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 mike2040
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 62
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I wish men would understand this...Page 2 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
sounds like you have a really extreme case of paranoia. whatever happend to a little old fashioned common sense and safety tips learned in school. the tips , for those of you who may have been out of school were as follows:

1. meet in a public place

2. tell someone where your going

3. leave an contact number and the address of where your going

4. trust your gut insticts, if something feels wrong, get away.

thats it! its that simple. no tricks no gimmicks.

as for the broad stroke against all men. yeesh, just be careful and youll be just fine, or just dont ever date anyone. ever.
 icreatefun
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 63
So Mabey help me understand here
Posted: 4/12/2006 10:05:50 PM
Most interesting...I am reminded of a book I read years ago, I'm 60, where the author is trying to talk to men about women and how they feel...the short of it, he asked the male readers if they could remember their "bully's name?" Most of us, had bullies and sadly most of us not only remember his name but can still describe him in detail...I know I can...then you turn the page and the author said,"that's how women feel everyday." It really got to me.


However, I also find it interesting that women go to bars, have a few drinks, dance and spill their hearts out and phone numbers to total strangers that have pretty faces, smiles etc...what's up with that?
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 64
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/13/2006 4:18:36 AM

I didn't. Did you assume that I assumed that you meant that? Ahhh...

Seriously, any type of arms (lethal or non lethal) can be as much of a danger to the person carrying it as it can be to the perpetrator. Training is important. Knives, stun-guns, mace, tazers, all depend on knowing how to use them. Otherwise, you are providing an instrument for your own incapacitation to your attacker.

BTW, I'm not talking out of my ass. I have a class D security guard license, had a black belt by the time I was 14, and most of my family is involved in the military and law enforcement.


Oh darn! I forgot what that assuming does lol. And agree with you on the above too.
 icreatefun
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 71
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/13/2006 8:44:36 PM

Yeah. But its good to be remembered though isn't it?


I couldn't help but laugh out loud to my dog...then I read your profile and realized we are kindred spirits.

As for suckafish (?) Yes, you are right this has been a great thread and I have learned and been reminded of a lot. I don't really have any answers but think open dialogue is a start.

If I could, I would give everyone that has responded a gold star for their participation.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 73
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:08:22 AM
Good grief! SOme of you people are AMAZINGLY PARANOID!! Its a wonder you leave your homes at all!

Yes, meet in a public place (like a coffee shop) and have your own transportation to and from. But telling someone where you are going and who you are meeting or bringing weapons for chrissake? What do you think it going to happen?? Your "date" is going to attack you in the middle of Starbucks? If you think like that, I would suggest what you should be doing is getting THERAPY, not going on "dates"!
 dare2loveagain
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 75
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 3:50:37 PM
OP, sad but, true...many of us who have experienced similar things as you mentioned do look for these warning signs...sadly we are preconditioned to look for these warning signs but, thankfully intelligent enough to do so now...I know I for one have made a many poor choices in my past and also some choices were made for me...I think u know what I mean...and I agree this is a legitimate post and should be looked at respectively...but, I can also agree with some of the posters...not that anyone should be name calling, but that there are also the same things that happen to some men...yes, maybe not as many and fewer between but, I understood what you meant hun...don't sweat ppl who misinterpretted it its ok...we who have been there know from our own experiences that which can only be known thru these experiences and those who haven't can not possibly know what its like...good subject and post

btw I carry mace every where I go...Tis better to be safe than sorry!
 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 76
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 7:30:26 PM
I do understand the risks women have on here and in the real world. I always try to see things from the other point of view whether it is relationships between people or countries or politics.

I dont ask for numbers or personal information. certain things I keep as general. I wont ask where you live but maybe what part of town. Not where do you work but what type of work. If it gets to the point where there seems to be a connection and she wants to talk on the phone i will give her my number if she asks. I believe that you have to earn someones trust and go at their speed.

Although there are also some women out there that also can be a bit to obsessive. I havent really experienced it first hand but I am reminded of a woman I chatted with a number of years ago. She was telling me that she was upset because her bf was mad at her. Now they met online and had met ONCE for coffee. Well she knew where he lived and worked from conversations or tracing his phone number. Anyway what had upset him and now her from his reaction is she dropped by his office with fresh baked cookies. well he wasnt expecting her and really couldnt have people dropping by the office on work time. She then decided to make up for the interruption by making him more cookies and waiting to surprise him when he left the office for lunch. He was again freaked out. She then told me she had even dropped by his house a few times and a couple of times thought he was hiding inside and waited outside his house. Well needless to say I was thinking this was a bit obsessive and so I knew from the start she wasnt going to be gf material.

