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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?      Home login  
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 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 101
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Damienevil wrote: The reason is basically that guys have
to work at getting sex and women just have to accept it.
If it were that easy for guys to get laid then I am sure it
would be bad for guys as well.

That doesn't appear consistent with my observations.
The men who can easily get beautiful GFs don't seem to
be suffering any serious disadvantages because of it.

r90sboxer wrote: Could it be that ratings systems might scare
the holy hell out of us? Hard enough to be rated in "1 to 10"
system but to have to fit in a "1 to 123" system might cause
greater shrinkage than a really cold swimming pool!

I agree, it's nerve-wracking, but dating up the scale is the main
component to living life to the fullest, and involves successfully
dealing with formidable competition.
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 102
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:49:43 PM
Could it be that ratings systems might scare the holy hell out of us.
Hard enough to be rated in " 1 to 10"system but to have to fit in a "1 to 123" system might cause greater shrinkage than a really cold swimming pool!
 Blonde_charm
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 103
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:36:24 PM
I have watched this thread with alot of interest.

The gents that think more lovers equates to looser "goods" are uneducated. Some of us women regardless of numbers do kegels (Look it up). Unfortunately there are no exercises for small minded men with small packages to do to make up for it.

Now before all small to average guys attack me, I PREFER that size. Its the "small minded" part of that I want to refer you to.

I don't judge men for large numbers, but I do become uncomfortable with anyone who will not disclose some basic information such as routine STD testing with the change of partners or at regular intervals. Discussing risky behaviour such as group sex without condoms or with partners you are not certain about.

I have had men feel inadequate when they hear my numbers. All I can say is that each and every lover I have ever had taught me something. Maybe not sexually but something that was worth learning.

And I think also that women do judge other women more harshly. Its a shame, but we are a wicked sex full of judgements and insecurities, we denegrate others to make ourselves feel better. Its not right, but lots of us do it.
 Dallyized
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 104
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:24:20 PM
Ummmmmmmmmmm....considering the fact that most men (on average) have slept with more women (on average)...Then most women (on average) have slept with men (on average)~ I would have to say that the answer to this question would be that these men are:
A) insecure
B) hypocrites
C) stupid

Or let's shoot for D)
yes D) all of the above.

As long as you're in check and noones genitals are gonna fall off - I say that it does not matter how many peeps either party slept with.

PS: Incase you don't get what I meant by keeping yourself "in check" and that "noones genitals are gonna fall off" I am talking STD free BABY!!! No wanty the
STD's...ICK!

PPS: I have a question ~ why on earth would I want to be with a man that would judge me by how many people I slept with anyway? I wouldn't, so why did I bother answering this question? I don't judge men by that. That would be because I am not A, B, C or D! :) Well, maybe C) cause I went ahead and answered it anyway!! LOL

LMFAO...They'd be better off to judge me by the amount of times I say "on average" in a post...That would make more sense and wooooweeeeeeeeeeeeee I'm in trouble then!!
 Mister Incognito
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 105
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:41:28 PM
I only judge a woman by how many people she slept with when she brags proudly of how high that number is. If she says nothing... there will be no judging.

I don't ask so don't tell me. Thats my policy. Oh, and don't ask about how many i been with as well.

Hear no evil.. see no evil.. speak no evil.
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 106
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:27:55 PM

Because holes get loose.

I don't want to touch a vagina that can whistle in the wind.

funk that



I have two words for you: double standard.


Who has a penis that got loose and can whistle in the wind??
 Dallyized
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 107
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:44:19 PM
^^^^Ummm, dunno know about that...But you are sadly mistaken if you think that a woman can not tell if a penis has been around the block way too many times...

You guys have a tell on that... Am I gonna tell ya what it is? Nope.
I don't touch those... I see that shizzle and I .

I don't judge but I don't want the beaten down sorry ass peni dude either. I have standards. That is an indication that a dude is NOT keepin' his shizzle in check and as I said...Must keep yourself in check.
 Giantrican
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 108
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:20:32 PM
It must be the guys you go after or where you live, I can care less how many people you slept with my number gets lower everytime I am asked that cause as man you dont want to become some player. But I am 32 and have had over 48 partners amd I dirty no just very curious at a young age and started to work. So just lie to them lol, you get tested right you dont have any STD's so what does he care how many people you slept with lie to the **stard!
 testlogin
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 109
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:31:57 PM

Just a few comments...

