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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?      Home login  
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 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 226
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?Page 10 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Who the hell asks this and who the hell tells?
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 227
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 1:56:02 AM
From personal experience, I can tell you that just about every woman does. It's only a matter of when, not if.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 228
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 1:08:55 PM

I can tell you that just about every woman does.


LOL A year or so ago, on a meet date the man asks me,
"So aren't you going to ask me, how many women I have slept with?"
I was actually taken aback! "Hell no, why would I do that? It's none of my business".
His next question? "So aren't you going to ask me how many women I have met? How am I doing on "ol fish?"
Again I reply, "No, I consider all this to be NONE of my business."

It never crossed my mind to ask men these kind of questions. Sheesh!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 229
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 1:38:43 PM
what he's really saying is...can you give me permission to brag?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 230
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:01:00 PM

"So aren't you going to ask me, how many women I have slept with?"

I could see this as a joke/sarcastic comment... meaning "Sheesh, isn't it crazy that people ask you this? Many women do, which is weird..."

His next question? "So aren't you going to ask me how many women I have met? How am I doing on "ol fish?"

I could see that in some context as not bad. More like "Have you met many people from online?" to get a feel of their comfort-zone, which would allow/lead them into telling a funny story, or even laying out how it's comfy for them, etc. I mean, a question like that never even crossed your mind?

About the rude question "How many people have you slept with?":

Some will be just curious...

Which is not a Valid reason to actually ask.... understandable, but so is "How often do you jerk off?"

Some will want to be on the same page, neither too far ahead nor too far behind...

Again, not a Valid reason to ask, and on top of it just not a valid reason to in general...

Some because they're looking for someone with a similar out look on sex...

Yeah, but a "#" over time, especially the older you are wouldn't, really. One could be more conservative on sex than the other, but have a notably Higher # due to being single for a much longer period of time.

Some worry about STI's (Testing doesn't cover everything)

Then they should ask them the last time they got tested, and if they've had unprotected sex since then. Oh wait, that may not be so appropriate on a mere 1st meet. :)

Some worry that past behaviour is often a good indicator of future behaviour...

The best way to tell is if they're trying to pork real soon. Like, present behavior. If they like them after several dates and were pushing no envelope, and still interested in seeing them even though a line seemed to have been understandably drawn at 1st base -- then they don't need to play guessing/assumption games on that for the present/future.

Some want to make an informed decision...

IMO, it's not the way to go about it.

Some are afraid to ask, because they fear being asked in return...

True.

Some don't plan on staying around so they don't care....

Ehhh. If they still carry that high-school/early-college issue of "# means a lot" -- they'll care whether they're looking for an LTR or just someone to keep in their black book to hook up with sometimes. If the gal puts out like a semi-automatic to everyone including the paper boy -- they won't want to dip their stick either way (and women apprehensive the other way around, too).

Some are afraid of the truth...

True -- because they fear hearing something they don't want to. Most people lie (downplay) it -- but what if he/she gives me a real Big #?

Some won't ask because they feel it's socially correct not to ask...

I think this is the #1 reason combined with Knowing/feeling it's not socially correct to ask, to they themselves either. Mainly because it "big" varies from one person to another as "universally known as big" when it's not -- and most people are raised to err on the side of swift judgment/assumptions if that # feels a bit big.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 231
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:15:08 PM
Let's face it, who tells the truth about this sort of thing!!!. Men maximise and women minimise, I would say. A man bringing that question up is bound to want to brag and you can bet he is lying.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 232
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:25:46 PM
Let's face it, who tells the truth about this sort of thing!!!.
---------------
People who don't want to have to explain discrepancies once they've made the mistake of bringing up the subject. People aren't very good liars in general. I don't have a problem with answering when asked and since I wouldn't care how a woman answered that question, lying about it would be pretty stupid.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 233
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/9/2015 6:16:07 PM
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?

I don't know about "most" men, but...

