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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?      Home login  
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 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 51
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Technically there should be no difference between a woman's numbers and a guys. You should only concern yourself with 1)if they are STD free and 2)how they like it:P

The trouble with that is that they decided "how they like it" on someone else's bed.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 52
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:18:18 PM
In another thread a woman said she felt like every time she
has another partner, her marriageability diminishes.
 simpleman20188
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 53
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:24:55 PM

but if we say we had some past lovers you think we are sluts., and not worthy for a relationship?

Huh???

You must look for the wrong guys.

I see women judging other women on this far more than men.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 54
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/15/2008 5:22:22 PM
It isn't "okay" for guys to have gotten laid a lot in the past. I think maybe there's some underlying social pressure to forgive that, but political correctness has never been an influence on that at all.

If a woman has had some past lovers, no, I don't think it's "okay" to think she was a slut.

For both guys and girls, it depends on the timeline of "past". If "past" you mean 3 months ago, yeah, that's going to play a role more than 8 years ago.

And it's not just a number, it's a 'who' when it comes to recent past. If her number is "high", and her last two boyfriends were in jail -- yeah -- that high number is going to be thrown at her. If her number is high but that was back in the day (years ago; college; etc), then it shouldn't be that big of a deal if she's got her life together. A clue as to whether a woman has her life together does reflect who her last boyfriend or two was like on a general scale.
 seanbrwn
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 55
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:44:41 AM
OP,

First, the number in itself isn't so important, but rather the timline/timeframe of accumulation of partners that's alarming.

Someone will have every right to find out any indication about someone living a promiscuous lifestyle or serious one, based on past experience.

If you've slept with five men last year or last week, I'm quite sure you'll come across different facial expressions.

If you're involved with someone you feel strongly about, and the question is asked, just answer it to the best of your ability and go from there, don't harp over it

And if asked why, stop the bs......you'll gain more respect being honest

And no, there isn't a double-standard

I find it funny that women have reached out to find how promiscuous some/many men can be, and overlook trying to mimic men in other aspects of life

what happened to my "chivalry"?
 WarmthNpassion
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 56
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:59:32 AM
The only reason I can think of as to why a man would be judgmental over something like this would be because he has insecurity issues about being compared to other men.

I look at it this way... If you were on a car lot looking to get a car, you would look at all the cars and get it down to about 2 or 3 that were in great condition. So, let's say you find the best cars to be a Ford station wagon, a Chevy van, and a Ferrari. All three are in great condition just the Ferrari has many more miles on it than the others. I'd be leaving that lot in the Ferrari. It would only make sense to me that such a great car was driven a lot. The last thing on my mind would be the other owners. I mean, DAMN! The only thing on my mind would be this is one hell of a great car. She’s so beautiful, so fast, feels so good. I love being seen with her and love being in her. Now if I were a total idiot, I guess I might walk off the lot without the Ferrari in hopes that I might find a lower mileage one for sale by some little old lady for the same price. Yeah, like that’s going to really happen.
 Girl-scout
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 57
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:40:36 AM
I have rarely if ever expressed an autonomous interest in any of my ex-girlfriends' ex-lovers. If their experiences have made them better for them, great. If they want to bring it into play, I'm open. As long as they are clean, monogamous, and willing to at least consider a long-term commitment, that's what counts.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 58
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:17:52 AM

MAKES MY KNEES WEAK wrote: Why is it ok for guys
to have gotten laid a lot in the past by different women?

trailsman5 wrote: Who says that? I can't recall reading
any female profiles that request guys with a lot of "experience".
I think women would prefer the opposite.

Most of the men who are the most successful with women
and dating have slept with hundreds of women, so judging
by women's actions, it looks like it's OK for guys to have
gotten laid a lot.
 Lookin4MyOtherHalf
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 59
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:28:49 AM
i do ask women how many they have been with. but i never see it as a bad thing. i would rather she has been with a lot of men.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 60
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:25:36 AM

i do ask women how many they have been with. but i never see it as a bad thing. i would rather she has been with a lot of men.


So I get that to be a rather self-serving statement. Ummm Are you typing this in the hopes that women(especially the ones who will hop into bed easily) will go out with you.
I have never in my life met a man who would admit to such a statement. So it's possibly either self-serving or you are genuinely a submissive person. Then again, perhaps you're looking for a woman with low self-esteem herself.
We know that the numbers of partners a woman has does little to make her a better lover. A woman can be a great lover after only one partner, or she can be absolutely dreadful in bed after dozens of guys.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 61
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:41:11 AM

I look at it this way... If you were on a car lot looking to get a car, you would look at all the cars and get it down to about 2 or 3 that were in great condition. So, let's say you find the best cars to be a Ford station wagon, a Chevy van, and a Ferrari. All three are in great condition just the Ferrari has many more miles on it than the others. I'd be leaving that lot in the Ferrari. It would only make sense to me that such a great car was driven a lot. The last thing on my mind would be the other owners. I mean, DAMN! The only thing on my mind would be this is one hell of a great car. She’s so beautiful, so fast, feels so good. I love being seen with her and love being in her.

