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 princy
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 283
I wish men would understand this...Page 8 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I do agree it is a very hard game out there for the most part women are at a disadvantage. One they do not have physical strength to fight back as well. And yes there is way to many kreeps out there. On the other hand it can be very difficult for some of us to no when to back off at times because of the miss comunications that get sent out by women send out some times .Every time I here of abuse it makes my skin craw.Thak god there many more nice people out rather than the kreeps by for now
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 292
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 2:18:11 PM

The worst advice I see to men in these Forums is to talk to women everywhere, try to pick em up at the supermarket, the book store etc... NO NO NO!!!!
Do you know how scarey it can be for a woman alone to be accosted in the book shop/fruit and veg aisle?
Some total stranger coming up to you, talking some nonsense about cabbages, with a great big smile plastered on his face?
uhoh,.. nutter alert!!


None of that will matter to you if you find him attractive.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 293
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:04:16 PM
I agree with OP. Being over 30, we learn to look for the red flags.

I actually have alot of respect for the guy I have known for over 3 yrs who is a friend, yet never wanted sex. Nowadays, I think I am more into building friendships.

I get creepy old dudes at the Walmart who do not know me from Adam. Could I be a Lorena Bobbitt? You never know. But I get creeped out when they start talking about love when they first meet me.

In my Condo complex we have mostly Polish immigrants. I don't know their culture when meeting people. The one old guy gave me a peck on each cheek, then wanted to kiss my lips. I did not like that so I pulled away really fast. My woman's intuition was right. His wife left him and he wanted me to make weekly visits. Get way from me!

He was not nice to her. She could not even go outside without him. She saw us other women carrying on, going to work, totally free and she left him!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 294
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:05:04 PM

Do you know how scarey it can be for a woman alone to be accosted in the book shop/fruit and veg aisle?
Some total stranger coming up to you, talking some nonsense about cabbages, with a great big smile plastered on his face?


So, if he doesn't talk to you, he's less frightening? If you're that timid, why are you online looking for a date?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 295
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:12:51 PM
Seriously, just try to THINK,.. and put yourself in that position.


I've BEEN in that position. When I lived in Houston and went running, gay men would pull up along side and hit up on me. I just politely declined and kept running. It wasn't a big deal (and I'm not gay.) They were a lot more straight forward than asking for a phone number. You aren't all that - get over it. I also had a woman grab my ass when I was waiting tables. It wasn't a big deal.

 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 296
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:51:44 PM
Interestingly, the OP talked about how women are afraid of talking to men because of the possibility of being the victim of a crime, and yet men are far more likely than women (about twice as likely) to be the victim of a violent crime (Source: http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance/tables/vsxtab.htm) and yet that doesn't mean that men's defenses automatically go up when meeting and interacting with other men.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 297
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Posted: 2/21/2009 3:54:58 PM

If a man is approaching you in that situation, you can almost bet every time he's going to push for your number etc.

And what's so very wrong with that? Why is it that men are so demonized just for expressing interest in a woman?

If you get defensive just because a guy is interested in dating you, then that is *your* problem to deal with.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 298
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Posted: 2/21/2009 4:13:16 PM

mens defences dont go up, because in terms of size and strength, they're pretty equally matched

I'm not bulletproof.


violent SEXUAL attack is not common amongst men on men.

Just because a murder victim wasn't killed because of sex doesn't make them any less dead.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 299
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Posted: 2/21/2009 4:15:46 PM
Seriously, why would guys do something, out of desperation eg 'hitting on an unreceptive woman in public' when they know it irritates most of us?

If it irritates you that I come up to you and say "hello, my name is John," then you're the one with the problem. Maybe you're the one who needs to learn how not to be so fearful of people.

Besides, how would I possibly know that a woman is "unreceptive" unless I approach her in the first place?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 300
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 4:40:14 PM

Get a little empathy Abelian, youre coming off as a d*** Im afraid.

I have empathy for people who are rational. If lacking patience with irrational people makes, me a d***, I'm a d*** and I don't care if I come across as one.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 305
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:29:43 PM

I'm working on it and hopefully getting over my prey/hunter complex.


I hope this isn't going to cause a major setback, but the guy is there whether he introduces himself or not. If he's a psycho, it doesn't matter if he introduces himself first. If he isn't a psycho, then he isn't going to become one after introducing himelf (except perhaps with certain women who just set him off. ;)
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 306
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Posted: 2/21/2009 11:31:29 PM
It still doesnt matter, none of your posts even come close to trumping over the fact that if a guy who you women think is totally HOT approaches you, then everything changes.
Your not gonna be all annoyed and tough like you claim you`ll be, you`ll melt like everyone else if the approach is right, deny it all you want but I`ll tell you what- we all got here somehow didnt we?
Someone had to approach somebody and ask for something now didnt they?
And if they didnt have the guts to bust through all the BS then where would you be?
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 311
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Posted: 2/22/2009 9:03:09 AM

However,.. if you come up to me, whilst im obviously busy shopping, or something and say Hi, my name is John, chit chat chat chat, id really like to give you my number, or better still, let me have yours etc etc,.. then.. yes, im irritated, because now, i have to do the embarrassing 'Im not interested/single thing.

