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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Would you date a woman with a special needs child?      Home login  
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 SassySiamese
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 5
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Thanks all for the replies. As my oldest is the one in question, she's 10 chronologically, but at about a 4 or 5 year old level mentally. It's always awkward for me when someone that I'm dating finally meets my girl. I feel like I have to explain away everything she says or does. Don't get me wrong, I'm not embarassed by her, it's just that I don't know what the person that I'm with will think about her so, I feel as if I have to justify why she says what she says or, how she acts. This has always been a touchy subject with me because I am so protective of her and I fear that she'll be hurt. My ex of six years was a very strong male role model for her and even though he is the father of my youngest, he always loved my oldest like she was his own. He's alienated her and just about cut her out of his life completely and she does not know how to "let it out" so to speak. Verbalization does not come easy for her so she resorts to internalizing everything due to the lack of being able to communicate. I don't ever want her to go through this again with anyone but I know there are no guarantees.

I know.. I'm straying off the very topic I created. I guess I was hoping to see some positives come out of this and I have. Thanks everyone for replying.
 ravessa
Joined: 3/30/2005
Msg: 6
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 7:01:09 PM
I don't meet a lot of single men so I can't say that my kids would deter them.

My oldest is 14 with an IQ and EQ of about 4 or 5 so when I'm out in public with her, we get a lot of stares as she looks "normal" but behaves far younger. I haven't decided if it's her behavior, my shyness or just the fact that I have kids with me that keeps men from approaching me.

Sorry I don't have any answers for you, but I do know that it will be some time before I'll introduce a man I'm dating to my kids...and that includes my "normal" kids. I don't want my kids getting attached to someone that isn't a serious/potentially permanent relationship. My divorce has been difficult enough on them.

T.
 bec37
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 7
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 2/3/2006 4:51:05 PM
i THINK THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY CORRECT IN SAYING THAT A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD CAN TEACH YOU ALOT. MY 10 YEAR OLD SON AND MY 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER ARE BOTH DIABETICS AND ARE ROUTINLY TEACHINNG ME STRENGTH , ENDURANCE , AND PATIENCE.
 eye4truth
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 8
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 2/3/2006 8:17:20 PM
Bah without question.
 trayc91007
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 9
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 2/9/2006 1:56:18 AM
Mr. Kubla Khan... you know you're limiteding yourself from dedicated women... how old are u?
 sly848484
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 10
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 5/1/2006 8:38:43 PM
i would date a women with a special needs child ...i have three children and i love them alot ...i love all kids and i have plenty of love to share ...if i fell in love with a women i would love her and her kids as if they were my own..nomatter if her kids have special needs or not ...a good relationship should be based on love ....not convienance................................................................................................................................................................................................................................jeferey
 R_U_strong_enough
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 11
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 7/24/2006 10:39:30 PM
I am glad I found this post...sad there aren't more replies...if you read my profile, and replies to other posts, you'll know why...I haven't dated in three years...my son has severe CP(cerebral palsy)...I don't only want, but NEED someone to share my life...and my life now is all about my son....but unfortunately I will see him pass...and unless there is more here for me...without sounding morbid or pessemistic..I will follow....there's a phrase from a sarah mclauchlan song..."I fear I have nothing to give, but I have so much to lose"...dating is scary as HELL...i can't do someone leaving US again...and casual dating isn't what i NEED....I can keep myself 'occupied'...but in the end unless the relationship involves my son, I am still alone
 footballpenguin
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 12
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:11:52 AM
yes I would.

many people would't. that's ok to not be comfortable with it. would you rather soembody force a relationship when they weren't comfortable with the circumstances?

don't agree with the post above "a child is a child" etc...no, a child isn't a child. that's the point of this post. every child, man, woman, is different. it's ok to like or dislike those differences.
 Wild Artist
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 13
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:19:50 AM

you bet your sweet ass I would

Great parking and get to get in the front of the line at theme parks


Too bad for you that all special needs don't qualify for special parking and such.

My son has a few special needs, but when I tell men that they run without even finding out what they are. I figure if they can't take the time to get to know me or even ask what my son's special needs are, then they weren't worth my time anyways.