1) Who are you to say that the numbers should matter or not? If they don't matter for you, great. If they do matter for somebody else, great, too.

2) About that "stud and slut" thing. Most women here say that they don't date players, or that knowing he likes bed-hopping is a real turnoff. Why are women so judgemental?

3) I never heard a player saying "women who won't date me because I slept with 40 women last month are insecure/immature/not real women".

4) Most women say they don't want to be "another notch in his belt". Guess what? Men don't, either.

5) Yes, I know it is great to spend your youth partying and then say "the past is not important", but real life is not like that. Actions have consequences.

6) Paraphrasing a well-known saying, why to buy the cow, if everybody else already drank all her milk for free?

So, the thing is: If you don't care, it's your business. If somebody else cares, it's his business.

But to try to shame others into thinking like you (he's immature, he's shallow, etc.) only shows that you are so insecure about your choice that you have to seek for assurance in numbers.


SimbadSailor's comment was right on the money.

Many men assume that a woman who has been with a ton of guys will be more likely to stray because she lacks morals. Maybe it doesn't matter if the guy just wants sex, but many guys wouldn't consider a woman like that to be marriage material.
 Mister Incognito
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 110
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:57:16 PM

I have two words for you: double standard.





Who has a penis that got loose and can whistle in the wind??



hahaha

she bit her tongue on that one.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 111
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:07:23 PM

Maybe it doesn't matter if the guy just wants sex, but many guys wouldn't consider a woman like that to be marriage material.


True, a lot of times when a guy is saying it didn't matter how many my EX was with.... you wonder why she's an EX.....

The only people who seems to be ok with it, are not looking for long term.... or hoping to sound politicaly correct in case some woman on here sees the message and will sleep with them....LOL
Afterall, a lot of guys would f**k a porno star but never marry one....
 Dorisrose
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 112
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:39:36 PM
Its this "macho" mentality from the "old days"...still "lingering around"...its the same "mentality" with why men get paid more for the same job and women quite often get paid less for the same job....

Its not "so much" "how many"...but "the why and how"...without it being like a "interrogation". If the guy jumped into bed with so many ladies just so it made him feel better/it gives him such a boost...you should take that as a warning sign...that he just can't be serious about a relationship.

Perhaps by the time he "wakes up", becomes a more responsible and matured person, he will realise that he has lost alot of time...in getting to know someone and trying to build a serious relationship...and perhaps trying to start a family
 medana
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 113
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:41:44 PM
men don't, women judge themselves - it doesn't matter what a man thinks, after all, u can tell him to go grow a brain, some self esteem, or get over himself. what u believe about urself is what matters.
 Lawman In Black
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 114
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:00:27 PM
This represents common stereotypes. No matter what gender if someone is sleeping around alot it shows two things. One they may carry a disease and two they lack inhibitions. I would not be interested in a woman that sleeps around alot. If she can't control herself then how will she control herself in a relationship. Now granted there may have been a time in our lives when many of us slept around. In college I am sure i slept with almost a dozen women but that was 20 years ago. I wouldn't do that again. It is gross. I am glad I never caught anything and survived those young years. I am sure if a woman does not want to date a guy who sleeps around alot. Everytime he goes out to the bar by himself she will be wondering if he is sleeping around.
 Scorpiodaddy4U
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 115
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:30:02 PM
Unfortunately Many in our society believe in a double standard. They teach their screwed up prejudice and bias to their childeren and so it continues. Boys and men are wimps if they don't and studs if they do. girls and woman are sluts if they do and desirable if they don't, at least not with anyone else. It's disgusting,and it along with all prejudice needs to stop.
 Puddleripple
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 116
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:40:53 AM
I'm sort of bored of women always bringing this up, the fact some men do, always will and there is nothing you can do to change that so either don't care about it or don't sleep with a lot of men!

You can only have double standards if the playing field is the same. But what all women forget is that the sexual arena is different for them than it is for men. A little something that is ignored way too often by women who make this complaint about double standards is;

The only way a man can guarantee to get sex is to PAY for it. The only way a women can guarantee to get sex is too WANT it. Notice the difference there, I have... it comes down to the fact that a man who does sleep with a lot of women is doing something most men can't do while on the other hand a women who sleeps with a lot of men is doing something every women can do but decides against.