Again I ask, why would it be such a sin for me to express interest in you?


hen its Oh come on, give a guy a chance, ... you'll like me, look, let me have your number,.. we'll go out saturday, I'll take you to dinner blah blah blah ad nauseaum... see the difference? pirate john?
one is chit chat, one is PESTERING

Apparently, you're so stuck in your black-and-white thinking that you believe that every guy on the planet who asks for your phone number is then going to follow it up by begging when you don't give it to him.


Pirate John, there are loads of venues established for single people to meet up. Internet dating, singles nights, bars, etc.. do you really need to bother some random woman in the veg aisle?

HAHAHA, and how many threads are on PoF where women complain about going to singles nights, bars, etc. and having guys hit on them *there* too?

Seeing as I'm not a mind reader, I'll just make conversation wherever and whenever the situation presents itself, and let bitter, cynical people like you continue to wallow in your self-righteousness.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 312
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Posted: 2/22/2009 9:10:20 AM

He doesn't know who you are but he likes the way you look. Why would a rational, thinking woman have any interest in meeting such a shallow man?

So, basically, you're setting up an utterly inescapable Catch-22 where the mere action of approaching a woman makes us "shallow."

And women wonder why men can't understand them...
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 313
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Posted: 2/22/2009 9:56:18 AM
Interesting! I never thought of that.

I think I have the proper perspective then...nice, but with a bit of an independent edge, that I could take you or leave you.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 314
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Posted: 2/22/2009 10:03:05 AM

No -- I am saying that approaching a complete stranger about whom you can observe nothing other than her appearance makes you shallow (in my opinion).

So I should never, ever strike up a conversation with a stranger ever again lest I be called shallow? Sounds like a very cold, lonely way to live.

Besides, I don't think it's at all shallow to approach someone because she's attractive. If she's attractive, I might approach her but that doesn't mean physical appearance is the *only* thing I'm looking for. If I approach an attractive woman and we have nothing in common, then I can just let it go. But unless I approach her in the first place, how am I ever supposed to know what we do or do not have in common?

Either way, if I were to start talking to you out of the blue, why do you assume that the only reason I'm doing so is because I like the way you look? I'm naturally a pretty outgoing guy, and I start random conversations with people all the time. I don't always (or even most of the time) do it because of physical attraction.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 318
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Posted: 2/22/2009 1:33:05 PM

if you recall, in one of my posts, I did say, I have no problem with someone having a bit of random chit chat with me,.. I'll pass the time of day with anyone, young or old, male of female... but as soon as a man starts in on the whole 'can I have your number' business,.. then its eye roll time.

If you recall, in several of my posts, I asked what's so very wrong about that?


But women, going about their business in public, do not owe you, nor anyone else the courtesy of having to turn your advances for her number down politely, or engage in conversation if she doesnt want to.

And men don't owe you the courtesy of never asking you for your phone number just because we can't read your mind.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 319
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Posted: 2/22/2009 1:52:55 PM

For some women, it is a Catch-22. Fortunately for you, it isn't for all of us. I'm going to try to give my point of view as delicately as possible, since the ego police are always traipsing around...

lol, well just like I have said that women's insecurities aren't my problem, *my* ego isn't *your* problem, either, so you don't have to be too delicate just for lil ol' me.


Imagine you wake up, get dressed, and decide to take care of some errands. You drive through McDonald's to get breakfast. The guy at the drive-through window hands you your coffee and says, "Hey, ma, you look good. Can I get your number?" You say no, you're not looking. He says, "Well, give me your number and we can just be friends." You say no, really. Thanks though. He says, "Your loss," and you drive away.

So, next, you go to the post office. The guy behind you keeps staring at your ass and asking if you have a boyfriend.

Then you go to the grocery store. You're picking out frozen dinners and a man comes up to you and proceeds to tell your breasts that you have gorgeous eyes and he just HAS to have your number. When you turn him down, he tells you that you aren't really that hot anyway and that all he wanted to do was f*ck you.

I do want to be clear that I don't think downright rude behavior is acceptable. I never advocate that. If someone doesn't want to give me her phone number, then I simply say "thanks anyway" and move on. If a guy continues to press after that, well, that's a different story.

