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 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 67
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!! Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Do you really think that anybody is ever a 100% ready to have a baby??You have no idea what she just went threw.It was not a surgery,she had a baby cut out of her.You can look at it any way you want to but you didn`t support her the way she wanted you to support her.Stop telling yourself what a great guy you are and quit padding yourself on the back.You have let her down when she needed you the most.
 4everknight
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 76
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 2/7/2006 8:30:24 AM
"I just feel I am not financially or emotionally ready at this time in my life to have and support a child!!"
you blew it tlyer , sorry dude , but you blew it .you are 33 yrs man. hell i am 29 and i feel ready and if i don't have enough money to support a baby , u bet your behind i would find a second job . by talking her into this , you told her that besides not owning up to your share of this but in her mind it also meant you didn't want to tied down either .i know what you are going , i felt she was the one and she thought the same. well that went out the window when you talked her in to giving up that baby
 JayX
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 77
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I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 2/8/2006 6:18:03 PM
I think you may be right AmberZamber. Sorry Tyler, this thread has failed you. You came here looking for sympathy and understanding and recieved little more than scorn. I'm ashamed of my fellow human beings who are unable to think outside the box, unable to to even try to understand things from your perspective. It's a real shame too, a few of us were concerned enough to write in and try to help, myself included. But now that you've been drummed out of your own thread, we'll never know how things turn out. Perhaps you could post an update just to let us know you're alright, I'm hoping to hear that the situation has improved, I and my fellow supporters are pulling for you guy. Best wishes Tyler.................
 melyssa75
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 79
life
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:01:23 AM
HEY HOW R U? JUST FINISHED READIN WHAT HAS OCCURRED IN YOUR LIFE THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS. I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONFUSED AND WONDERING WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE GIRL U MET. IM SORRY TO SAY I THINK SHE RAN AWAY BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID NOT OF U BUT HERSELF THE FACT THAT SO MANY CHANGES HAPPENED IN SUCH A SHORT TIME MADE IT EASY FOR HER TO RUN OFF BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THATS NOT THE ANSWER. DOES NOT SOLVE N E THING AND BY HER WAITIN TILL THE LAST DAY TO SUMMARIZE ALL THE THINGS THAT WERE ON HER MIND SHE WAITED TO LONG. BETWEEN THE PREGNANCY AND HER DRAMA IN HER LIFE U R RIGHT IT WAS ALL ABOUT HER . nEVER ONCE DID SHE TAKE THE TIME TO CONCIDER YOUR FEELINGS AND HOW U R HURTIN SO BAD BECAUSE OF THE THINGS SHE SAID . ITS SO EASY FOR HER TO JUST WALK AWAY AND SAY LATERZ BUT THAT WAS VERY INCONCIDERATE OF HER FOR DOIN THAT. iM SORRY THAT SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE U KNOW IT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE AS SHE USED THE ISSUES THING TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. WELL SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE BECAUSE SHE HAD THOSE ISSUES FROM THE BEGINNIN AND SHE JUST WAITED TILL NOW TO TELL U . COME ON SHE HAD BEEN THINKIN OF THIS SINCE THE BEGINNIN AND COULD NOT FIND A BETTER TIME TO USE IT UNTIL NOW. iF SHE LOVED U THE WAY SHE SAID AHE DID. REGARDLESS IM SORRY TO SAY THIS BUT SHE HAD ALREADY HAD AN ABORTION B4 HOW DO U KNOW SHE DID NOT DO THE SAME THING TO THE OTHER GUY, SURE SHE SAID HE WAS ABUSIVE BUT JUST SO U WOULD FELL SORRY FOR HER AND HAVE SYMPATHY BY THAT SHE ALREADY KNEW U WOULD GO FOR HER. U C A LOT OF WOMEN BY BRINGIN THERE PAST AND SAYIN SO MANY THINGS AND DRAMA LIKE U WOULD NOT BELIEVE. I ALMOST FEEL LIKE SHE HAD SOMEONE ELSE. OK BY HER SAYIN" DONT CALL ME N E MORE. HMMM IF SHE LOVED U AND CARED FOR U THE WWAY SHE DID WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO LEAVE U. I THINK BY HER HAVIN THE ABORTION GAVE HER THE FREEDOM TO BE WITH SOME1 ELSE AND NOT BE TIED DOWN. IM SORRY I HAVE