Now if all women went out and had sex whenever they wanted, and men could get sex when ever they wanted but still complained about women sleeping with a lot of men we'd have a double standard. But a lot of women do not do that, the women with higher standards make the rest of women seem bad.. they are to blame for pointing out your flaws. These women do not like women who have slept with many men, this isn't social, this is a biological, they do look down on such women for a reason, they are selective, they have higher standards and know it while other women will go with anything with a pulse.

For me I do not want a relationship with a women who has slept with a lot of men, its not so much how many men though, its what those men meant to her. I do not have casual sex, I could have slept with more women than I could ever remember but have turned them down and not taken such opportunities because I personally feel sex should be more than just the act itself.

That's my personal preference and I want a partner who feels the same way as me... to be with a women who has given herself to just anyone de-values what we share together, we just aren't as compatible. No women I've known has not felt special because I'm selective, they all like it (showing that women also have this 'double standard'.. they like and appreciate selective men more than studs) and feel my wanting them is more meaningful!

Has anyone here received a gift made for them be a friend/partner/son-daughter? When given that gift its probably meant a lot to you because of the thought and effort that has been put into it, its special to you because it was made with you in mind? Now lets imagined that they had made 9 others of that same gift and totally at random given them to strangers that just so happened to walk past.... suddenly this special gift isn't so special, if 9 strangers could get one for just being in the right place at the right time then why would the one you received have any great value?

Shock, horror but sex is the same thing if you like it or not, if its shared around quite freely it looses its value when its given to someone special. Its like 'Wow you are sleeping with me because you love me.... big deal... you slept with those other five men just because they bought you a drink'! Now some people don't care, but the majority of those are of the same type and have also shared themselves around! But those that don't share themselves about, both male and female, tend to have a preference to others that are the same and are selective.

On the surface this seems like a easy question to answer... of course that's how 99.99% of people like things to be... they will have a knee jerk reaction without knowing really anything about anything!

It comes down to the genes... they are our masters, they control us and always will!

The female has always had to be very selective in her mates...... they have all their eggs in one basket...literally, so have to be picky about which males they choose to mate with. Males on the other hand have options, they can mate with multiple females while then focusing on the one(s) they feel will produce the best quality offspring. This is a inherent subconscious drive within the human brain and is the single most important factor in this 'double standard' we see today.

From the male genetic evolutionary perspective a female that mates with a lot of males will
1. Keep mating with other males, therefore potentially having offspring by others. So isn't worth investing time in when it might not even be his child he is raising (an all too big a problem today!), merely only worth mating to have a chance of increasing the amount of his genes out there fighting to live on. .
2. If she isn't selective in mating she must have genes of a lower quality making her willing to accept lower quality genes, no female will risk investing her life in the genes of a male that's not good enough.
3. If she isn't selective in mating she must have genes of a lower quality making her less likely to produce healthy and strong children, making his genes less likely to survive into future generations.

From the female genetic evolutionary perspective a male that mates with a lot of females will.
1. Keep mating with other females, therefore potentially having offspring by others. This makes little difference if she is his main mate and provided with the resources she needs, she still gets the genes she wanted.
2. Keep mating with other females, therefore potentially having offspring by others. This makes little difference if he is a good quality male but doesn't make her his main mate, she's possibly gained better genes than she'd be rightfully able to expect...she's gained from the males multiple mating strategy!
3. If he is selected by many females he is obviously of good quality genes and it maximising his chances of his genes living on into future generations while providing the females with the same chance. This make him worth mating with!

Put simply in human evolution no one, male or female gains from females mating with many males while everyone gains from males mating with multiple females. The system allows the best genes to rise to the top, the best quality males get to mate a lot more often, weeding out the worse quality, while the lower quality females get their chance to mix their genes with better ones.

We are creatures of evolution, we have got to where we are because of how we have chosen to mate and it is pretty likely we'd not have a civilization now if we'd not had selective mating but just a free for all! Just because suddenly someone got the bright idea 50 years ago that is was alright to sleep about and have free love doesn't mean that the previous hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary programming will just vanish or was in any way, shape or form wrong. It is there for a reason and we still have that buried in us.

Women can now control when they get pregnant and this has meant that they can now have sex with more men of lower quality without the risks, waiting for a man that is good enough to come along and have children with. But this does not take away the evolutionary imperative within both men and women that women who do so, rightfully or not are of lower quality. Men, normally of better quality can not help but feel less desire to settle down with a women who has been that way, it might manifest itself in other thoughts and ideas but it stems from our evolutionary drive that is tucked neatly behind our every decisions we make!

