and rejected-but continuation of the friendship persists because the one having the "hots" hopes that the fates will conspire and the stars will align someday and romance will bloom-and the other person allows/encourages this delusion to keep the friendship for some ulterior reason-that probably is much less likely. However, I'm not sure that would even classify as 'friendship'-sounds more like a combination of delusion and exploitation.
Cindy O
 anogamesgirl1
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 421
view profile
History
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2010 11:31:38 AM
Not really. It has to do with us being the opposite sex.
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