Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mr_ultimo
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 246
The Dog or the Girl? Page 4 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I have a 7 year old Aussie. He wins out over any woman that forces to make that kind of decision...!



P.S. Ladies, you better be a dog lover.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 247
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/3/2011 5:47:37 PM
Although Im not a pet owner, I cant imagine someone saying that, unless they have deep issues or boundary issues that needs seriously resolving, If I was the pet owner and someone said that to me, yeah I kick the idiot to the curb and hopes they do a face plant.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 248
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/3/2011 6:07:08 PM

To me, the answer to this and almost every other dating related question is simple - if you don't agree, like, accept, understand, condone, respect, relate or feel you are compatible with another person AND their lifestyle, then don't date them. Simple isn't it?

Do you really think anyone cares how you feel about your critter(s)? If you wanna be married to them and put 'em in your will, that's your business. But since not everyone else is always quite as "obsessed", the "issue" is when some single folks "misrepresent" themselves, and don't make it clear that their precious little "mini-me" might actually be the same kind of "deal-breaker" in a relationship, as still being married or having a kid!

So what's "simple" is if you feel THAT strongly about your "other" relationship(s), why not just be honest about it with folks and indicate it right up-front? Otherwise you're just being "sneaky" and self-serving, as well as a waste of time to those who first didn't realize the truth about your little obsession. And hey, if nothing else, it might lead to a few less of the many threads here with titles like like "the dog or the girl?", "deal-breaker pets?", and "Women with multiple cats - sign of mental illness?"!!
 neddygurl
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 249
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 4:27:12 AM
I'm not much of a dog person, but I recently met someone who has a dog and I fell in love with him (the dog, not the man). This dog is 160 pounds of arctic wolf and some other breed. I thought I would never want to be around a dog like that, but he's so sweet and wonderful. People who don't have an open mind when it comes to pets in a relationship can miss out on a lot. Especially a dog that is well trained. I have nothing against anyone who would choose his dog over a new relationship. I do think that if the dog has done something to hurt someone or is vicious, I would get to stepping.
 Barredbard
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 250
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 10:01:54 AM
I am quite relieved that this thread isn't what I thought it was when I first saw the caption 'The Dog or the Girl?'
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 251
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 10:43:49 AM

I'm surprised you even asked the question.....pick the dog darlin...man's best friend after all....I always feel there is something wrong with people who don't like dogs! Lock you're G'friend & dog into the car for a few hrs...see which one is happiest to see you when you return......There's you're answer!

And I'm always amused whenever the "pooch obsessed" go on about the "virtues" of their, um, "pet" ("he's loyal, loves me, always happy to see me, blah-blah-blah!").

Get real, he's a frickin' DOG, and as any animal expert will tell 'ya, that's just what dogs do, is suck up to their Alpha. And besides what else is he gonna do... argue with you or go get a restraining order?!

Now just imagine dating that type of person, who has those same kind of "requirements" in a "relationship"....
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 252
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 11:59:16 AM
Speaking of "puppies" and "obsessions"!

Actually, I'm trying to be "diplomatic" about all this. But if you really wanna know, candidly, what I think is that the "pet obsessed" are truly the "Mother Lode" of "relationship difficulties". For one thing they're obviously just a huge source of complaint threads here, and for another they're very seldom honest about it, or just talking about their "obsession"... instead usually hiding behind self-pity, anger, and "you don't love animals" (even though there are plenty of animal lovers posting that are not obsessed).

This is because the Pet Obsessed are very different than normal pet owners and animal lovers. And what they're really about is something the shrinks call Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD). Or as a noted authority on narcissism, Dr. Sam Vaknin describes them,
"The presence of pets activates two primitive psychological defense mechanisms: projection and narcissism, because it provides them with narcissistic supply. Narcissists are easily hurt because of their unrealistic expectations from other people. They expect others to swallow whole their false self - a deception. They feel entitled to special treatment. They demand to be exempted from rules and conventions - legal as well as social.
Any hint of criticism, or disagreement - any indication that you see the narcissist for what he really is - is perceived by the narcissist as a THREAT. Narcissists are TERRIFIED of intimacy and commitment - and, yet, they crave it. They are afraid of it because intimacy threatens to "expose" their fictitious nature, their invented identities and biographies, their vulnerabilities.
Yet, they crave it because they need someone by their side who can provide them with a constant and regulated stream of narcissistic supply. And anything can serve as a source of Narcissistic supply, providing that it has the potential to attract people' attention and be the subject of their admiration.
Narcissists relate to objects - including pets and humans - as either accumulators or discarders. And EVERYTHING is an extension of the narcissist. His personality has a low level of organization. In other words, he has no boundaries and recognizes no boundaries.
He is not aware where he ends and his dog (or cat) - or you - begin. You are there as possessions, tools, to perform pre-assigned functions. The narcissist IS the universe. He is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent."