To take your analogy a few steps further.
The Chevy or the Ford is likely to be more reliable than the Ferrari.
The Chevy is less likely to break down on you. (hahhhaa to Ford owners)
The Ferrari is more likely to be stolen and driven by others after you.
The Ford or the Chevy will cost you a lot less in the long run for maintenance.
When the Ford or the Chevy have problems, they're less likely to require a visit to a specialist.
The more owners the less likely the body and upholstery will be in good condition.
The Ferrari will cost you more for insurance in case she gets driven by others without your permission.
Your friends are less likely to want to borrow the Ford or the Chevy for the evening.
And finally, as you tool down the street with it, show her off to your friends, they're likely to ask "Hey, isn't that Joe's Ferrari? Him and his buddies used to drive that thing pretty hard. They really loved to open her up."
 toomers
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 62
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:34:34 AM
I was thinking of creating a mathematical formula to assess the numbers.

I think a lot of former partners isn't good for either sex, but I do understand that men commonly assess a woman on her past experiences differentially to his own...likely based in instinct like women wanting men who are popular, even if the man has many other women.

Instead of the formula, consider the following, and to make it easy, let's consider a 1 year total past:

1) she was with one guy for 10 months then slept with 2 guys as one-night stands in the remaining two months and says she had good intentions of wanting a relationship with these two guys despite rushing into it.

2) single for 11 months then went crazy and hung out at a bar for a week and bagged 20 men.

3) ended a relationship in first month. Started a new relationship right away and ended in same month. Went from guy to guy, having two week to 1 month affairs, with not even a single day of being single.


How would men (and women) consider each of the three scenarios above? To me, there's more beyond the numbers...before I give my analysis, I'd like to hear what others have to say.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 63
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:49:56 AM
^^^^ I can see merit in your way of thinking.
We have to look beyond raw numbers.
Sometimes a woman will have casual sex with a man
and in her mind he doesn't really count.

sugar*spice wrote: Only the insecure ones care...
as long as a person has been careful I've never cared,
it's easy to tell if they have been careful.....like when they
say, "Oh forget about the condom," that's a huge red flag ppl.

For me it's been a green flag.
 sugar*spice
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 64
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:53:19 AM
only the insecure ones care...as long as a person has been careful ive never cared,its easy to tell if they have been careful.....like when they say "oh forget about the condom" thats a huge red flag ppl.
 Krazed Kourse
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 65
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:08:54 AM
It's not the amount of partners you had that make you a slut to a man.
It's how open you are about it, that does. Well, at least to me.

Keep the amount of partners to yourself. Hell. Lie about it(If you've had 10 partners, to the guy, you've had 2. Didn't your mother teach you anything?). It's none of the guy's business, anyway. Only way it would be, is if you had an STD. Still, the amount is none of his business.

I've been with women I knew were promiscuous, but they never ever shed light on how many partners. The amount of partners doesn't make you non-classy.

On the other hand, i've known women who were extremely candid about having 20 partners or more. I'll let you guess which ones I thought were easy and sluts.

A woman who's got a big mouth about something that personal, isn't worthy of a relationship to me. It's the type of woman you'll just want to sleep with, and get rid of.

Remember. Freak in the sheets. Lady in the streets.
(And I don't believe in that double standard BS. It's not a double standard).
 HDynasty81
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 66
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:45:38 AM
Well, I wouldn't, but if she had kids by those past lovers it probably would make me head for the exit that much quicker.

Also, I'd probably have concerns if she might have picked up an STD or two from those multiple lovers/boyfriends as well, same should go for women as well.

I mean if you can fill up Madison Square Garden with your past lovers, I'd definitely think twice about getting with someone, but that's just my outlook on it.
 happyrebel
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 67
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:13:29 AM
David Lewis writes:

I quoted you because you brought out a valid point,
and I wanted to explain an important distinction between
"promiscuity" and "having lots of partners

I didn't see where you explained the difference at all between 'promiscuity' and 'having lots of partners'. All I got out of the above post was your thoughts of how some men have more sex than others. Will you please correct me if I'm wrong?

Gotapulse....Some of my female friends and I refer to them as Whore Masters--the men who will sleep with anyone.....Personally, this girl prefers to stay away from the sort of man that has high numbers......because I tend to be very picky about who I share my body with.

