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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?      Home login  
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 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 201
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?Page 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
If a woman has slept with the neighborhood, fine! The thing is I don't want to hear about it. Rumors can just be rumors. It's just one of those things that's best kept private. Think of it like you find out something about a best friend or admired and loved relative that could well be a deal breaker. Then your wallowing afterwards thinking that if you hadn't found out whatever you found out your relationship would still be a good one. But now you found out per say your brother shot and killed many people while serving for his country when you somehow may have thought he never had harmed anyone else. Once the secret is out it changes things for good. And I've heard first hand of that scenario I used as an analogy going down. I don't know if it's a good comparison or not, but I used it anyway.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 202
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2015 10:19:25 AM
Well Salty, if you are using that long assed analogy on women when going down on them, might explain why you are single.

If your brother shot and killed many people while serving for his country(i.e. war), it would be more of a shoot or be shot situation. I am a firm believer in making sure you really want to know the answer to a question BEFORE you ask it as you can't take back an asked question.
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 203
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2015 10:32:34 AM
running,

What are you talking about? What's me going down on women got to do with the op's question and how I answered it? Were not discussing oral sex here duh!!! And I'm assuming since your on pof your single as well, so lay off! And you can in a way take back an asked question if you immediatley recant before they respond. You can simply state "I shouldn't have asked that" you don't have to answer. Then if they still answer, they voluntarily gave up the information.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 204
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2015 10:43:15 AM
Dude, relax....it was a joke about you saying this
I used as an analogy going down
not the various posts by other women on here as to why you are actually single.

Oh, by the way, Steve says "Hi."
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 205
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2015 5:04:33 PM
It is no one else's business who has slept with who. Women tend to minimise the numbers of lovers they have had and men maximise.
This is an unfortunate double standard that still exists in some quarters. Any concerns can be cleared up with an STD clearance report and to just use protection always themselves. Some encounters end up as one night stands or short term and yes alcohol can be involved and even coercion happens. It is for no one else to judge.....
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 206
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/4/2015 5:33:14 PM
Seeing some of the posts here by Americans, I have to wonder if they have ever been to school.
and it is "you spelled IDIOT correctly". Not "correct". So pot kettle black lol!!
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 207
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/5/2015 9:31:29 AM
For the most part guys have always lied about their numbers.It's what they've done since
high school and beyond.They thought this would get them more attention.
I have heard many women these days saying the girl/slut and boy/stud is something that isn't
a fair assessment.What has been happening is more and more women seem to be getting into
cutting the string between there heart and their v jay.They are the ones with the final say when it comes to sex.
So I am more inclined to believe a woman than a I would any guy about sexual exploits.Men blowing up their
exploits has brought a lot of this on.
So while the ladies go for the title of sexual exploits,It also makes them some what less desirable.
So trying to level the field is going to back fire.All again because guys thought it was best to boast about
shit that never happened.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 208
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/5/2015 11:35:25 AM

Women tend to minimise the numbers of lovers they have had and men maximise.

Women tend to minimize -- definitely. Young men (around college years, etc) -- they tend to maximize. But once they're not young men anymore, they only maximize if their # was pretty low. But as guys aren't young men anymore, many will minimize if their # was pretty high. In our society (see forums as example), it's quick to shame any # that can be interpreted as too much -- from guys & girls. It's more like there's Pockets of society where a guy in his 30s & 40s+ can "brag" about exaggerated #s. In society in general, it blows back in your face if a gal or a guy who's not a fan of ya catches wind you possibly had "too much fun" in the singles scene.

All in all, once you weed out young men, both men & women lower the # -- with the exception of guys who haven't had much but instead give the exaggerated impression that they had "had their rounds".