More often than one may be honest or intelligent enough to admit or recognize, whenever someone asks about your "number", it's really to ask about your attitudes and practices on dating, in an attempt to get to know what kind of person you are and what you're after, etc...which everyone should be doing anyway in some way or another depending on each particular person.

Now...about the "judging" part. Many men (and women) are not going about it in a shallow way - they're not trying to make automatic assumptions based only on your number of past lovers. They're not wishing, or expecting, that you never had any sex or relationships previously. They're not going to assume that a particular "number" definitely means such-and-such. And they very probably would be taking other information into account when deciding what they think it all means about who you are now, who you were then, etc. It's not simply about wanting to know how many people you've been with and that's it...but it's just a part of the larger general attempt to find out who you are.

A person shouldn't assume that someone who wants this information is going to make assumptions or "judge" them in a particular way according to it. And if they would, that should be treated as a good way for you to find out who they are.

Personally, I'd be a little hesitant about a woman who I'm going to get very close to if she does not want to know some of this information about me...if she decides to be so sure about who I am based on little information or only an "impression and feel" that she has and nothing else. I'd want for a woman to be curious about me, including various elements of my past, which includes wanting to know the "whys" of past dating experiences along with the "number".

If you'd simply retort "but what can they know just by my number? How can they know me according to my number?" I'd simply respond with "I don't know. What can they know? Are you assuming that they're going to just stop there and make immediate and shallow assumptions and judgments?" You shouldn't have a problem with disclosing such information...if you do, it just means either that you feel like you have something to hide and be dishonest about, or you're making assumptions about how they're going to "judge" you.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 234
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/9/2015 9:03:56 PM
I remember only one time I was asked this. I said after my ex-husband nobody, and before him I don't remember. And it was the truth. I truly have a bad memory when it comes to the past, especially the past that doesn't matter.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 235
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:12:42 AM
I wouldn't ask, but if the subject came up, I would tend to think that a woman with a large number of past lovers would be unsuited to me, given my own asexual nature.
 moisika62
Joined: 4/4/2015
Msg: 236
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 10:37:13 AM
When questions of a"close" or personal nature are asked of me, I find I'm more interested in the motivation behind the question. While there is little I wouldn't disclose, it depends on the context. And so if I'm feeling it's an awkward question or the timing is awkward, then I might ask…"why do you ask?" but not in a sort of snotty or defensive way. Just out of real curiosity and then base whether or not I disclose on that answer.
For example, let's say a man on a first date asked me to share with him about my masturbation habits. I would question the motivation about his need to know that, at that particular time and so I'd ask before talking about it. And then I wouldn't unless it felt right, which I doubt it would on a first date.

Now let's say a closer bond was established... we were now getting to know each other intimately and had spent time together, then the question would probably feel right. It would fit in with what we were doing. I would want to know generally, about my partners dating/sexual history not so much in detail but just to get the bigger picture of what he's like in terms of level of desire, expectations, habits etc. I would be naturally curious but not to judge…just to learn more about him in those personal ways and of course I'd be willing to share that way as well.

I often find I can gain more understanding about a person in general, by looking at why they choose what to share (even in general conversation) or what to ask, than the actual conversation or question itself.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 237
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 1:07:50 PM
I can't believe this thread is still going after 9 1/2 years. Wow!

OT: I would not want to know how many partners my wife or any lover (for that matter) has had in the past. I could care less.

I have been asked by different women I have been with in the past, but my answer is always something like, "Why do you want to know?" and "That's personal to me and for me alone to know."

I do not say it in a condescending manner, but I'm honest. It's none of their business because some sexual encounters that I've had in past, I'm fine with, while others were definitely a learning experience.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 238
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:05:37 PM

Women always have to know, so they eventually always spill the beans. I just wait until they can't stand it any longer and have to bring it up on their own.


This statement isn't accurate. I am a woman, and I couldn't care less about a guy's "number."

I am also not in the habit of divulging information unless I want to.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 239
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 11:31:39 PM

I am a woman, and I couldn't care less about a guy's "number."

