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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?      Home login  
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 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 226
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?Page 10 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I wouldn't ask, but if the subject came up, I would tend to think that a woman with a large number of past lovers would be unsuited to me, given my own asexual nature.
 moisika62
Joined: 4/4/2015
Msg: 227
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 10:37:13 AM
When questions of a"close" or personal nature are asked of me, I find I'm more interested in the motivation behind the question. While there is little I wouldn't disclose, it depends on the context. And so if I'm feeling it's an awkward question or the timing is awkward, then I might ask…"why do you ask?" but not in a sort of snotty or defensive way. Just out of real curiosity and then base whether or not I disclose on that answer.
For example, let's say a man on a first date asked me to share with him about my masturbation habits. I would question the motivation about his need to know that, at that particular time and so I'd ask before talking about it. And then I wouldn't unless it felt right, which I doubt it would on a first date.

Now let's say a closer bond was established... we were now getting to know each other intimately and had spent time together, then the question would probably feel right. It would fit in with what we were doing. I would want to know generally, about my partners dating/sexual history not so much in detail but just to get the bigger picture of what he's like in terms of level of desire, expectations, habits etc. I would be naturally curious but not to judge…just to learn more about him in those personal ways and of course I'd be willing to share that way as well.

I often find I can gain more understanding about a person in general, by looking at why they choose what to share (even in general conversation) or what to ask, than the actual conversation or question itself.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 228
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 1:07:50 PM
I can't believe this thread is still going after 9 1/2 years. Wow!

OT: I would not want to know how many partners my wife or any lover (for that matter) has had in the past. I could care less.

I have been asked by different women I have been with in the past, but my answer is always something like, "Why do you want to know?" and "That's personal to me and for me alone to know."

I do not say it in a condescending manner, but I'm honest. It's none of their business because some sexual encounters that I've had in past, I'm fine with, while others were definitely a learning experience.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 229
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:05:37 PM

Women always have to know, so they eventually always spill the beans. I just wait until they can't stand it any longer and have to bring it up on their own.


This statement isn't accurate. I am a woman, and I couldn't care less about a guy's "number."

I am also not in the habit of divulging information unless I want to.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 230
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/10/2015 11:31:39 PM

I am a woman, and I couldn't care less about a guy's "number."

Yeah, really. Being in my mid to late thirties, coming into his life late in the game, best believe he has a "number" and it's probably best for me not to know for the sake of my own nerves.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 231
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/11/2015 11:06:36 AM

I have been asked by different women I have been with in the past, but my answer is always something like, "Why do you want to know?" and "That's personal to me and for me alone to know."

I say "Oh, that question huh? Let's put it this way -- no, I'm not a virgin or super close to that, no. I'm also not the type of guy who's slept with a billion girls left and right. Beyond that, I don't play the numbers game, as we're past high school where it'd be a more understandable thing, ya know?"
 AlphaCuck
Joined: 5/20/2015
Msg: 232
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/3/2015 11:58:56 AM
I like to know because their answer tells me a lot about their love of sex and whether or not they use sex as a weapon or commodity.

If a girl answers honestly and it's a pretty high number...well, she might be a keeper!
Bonus if she's ever had or currently has any FWB's.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 233
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/3/2015 2:29:14 PM
Yes silly question. No one tells the truth and it is no one else's business. Judgement on numbers that probably false?? Any man who passes judgement I would not be bothered with.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 234
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 4:16:57 AM
OT: I would not want to know how many partners my wife or any lover (for that matter) has had in the past. I could care less.
--------------
Actually, that means you care a great deal so you would rather not know so you can believe whatever you want to believe. Anyone who really doesn't care would not be bothered by knowing.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 235
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 6:46:24 AM
I would never answer such a rude question. I would never ask it either.

I figure we should just worry about how the two of us do together if it ever gets to that point. Sexual compatibility is a must and unfortunately very hard (lol, I said hard in a sex thread) to find.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 236
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 12:57:52 PM

I like to know because their answer tells me a lot about their love of sex and whether or not they use sex as a weapon or commodity.

I don't think it does tell much about it, going just by a #. Some can be bad in the sack and not be that sexual and have built up a higher # than another gal who was married for 15 years. And that's just a blatantly obvious example, among many examples. One reason why it shouldn't asked/told -- unless it's "I'm a virgin" or "I rival Magic Johnson". If you're looking for being told a lot about how they see/like/treat sex -- look at OKC's Q/A. That gets to it. Just a #? That's for young'ins.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 237
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/4/2015 10:47:25 PM
If you're looking for being told a lot about how they see/like/treat sex -- look at OKC's Q/A. That gets to it.
-------------------
Those questions were a great way to get some perspective on a woman's view of sex. What I found surprising was that women admitted to a great deal more when answering those questions than they ever would in a casual conversation with someone they didn't know well, or perhaps at all. (Except for my gf, naturally. She chose to keep her answers private, which was really annoying when trying to decide whether to send a message.)
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 238
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/5/2015 4:34:16 AM

Those questions were a great way to get some perspective on a woman's view of sex.