Just take it slow and get to know the person a little. Then meet in a public place. Yes there are risks but you have to not go overboard with concerns. just becareful and let people know where you are going and what you are doing.
 huhoney
Joined: 10/24/2005
Msg: 78
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 11:23:03 PM
makes perfect sense to me to be careful and onguard! having been attacked twice and lucky to be alive in this violent world, i believe one may never be too cautious. take self defense karate and let men know you have, be a bit scary!!!
 icreatefun
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 79
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/15/2006 5:02:07 AM
I work with at-risk teenagers...and eventually defending themselves will come up...I always tell them when attacked, gag and throw up on your opponent...no really it works most of the time....if that doesn't work start crying, try both...if the doesn't work, run like hell.

Background: physically sexually abused three times before adolescence; ganged at 12, received broken jaw, ribs etc. Always sit with my back to a wall if possible and ID possible jerks, plan on grabbing their throat first, ripping their rib cage out and kicking them in the****..and that's just the women.

Sorry being inapproate, seems like I have to make light of my past.
 michiellee
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 80
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:26:04 AM
I have never think in that way that the author does. Now I got to know the girls more. So, next time, I will make her feel more confortable than showing off myself.
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 88
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/15/2006 3:21:03 PM
Why don't "you women" give US a break? How about approaching US once in awhile and initiating conversation so that we don't have to figure out how to allay your fears about us being psychopaths? If we look harmless after being somewhere for awhile, why not take a chance? Goodness knows, we men sure like it when you women approach us politely.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 91
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/15/2006 5:56:34 PM
While I agree that women commit crimes against men, I believe that more of the 'stranger' type crimes are committed by men. Hence I believe the OP was referring to the first time meets.

One can be walking down the street and get mugged and/or killed also, but I don't believe that many women go around randomnly (sp) killing or raping men. And men getting raped in prison doesn't apply in this situation.

While just as horrible, crimes such as women in marriages killing their husbands and children just don't seem to be what the OP was talking about either.
 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 93
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/15/2006 6:17:09 PM
Actually, if you hold your car keys between your fingers, you're far more likely to break the bones in your hand on impact than to really hurt the attacker. (Probably the best thing I learned in self-defense! LOL)
 Billbug
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 110
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/16/2006 1:44:46 PM
This is amazing...but if I were to worry about some guy that might rape you or slash your throat then why are you even on this site looking for guys? Watch out, someone might jump right through your monitor and get you....
 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 114
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/16/2006 2:34:41 PM
I didn't read all of this forum, but I read enough to realize the reason that there are so many members here. With the extreme paranoia running rampant, it's no wonder no one meets anyone. I have been on- and off-dating via computer for a while now. I won't meet a woman at her house at night, or anywhere secluded. But, if I were to chat with the OP here, she wouldn't have anything to worry about when her schizophrenia surfaced, I'd run away!
 Wabbitswayer
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 134
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/16/2006 7:21:34 PM
I don't come off as seeming interested and I have not been on a date in a long time. Do you think wether or not you want to talk to loser, geek, nerd or not confident fellow at a bar is going to stop the boogyman if he is out to get you?
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 141
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/16/2006 11:04:12 PM

Ya and I am a miserable aging guy who has never fallin for any of that crap and the legit ones have no interst in a practical, NICE guy what so ever cause they are too busy looking for guys that are more than they will ever actualy be not to mention RUDE. Seems to me a guy has to take advantage of a women for her to fall for him...nice guy or not,.. that would make him not so nice. Guess I'm not so nice either....
Gosh ... I hope if I meet someone on here that he will not have to take advantage of me for me to fall for him.

I don't like "rude" men either, so I don't see me getting involved with that. I think I might be somewhat more open-minded than a lot of people in general ... maybe a better word for that is non-judgmental.

One thing I would like to point out ... being non-judgmental of folks and open minded can set anyone up ... men and women alike. But understand one thing ... just because we are non-judgmental or open-minded doesn't make us "fools". We don't want to be taken advantage of just because we can be accepting of others' diversities.

Everyone has their own little comfort zone and their own little ways of reacting to that comfort zone being invaded or threatened ... we all just have to be more aware of that when meeting one another and fewer folks will get their feelings hurt.

