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 lovinglife2229
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 7
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having your kids around the new man....Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I dont know if its right or wrong it is a personal choice. I am single and considering a new relationship but I dont want my kids to see a guy around if he isnt going to be around long and at the start you just dont know. I dont want them to be confused, my kids have only seen me with thier father and this would be to weird for them
 devilchild13us
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 9
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/6/2006 9:03:36 AM
i think you should introduce your kids the person you seeing right away. kids can usually tell if they're good or bad person. my kids meet people i'm seeing right away. they're 16, 13, and 12. they know if it will be a good or bad guy for me.
 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 10
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having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/6/2006 9:37:42 AM
I find it fascinating how everyone has to explain their reasoning behind their choice... as if they need justification.

Do what you feel is the best thing for you... and nevermind what anyone else says.
 MarketPlus
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 11
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/6/2006 3:37:13 PM
Do what you feel is the best thing for you... and nevermind what anyone else says

^^^ I don't completely disagree with this Diggy03. Since my ex is nowhere to be found, I have total discretion over how I deal with items regarding my children.
I can understand being in a situation like the OP where the ex may be a vindictive person who wishes to sling mud at every opportunity. Thus leading her to be overly careful about everything she does.
Every situation is different, but I agree with some other posts here about how you only want to introduce the kids to someone you trust, and whom you think will be around for a long-term (and never showing the children ta "revolving door" on your bedroom, which is bad from any perspective).
Enjoy your love life and be careful. I think some of you just have to care about what anyone else says- particularly if it is your children's other parent, who may be looking to make grief for you at every turn.
 MarketPlus
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 18
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/8/2006 4:49:17 PM
With my own children, I believe that later is better than sooner for meeting my friends. Like most things, you only do damage by rushing it.

They are completely over any shock of their Mom leaving them, which happened years ago. Both times I have introduced them to dates, I took a lot of time beforehand to prepare them for the meeting. When the time finally was right, I only needed to tell them they were "going to meet someone very special", and I didn't have to tell them how to feel about it. Luckily both experiences went very well.
Make sure you do not let expectations get too high. As much as we all want it to happen, the children may not always want to become instant friends with your new someone.
The first meeting should be to let the parties get to know each other a little bit. A deeper friendship is going to take a long time to develop. Patience, understanding and time (lots of it) seem to work best for this.
Easier yet for me, as I don't have a meddling ex in the picture to mess things up.
 jayman905
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 19
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/10/2006 8:31:26 PM
jamiedionne, I do agree that having to "hide" what you are doing can be cumbersome and can lead to guilt and other areas of dishonesty (for those of us here who actually care about those things, at least).
However I cannot disagree with you more about the "recomend that people do not have kids anymore in this day and age" stuff. Having their own children is exactly the reason lots of people look forward to adulthood. Sure, there are always going to be Good/Bad parents. However that is a person's opportunity to show their mettle and shine.
Here's to all you hard working parents (you know who you are)
Sorry I could not be one with you
 indianwolf
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 20
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:09:55 AM
Yeah I was afraid of how my kids would react to my dating. But they have been great. The oldest is 15 and the other is 9. The 9 year old met one date with me at the Wal-Mart. She hasnt met the other. And the 15 year old met another date and really liked him. She said he was a keeper!!
 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 21
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 2/12/2006 11:24:29 AM
I have been divorced for 10 years and my boys met one man in my life so far.I was with him for 3 years and by then they were older.I never got them invovled in any of my relationships/affairs when they were little.I also never moved in or let anyone move in with me.
 I1269r
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 22
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 4/23/2006 3:22:55 PM
My parents separated when I was 5. We moved to Saint John from Halifax shortly after and my mother was always putting my dad down. I resented her for that, but didn't know how bad of a drunk he was. That became clearer as the years passed, and he was seen perhaps once a summer until the liquor got the best of him... I was perhaps 18 at the time, very confused and took many years of working at becoming a better person, and sometimes, even today I find myself humbled by some of ya's

My mother had men in her lives (5 of us kids) seen just about everything and went through a lot of abuse because of these men, one actually murdered a little girl on the west-side, my sisters best friend, in our back shed. Wake up. He was a bad drunk and a violent man and that should have been a clue, Sorry for little Lola and her heartbroken family, and I still think to this day, many years later, that it could have been my sister. Hope I don't offend anyone by my reply and this is a very difficult topic with a lot of good responses. Glad to finally figure out these forums, or hope I got it right. Oh. Nice site by the way, and excuse my newbieness, lol.
 bluedew
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 23
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 4/26/2006 2:32:52 PM
This is a rule that always worked for me, date never bring it home, looks like it could be a longterm deal, introduce them slowly.
I was asked out by a man, now in jail, child molester, I never did date him by the way, knew him for a while, seemed like a nice guy, was I shocked.
Scared me enough to be very careful about who comes to my home.
Met another nice man, dated for awhile before he met my daughter, unfortunetly didn't work out but we are still friends.
My daughter is older now, and insists I go out and meet someone, and she is old enough to understand who is a male friend as I have a few, not many, two or three, and these guys are attached to someone else, they are married and I know both wives as well, the other is divorced, but we are just friends. Visits are in the day time never late evening.
Young kids can get confused, so just be careful.
 cindy0823
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 25
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having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 7/1/2013 10:07:35 AM
I have to disagree about "waiting until it is a sure thing" and all that. First of all, how can you know it is a sure thing EVER? (nothing is a sure thing -- you never know otherwise you wouldn't be divorced with kids to begin with), and secondly, why would you even think it is a sure thing without first seeing how a guy is around your kids to begin with? If THEY like him... then keep dating him, assuming you're really into each other. You don't have to have him around your kids all the time so that they get attached, but bowling or something once in a blue moon in the beginning is appropriate so long as your kids are over your and your ex's split already. Again, I wouldn't date anyone seriously if my kids didn't like the guy or if he isn't "cool" around them and the only way to find that out is to give it a try.
 TheLiberator
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 26
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having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 7/2/2013 8:59:50 PM
If you are selfish, immature, and irresponsible... sure, bring 'em all home to meet the kids. Your happiness is paramount, right? Who cares if the kids are put in harm's way, or they get attached to someone you end up dumping?