When they've done surveys on men & women in the # of people they had sex with, women's is always Significantly lower -- but that's impossible. With a virtual tie statistically in the # of men & women, one should get a pretty similar amount in most polls. Ya don't. Not even remotely close. Which shows lying.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 209
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/5/2015 1:25:27 PM

In society in general, it blows back in your face if a gal or a guy who's not a fan of ya catches wind you possibly had "too much fun" in the singles scene.

Exactly... I've had women who haven't wanted to date me because they thought my number was too high for their personal comfort level... and I respected them for that... Everyone should be able to make an informed decision...



Women tend to minimize -- definitely.

An Ex girlfriend had a much lower number than I would have expected considering what I knew of her background...
She told me: " I don't count the mistakes or the one night stands"


It can be just as bad to be called a "stud" as being called "slut" when you're older...
Even "man-whore" is another term that gets used too...
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 210
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/5/2015 1:40:16 PM


So if a woman suffered sexual abuse in her PAST, and had to recover from that psychological issue "being victimized", she isn't worthy of a healthy relationship? That's so ridiculous.



If a woman suffered abuse (sexual or not) in her PAST, and Still IS Recovering from that psychological issue to some extent -- she is not worthy to demand that another guy just accept that and get into a relationship with her, no.


She is still worthy, whether or not he accepts her.

If he wants her strictly for sex beholding the belief she isn't worthy because of her past or not, it might behoove her to tell him to get the **** out of her life.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 211
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/5/2015 2:59:24 PM

I've had women who haven't wanted to date me because they thought my number was too high for their personal comfort level... and I respected them for that... Everyone should be able to make an informed decision...

Yeah, it's a myth (or complete misunderstanding) once one gets "older", that having a high # of gals ya porked is somehow going to come across as "cool". It's not. Jealous guys will talk sh!t, girls won't like it, obviously. There is life after frat-boy land -- and it's very different as far as that's concerned. I think people like to go by that myth that guys are cool the # of gals they bang is to exaggerate the disparity gals have about being seen as one who sleeps around. There Is an unequal balance -- girls will get more flack for it. But so will guys overall -- just to a lesser extent, generally.

She told me: " I don't count the mistakes or the one night stands"

Yeah. Some may see it as "men I've Been With", meaning they had something going-with. Statistically, the averages between men & women should be basically Even, since there's basically an Even # of men & women. On an island of 10 men & 10 women, if 1 guy sleeps with all 10 women, and the other 9 guys get no action -- the average # people slept with for both men & women will be the same (=1). Therefore, when you see the average # in polls, you know something's up as it's always men with a much average higher # than women -- which isn't possible. I strongly believe it's not men up-playing it and women down-playing it -- it's more like men being closer to the actual #, and womens' being notably downplayed.

She is still worthy, whether or not he accepts her.

I disagree. If she's still not over it, it brings in a negative. She Can still be "worthy" -- that depends on how they match up. If she's out of his league and brings a lot to the table (or him not so much), sure. It can be both a taste issue or an objective disqualifier. It doesn't mean it's their "fault", as many things aren't one's "fault" that makes one not in position to get involved with someone.
 Dan6308
Joined: 10/23/2013
Msg: 212
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/5/2015 4:53:35 PM
I don't judge like that. It depends on the whys and hows of those numbers and what she has become since.
Hundreds of sex partners don't make you a whore. Acting like a whore does.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 213
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/7/2015 2:11:43 AM
It is no one else's business who has slept with who. Women tend to minimise the numbers of lovers they have had and men maximise.
-------------
Women always have to know, so they eventually always spill the beans. I just wait until they can't stand it any longer and have to bring it up on their own.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 214
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/7/2015 4:35:12 AM
I have never asked a man how many women he has slept with....not once.
Not my business. I judge a man on how he treats me in the here and now.

I also don't think it is anyone's business how many I have slept with.....and you will never convince me that the question doesn't come from an insecurity on the "asker's" part.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 215
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/7/2015 9:00:04 AM
What MsMicki said, ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Agree word for word, 1000%


1worthy
adjective wor·thy \ˈwər-thē\
: good and deserving respect, praise, or attention

: having enough good qualities to be considered important, useful, etc.

