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 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 26
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Just ignore mr.muffy man..Some people cannot face reality.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 27
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/3/2006 8:32:28 PM
And that is why she has a duty to do as a mother^^^^^^^^^^^^^^And i agree with you.....But what is it with unstable women that satay with these men....The point is the children pay the price....Look if a woman is unstable sticking with MR.Rough and Tough....Then she has no business with kids...If you people see it different...Then you have no compassion for kids....And i say again she has a duty to do!!!!!!!PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 28
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 3:36:55 AM
You people make me sick!!!!!!!!!!How about the kids?You do not think putting kids in the middle of a toxic relationship will effect them emotionally and mentally in the future...If you can say yes...Then why in the frig would anybody tell her to stick around more than a minute....You must have issues yourselves....If you say no or the latter...Then i must say you have a lot of growing up to do yourselves....You have to excuse me!!!!I have been around this type of enviroment...I had a uncle beat up his wife...A bum...Yell in front of his kids...I called the LAW!!!!!Thank god!!!!!She would not do her job...Have you people ever heard of motherhood...I doubt it...Going by what i hear....Sometimes i wonder about this world...I can see why sometimes the kids these days turn out the way they do...KIds having kids!!!!It is sad..
 1HiddenGem
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 30
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 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 31
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:10:26 AM
Bah.. it doesn't matter what anyone here thinks. If you read her next post in the middle of page one her religious beliefs prevent her from doing what we all deem the right thing.

I think we are all wasting our time. She will do what she wants regardless of the abuse she claims to be tired of and desperately wanting to get away from.

Perhaps we should suggest to her to reach out to her church community or her priest for guidance. I don't think her God or any God would ever punish her for leaving so that her children and her can lead happy lives and thus ending the abuse (her kids may end up abusive towards their partners too).

She knows there is a problem now for her to take the necesary steps to do what is best for her and her children. Whether any of us agree or not.. keep in mind this was just a question. You can't make/force anyone to do something they don't want to do.
 twinkz
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 32
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 4:15:31 PM
Sansscele, I can relate you you totally...When things seem to
get bad in my life which seems to be alot in the past few yr's.

When It seems I'm at the end of my rope and I can't take any-
more.

I just say "ok God I'm at the end of my rope and I can't take any-
more".

Something happens and it's something good!!! It could be a
big thing or something ever so small.

Twinkz
 Lynlin1957
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 33
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:27:36 PM
I understand how you can be torn since your faith seriously frowns on divorce. I know that a divorce can be sanctioned by the church in cases of abuse, but I can't remember if verbal abuse is included. No matter, unless you want to remarry, a civil divorce will not affect you that much. And Lord only knows honey, there is nowhere in the Bible that claims men may abuse their wives as they see fit. If you're lucky, you will have an understanding priest. Regardless, call your lawyer, get into couciling for yourself and your kids and get away from that man!!! A relationship such as you describe is not only unhealthy for you, it's giving your children an extremely unhealthy view of how adults interact. It is also setting a very bad example for them. The chances of them growing up and getting into the same type of marriage you have are very high. If you can't bring yourself to do this for you, then do it for them.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 34
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 7:57:55 PM
To miss daisie...I agree with you 100%...Pretty much sums it up...But most women on here and in the real world want to play HOP-SCOTCH or 2 step...Which is fine...If they are happy to be un-happy...No problem...BUT!!!!!!WHEN THERE IS KIDS INVOLVED...Well that is another can of worms...Most of these women on here never even mention that...It tells me alot about them as people...
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 35
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 8:38:32 PM
I've been there!!! And it will only get worse... get the hell OUT now!! It will eventually become physically abusive if you ever try and fight back with the jerk. Sent my last one to JAIL!!!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 36
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:10:20 PM
Sorry!!I got big news for you...She is a adult..She has a choice...The kids do not..GET IT!!!!A adult suppose to know better and have choices..GEt it...Obvously not...Just like MISS DAISY STATED...Some women will put up with shit..And some women will not...But that is not the problem...WE are talking about kids.......LOOk!!!!LIfe is choices...A woman chooses to be in that situation.So Do not hand me your PITY crap...What do you think all women are like that...Well hell no.There is some women that have a brain...Thank god...The bottom line if a woman want to go in a toxic relationship...No problem..BUT for the sake of kids well being ...DO NOT HAVE THEM...You have no business with them...Now that is what i call cruel and unusual...Being around a abusive drunk...How sick is that????Unless the loser has a gun at your head 24/7....Then i have no sympathy for succh of a so call woman...Because a level headed woman will run from such a creep.....I just know i will call the law in a new york minute if i see it...I have no frigin regrets...If you want to live in the land of oz....Then that is your choice..But i refuse to....Life is choices remember that...You choose that path...
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 37
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/5/2006 4:37:15 AM
Insults...NOt hardly!!!You know what so ironic....Majority(90%)of these women that complain about these types of relationships and finally get out of it,Then about 1 year later she is in another toxic relationship just like she was in before....And of course the cycle returns....To me that makes a statment....To the one that stated...IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO...SO TRUE....In other words..LIFE IS CHOICES....And again...How about the kids????Do you people understand the effects on a young one...OR do you even care....After to what i have been reading on this thread...O often wonder about this world....The way i see it...If a woman chooses to live in the land of OZ...No problem...But when their is kids involved...Well you are opening another can of worms....You people are too busy playing the pity party with such of a woman...If you are going to play a pity party..At least give it to the kids...I will never give sympathy to a person MALE or FEMale that lives in la la land that lives with a abuser that has kids in the house....If you people do not see that...Then obvously you have do not know or been around abused kids....Then she has to say i was picking on her...Let me tell you if you were my neighbor and i knew your kids being abused...I would call the law and would not give it a 2nd thought...If you people would not do it,Then i must say it tells alot about you as people.......Because of shit like this is the reason our society is in moral decay...
 Never to old
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 38
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/5/2006 10:22:43 AM
You need to seek therapy so that you understand why you stayed as long as you did and so you don't do the same thing again with someone else that is the same.