 Gmaverick
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 146
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/17/2006 3:39:17 PM
Hi mabeybird;

First I would like to say that I DO understand what you wrote, completely. You are VERY clear.
I think that you are right and that if there was more people like you, those statistics that some people talk about wouldn't be so high.
However, people who got some bad experience like that, in my opinion, should try to get over it by any means, as this can affect the future of the person on this area of their lives.
But from my point of view, every person should be a little more concern regarding safety, especially if you don't know how to defend yourself.

To comment about some postings I've read, "Hulahoney" recommends to "letting the men know that you have taken karate lessons."
I wouldn't suggest to do that, yes I would recommend to learn how to protect yourself, but NEVER to let someone (who could be a potential attacker), know what weapons are available to you, as if you end up been attacked, the attacker won't be prepare to defend him/herself from it, and you'll have more chances to get away.
Another girl (don’t remember the name) didn’t pay any attention to it, I would encourage
Her and any person who thinks that the subject of safety isn’t important, to reconsider,
no to wait until something does happen to you.
My good friend SUCAFISH is here and had said several things most of which I don't understand (not her fault, but me, I'm not an English -native- speaking person) but I did get that she says that this maybe a bridge between men and women that may lead towards a common ground of better understanding for each other. I thing that's something probably most of the people would like, and wish for, I will try to help to that goal, by saying that in my humble opinion, there is not such a thing as "good or bad man or women" but good and bad people, people with bad instincts, who just live to hurt and destroy all what they can, and people with good instincts who like to construct, and protect all of that which benefits life in general.
The best way to figure it out is by paying attention to the RESULTS or COSEQUENCES of their actions (no just one, but most of them), and NEVER to the "REASONS" why they act the way they do, if you are able to do that, will have you probably half way ahead.
 mickey810
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 151
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/18/2006 3:34:47 AM
I believe caution is due on both sides. Being nice & buying flowers is ok but they should not be trying to buy your love. That just shows insecurity or menipulation. They shouldn't be trying to get into your life too quickly;eg. find out were you work or live. Dates should always first start off at well lit well populated public places. As a man I even came accross 2 psychos. 1) after 2 dates told one of my employees that we will probabley be married in a year and her pregnant. I comfronted her telling her that I think after just 2 dates these thoughts of hers( and plans) were simply waco.....#2) after meeting at a coffee shop this girl was talking about how terrible it is to live with her male roomate. She saw us as made for eachother; suggested she soon move in with me!! I was stunned!! What planet did she come from. We met in the morning. After leaving she call me 15 min. later. I tell her it just isn't going to work out. She keeps calling back; ties up my phone for 5 hours until I said I have the police on the line for this herassment. So YES even men should be cautious of potential crazies. But it should not be such a caution as to interfere with a relaxed atmosphere condusive to getting to know eachother.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 152
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/18/2006 6:34:46 AM
i just wanna say i really appreciate the opening posting of this thread. in fact the first guy i met online was really pushy (lord only knows WHY i met him! stupidity!! ) and i tried to explain this to him and he just didn't get it. some guys DO get it, but many do not. anyway thanks for bringing this up, mabeybird.
 Trooth
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 154
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/18/2006 12:30:14 PM

That isn't what she was talking about. She is talking about guys who are potential rapists, stalkers, and human head collectors.


Reminds me of a satire I saw on the subject (i forget if it was a movie or Family Guy) but pretty much they had every guy in the room stand up and told the women the guy to your left is a rapist, the guy to your right is a murderer. When I googled domestic violence it turned out that women were close to twice as likely to be victims than men but it was 1.4 million cases where the women were victims, and 800,000 cases where the men were the victims. I get the feeling that women think nothing ever happens to men, and men wont report anything because of the stigma associated with having to admit a woman was beating on you. In either case paranoia can be a good thing if you use it to stay aware of possibilities, but it can be a very bad thing when you start shutting yourself out from the world around you in fear of what may happen. I believe that is how agoraphobia starts out.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 163
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/19/2006 6:48:40 PM
i'm female and i don't get it either.
 Billbug
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 164
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/20/2006 1:58:51 PM
SIMBADSAILOR

I agree totally....
 sunriseisland
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 165
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/20/2006 3:45:08 PM
It is a paronia.

Caused by the country you live in.

With the level of violence in The US it is a miracle that any women even go out of doors.
 molly__blooming
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 166
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/20/2006 3:47:57 PM
very true, sunrise, very true indeed.
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