A SON WHO IS 10 YRS OLD AND AT ONE POINT THOUGHT OF HAVIN AN ABORTION BUT GLAD I DID NOT HE IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. ALSO ANOTHER THING THE FACT THAT U HAD NOTHIN MORE TO TALK ABOUT WAS ANOTHER EXCUSE THAT SHE HAD TO HECK HOW CAN U BE WITH SOMEONE 7 MO AND NOT HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK BOUT. COME ON ALL AN EXCUSE...... BY HER ALSO DELETING U FROM HER MSN.. OK WHEN U LOVE SOMEONE UR NOT GOIN TO BE SO LONG FROM NOT SEEIN EACH OTHER U SAID SHE HAD LASTED A WEEK OR SO WITHOUT TALKIN TO U OR HANGIN OUT....HMMMM I THINK SHE HAD SOMEONE AND WAS TRYIN TO FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE SO BY HER SAYIN U HAD NOTHIN TO TALK BOUT MEANT I HAVE SOMEONE BUT I CANT BE HONEST AND TELL U, SORRY TO SAY BUT UR RIGHT THIS PERSON NEEDS HELP AND FAST SHE IS PSYCHO AND NEEDS MEDICAL ATTN: SHE NEEDS TO FIND HERSELF FIRST . SHE IS CONFUSED, AND BE GLAD THAT U DID NOT HAVE A BABY WITH HER. U FEEL LIKE THIS BUT THE ONE WHO NEEDS IS HER. IM SORRY FOR THE THINGS U HAVE BEEN THRU BUT U KNOW NOW NJOY URSELF GO OUT HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH UR FRIENDS. DONT LOOK BACK AND FIND SOMEONE WHO THIS TIME ISN'T GOIN TO GIVE U DRAMA.GET SOMEONE WHO IS SURE OF THEMSELF AND KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT OUT OF LIFE NOT WHO IS CONFUSED BOUT WHO THEY R. WELL I HOPE THIS HELPED U OUT A BIT . GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER U DO AND TAKE CARE!!!!! MELISSA
 JayX
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 82
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life
Posted: 2/9/2006 1:13:53 PM
Tyler! I'm so glad you've written back. I just want to start off by saying that I interpret things in a completely different way than Melissa75. I see no evidence at all of another man in the picture. She's afraid to hurt you again because she knows that the trauma that she's gone through has also taken it's toll on you and she feels resposible for that on top of everything else that's happened.
She's going out a lot with her friends because her friends love her and must know what's happened, they're trying to be there for her and help her through this.
I know this has been an ordeal for you and you're feeling awfully drained right now emotionally, and physically, it's very tiring, and it natural to start feeling a little bitter at this stage, but you've got to understand that it's going to take time. If you love her as much as you think, you've got to have limitless patience. It's the greatest gift you can give her right now.
And PLEASE remember that, sh*t that went down, or was said, when things were going to h*ll, don't count. When emotions are running amok we say all kinds of irrational things, it's just not fair to go back later and use the past against them. As I've said before, I've been through a similar experience, and many of the behaviours you described were all too familiar to me, so I'd like to say I know what I'm talking about.
I'm SO glad you had that coffee with her! It's sounds to me like it went VERY well. I really think she wants to fix things with you as much as you do, it's just that she's in the very early stages of the healing process right now. Heck her chemistry may not even be back to normal yet. And even when she's physically balanced again, it's going to be a process. I think this experience HAS changed her life, and she probably HAS started down a somewhat new path, but it's looks to me like she wants you to come with her. She loves you guy, and you love her, just give it some time, and I mean weeks and months, not hours and days. Girls can't just "get over" things over night. So enjoy the times when it's good, and roll with the punches when it's crazy, but hang in there Tyler, do it for love man!
 CRB
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 83
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 2/9/2006 3:53:32 PM
I know how you feel. I was engaged with mine and she already had a child and didn't want another one. When she got pregnant she wanted an abortion and despite my pleads that we shouldn't do it I finally gave in and we went ahead with it. A month later she called off the wedding and haven't spoken since.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 87
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 7/4/2011 5:15:27 AM
You cannot stop a woman from doing that. It is her right. When people say jacked up things to others when they are pregnant , some women start to imagine what it might be like to be stuck with some ***hole who talks that way to us.