In other words, to the Narcissist (aka Pet Obsessed), it's always "ALL ABOUT ME", which makes them the proverbial Date from Hell!
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 253
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 12:13:00 PM

Anyone else ever had to say adios to a female or male because of a dog. Besides medical conditions?
No, but I make it abundantly clear that we're a package deal. Not saying this is the way to go, but just never ran into this. On my initial email correspondance I generally always get to the "Do you like dogs/cats?"

Your dog is not the problem unless you find your true love and she has allergies. There are ways to make that work too. She's the issue imo, but I'm biased.
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 254
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 12:22:23 PM
Your message reads pretty awful to me. There's only one small word in there that I can possibly say that I'm not some horrible person trying to project my problems on others, but its so fleeting that the message reads that if you have a pet you're an ass...


"The presence of pets activates two primitive psychological defense mechanisms: projection and narcissism...
and then you go on with the quote which is all about the narcissim. I'm assuming the projection puts a better light on things? If it doesn't, then I'm just going to write off everything this quack doctor has to say about owning pets.

I've been around pets my entire life and its been very rewarding and I'd like to think mutually beneficial. I've adopted a couple cats and my dog. I could say that I did them a favor, but in all reality they've given back to me the peace of mind and companionship tenfold. By far, the people I meet who have pets are much more likely to be people I can get along with versus those that don't.

I'm not terrified of intimacy or commitment, or at least my past history hasn't shown that. Not I'm not easily hurt by unrealistic expectations from other people. Etc

You probably didn't mean it that way. You probably posted it so that someone who is looking to date a pet owner can look out for whatever signs that says they're a narcissist, but it kind of reads like you or that doctor is saying that "the presence of pets" = narcissist.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 255
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 12:54:13 PM

Then, as I said: IT'S REAL SIMPLE: Don't date them. It is really unnecessary, however, to go on and on name calling and making what amounts to a fake psychological diagnosis about people. You don't get it. They see things differently than you do. Move on.

"Any hint of criticism, or disagreement - any indication that you see the narcissist for what he really is - is perceived by the narcissist as a THREAT."


You probably didn't mean it that way. You probably posted it so that someone who is looking to date a pet owner can look out for whatever signs that says they're a narcissist, but it kind of reads like you or that doctor is saying that "the presence of pets" = narcissist.

Yes, that's precisely why I posted it. But as I also indicated there are plenty of "normal" pet owners, so am not suggesting that the mere "presence" of pets = narcissist. Only that there might be a "problem" with the ones who seem to be so "obsessed" or "addicted", that they allow them to get in the way of forming close human relationships.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 256
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 1:34:06 PM
any female ever gives me that kind of ultranatium either the dog or me. Her ass would be out faster than the post man dropping off mail. I hate to be mean but females come and go but my pets are like fam.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 257
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 2:03:07 PM
Hold on! Is this even a discussion ? - is there anything to discuss here? - seriously ?
She gets Das BoOT! and that's that.

Last 11 years ..Soooo many women came and gone... and my beagle is still with me...


-------------------------------------------------------------------
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 258
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 4:43:14 PM

Mateo: the thing is, you are the one showing obsession here. I don't even have any pets, but because I am disagreeing with you, in your opinion, with your fake diagnosis, you are now calling me names, now I'm labeled as a narcissist. Don't you get it at all? What you are doing? I abhor people who, without any real knowledge or creditionals do psychological diagnoses on people because they don't like how the other person lives. Get a life.

In my experience, people who like animals and for whom animals are an important part of their lives, those people are warmer and more loving people, people who are very able to form close attachments to others. People who do not have loving relationships with animals are often very emotionally stiff, sterile, and uncompromising, in my experience.

Oh, and btw: your are not expressing a 'hint' of disagreement or citicism: you have been going on and on, page after page, sneering at, ridiculing, and name calling.


Since when do you get to decide what posts are "acceptable" here? And does it get any more narcissistic than thinking that you do?!

BTW, go back and read your own posts here... you made the first comment to me, not the other way around. And even then, right away, it was a personal attack. Simply because you ASSUMED what I said was directed at you. But of course you'd assume that, because IT'S ALWAYS ALL ABOUT YOU!

Oh, and another symptom I've noticed about clinical Narcissism (along with the pet obsessions and being hyper-defensive).... they have NO sense of humor!!
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 259
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/4/2011 4:53:30 PM
You're only dating...I would definitely have to keep the dog!
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 260
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 2:02:05 AM
only date women who like dogs - and I am not saying the ones who pretend to like dogs but get all upset when the dog sheds...