One of my exes had a terrible mother. She used to bring home guys, and some of them would sexually abuse her.
The worst part is she is a single mother now too, the father is a registered sex offender who was twice her age when he got her pregnant in high school. After they didn't work out she started seeing a friend of his, who she later found out was also a convicted rapist and sex offender. When I had a long term relationship with her the kids got attached to me, and she told me her daughter cried and had sleepless nights for weeks because she wanted her "daddy"(me). She is still drawing family portraits with me in them.

To my knowledge she has brought at least two new guys into their lives in the last 4 months. It really makes me sick to think about the damage she is doing to the kids. But her happiness comes first, obviously.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 27
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 7/5/2013 2:10:50 PM

To my knowledge she has brought at least two new guys into their lives in the last 4 months. It really makes me sick to think about the damage she is doing to the kids. But her happiness comes first, obviously.


There is actually family law judges out there awarding full child custody to aunts, uncles, and grandparents because they feel the parents involved in a breakup/divorce cannot be 'civil' enough to handle a decent custody arrangement. After reading some of these threads, I really don't blame them. Yeah, there are plenty of horrible people that become parents, and there are plenty of good reasons why kids shouldn't be around them - but demonizing the Ex in FRONT of the kids makes you part of the problem, not a solution. No matter how horrible their parenting skills may be, those battles are meant to be waged in an ADULT setting. Always keep your cool around your kids. Always. Always. Always.

Two advice items about dating and being parents;
(1) Your custody time with your kids does NOT mean you HAVE to spend every second of it with the kids. If you have an Ex who's always pestering you on your weekends off while on a date, or worse yet; gives the phone to the kids so THEY can pester you during date night. If you want to control that environment better, just consider getting a sitter during YOUR custody time so the Ex and the Kids have no good reason to bother you unless it's an emergency.

(2) Meeting your kids should not be the victim of a fictional calendar. Giving yourself a set date (six months, maybe) of a relationship BEFORE you allow him/her to meet the kids is a noble idea, but in practice there's gonna be plenty of opportunities that pose a better time and place to do it. Meet in baby steps - helping pack the van on a Saturday morning for a baseball tournament isn't a date, but it's decent interaction time with both you AND the kids, and it doesn't take a lot of time or effort (unless you pack rat a TON of crap for the whole team on the bus).

The whole idea of 'meeting' the kids doesn't mean going on a dinner date with them, or sneaking in late and sleeping over - just little simple interactions to show the kids you have friends and a social life. You can confirm the relationship with the whole family at a later time, and worry about camping over for the holiday weekend NEXT year. The 'Right' person will be patient and wait and take whatever interactions you allow them to have - but if you keep a mark on the calendar as the ONLY time and NEVER before then, well, you've just proven that your fictional calendar is more important than their REAL relationship with your family. Nobody is going to appreciate that - no matter how noble the reason.
 brian_g_123
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 28
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 8/8/2013 9:32:58 PM
Alright. Not ALL men are interested in women;s daughters in any way except maybe they wanted a daughter themselves. The pedophile witch hunt is out of control. Here's a story proving women are capable of some disgusting behaviour.

Met a woman off this site, implied sex. We went to her room, stripped and went to it. She started to get loud, and kept getting louder. Runnin comentary on our sex. She wanted to show me she can make herself ejaculate almost at will. I took this womens cum all over my body as I masturbated in it, just getting loud too. Commentatig on everything like she was. Eventually I came hard her detailing every ribbon spilling out of my**** Wow, that sex was amazing. I forgo the door to her room was open, hope the neighbours didnt hear!

Lying down together after a few mibutes something caught my eye out the door; turns out the woman had a daughter in the next room, not a day over 12, going to get a drink of water. The woman failed to mention the daughter, commented on our sex like a play by play announcer the whle time (and it was graphic animal sex) and couldnt be bothered t o close the door; I left immediately, tears in my eyes, no doubt a case of constant sexual abuse.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 29
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 8/14/2013 7:15:14 AM
Met a woman off this site, implied sex. We went to her room, stripped and went to it. She started to get loud, and kept getting louder. Runnin comentary on our sex. She wanted to show me she can make herself ejaculate almost at will. I took this womens cum all over my body as I masturbated in it, just getting loud too. Commentatig on everything like she was. Eventually I came hard her detailing every ribbon spilling out of my**** Wow, that sex was amazing. I forgo the door to her room was open, hope the neighbours didnt hear!

What the HELL? Was this nauseating commentary REALLY necessary to get your point across? Good Christ! And I was eating, too.

Penthouse Forum Letters is that way ==============>

Is there a mouth-breather convention going on in town or something?
 1owensound
Joined: 9/18/2013
Msg: 30
having your kids around the new man....
Posted: 10/4/2013 12:12:46 PM
dingle dad for 7 years never date and try to avoid talking to women when my kids are around they cant say i was a ( male whore ) or think anything bad of me . most single people i know with kids just stay single or at least never talk about dating around kids even if you never sleep with another man but have lots hanging around the kids at some point in time will think what was mom doing with all these men .
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