My mother divorced my father when we were young, he was an alcoholic, about 8yrs later she moved in with a guy who beat her badly all the time, after 4 yrs she finally left after we told her that we couldn't take it anymore, he was beating us and that we would go to the police. He also drank a lot. His beatings have resulted in her ill health today.

A few years later, she met and married a man who was a nice guy but also an alcoholic, and controlling. She was married over 20yrs to him, her bad health which he covered up to her children resulted in us taking her out of the situation.

I don't understand all the why's as to why women stay with, or choose the same type of man in every relationship. There are a lot of reasons, I understand that, I myself was in a controlling relationship, which sadly as I don't wish death on anyone ended a few years ago. I won't allow myself to be in that situation again even if it means being by myself for the rest of my life. I owe myself more than that.

I guess by telling you that I hope that you will consider therapy and that you won't rush into the same type of relationship again because you are lonely. And faith, you'll never be totally alone, you have your children and you have a better future ahead of you, and judging from the amount of responses to your post, you have friends.
 dud
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 39
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/5/2006 6:26:56 PM
at least until i find someone to replace her
 Emily175
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 40
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/5/2006 8:00:34 PM
Until the instant that you decide you don't want to spend the rest of your life that way.
 cbr600f4speed
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 41
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/8/2006 11:00:29 AM
all women need to be treated with respect at ALL times when that stops it s time to go
 pssuzieq
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 42
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 5/25/2006 1:31:16 PM
Oh girl...................I have never posted on here before but when I read your message, I couldn't help myself. You MUST have the strength to leave him and you CAN!! I have been in your shoes twice. I stayed wtih a verbally abusive man for 10 years and gave him two children. Finally when he struck one of them I found the strength to leave him. I gave up everything, a beautiful home too and just walked away with the kids. I can tell you horror stories about the names I was called and the cruel, cruel things he did to haunt me. I am intelligent and strong willed but somehow over the years he wore me down and I gained weight and gave up my job outside the home and most my friends and I was right where he wanted me, totally his with no identity of my own. So guess what I did after I divorced him? I married an alcoholic. This man was gentle, sweet, hard working and loved by all, including me, but he drank whenever he wasn't at work. It cost us a fortunate and it was so incredibly lonely and stressful. Everytime he got behind the wheel I prayed. The sad part is he still loves me but not enough to give up his beer. He was never abusive but I was responsible for so much because he was always "stupid" when he drank. He wouldnt' even remember conversations we'd had. A year and a half ago I took a good look at my life and what my children were suffering through and I asked him to move out, which he did. We have remained friends but I have never, ever regretted it. I have a huge mortgage, a lot of yard and home to maintain, I lost our entire social group because they are all drinkers and I have been through HELL to make ends meet. But you know what? I did it and you can too. In the process I found a better job, became a Christian, lost weight, got healthier both mind and body and I have had so much fun. I have been dating and met some really great men. So far I haven't met the soulmate for me but I've made some good friends and I am proud of myself.
If I could turn back time, I would have spared my children this, it will affect them for the rest of their lives because of decisions I made. So pick your head up, find the strength inside you, give up the fears to GOD and leave him. He might really love you, he might even be a really nice guy but he has a problem and you can't help him with it, you have to save YOU. Good luck!!!
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 43
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 5/25/2006 1:41:12 PM
To answer your original question, how long should you stick around. I would say only as long as it takes you to get to the door. This guy is beyond help. You can send him to see people but he will not change. He is a drunk abusive ba$tard. You should have left him 20 years ago. If you want to be unhappy for longer you can drag it out with him. In the end you will have to leave him so its better to do it sooner than later.