As far as dating a man with a child with special needs. I would have no problem with it. I have worked with many kids and adults with special needs and can be the ear a single parent needs when it comes to their child or just life, as well as being able to help change the subject off our kids if we need the nudge to do so...LOL
 kdf99
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 14
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 8/20/2006 7:43:41 PM
As the mother of a wonderfully happy, good hearted boy with Autism and a wonderful, intellegent, loving son with emotional issues due to severe abuse prior to my adoption of him I can say few men go where angels tread. And these kids are angels. I have received some responses from men asking questions about their disabilities but very few go beyond that. It is a shame as children like these are such a blessing to everyone who gives them love.
 kdf99
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 15
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 8/21/2006 2:33:20 AM
Strong enough,
You pain is so raw. I would never profess to know what you are feeling as each persons situation is different. I know the situation is very difficult but believe me, God is there for you. You are not alone. Please know that as difficult and lonely as it may be, there is always hope. Do you have a church family? I ask this not just because of the strength that God has given me with my 2 special needs boys but also because of the support my church family provides. Have you checked for a special needs parent support group in your area? I know that there are several specific national ones i.e. revolving around CP, Downs, Autism, etc. There are also usually some local ones as well. A good place to ask about them is at a hospital based pediatric outpatient physical therapy clinic. Please reach out for support for these areas. God does not mean for you to do this alone. Once you reach out for the support you need and become emotionally stronger so that a man in your life is a desire that can be lived without not a need, the right one will find you. God bless you and I will be praying for you and your son, the angel God blessed you with.
 gloria4u2
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 16
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 8/21/2006 4:35:14 PM
First of all it's DOWN syndrome not downs syndrome. I have two boys...one has down syndrome, one does not. I never once neglected my older son and of course, my younger son will get more attention sometimes because he needs it. This special attention was never given at the expense of my other child. I've raised my boys alone for the past 14 years and they are both wonderful boys. You have the same attitude as my ex husband. Needless to say he is no longer a part of my boys life and they are better off for it. They don't need to have selfish and ignorant people in their lives.
 ShervinXP
Joined: 12/10/2013
Msg: 17
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/19/2014 11:20:58 AM
Yes I would... Because I admire that mother who does not give up on her child no matter what !
 Ownerofdogs
Joined: 1/8/2014
Msg: 18
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/19/2014 11:38:29 AM
Although I may be flamed for it, I couldn't. It's nothing against the child but the possibility of playing step dad alone should the relationship grow beyond dating is straining. Add a handicap, it could be more then the relationship alone could handle. She would have to be more understanding then most in giving me the chance to learn how to relate with the child and learn the roll we'd all have in the relationship. Honestly, for me, that's too much for me to expect of most single mothers.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 19
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/31/2014 11:22:05 PM
I'd date any woman that I found compelling enough to date again.

People can get turned off from dates for a bajillion reasons. People live in situations where people depend on them, whether it be for a leadership position at work, or a public office they hold, or being a parent. What makes dating 'difficult' is finding the ability to socialize OUTSIDE of that 'shell' of dependency and allow enough one-on-one time for the date to actually get to know them.

Dating without distractions isn't always easy, but ANY interruption - whether it be from employees on the night shift, children with special needs, or the press seeking an interview about something - is going to hamper that get-to-know-you process. In some cases fixing it is as easy as shutting off your cell phone to avoid distraction, in other cases it can be a logistical nightmare to find a caretaker that's available and inexpensive so you can meet.

Dates who are patient and tolerable of 'emergencies' are NOT going to flee at the first significant sign of distraction -- but if a pattern of several 'emergencies' emerges where it is abundantly clear that dating is nowhere near the top of their priority list, it's going to turn people off eventually. I don't want to compare the needs of a special kid to the tasteless act of endlessly tinkering on Facebook during a date, but hey, a distraction IS a distraction, and lost communication time is a bad thing, regardless of how it happens.

As far as a long-term relationship with a parent of a special needs kid; I would assume if they are coordinated enough to find time to date, that they are coordinated enough to have a pretty good grasp on the caretaking for the kid. If I found out they are being a disorganized 'victim' of their circumstances and are fishing for someone to take over that responsibility, I'd be gone quick. Come to think of it, that would be true of ANY family dating situation. If you can't keep your own house in some semblance of order, you're not going to have much luck convincing someone else to help out.
 Drezzal
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 20
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/29/2015 7:15:02 PM
Yes I would and I already do.

My gf has a baby with DS and she is the most loving and gentle wee thing you will ever meet. I feel privileged just to be part of her life and recommend that you don't limit your options. It's not as scary as you might think ;)
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 21
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/15/2015 12:08:24 PM

Men - Would you date a woman with a special needs child?

If not, why not?

If your choice not to was based on the fact that you knew nothing of the type of disability the child had, but learned about it, would this change your decision?

I don't need to be flamed for posting this thread, but I'm searching for something long term AND I have a beautiful daughter with Down syndrome so I would like to get a feel for what you all think about this. Ladies, feel free to put your $.02 in on this too.


There is one thing no one brought up was, what impact would a special needs child have on a normal child of the "date".

What I mean is I have a truly " special" child who's IQ exceeds 120. If I were to date and become serious with a woman who had a special needs child, how would that effect my child. Is anyone really going to say that her education and development would not be hindered by a special needs child throwing fits, misbehaving or just having no intellectual contribution?

However, looking out some of the posters on here accused men of being shallow and the fact this issue (^ above) has not been brought up, shows most of the women with special needs kids ASSUMES or EXPECTS to procure a childless man. That really goes to show who is shallow and has a false sense of ENTILTLEMENT!
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 22
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/16/2015 10:15:11 AM
Leave the child or children out of it. I do agree that the children are unique human beings that deserve to be treated as such. Consider the parent themselves. Quite a few of them have screws loose. It's like joining a religion with its own doctrine and dogma that cannot be even questioned. They rank children according to disability. MD is more lovable than Cancer and most prized of all is Down Syndrome where you get to bask in the glow of the Holy Spirit.