I have never managed to get pregnant ( thank God ) however I was always smart to use birth control. But I see why some women do this ( Abortion) . Where you say imagine the child that could have been....I say imagine how you would treat her while having the child. No thank you.

Thank God no one can control some thing people have the right to do. I do not believe Abortion to be used as a method of birth control however I am not against it in some situations.
 AtheistScholar
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 88
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 7/4/2011 6:44:51 AM

An abortion can be a profoundly traumatic experience for a woman. Whether it makes sense or not, many will have some very real emotional issues with it for quite some time afterwards. You could possibly speak to one of the counselors at the clinic where the surgery was performed to gain some insight into what she might be experiencing, and how to handle it.


Excellent advise, a clinic will inform him of a common phenomena men often do not take into consideration: resentment. Women are reared with the romantic notion of growing up, falling in love, getting married, having babies and living as care takers for their family. Abortion is a harsh reality because it shows that whom ever she has a relationship with does not love her enough to marry her and go ahead with having this baby, providing her the opportunity to be a caretaker as most women have dreamed...

Many women will NEVER dare say this to the man they are with, because with as much as this sexist society tells us women we are to be caretakers this society is equally capitalistic which means it tells us women we are also lazy and greedy if we want a man to care for us so we can care for the offspring - this conundrum creates a conflict women get caught up in, ESPECIALLY when they are quite literally: ending the lives of the children they would want in a perfect world....

A good deal of women thus go into depression after abortion, not only because of the abrupt hormonal shift but also because the idea of losing a pregnancy as a result of "her man" NOT wanting to care for her or her child in the way she was reared to believe is the ultimate expression of love/family - causes severe disillusionment with the relationship and an over all sadness with men for failing to be as chivalrous as she was reared culturally to believe they are supposed to be.

Its a VERY common phenomena roughly 1/3rd of women report it.

IF that's the case, the OP is going to feel VERY uncomfortable trying to get her back, because the reality is he will have to acknowledge he failed her ideal of what a man is supposed to be - and that's a concept most men have a knee jerk reaction of rejection to.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 89
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 7/4/2011 1:52:10 PM
Always protect your yourself even if she "says" she is on the shot.
Don't have sex with emotionally immature women.
Count your blessings. Looks like you dodged a bullet.

that being said... Why would you want to get invloved with a loser ? 27yr old living with her parents, no job and in debt ? -

Since this is an old post, I hope you moved on and found yourself a mature woman.
 takingachance55523
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 90
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 7/4/2011 2:45:23 PM
Sorry for what happend, But in all in all honesty, you made a remark about seeing a therapist. Which is a good sign to show you care about her. She took it as a sign of disrespect and thinks you were being cold to her.

She obviously does have a maturity issue, about totally cutting ties from you. She could of possibly been creating this excuse to stop talking to you. In actuality you may have saved yourself from a future of pain with this girl.

Imagine if she went through having the kid and she got upset at something you said. What type of person would just get mad , and stop talking to someone. It speaks volumes about someones character & maturity.