Yes! I love when a man takes the time to answer a lot of the questions and especially when he puts explanations. You can tell A LOT about a person if they answer the sex questions. Sometimes they tell on themselves and it also becomes obvious how subjective some of the answers are. I notice almost all men (at least the ones whose responses I have read) put that they have a very high sex drive but when you get to the question that asks how often they want to have sex they put once a week. Huh? *head tilt* Just goes to show that my very high sex drive definition is apparently different from theirs. Good to know ahead of time. You can get an insight into sexual compatibility which is paramount to a relationship working - at least for me.
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 239
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 8/5/2015 6:11:26 AM

I notice almost all men (at least the ones whose responses I have read) put that they have a very high sex drive but when you get to the question that asks how often they want to have sex they put once a week.


I was disappointed by how most women put that they would like sex every other day vs EVERY day.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 240
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 9/13/2015 5:11:23 AM
EWWWW...what YOU said!
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 241
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 9/13/2015 6:13:06 AM

I was disappointed by how most women put that they would like sex every other day vs EVERY day.


I answered it EVERY day. *maintains awkwardly long eye contact*

:120:
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 242
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 9/14/2015 8:27:42 AM
"I was disappointed by how most women put that they would like sex every other day vs EVERY day."



" I answered it EVERY day "



...this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship

; )
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 243
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 12/24/2016 10:56:24 AM
I dont get why some people need to judge to begin with. If you cant accept someone for them why are you with them. I dont value it at all, I see no reason as it pertains to them and who they are so it has no bearing with me.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 244
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 12/24/2016 11:13:10 AM
Guys hate to think they aren't rocking her world, and if there's a ton of competition...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 245
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 12/24/2016 8:48:51 PM

gtomustang
Guys hate to think they aren't rocking her world, and if there's a ton of competition..


True words. But late in life, I have achieved another level of maturity. When I was young, I had women tell me they liked me, respected me, thought the world of me, but didn't want to be intimate with me. And I could not deal with that, absolutely could not.

And truthfully, I still can't. But these days, I would place the "like me" and "respect me" ABOVE the desire to be intimate with me.

Both are necessary for a real relationship. I have just reversed the order of importance.
 Groovygirl101
Joined: 10/6/2013
Msg: 246
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 12/28/2016 6:01:00 PM
Wow, what a ridiculous post. You don't like women having a sexual past before you came along because it might ruin the fantasy that you own her in every way? WHat does love have to do with her sexuality and body image being secret from other people? If a girl has slept with 100 men, how does it make her less loving? Less honest? Less Loyal? Less caring? Less funny? Less ANYTHING?? No. It makes her a normal human being that isn't playing into the misogynistic ownership fantasy. She is MINE!! Sorry... no she isn't. You are involved in a relationship with an independent human being who had every right to a life before you. Not having had sex before is not an indicator of the ability to love. Jesus.... where do these answers come from???
 MohawkMayhemRebel
Joined: 12/30/2016
Msg: 247
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 1/6/2017 3:12:56 AM
No guy gives a rats ass how many you've been with, They just don't want to hear about it , and frankly you are a slut if you go around telling every guy about every guy you slept with.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 248
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 1/7/2017 4:58:29 PM

No guy gives a rats ass how many you've been with, They just don't want to hear about it , and frankly you are a slut if you go around telling every guy about every guy you slept with.

Unfortunately, it's not as simple as that. Some guys will ask about it and will want to know -- wanting to think she hasn't been shedding her underpanties in other guys' bedrooms. Some guys are insecure knowing that she's porked other guys in any part of the forseeable past. So yes, there are some who do give a rats a$$. :)

You don't like women having a sexual past before you came along because it might ruin the fantasy that you own her in every way?

It's not (necessarily) about owning at all. Some guys can't stand the idea of being with woman who they Feel has "been around". So if their perception of "been around" is too stringent, then it doesn't take much to strike that chord. It's to Not have a dream running thru their minds -- of her with other dudes and fears she'll go chasing other ones once she gets a little bored or something.

Some will use the excuse of "diseases", but by that rationale, everyone would be fine if one came clean from a checkup. And in 50 years when technology's advanced enough to be able to eradicate any virus or bacteria we wish to eliminate from a body, thus, no middle class citizen in the Western world having any real "disease" -- the notion's Still going to be there. Whether it being overly stringent on the notion, or not liking someone sleeping with a new person every week when single, for fun -- it boils down to cultural identity and/or fear of them having commitment issues.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 249
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 1/14/2017 5:52:28 PM

No guy gives a rats ass how many you've been with, They just don't want to hear about it

In a lot of cases the guy doesn't care...
He might not want a long term relationship with her, so why would he care where she's been or what she's done?
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 250
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 1/19/2017 7:44:09 AM
I don't care either way.

Although, I'd probably rather a woman with a very high number than a woman with a very low number...if the reason was that she loved sex versus doing it for self-esteem issues.
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