No. It doesn't take a special woman to raise a handicapped child. All it takes a tattooed Borderline with a government subsidy and meth habit. No matter how ignorant, abusive or amoral she may be, dogma is that she is automatically a saint worthy of worship and better than any woman who has a normal child.

Fathers fall into this too. I have a friend of many years who has two, shall we say... delicate... children. She has, for the past few years, been trying to re-evaluate her and her children's situation. She is coming to terms with the fact that her own stamina is eroding and that she may survive her children. She has come to realize that she loved her children sooooo much that she may have deprived them of opportunities and a more rewarding life. Unfortunately, Dad is still in the cult and it may kill him because he has medical problems of his own. It sometimes causes undue friction between them. If this guy can't get more objective like his wife, it could be disaster for them all -- parents and children both.

To sum up: Never mind the children. The parent, mother or father, is the one to be cautious about.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 23
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/16/2015 12:25:26 PM

What I mean is I have a truly " special" child who's IQ exceeds 120. If I were to date and become serious with a woman who had a special needs child, how would that effect my child. Is anyone really going to say that her education and development would not be hindered by a special needs child throwing fits, misbehaving or just having no intellectual contribution?

However, looking out some of the posters on here accused men of being shallow and the fact this issue (^ above) has not been brought up, shows most of the women with special needs kids ASSUMES or EXPECTS to procure a childless man. That really goes to show who is shallow and has a false sense of ENTILTLEMENT!

Guess what I raised 2 sons w/ autism & if that was not enough, my baby was Dxed w/ type 1 diabetes 3 days after his 7th b-day. All through that I dated.

from 2003-2006 I dated a P.H.D. in science who had 2 older daughters.
they were the nastiest, spoiled, entitled b1tches who caused constant drama & even had issues w/ the law.
throwing fits, misbehaving or just having no intellectual contribution?
A friend said what was their disease: spoiled?

My kids were disciplined, held accountable & given a structured environment.
My older son has been working since forever, has done much community service & volunteerism & has won local awards.

I understand that other neuro-atypical or cognitively impaired children may be not as fortunate, so I'd take it on a case-by-case basis in regards to dating as I would with "normies". Some of those gawd awful normies throwing fits, misbehaving or just having no intellectual contribution- LMFAO!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 24
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/16/2015 1:21:51 PM
I know of a couple local ladies who have special needs "Kids". I put "Kids" in quotes because they have sons that are both 18 or pushing 18. When you have a kid who's handicapped and throws a tantrum at say age 6 - a lot of times that's manageable for a single parent - or possibly an older sibling or sitter can keep them from hurting themselves - but at age 18 you have a full grown MAN with a mentality of a small child - that's a logistics issue that can't always be easily taken care of.

I wouldn't mind dating either one of them regardless of the child - but they have other life choices that don't match me very well. What I find difficult about that kind of situation is convincing them that the 'deal breaker' isn't about their kid - it's a drinking or smoking habit or some other similar thing. If you turned them down, do you think they'd honestly believe it wasn't their kid?
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 25
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/20/2015 3:37:06 PM

Guess what I raised 2 sons w/ autism & if that was not enough, my baby was Dxed w/ type 1 diabetes 3 days after his 7th b-day. All through that I dated.

from 2003-2006 I dated a P.H.D. in science who had 2 older daughters.
they were the nastiest, spoiled, entitled b1tches who caused constant drama & even had issues w/ the law.
throwing fits, misbehaving or just having no intellectual contribution?
A friend said what was their disease: spoiled?

My kids were disciplined, held accountable & given a structured environment.
My older son has been working since forever, has done much community service & volunteerism & has won local awards.

I understand that other neuro-atypical or cognitively impaired children may be not as fortunate, so I'd take it on a case-by-case basis in regards to dating as I would with "normies". Some of those gawd awful normies throwing fits, misbehaving or just having no intellectual contribution- LMFAO!


Listen, just to be clear, I was not talking ill of special needs children, only the effect a special needs child household's atmosphere has on gifted children. I understand the social pressure has on special needs parent's psychology to call their children special so they feel better about their children and themselves, but to think that atmosphere won't hinder a gifted child is wishful thinking at it's best.

I understand special needs doesn't always mean Styrofoam helmets or flinging feces, but not all special needs children are "high-functioning autistic" either. There is always exceptions to the rule, but it should be made on a general basis UNLESS SPECIFIED BY THE SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT, not by a case-by-case basis. I shouldn't have to spend significant time dating only to find out the child will be raised by the parent until their death.
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 26
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:50:08 AM

but to think that atmosphere won't hinder a gifted child is wishful thinking at it's best. [/qquote]
Well, I suppose if one considers the learning of patience, compassion, humility, gratitude and dealing with life's little adversities as "hindrance",that might be true.
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 27
Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:52:19 AM
if it ain't one damn glitch it's another with these forums lately,right?
 ScotnCan
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 28
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 4/20/2015 5:10:11 PM
Yes I would date a woman with a special needs child. All relationships have their different challenges. Just like any relationship honesty and communication would be key.
 tvanover
Joined: 6/30/2015
Msg: 29
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Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 8/1/2016 3:28:01 PM
Yes... women with children are diamonds in the rough
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