Fear of being alone? You mean missing the abuse? Missing the cheating (he lied about lying, he did cheat), missing him putting down your religion, missing a man that really doesnt give a damn about you?

Get out and do not feel bad about it. It is his loss and you are really better off without him.
 TXLover
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 44
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 5/25/2006 2:03:08 PM
Dear FaithHopeLove,

OUCH! sorry you hurt! I have no reason to believe that you are not telling the truth.
As I read your piece I had questions. Maybe they will help.

You say he is a Christian, but will not love you as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it. Verbal abuse is a form of unontrolled anger. He is too proud to seek help when the helpmate asks him too- He is acting foolish.

Maybe you question should be, can I be more emotionally healthy ifI separate from him and NEVER go back unless he has PROVED he has worked on himself and changed. What damamge is it doing to the children? Will they pass it on becuase you refused to strand up to him?

He refuses your request by saying you are not perfect....at least you are SEEKING answers..good for you.

He wants all the bills paid first.. and the mortgage maybe...nice but not realistic..This is just a smokescreen to keep him from taking responsibility.

You do not know me but I recommend you speak to a counselor at 1-800-A-Family. They can give you a free one-hour consultation and refer you to further help as you are ready to receive it. Secular counselors can be found in the 211 information system through your local United Way.

Less than 5% of abusers are ever willing to go for counseling. Your odds are not good. Only one of 8 couples that separate ever try to get together again.

You are responsible for your life and He cannot keep you out of Heaven. It is yours to choose for yourself, not for Him. You will not be ex-communicated for legal separation or divorce in the American Catholic Church.

I understand if a Morman husband divorces his wife that she cannot go to mormon heaven. One more reason to not go that direction.

Maybe he will gp to a Catholic or Protestant Marriage Encounter where you can work things out. From the other entries you would be in the minority.

I wish there were simple solutions in life like care, communication, and change.

Keep asking questions until you find your answers!

Take care,

TXLover
 wanttotalktoyou
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 45
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 6/12/2006 7:41:36 PM
How long should you remain married to an abusive, controling alchoholic? An immesuarbly small fraction of a picosecond
 Greatguynw
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 46
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 10/11/2009 11:14:36 PM
You need counseling. And you need to end the relationship. NOW!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 47
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:52:00 AM
Msg1: Whew! It takes 24 years pain to learned a lesson, for no one in this world has the power to strip your dignity as a human being with out your consent...
If you believe that there is God,then don't fear being alone. For you are not alone.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 48
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:02:16 AM
Like the " Rock " said, this thread was created 3 1/2 years ago. The OP is not even on POF anymore.

They should have an expiration date on some of these threads.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 49
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:19:30 AM
msg187: wzrdmjk, Thanks we believe the same philosophy" if you think like a victim, you are a victim", Treat others with respect and dignity as you want to be treated...

In this forum some women thinks I am a man, or cold hearted because of my philosophy. I don't judge these women /men who disrespect their self to suffer pain because ,they don't want to part with their man/woman who are verbal and physical abusive , and their excuse is they loved them, until the person snuff the life of them ?????
 troubleiam
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 50
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:03:20 AM
I have been there, I stayed with him until the end. End meaning he committed sucide, with the drinking, and the pills he took. Its been 2 years and now I am dealing with my children not having a dad. I still can't tell you if it would have been better for him to be around or not. I loved him with all my heart, to much I think, and it caused many problems. The things I found out after he was gone was as if I didn't know him at all. God knows I can't give advice on this being I was in your shoes, just really think about what you and the kids need.
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