To say that a victim of child sexual abuse, and /or any other types of abuse, (whether or not, SHE OR HE, has sought counseling to undo the pain and damage of their past) is NOT WORTHY .....
Is beyond a shadow of doubt, pure blind sighted/judgmental/narrow minded, /uninformed, BULLMANURE!!!!!!!

Is a person who has been an abuse victim, and has NOT received therapy/counseling, a good candidate for a healthy relationship:? Perhaps not. Each person is different.
Without a doubt, seeking professional help, /therapy, counseling/a support group, is the right choice, to a healthier emotional state of being. To undo the memories/the pain, /the sense of guilt/ no self esteem/lack of confidence, requires an awareness by the individual, such as "Why me? What can I do now, to undo my past?"

Yes a healthy candidate for a relationship, IS or learns TO BE, the kind of partner, they seek.
An abuse victim, can be WORTHY!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 216
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/7/2015 10:07:48 AM

I have never asked a man how many women he has slept with....not once.

You might not ask, but I've been asked far more often than I've ever asked...


.....and you will never convince me that the question doesn't come from an insecurity on the "asker's" part.

That's ok... Some people are still convinced the earth is flat...


People will ask because of many reasons...
Some will be just curious...
Some will want to be on the same page, neither too far ahead nor too far behind...
Some because they're looking for someone with a similar out look on sex...
Some worry about STI's (Testing doesn't cover everything)
Some worry that past behaviour is often a good indicator of future behaviour...
Some want to make an informed decision...
Some will ask for religious reasons...
Others will ask for other reasons...


People won't ask for many reasons too...
To some it simply doesn't matter...
Some don't plan on staying around so they don't care....
Some feel no empathy...
Some are narcissistic and the other person doesn't matter...
Some are afraid to ask, because they fear being asked in return...
Some are afraid of the truth...
Some won't ask because they feel it's socially correct not to ask...
Others won't ask for other reasons too...
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 217
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/7/2015 10:16:45 PM
Who the hell asks this and who the hell tells?
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 218
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 1:56:02 AM
From personal experience, I can tell you that just about every woman does. It's only a matter of when, not if.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 219
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 1:08:55 PM

I can tell you that just about every woman does.


LOL A year or so ago, on a meet date the man asks me,
"So aren't you going to ask me, how many women I have slept with?"
I was actually taken aback! "Hell no, why would I do that? It's none of my business".
His next question? "So aren't you going to ask me how many women I have met? How am I doing on "ol fish?"
Again I reply, "No, I consider all this to be NONE of my business."

It never crossed my mind to ask men these kind of questions. Sheesh!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 220
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 1:38:43 PM
what he's really saying is...can you give me permission to brag?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 221
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:01:00 PM

"So aren't you going to ask me, how many women I have slept with?"

I could see this as a joke/sarcastic comment... meaning "Sheesh, isn't it crazy that people ask you this? Many women do, which is weird..."

His next question? "So aren't you going to ask me how many women I have met? How am I doing on "ol fish?"

I could see that in some context as not bad. More like "Have you met many people from online?" to get a feel of their comfort-zone, which would allow/lead them into telling a funny story, or even laying out how it's comfy for them, etc. I mean, a question like that never even crossed your mind?

About the rude question "How many people have you slept with?":

Some will be just curious...

Which is not a Valid reason to actually ask.... understandable, but so is "How often do you jerk off?"

Some will want to be on the same page, neither too far ahead nor too far behind...

Again, not a Valid reason to ask, and on top of it just not a valid reason to in general...

Some because they're looking for someone with a similar out look on sex...

Yeah, but a "#" over time, especially the older you are wouldn't, really. One could be more conservative on sex than the other, but have a notably Higher # due to being single for a much longer period of time.