I am talking about those of us who like dogs and will put up with doggy kisses and doggy breath and are okay with the picking up of doggy doo on the lawn or in the park...etc

You gotta pick the women who like dogs....
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 261
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 2:05:38 AM
ps My friend, who was the minister at the church I attend, put down his cat for the woman he eventually married.

so very sad
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 263
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 4:02:23 AM
I would never even ask someone to rid thier pets...and if someone indicated Id be a better mate without my pets, the door would be shown PDQ!

I take the respopnsibility of having pets seriously and I dont drop them for men. Thats just lame. The pets were here first, they are trained to be good social creatures, I keep my home clean of fur...there is no other reason than jealousy and or control for anyone to insinuate to me that they have an issue with my pets.

I have met people who are bad pet owners and can see why thier mates make a fuss. Hairy furniture, the dog is allowed to push thier guests off of the furniture etc...even then, I dont insinuate that they need to get rid...I just dont ever go to that home again, and therfor, I wont date him again-choices people, we all have them. In the early days, if you see a human who allows animals to run thier home, you just dont go back to that home. It is pretty simple. I love a home where pets are part of the home and well behaved, cared for (clean).
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 264
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:18:12 AM
I didn't read all the posts here. OP, did you ever mention anywhere on here what the problem was these women had? Did you just happen to hook up with 3 women who simply don't like dogs, or did they state wht their problem was with yours?
I dated a guy who had a St. Bernard. The relationship didn't end because of his dog. However, I did tell him I wasn't going to his place anymore, and he would have to come here. That is because the slobber of a St Bernard grosses me out. The dog was a big sweetheart, and well behaved. But he could be 12 feet away from me, and when he shook his head, it looked like shoe strings flying in the air, and some of those strings of slobber would land on me. I just didn't have the stomach for it. And I adore dogs. I have a 70 pound Standard Poodle. If any man asked me to part with my dog, I would be looking at him like what planet he came from. I didn't ask this guy with his slobbering dog to part with his. Far be it from me to ever ask someone to part with a pet. But I couldnt be around it.
I have 3 parrots, and men have complained to me that they make too much noise, etc. My birds aren't going anywhere either. I rescued them from a life of hell and promised them they will never be treated that way again. But not all men like my birds. So be it. I tell them my animals own this place. I just pay the rent and I'm part of the clean up staff.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 265
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 10:42:09 AM
A dog is mans best friend...and as far as i'm concerned, we are a package deal..either she can handle it or not..
Not everybody is a dog lover...and i'm severely allergic to cats..so dating someone with cats is a deal-breaker for me.
However, i will say that animals have their place, and people should come first, but a dog depends on you for many things, including but not limited to, food,water,shelter, and bathroom breaks.
Good luck,.
 MC_Painter
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 266
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 2:30:39 PM
I guess I agree with all most everyone here. She goes. I have cats and if a women says she is allergic to them or don't like them then sorry I pass. In my profile I make sure it says must love animals especially dogs and cats. My cats have been with me through thick and thin (whether they know it or not is irelevant) Animals are also the only ones that give you unconditional love and i am quite sure that dog of yours loves you very much. A dog like you are mentioning is extradordinary and you can always find another women. Now a person that gets a medical condition After we are in a serious reltionship is another story but most people have already gotten allergy's by the time they are our age.

GO WITH THE DOG
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 268
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/5/2011 11:08:54 PM
I could just see the slobber flying through the air...best laugh I have in over a week!!!! thank you thank you
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 269
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/6/2011 2:32:46 AM
The answer to this question is best illustrated by the movie, ``A Boy and His Dog'' written by Harlan Ellison and starring Don Johnson.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 271
view profile
History
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:52:45 PM

The answer to this question is best illustrated by the movie, ``A Boy and His Dog'' written by Harlan Ellison and starring Don Johnson.


Absolutely great movie. One of Don Johnson's earliest roles, before Miami Vice. A fairly cheap production, but a very great moral to the story by Harlan Ellison (a long time master of the science fiction genre).
 TXR40
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 272
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/6/2011 11:20:20 PM
Gotta love em equally. For those times you want to throw her out, just make another bed for the pooch :)
 dashenka4
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 273
The Dog or the Girl?
Posted: 7/10/2011 7:13:39 AM
My dog stays! If I have a dog, I have accepted a responsibility for his care and have formed attachment with it. Developed mutual trust. The dog depends on me. Anyone who wants me to shrug my responsibility, break trust is coming from very selfish place, and is not about to make me a better person, quite the opposite. And I don't need anybody to help me be bad-I can do bad all by myself lol
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >