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 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 52
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
romeo If you choose to look at dating and mating and consider it as a game that's what you'll get. A game. At some point, someone asks and someone says yes or no. Traditionally it's been the men asking and the women responding, but that has changed. Maybe not to your liking but that's the way it is. If it changed overnight and it was ALL the women asking, then you'd still post that women have the upper hand. What about the female wallflowers who sit around at social events and just wait for a man to ask them to chat or dance? I guarantee if you approached a woman totally by herself and asked her that, she would not feel like she was in a "power position". Upper hand, hardly. That is in your scenario that you painted, there are those of us who are proactive rather than reactive. Ideally, it's neither. It depends on how you view it and decide what you are going to do about it. Maybe, just maybe you're attempting to approach women who are not approachable, maybe it's in your approach. Who knows, but I'd rather sit home doing crosswords and enjoying that then to have to deal with the scenario you presented.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 53
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History
CIVIL WAR
Posted: 2/26/2006 6:08:46 PM
Upper hand? I don't think either gender should have the "upper hand" in a relationship. Relationships should have give and take, not the "my way or no way" attitude. My former boyfriend handled the relationship well during the course of the relationship, giving me a turn to choose the venue for a date, then the next time he would choose. We had fun, and I enjoyed having the chance to choose some of our activities. By taking turns like that, the relationship was a happy one. Sadly, we had different life goals. Because this man treated me quite well, and because I know I deserve to be treated that well, I am seeking to meet somoene with a similar view on life. I am neither dominant nor submissive, and think that is the best way to go. The middle ground works quite well!!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 54
CIVIL WAR
Posted: 2/26/2006 6:20:19 PM
designingwoman has it right. Who would want or try to have the upper hand will never have a long or satisfying relationship. The power or control position for those who understand that it's about communication. If it's just about power or control then it'll always someone asking and the other person saying yes or no. Man/woman doesn't matter. For me personally, not something I'm interested in or would want. That reeks of a power struggle to me, and is not what a relationship is about at all. If you can shift focus and make a win/lose a win/win that's when you have something that's worth waiting for and worth keeping.
 mamastella
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 55
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 2/26/2006 7:02:18 PM
Bob,

Funny you think women have the upper hand, I think men do. Guess it depends on which side of the fence you are standing on.

Just a suggestion: I looked at your profile, you have many pictures, looks like they range over many years. I think you should go through them and pick just a couple that look the most like you do today. I think women (including myself) want to know what a man looks like now.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 56
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History
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 2/26/2006 9:29:16 PM
Women reading between the lines??? HAH! I can't do that to save my life! If I was dying and had to interpret the meaning behind symbolisms in literature to live, you can bet I will not survive unless a wild guess is lucky! My mother gets mad at me when she wants something done and hints around. I HATE hints!! Just TELL me instead. I don't like to try to read someone's mind or try to interpret what they want. I find it very very annoying when someone hints around and then gets mad at me because I don't "get it". A direct approach works best with me. No hints, no clues, or reading between the lines. I won't interpret what's not directly said to me.

You cannot generalize across genders like that. Some people have also said that women are better at multitasking. I am TERRIBLE at it. I find it hard to follow a story on TV and have to eat a regular meal (meaning managing utensils and cutting meat). I can eat and watch TV if I"m eating something I can eat with my hands like microwave popcorn. I am amazed at my friend C. who can listen to the radio, drive a car and carry on a conversation at the same time. I can drive and listen to the radio OR talk but not do both while driving!!

My brother is probably better at multitasking than I am.

Again, I say the upper hand is not something to work toward in a relationship. Someone who hints around, doesn't tell me what he wants, or doesn't ask me directly what he wants would not last very long. Either an overly domineering or submissive guy would be asked to take a long hike to nowhere.

Hit the road Jack (good theme tune for a guy like that!!)
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 57
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 2/26/2006 11:56:14 PM
bELLYMAN QUOTED:
For way too many years I've put myself 'out there', albeit night clubs, PWP dances, singles get togethers, sober clubs, bars, step mother hooking me up, a lot of on line sites, phone
lines and yes, even church....


After reading that the tune "lookin for love in all the wrong places keeps playing in my head'


Well,no sense in making rocket science out of dating, this is what works for me :-


1)Stop expecting an outcome..enjoy yourself meeting people.
2) Develop your own sense of humor – don’t use cheesy lines from dating newsletters.
3) Read widely - that way you can converse on a wide variety of topics with a wide variety of people.
4) Treat women as people first gender second - behave the same irregardless of gender in presence...what they dont know is women are generally more perceptive to gestures, body language & tone of voice than men..they can smell you a mile away if your behaviour or mannerisms are "put on".
5) When you are talking to her look her in the eyes..stop staring at her boobs...yes they can tell..see #4.Smiling also helps but..don’t smile like a Cheshire cat..a warm friendly smile works.
6) Give her your fullest attention...don’t go thru the motions of "pretend listening" not hearing a thing she said...and awaiting your turn to talk.
7) learning to like yourself combined with wide reading & humor will give you CONFIDENCE not to be confused with ARROGANCE.
8) Dont continue to GAB on topics that she has no interest in whatsoever...and dont repeat yourself.
9) Dont pester her for her number....if she likes to talk she'll give it to you.
10) Stick to your principles - dont be a "yes man"..backpedalling the minute she disagrees..you don’t have to be rude but..you can politely beg to differ with her opinion..she will respect you more for it..
 Kelleyisnice
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 58
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 2/27/2006 12:36:20 AM
I'm not a bad looking guy, I am not afraid to ask a woman out or to dance, I'm confident, talented and have a lot to offer and give. Yet, very few women have ever approached me on their own.

In your age group, you shouldn't expect women to approach you. That is not what they have been taught to do. Wnen they were young, it wasn't considered the lady like thing to do. The may show you some interested, but the rest is up to you.

I have a decent enough profile, I'm honest and sincere.
I may be reaching here ladies, but do you feel a bit smug in knowing that you may have the 'upper hand'?

I have looked at your profile. Based on the demographics, at twenty girls have the upper hand; at 40 and above, men have the upper hand. If you are having a problem getting dates and you don’t have some social or psychological problem, then I believe you are trying to date out of your league. Frankly, that seems to be what men do. If you will select average women, with comparable education within your age group, you should have no problem getting date. Furthermore, under those circumstances, you will have the upper hand. It is a matter of demographics (numbers).
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 59
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 2/27/2006 9:01:23 AM
All this talking about, bavk and forth , rebuttles , couch referees, as I pass through life and try to live it the best I can with the most decent approach to everyone, women still have the upper hand in my book , even wall flowers have the upper hand , no women especially mildly atractive ones and above are ever left alone to themselves , men still approach them good and bad .

I am still the approacher and the fixer of tears , the repairman of their hearts , the finder of their jobs , the teacher of the college subjects that they call me on ... still the one that stays behind in the life of dating , in approaching at the proper and improper places , still the loser in the end , like a super hero that walks away in the darkness leaving behind a better world but still alone to do this again everyday without requiring anythin in return but inside in his soul he yearns for his Loise Lane or someone to want him but he is still the loser Clark Kent in everyones eyes ...

Everyone says I will get mine one day , yes I will still get mine like I do often , paid by getting screwed over , I do not need to tell you how I get screwed over , you would probably laugh , women here do not see it , they are probably doing that to some guys and do not see it , they are women they do not know , they are not in our shoes , they cannot even begin to imagine but blame life on the choices they have done to themselves and blame it on us . Guys have choices , I have chosen to always do things right and be left lying on my back while it rains on me .... Lucy pulled the football and everyone laughed .
 livewirehere
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 60
CIVIL WAR NO MORE
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:04:53 AM
I've never thought so, but I've had a lot of guys tell me they believe women do have the upper hand, in dating, marriage, etc... Sooo, I honestly don't know~~
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 61
CIVIL WAR NO MORE
Posted: 2/28/2006 1:23:01 AM
livewire.. where you been???
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 62
CIVIL WAR NO MORE
Posted: 2/28/2006 1:55:06 AM
@mesna-
she's probably been dating and not telling us about it


Dont know about upper hand..but ive known some ladies with naughty hands...
its all good i aint complaining
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 63
CIVIL WAR NO MORE
Posted: 2/28/2006 1:56:41 AM
you think??? hmmm... she should share her stories which if she's dating i'm sure she has some!!

"naughty hands"... now you KNOW that perks up my interest... you going to tell more??? OOPS.. got off the topic.. lol
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 66
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/1/2006 9:29:27 AM
I wanna know all the places where women outnumber guys , I am not what women wnat in my mind , I want the odds better for me . most guys have it better than I .