Yeah, really. Being in my mid to late thirties, coming into his life late in the game, best believe he has a "number" and it's probably best for me not to know for the sake of my own nerves.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 240
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/11/2015 11:06:36 AM

I have been asked by different women I have been with in the past, but my answer is always something like, "Why do you want to know?" and "That's personal to me and for me alone to know."

I say "Oh, that question huh? Let's put it this way -- no, I'm not a virgin or super close to that, no. I'm also not the type of guy who's slept with a billion girls left and right. Beyond that, I don't play the numbers game, as we're past high school where it'd be a more understandable thing, ya know?"
 AlphaCuck
Joined: 5/20/2015
Msg: 241
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/3/2015 11:58:56 AM
I like to know because their answer tells me a lot about their love of sex and whether or not they use sex as a weapon or commodity.

If a girl answers honestly and it's a pretty high number...well, she might be a keeper!
Bonus if she's ever had or currently has any FWB's.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 242
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/3/2015 2:29:14 PM
Yes silly question. No one tells the truth and it is no one else's business. Judgement on numbers that probably false?? Any man who passes judgement I would not be bothered with.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 243
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 4:16:57 AM
OT: I would not want to know how many partners my wife or any lover (for that matter) has had in the past. I could care less.
--------------
Actually, that means you care a great deal so you would rather not know so you can believe whatever you want to believe. Anyone who really doesn't care would not be bothered by knowing.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 244
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 6:46:24 AM
I would never answer such a rude question. I would never ask it either.

I figure we should just worry about how the two of us do together if it ever gets to that point. Sexual compatibility is a must and unfortunately very hard (lol, I said hard in a sex thread) to find.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 245
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 12:57:52 PM

I like to know because their answer tells me a lot about their love of sex and whether or not they use sex as a weapon or commodity.

I don't think it does tell much about it, going just by a #. Some can be bad in the sack and not be that sexual and have built up a higher # than another gal who was married for 15 years. And that's just a blatantly obvious example, among many examples. One reason why it shouldn't asked/told -- unless it's "I'm a virgin" or "I rival Magic Johnson". If you're looking for being told a lot about how they see/like/treat sex -- look at OKC's Q/A. That gets to it. Just a #? That's for young'ins.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 246
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 10:47:25 PM
If you're looking for being told a lot about how they see/like/treat sex -- look at OKC's Q/A. That gets to it.
-------------------
Those questions were a great way to get some perspective on a woman's view of sex. What I found surprising was that women admitted to a great deal more when answering those questions than they ever would in a casual conversation with someone they didn't know well, or perhaps at all. (Except for my gf, naturally. She chose to keep her answers private, which was really annoying when trying to decide whether to send a message.)
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 247
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/5/2015 4:34:16 AM

Those questions were a great way to get some perspective on a woman's view of sex.


Yes! I love when a man takes the time to answer a lot of the questions and especially when he puts explanations. You can tell A LOT about a person if they answer the sex questions. Sometimes they tell on themselves and it also becomes obvious how subjective some of the answers are. I notice almost all men (at least the ones whose responses I have read) put that they have a very high sex drive but when you get to the question that asks how often they want to have sex they put once a week. Huh? *head tilt* Just goes to show that my very high sex drive definition is apparently different from theirs. Good to know ahead of time. You can get an insight into sexual compatibility which is paramount to a relationship working - at least for me.
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 248
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/5/2015 6:11:26 AM

I notice almost all men (at least the ones whose responses I have read) put that they have a very high sex drive but when you get to the question that asks how often they want to have sex they put once a week.


I was disappointed by how most women put that they would like sex every other day vs EVERY day.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 249
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 9/13/2015 5:11:23 AM
EWWWW...what YOU said!
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 250
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 9/13/2015 6:13:06 AM

I was disappointed by how most women put that they would like sex every other day vs EVERY day.


I answered it EVERY day. *maintains awkwardly long eye contact*

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