What I disagree with -- and very strongly -- is what girlinanightie is suggesting, which is that I'm out of line just by asking for a phone number in the first place, as though I should only ever be allowed to ask a woman for her phone number at some approved event such as a singles bar.

If I were to follow girlinanightie's advice, I'd be spending the rest of my life being the frustrated "nice guy" sitting in a corner bemoaning why women don't like a nice, respectful guy like me.


You don't think you're going to get irritated at some point? You don't think at some point you're going to think, "Holy crap, I just want to live my LIFE!?"

This reminds me of an Oscar Wilde quote -- "The only thing worse than being talked about is *not* being talked about."


And yes, all of those people were only attracted to your body. It would be impossible for them to have any idea of what kind of person you were.

Men are visual creatures. It's a simple fact of life. But frankly I don't see what's wrong with that in the first place. I totally understand that physical attraction isn't what makes a relationship work, but that doesn't mean I'm going to feel guilty about talking to a woman I find attractive.


I think a lot of women have to resort to rationalizing their feelings by claiming fear because thinking (or saying) that you're tired of feeling like a sex object is often translated into egomania. Really, it's the opposite - insecurity.

Could be. I'm no psychologist so I won't speculate.


I'm doped up on Sudafed, so I'm not sure how much of that made sense, but there it is.

ooh.... hope you feel better.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 320
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Posted: 2/22/2009 5:09:24 PM

So, when someone strikes up conversation while you're standing in the check out line at Walgreens, you make small talk, he makes you laugh, he at least gets a sample of who you are and expresses interest, you're going to react differently. The defenses go down, and it becomes a welcome advance.


Well now there we go, exactly what I`ve been trying to say.
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 324
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Posted: 2/22/2009 8:29:05 PM
Well said ................................................................................................................and I need not add, nough said. But POF says my response was too short, so blah, blah blah
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 326
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/22/2009 8:40:48 PM

So I'm not always crazy about giving out my number just like that

There is a simple solution. Go to wally world and spend $15.00 for a prepaid phone and acivate it over the web without supplying any personal information.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 327
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/22/2009 8:45:55 PM

Youre absolutely correct about feeling that men who try to chat you up in the street, are simply there for your looks, and have no doubt played that numbers game a lot, and will continue to do so.

So what? You have to start somewhere.

But women, going about their business in public, do not owe you, nor anyone else the courtesy of having to turn your advances for her number down politely, or engage in conversation if she doesnt want to.

True - you can just keep walking or ignore the person.

lets see how they like being pestered when their mind and attention is focussed on something else completely.

If the guy thought you were cute, he'd probably ask for your phone number before telling you stop talking or else he'd just ask if you wanted to go to a hotel. Go ahead. Try it and report back.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 328
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I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/22/2009 9:07:20 PM

Please, please don't develop "nice guy syndrome." I'll line up every attractive woman I know, and let you go down the line and hit on all of them if it will prevent losing one more to "nice guy syndrome." I don't think my heart can take it.

hahaha, don't worry. I've been on that road, and I'm not going back.


Hah, well I was actually trying to avoid people talking about MY ego. It seems that if any brings themselves up in a way that may be seen as positive, the ego police smell blood. But I'm glad you can take it

Heh, I used to work at Disneyland on the front lines, so trust me there is nothing you can say that won't bounce right off me.


But, the negative side to it is that a woman doesn't have an *on/off* switch for her looks. If she's out looking and the man of her dreams is standing in front of her, she can't suddenly become more attractive. On the flip side, if a woman doesn't welcome advances, she can't ugly herself up very well. You can play dumb, you can keep your mouth shut...hell, you can even develop a terrible personality. But you carry your assets everywhere you go, for everyone to see!
I don't think you should feel guilty at all. It is what it is.

And I *do* understand what is being said here about the relentless hitting on women by some guys, and can commiserate to a degree. As I said, I never advocate overt rudeness toward anybody, and if I am going to hit on a woman because I think she's attractive, I will do it with a due degree of human respect.


I'm just saying that, if a woman develops a sort of hunter/prey complex, it also is what it is. It's not rational, but it doesn't really have to be when we're talking about emotions and preferences. What's irrational is placing unnecessary blame on others for your own issues.

Totally agree. For decades I *was* the guy sitting on the sidelines allowing women to dictate my actions, and thus sat on the sidelines whining about how such a respectful guy like me was being passed up by women over the "jerks" who hit on them.

It was a year ago I joined a group of pickup artists. For all the negative attitude some women have toward the community, it was the most positive experience I ever had. And what is more, I was shocked at the fact that I was not only able to approach women that I would have passed up before, but that they were actually receptive to it.
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