Where are the women ?
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 67
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/1/2006 9:29:43 AM
I wanna know all the places where women outnumber guys , I am not what women wnat in my mind , I want the odds better for me . most guys have it better than I .

Where are the women ?
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 68
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 9:20:17 AM
damn sounds like a sacrifice of stuff , I guess I will have to swallow that pride and stop fixing stuff ... look at my feminine side ,,, Oh crap I found out that I have such a gigantic feminine side that it seems gay , I guess it will not be a sacrifice after all , I will fit in just fine, now where is my pirate blouse and man skirt ...?
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 69
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 11:19:34 AM
Yes I am very negative , yes it is one of my best traits , here kitty kitty come and get it
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 70
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 3:05:32 PM
your so finiky taste this ...drugged mmm not drugged gormet kitty treat , hehehehe
 Kelleyisnice
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 71
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 4:10:40 PM

I wanna know all the places where women outnumber guys , I am not what women wnat in my mind , I want the odds better for me ...Where are the women ?

They why are you living in California? Move to the Northeast--New York, Massachusetts. Avoid the South and the West.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 72
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 4:18:20 PM
YES IT SUCKS HERE
 Kelleyisnice
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 73
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 9:03:38 PM
YES IT SUCKS HERE

sddude, perhaps you should take a look at the Northeast. With all the military no doubt it does suck for guys where you live. I bet California is a great place for gals and if I was graduated from college and single, I might want to move to California because that's may be good for gals. After all, what is great for women is far more important than what's good for guys. What difference does it make if guys have to do without--they are guys. They can watch porn and do their thing. That's all any guy needs.
 DonWilliams
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 74
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/2/2006 10:11:06 PM
Re: YES IT SUCKS HERE

sddude, perhaps you should take a look at the Northeast. ...what is great for women is far more important than what's good for guys. What difference does it make if guys have to do without--they are guys. They can watch porn and do their thing. That's all any guy needs.

Kelley, for you to have an attitude like that probably does mean that women, at least young women, do have the upper hand. I believe when you have more experience with guys, you may learn that we do need a little more than porn. Most guys can enjoy a little porn, but there is far more to guys than a desire to watch porn and maybe give themselves a little physical relief. You need to learn to appreciate the other 95 percent.

SdDude, regardless of the above, Kelley is right about one thing in her prior post. Guys tend to go West while gals tend to go to the Northeast. Furthermore, with all the military, you don’t need to even look at San Diego to know that after high school to the mid thirties there are a lot more males than females. I selected the state New York and then Albany because it was the first city listed and found the following: For age 18 and over there are 41,064 females and only 35,509 males or 16 percent extra females. See: http://albanyny.areaconnect.com/statistics.htm

I then checked for marital status. Since men get married later I thought the number of divorced women to divorced men would be critical. So I went to the following site:

http://www.empire.state.ny.us/nysdc/census2000/HouseholdProfiles/SF3NYMAHHFam.pdf

Albany—Schenectady—Troy were grouped together. 34,425 divorced females to 25,343 divorced males. That’s 36 percent extra divorced females. Then because it was on the same site I checked New York City. The numbers were 356,160 divorced females to 203,109 divorced men or 75 percent extra divorced females. That means the divorced men are marrying younger females and the divorced females are finding it extremely difficult to get remarried. That’s horrible for them and great for the men. If they were smart they would move to California. And, single men living in San Diego should consider moving to New York or somewhere in the Northeast.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 75
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:32:03 PM
ewww , living in the north east would suck , less surf and it is cold , yup I am wimpy about the weather , I guess I have to take the sucking situation and be viewed as inferior by other women her , the short little hispanic loser guy .

I guess I am fez , eeeeeewwwwww
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 76
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:58:10 PM
its not the hand a guy is after
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 77
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:16:16 PM
mmmmm I suck and live in ther wrong place tro meet women , makes me less of a winner , now where is my noose
 Kelleyisnice
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 78
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:50:55 PM

ewww , living in the north east would suck , less surf and it is cold , yup I am wimpy about the weather , I guess I have to take the sucking situation and be viewed as inferior by other women

Sddude, regardless of what Don Williams said, if you are not willing to go where the women are, you just proved my statement that all men need is to watch porn so they can do there own thing.

Not only that, but you only need to drive across the border into Mexico and you can buy sex cheap. You don't need anything else so why are you complaining.
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