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 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 51
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I never have asked the question really so I am a bit puzzled by the thread.

Number of past lovers is really something personal. My number is low...I was in a relationship for 23 years. What exactly does that mean...am I inexperienced?

My point is that numbers by themselves say nothing.

Judging people shows a lack of tolerance and respect.

Just my two cents,

Bana-dito
 chadskylark
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 52
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 10:38:18 AM
to me it's not judging, it just hurts to know. i am trying very hard to figure out exactly why, maybe then i can change my view and be happier in my marrige. have you ever expierenced this situation? i would NEVER have thought it would bother me, i love sex and thought i was very open minded. then when in the situation i cracked!
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 53
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 11:55:03 AM
COME ON, She a woman, a human being, not a used car, or hand me down pair of jeans !
You guys are looking at women like they are a posession rather than a person.
My approach is, you ain't never had anyone like this, you ain't never going to have anyone like this again !
 Marie287
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 54
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 12:50:34 PM
So when men ask this question....we should lie?
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 55
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 1:01:15 PM
Marie:

At your age, I can't imagine you have much to lie about.
 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 56
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 1:09:39 PM
Some questions:

a) If she is so wonderful, why none of those guys who were before us thought she was valuable enough to keep her?

b) If she thinks her sex is so valueless that she gives it freely, why should I deem it as valuable and worthy to work for it?

When you talk about she having "experience", I ask: experienced in what? To be experienced in sex you don't need to have a lot of sex partners. A couple of LTRs will give you that experience. In fact, she may be experienced in ****ing and chucking guys, and I don't find that desirable.

Now, I don't criticize those guys who accept this kind of woman. The only thing I ask is to receive the same courtesy.
 kce33
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 57
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 2:28:39 PM
well I myself don't pay much attention to numbers now a days because of the total lack of dating knowledge by both sexes...... I see girls and guys running up the numbers by bad dating choices, most would look like a porcupine if they stuck out.....

better have a

kce
 chadskylark
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 58
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/1/2006 2:35:13 PM
have you ever had a long term love relationship w/ a woman w/ an extensive history? not just many boyfriends etc, but lots of casual encounters, some w/ people you know/knew? i am looking for someone who can relate....
 real12luv
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 59
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:33:01 AM
I'm with Lake on this one. I dont even wanna know where you been.
 chadskylark
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 60
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/2/2006 10:29:48 AM
what if it's too late and she already told you?
 cenpac77
Joined: 4/26/2005
Msg: 61
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:03:36 PM
back 2 the title of the thread^^ when u concider buying a pre owned vehicle, u do check how many owners it had, the more ,the worse! and it wouldn't compare with brand, new car !
Now don't get me wrong, and don't hate me just yet.. i wanted 2 point out , the second(thrird etc.) hand heart thing here. And it does affect women more,than men. women r more likely 2 Remember their exes,and being affected by them, bad experiences, lack of trust etc. more men she's been with, less likely she is 2 open up,trust and make healthy relationship.. Some women ARE different of course, like all pplz, some learn from their past mistakes, most do not
 jumpypants
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 62
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:09:20 PM
nipolean,

And a large number of women are batshit crazy, but do not seem so even to an eye that is looking for it. You mix smart + crazy and they can pass a lie detector.

I married one, and it was really bad, and ended with her having an affair.

Ironically, the sane ones tend to be the ones that openly discuss their past, but without bringing it up constantly if you are in a serious relationship.