Some worry about STI's (Testing doesn't cover everything)

Then they should ask them the last time they got tested, and if they've had unprotected sex since then. Oh wait, that may not be so appropriate on a mere 1st meet. :)

Some worry that past behaviour is often a good indicator of future behaviour...

The best way to tell is if they're trying to pork real soon. Like, present behavior. If they like them after several dates and were pushing no envelope, and still interested in seeing them even though a line seemed to have been understandably drawn at 1st base -- then they don't need to play guessing/assumption games on that for the present/future.

Some want to make an informed decision...

IMO, it's not the way to go about it.

Some are afraid to ask, because they fear being asked in return...

True.

Some don't plan on staying around so they don't care....

Ehhh. If they still carry that high-school/early-college issue of "# means a lot" -- they'll care whether they're looking for an LTR or just someone to keep in their black book to hook up with sometimes. If the gal puts out like a semi-automatic to everyone including the paper boy -- they won't want to dip their stick either way (and women apprehensive the other way around, too).

Some are afraid of the truth...

True -- because they fear hearing something they don't want to. Most people lie (downplay) it -- but what if he/she gives me a real Big #?

Some won't ask because they feel it's socially correct not to ask...

I think this is the #1 reason combined with Knowing/feeling it's not socially correct to ask, to they themselves either. Mainly because it "big" varies from one person to another as "universally known as big" when it's not -- and most people are raised to err on the side of swift judgment/assumptions if that # feels a bit big.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 222
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:15:08 PM
Let's face it, who tells the truth about this sort of thing!!!. Men maximise and women minimise, I would say. A man bringing that question up is bound to want to brag and you can bet he is lying.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 223
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:25:46 PM
Let's face it, who tells the truth about this sort of thing!!!.
---------------
People who don't want to have to explain discrepancies once they've made the mistake of bringing up the subject. People aren't very good liars in general. I don't have a problem with answering when asked and since I wouldn't care how a woman answered that question, lying about it would be pretty stupid.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 224
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why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/9/2015 6:16:07 PM
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?

I don't know about "most" men, but...

More often than one may be honest or intelligent enough to admit or recognize, whenever someone asks about your "number", it's really to ask about your attitudes and practices on dating, in an attempt to get to know what kind of person you are and what you're after, etc...which everyone should be doing anyway in some way or another depending on each particular person.

Now...about the "judging" part. Many men (and women) are not going about it in a shallow way - they're not trying to make automatic assumptions based only on your number of past lovers. They're not wishing, or expecting, that you never had any sex or relationships previously. They're not going to assume that a particular "number" definitely means such-and-such. And they very probably would be taking other information into account when deciding what they think it all means about who you are now, who you were then, etc. It's not simply about wanting to know how many people you've been with and that's it...but it's just a part of the larger general attempt to find out who you are.

A person shouldn't assume that someone who wants this information is going to make assumptions or "judge" them in a particular way according to it. And if they would, that should be treated as a good way for you to find out who they are.

Personally, I'd be a little hesitant about a woman who I'm going to get very close to if she does not want to know some of this information about me...if she decides to be so sure about who I am based on little information or only an "impression and feel" that she has and nothing else. I'd want for a woman to be curious about me, including various elements of my past, which includes wanting to know the "whys" of past dating experiences along with the "number".

If you'd simply retort "but what can they know just by my number? How can they know me according to my number?" I'd simply respond with "I don't know. What can they know? Are you assuming that they're going to just stop there and make immediate and shallow assumptions and judgments?" You shouldn't have a problem with disclosing such information...if you do, it just means either that you feel like you have something to hide and be dishonest about, or you're making assumptions about how they're going to "judge" you.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 225
why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers?
Posted: 7/9/2015 9:03:56 PM
I remember only one time I was asked this. I said after my ex-husband nobody, and before him I don't remember. And it was the truth. I truly have a bad memory when it comes to the past, especially the past that doesn't matter.
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