So you might not like it but it has its foundation in a very good reason, a reason that has allow us all to sit here today discussing them rather then sitting in a cave somewhere picking flea's from each others fur!
 thesecretofjoy
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 117
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:53:08 AM
Most men DON'T judge women by the number of past lovers they have. It seems you've run into one or two who do and now you've made a generalisation. It's easy to do, I've done it before, but really, let's not tar them all with the same brush, eh?
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 118
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:18:21 AM

Has anyone here received a gift made for them be a friend/partner/son-daughter? When given that gift its probably meant a lot to you because of the thought and effort that has been put into it, its special to you because it was made with you in mind? Now lets imagined that they had made 9 others of that same gift and totally at random given them to strangers that just so happened to walk past.... suddenly this special gift isn't so special, if 9 strangers could get one for just being in the right place at the right time then why would the one you received have any great value?

I tend to think very much along those lines. If sex can be casual with some people then how can it also be special with only a certain person?
A woman I am seeing who has a very colorful past tried to tell me it was special with me because she had "chosen to be with me". I asked her if she said the same thing to her last boyfriend. She admitted that in more or less the same words, she had. I said so then I'm not special afterall, I'm just the same as him?
 Dreaming-cynic
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 119
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:54:10 AM
I disagree 100%

what is the meaning of slut seriously??? everyones perception is different a Virgin ur a retard, its okay for men to have sex but not woman well hun ur a effin slut~!

I think in a healthy relationship sex is only normal, I havent been with a lot of people but that is respect for myself, I think men should hold it to themselves as well I dont like guys who have slept with the whole ****ing world it grosses me out. so I guess from my perception a man can be a slut as well and I hold both sexes on equal grounds in regard to this....

Makes them loose thats crazy theres exercisez that can be done to tighten, what makes you loose more so is having a kid but you can also get that back depending on the person.

What I would like to know what your perception of love is?

If you read a dictionary love in regards to a relationship is Intimacy...
 allanf123
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 120
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:36:29 PM
By and large sluts are given a bad rap. If you live in Iran (and who doesn't?) sluts are beheaded .

The problem is that there are alot of insecure, feeble minded men on POF (and in Iran) who feel threatened by sensuous, sexual women. These idiots are in their forties looking for virgins. Good luck!!

I, on the other hand, welcome all comers.
 nameismarcus
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 121
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:50:35 PM

dont ask me about how many. The numbers should not matter. go for it...


If the man thinks it is important then he has every right to ask. I don't think that makes him insecure or weak. It just means that that is one of the issues he wants to use to consider whether he wants to be in the relationship or not. It's his choice.



its the same "mentality" with why men get paid more for the same job and women quite often get paid less for the same job....


This is not true.
http://www.iwf.org/campus/show/18948.html
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 122
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:53:28 AM

The problem is that there are alot of insecure, feeble minded men on POF

It's nothing to do with insecurity, it's simply a matter of personal preferences...
Like Height, weight, eye(hair) color, background...

Think of it like buying a puppy. Some people want a fresh, untrained puppy. Then they spend the time to nurture and train the puppy so that it grows into a valuable and loved member of the family. If there's a litter(s), you get a say in the future of the litter...The downside is the extra effort and involvement required.... ie chewing, housebreaking etc... With proper training, it will be faithful and devoted...
Others, want an older, more experienced dog, that is already able to fit into an ongoing household. The drawbacks, are that it has been trained by someone else, to respond to certain cues, may have already had a litter(s)(which you have no say in...), and may not respond the way you like, and it's remaining lifespan is less that that of a puppy.... With proper training it will be faithful and devoted... But if it encounters it's past owner, it will often go back to it even if it was abused by it's previous owner...You may also have to retrain it to get rid of unwanted behaviours and issues from it's previous owner(s).
 Pleasurelimits
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 123
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:51:55 AM
As women who have many lovers and have a tendency to get 'loose' we guys do it so our d**k gets bigger we are just considerate while we search for our ultimate lover
 MrCappy
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 124
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:55:14 AM
i do not care if they have had a lot of partners ( within reason ) , just means they will know what their doing ! as for the loose issue , no one likes to throw a hotdog down a hallway !!!!!! do ur bum clenches ladies tighten that junk up !
 Jeff_21740
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 125
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:14:38 PM
I actually find VERY experienced women extremely attractive and how found they are the most sensual, erotic, fun women to be with. I cant imagine why their past would be an issue unless the issue isnt their past at all, it is a problem "measuring up"
My .02.....
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