This in essence is why many men care, or so I think, although the actual sexual odometer is not as important as how bumpy the road they travelled was.
 FantasyFlavor
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 63
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:40:38 PM
Any man who wants to be judgemental of me for whatever reason,
is not my type of man.Particularly judging me for the men I have
loved in my life.
 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 64
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 2/22/2006 5:06:29 AM
That's really good, because if there is grounds for him to be judgemental, you are not his type of woman anyway.
 yaright14me
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 65
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:42:40 PM
the only smart reply i've read so far ..... i never looked at numbers til i met someone i really cared for and it does bother me ... guys really do want to look at their women as being special not some other guys one night stand ....
 vahbsc
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 66
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:44:53 PM
women aren't supposed to do things considered masculine, like having multiple partners.

we're not supposed to fart, burp, shit, or sit with our legs open.

all that is bullshit.
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 67
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:10:24 PM
I don't really know any guywho thinks this way. IFrankly, it's getting to be a stereotype that men generally think this. Some will of course but generally speaking I doubt any man expects his girlfriend to be 'pure' in this day and age.

That aside , I'll agree that men don't usually get labelled a slut for their sexual hijinks. In that there is a double standard. On the other hand, most men don't label a woman a slut anymore simply because she's had multiple partners.

Actually, most men and women don't respect a member of either sex when they're promiscuous. The only real difference is that there is a derogatory term for a woman who's promiscuous whereas there isn't really one for a man. Double standard it most certainly may be but as I said, just because she's had more than one partner doesn't get her labelled a slut. It's when she has more than one partner in a night that gets her labelled slut. Sure, it should apply to him as well and some day somebody will come up with some catchy new euphamism that provides men with an equivalent label to live down.

Personally, I call guys like that "He-hos" but it hasn't caught on just yet.
Just doing my part.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 68
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/13/2008 11:15:56 PM
gotapulse wrote: Actually, most men and women don't
respect a member of either sex when they're promiscuous.

That's correct but a man who's had a large number of
high quality partners isn't promiscuous and is usually
more successful with women, dating and relationships
than a man who's had an average number of partners.
The same may not hold true for women.

Speaking only for myself, I've noticed after the fact that I'm not
attracted to women who've slept with lots of men, and I only have
serious relationships with women who've had, as far as I can tell,
fewer than average partners. Since I don't know beforehand how
many sex partners a woman has had, apparently something in her
personality or character is attracting me.

According to what I've experienced and heard about, sexual skill
is a direct function of the amount of practice you've had (all other
things equal). Whether you practice with a few partners or hundreds
doesn't seem to make much difference.
 Greg8002
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 69
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:50:16 AM
I think the number of lovers a woman had alone, is not enough information to judge whether or not she is a good potential partner. One would need to know what sort of relationships she had. Also what is far more important is how the woman acts towards you in the present. The past is not always the best judge of what a person is like in the present.
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 70
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:12:40 PM
David Lewis,

Uh...yeah, why did you quote me exactly ? Did you read the rest of my post ? You repeated what I said anyway.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 71
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:31:26 PM
I quoted you because you brought out a valid point,
and I wanted to explain an important distinction between
"promiscuity" and "having lots of partners".
 Blonde_charm
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 72
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:02:54 PM
I have had men become disinterested when they learned my past number of lovers. And I say, good to know what your limits are and there are no hard feelings.

And I move along.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 73
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:50:11 PM

Hey think about it guys. A woman has had enough lovers to field a small army, but says you were the best of all.
That's what you call a compliment.

Nope, that's what you call a "lie". Statistically, if she's had a lot of lovers, you probably aren't the best, nor the only one she's told that to.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 74
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:58:03 PM
I've been in a relationship with a woman who has had both long term and casual relationships. She's been married, she's been a swinger, and had sex with both women and men. She's done all the kinky stuff, threesomes, moresomes, even lived poly for a few years. I've had the dubious pleasure of meeting several of her ex-lovers because they are her "friends".
Oh yeah, she also cheated on me.
Now my take on it, is that she's a great person, but her history has left a lot of damage, both mental and physical. She's had STD's, suffers from depression, and very low se;f-esteem. I still love her to death, but I'd chosse someone who had been "test driven" a few less times to settle down with.
 xfoxybabe18x
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 75
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:26:27 PM
I don't think it should matter. Some guys are full of themselves, i can't stand men who judge women like that.
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