OMG m..church.......LMAO with your ferrari/ford/chevy scenario.....too funny

HR
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 68
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:15:20 AM

Well, I wouldn't (judge women by their number of past lovers),
but if she had kids by those past lovers it probably would make
me head for the exit that much quicker.

I feel the opposite. The more children a woman has had, and the
more men she's had them by, particularly if the fathers are wealthy
and high status, the more attraction I feel for her, all other things equal.
Possibly I subconsciously believe her daughters are more likely to be
successful reproducers.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 69
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:59:09 AM

Any man or woman that ask "How many loves you have had?" Are plain and simple IMMATURE IDOITS!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh, nothing like generalizing.
Ok.... My turn at generalizing.....
Any man or woman who is afraid of revealing their true numbers, is actually aware that their numbers are plain and simple WAY TOO HIGH!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Misspelling IDIOTS as IDOITS is hysterically revealing! hahahahaha
 Damienevil
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 70
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:11:27 PM
the reason is basically that guys have to work at getting sex and women just have to accept it.

if it were that easy for guys to get laid them I am sure it would be bad for guys as well.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 71
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:33:59 PM
Why would anyone care how many lovers a woman you're "dating" or considering "dating" has had?

The bottom line, if you're going to play with multiple partners simply obtain testing on a quarterly or bi yearly basis etc. We're talking testing for STD's as well as for HIV and don't forget to always do the "sniff test" before indulging.

If you even think there maybe a possible problem, hold all play dates and immediately see your gynecologist or your Urologist.

Prevention...........Change you're oil every 3,000 mile and get tested regularly. Take better care of your private (or publics) then what you do you're vehicle.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 72
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:44:06 PM
Damienevil wrote: The reason is basically that guys have
to work at getting sex and women just have to accept it.
If it were that easy for guys to get laid then I am sure it
would be bad for guys as well.

That doesn't appear consistent with my observations.
The men who can easily get beautiful GFs don't seem to
be suffering any serious disadvantages because of it.

r90sboxer wrote: Could it be that ratings systems might scare
the holy hell out of us? Hard enough to be rated in "1 to 10"
system but to have to fit in a "1 to 123" system might cause
greater shrinkage than a really cold swimming pool!

I agree, it's nerve-wracking, but dating up the scale is the main
component to living life to the fullest, and involves successfully
dealing with formidable competition.
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 73
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:49:43 PM
Could it be that ratings systems might scare the holy hell out of us.
Hard enough to be rated in " 1 to 10"system but to have to fit in a "1 to 123" system might cause greater shrinkage than a really cold swimming pool!
 Blonde_charm
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 74
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:36:24 PM
I have watched this thread with alot of interest.

The gents that think more lovers equates to looser "goods" are uneducated. Some of us women regardless of numbers do kegels (Look it up). Unfortunately there are no exercises for small minded men with small packages to do to make up for it.

Now before all small to average guys attack me, I PREFER that size. Its the "small minded" part of that I want to refer you to.

I don't judge men for large numbers, but I do become uncomfortable with anyone who will not disclose some basic information such as routine STD testing with the change of partners or at regular intervals. Discussing risky behaviour such as group sex without condoms or with partners you are not certain about.

I have had men feel inadequate when they hear my numbers. All I can say is that each and every lover I have ever had taught me something. Maybe not sexually but something that was worth learning.

And I think also that women do judge other women more harshly. Its a shame, but we are a wicked sex full of judgements and insecurities, we denegrate others to make ourselves feel better. Its not right, but lots of us do it.
 Dallyized
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 75
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:24:20 PM
Ummmmmmmmmmm....considering the fact that most men (on average) have slept with more women (on average)...Then most women (on average) have slept with men (on average)~ I would have to say that the answer to this question would be that these men are:
A) insecure
B) hypocrites
C) stupid

Or let's shoot for D)
yes D) all of the above.

As long as you're in check and noones genitals are gonna fall off - I say that it does not matter how many peeps either party slept with.

PS: Incase you don't get what I meant by keeping yourself "in check" and that "noones genitals are gonna fall off" I am talking STD free BABY!!! No wanty the
STD's...ICK!

PPS: I have a question ~ why on earth would I want to be with a man that would judge me by how many people I slept with anyway? I wouldn't, so why did I bother answering this question? I don't judge men by that. That would be because I am not A, B, C or D! :) Well, maybe C) cause I went ahead and answered it anyway!! LOL

LMFAO...They'd be better off to judge me by the amount of times I say "on average" in a post...That would make more sense and wooooweeeeeeeeeeeeee I'm in trouble then!!
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