7 months is nothing, in the long run, look at it this way, at least it was not 7 years.
 DeeDB
Joined: 7/8/2010
Msg: 91
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 7/4/2011 5:36:14 PM
How a person deals with abortion is as individual as the person. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it and I don't understand how anyone can pass judgement on anyone. You indicated that originally your girlfriend wanted to have the child and you didn't. You later state that you both decided to have the abortion. Did you ever think that she only went along with it because of your feelings and then realized that she really wasn't prepared for the finality that the abortion brought? I feel very sad for you both, but I would think that if you really loved her you may have switched your vote to keeping it along with her original feelings. Does anyone know how she felt after it was over? It is a very emotional experience and difficult in the best of circumstances. Just because you both made that final decision, it does not take away all the emotions that come with the experience. If she was originally wanting to keep the baby, she probably pictured having it, what it would look like, etc - no one will know but her. We deal with our emotions in our own way and she clearly needed her space. Respect her feelings and move on. Sometimes two people who love each other just can reach the same conclusion or feel the same way about the same thing. That is life. I would say don't judge and understand that although a man may decide the woman should have an abortion, it is quite a different experience for the woman. Not all women think the same or react the same way - there is no right or wrong - there are so many gray areas and her reaction is not uncommon at all.
 ekw1234
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 92
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:26:12 PM
Yes I too am confused as to how on earth she could have gotten pregnant on the depo, chances are she skipped a shot, and that does not happen accidentally. Abortions are traumatic but more so when the woman doesn't really want to do it. And if she intentionally skipped her shot then she probably didn't want an abortion. So now it is all done and she is gone, it is time for you to deal with your grief and move on, no telling how long that will take you. Sounds like you too are griefstricken so maybe get some proffessional help. You will be alright, good luck!!
 Yg23320
Joined: 8/5/2012
Msg: 96
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 10/11/2016 1:17:20 AM
Count yourself lucky and move on.
 Yg23320
Joined: 8/5/2012
Msg: 97
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 10/11/2016 1:19:33 AM
Count yourself lucky and move on.
 perspektiv
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 98
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 10/16/2016 6:43:56 AM
Her getting an abortion is, and always will be her choice.

However, suggesting she gets one, vs supporting any choice she makes, may have her resent you down the road. Even though, the ultimate decision, was her own.

You not having kids you may not realize it now, but was likely the best decision for both of you. There's a lot of drama and issues in your relationship, and kids don't ask to be born.

This is still fresh, so of course you'll still be wondering about it, but as long as you accept love is a choice, you'll be fine. Essentially, respecting that she's made hers, and like it or not--accepting it.

Once you have, you'll be on your path to moving on, but sound like you already are. Healing will be the tougher part, but the acceptance portion of a breakup is critical.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 99
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I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 10/16/2016 7:04:39 AM
This situation did happen in early 2006. They have both moved on.
 perspektiv
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 100
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 10/16/2016 6:24:35 PM
That's fine. That doesn't change my post or opinion in it, though.
 boatbob2q
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 101
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I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 12/14/2016 4:19:14 PM
I dont feel sorry,for either one of you,I know im going to piss off a bunch of ladies??? but,ABORTION IS MURDER. if you cant handle having a baby,keep the hole closed,or get on the pill, In my eyes the ONLY possible reason for an abortion,is in case of RAPE,INCEST.or to save the mothers life,. instead of abortion,you could give the baby up for adoption...
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 12/16/2016 9:33:08 PM
This began to happen the day you first talked about the abortion, and you were leaning towards it; because you are not "financially or emotionally" able to deal with her having your baby.

The wake up call, was realizing that she killed your baby; because you're emotionally unavailable.

Why should she want to have sex with you again?
I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 12/16/2016 9:42:18 PM
Once you've held a sobbing woman who's confessing to aborting her baby 30 years ago... Maybe you'll understand.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 104
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I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 12/17/2016 7:06:28 PM
I didnt read all that wall of text but she does not sound like a real catch to me. That you guys had unprotected sex is on you both and having an abortion can be a huge trauma. Are you sure the baby was even yours?

If it were a man who was unemployed, in debt and living with his parents, no sane attractive woman would bother with him. She may be hot or sexy or whatever but is obviously not very stable in many ways. You are better off without her and her baggage.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 105
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I am devasted!!! My girlfriend had an abortion we decided on and broke up with me!!
Posted: 12/17/2016 9:01:50 PM
Again...does anybody read the date that this topic started? It was nearly 11 years ago (early 2006). They have both probably moved on or gone their separate ways and OP has saved about 10 years in child support payments.
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