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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 61
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Sometimes you just need to meet for a few times and find out if you have that chemistry or not.

It seems that when we were younger, we ran into the people more often and had time to connect on many levels and in many ways. Now, we do not see others that we date or want to date as often, and we are on sites like this, so the connection time is not the same.

This is not just a man thing either, it goes both ways. I think if you want to see someone after meeting, then you tell them that no matter what your gender is. Meeting for coffee or a drink is just that.....meeting.....then you try another meeting with more to it and eventually you are on a date. Gives you more time, and it can be directed by both parties, not just the man.

Just my opinion......
 Intercooler
Joined: 2/18/2006
Msg: 63
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/28/2006 5:38:11 PM
When I'm on a first date or meeting, I try to be very aware of the nonverbals I get from her, as well as those I'm sending. Nonverbals say a LOT, people, everything from the way we laugh, to the enthusiasm with which we address each other, to spatial considerations, etc etc. Communication has been shown in any number of studies to be over 90% nonverbal! And, since it's near impossible to control your nonverbal behavior, it's almost a foolproof source of data.

Given that, here is how I generally approach the end of a first date given these scenarios:

A) I feel we both had an awesome time and our enthusiasm for each other is reciprocal:
"I had such a great time with you tonight, Ethyl. Would you like to do it again soon?"

B) I really like her and had a great time, but for some reason cannot figure out how she's feeling:
"I really thought things went great tonight, Ethyl. How do you think things went?"

C) I didn't have a great time, don't feel a connection, but my date really did, and does:
"So, Ethyl, how do you think things went tonight?" When she says it went great, I respond that although I had a really good time (let her save face), I don't feel the kind of connection I need to continue dating right now."

D) I had a great time, but it was obvious to me she did not, or I am getting clear signals of no connection (not a likely scenario as I like to think I'm not this dense of a person):
"Well, Ethyl, I had a great time, but I'm thinking you didn't feel the same connection....correct?" Gives her an easy out.

E) The Nightmare contingency: The date sucked equally for both of us:
"Well, Ethyl, I guess this is fuk off..."

(just kiddin' on that last one.....I'd probably say "piss off" instead....)
 Voronwe13
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 66
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 9:52:54 AM
I agree, the woman is perfectly capable of calling as well, so if she's really interested, she shouldn't be afraid to make the next move and call the guy.

As for the original question, I know anytime I've gone on a first date and didn't contact the person afterwards, it was usually because the girl wasn't what I was expecting based on the profile, or I just wasn't attracted to her. If I go on a date, I try to enjoy it and make sure it's enjoyable for her, even if I'm not attracted to her. I mean, if I'm making the effort to go out, and spending the money, we might as well make the most of it. But just because we had a fun time on the date, doesn't mean that I'm interested. Now, someone shouldn't try kissing or getting physical with someone if they don't plan on contacting the other person afterwards... That just means you're using the other person, and is not cool.

But not to discourage women from contacting a guy who doesn't call, I might give a girl another chance if she shows enough interest and initiative to call me. And if that's not enough for me to go out again, I'll tell her, and at least she'll know then. I just don't like the idea of calling a girl just to tell her I'm not interested. I wouldn't want a girl to do that to me, but if I called and asked, I'd want her to be honest and tell me she wasn't interested.
 dan4fun2
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 69
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:42:08 PM
Face it he just wasn't getting a connection. And yes we men just sometimes don't call as we don't want to make someone feel bad and we certainly don't want to know we did. I am sure he didn't call you because he didn't want to answer questions about why he didn't want to see you again. Get over it and move on, he is not the guy for you.


When we come on these dating sites we know what we are looking for and none of us should settle for anything less.
 marcopolo_metro
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 71
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 6:38:39 PM
Happened before...I'd like to know myself...when you clearly know the woman is having a great time, and she even initates contact and a little making out. You part in a good day, then bam! Never see or hear from them again...
 marcopolo_metro
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 72
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:08:14 PM
Most of our discussion is about a great date (but no sex) and no contact after...thats we're all puzzled by
 Voronwe13
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 73
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:08:26 PM
Quote: it amazes me that no-one wants to tell the truth about this. you women are not going to like this but it's because you didn't put out HOLD UP before you go off.

Don't listen to him... If you don't want to put out on the first date or any date, then don't... Some guys expect it, but if that's not your thing, then the guy isn't for you. In fact, sleeping with the guy on the first date may guarantee that you don't get a second date. Above all, don't ever let loneliness cause you to compromise your personal values. It's not worth it.
 Calisparkle
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 80
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 6/30/2007 11:23:48 PM
"What I don't understand is why they don't even want to remain friends. It's like if you're not dating material to them, that's it, they're gone."

Because guys want more than friendship with women. I only have one good male friend. All the others are out for more than that and if they can't have it, then it's nothing at all.

It sure would be great to have some guy friends.

:) Cali
 Calisparkle
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 81
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 6/30/2007 11:37:40 PM
"if you don't put out on the first or maybe second date he's not going to ask you for another one. we are in a counyrt where we want ever thing quick and fast to see if we like it including- sex. so quit trying to be so angel-like or morally correct and you probably won't have that problem."

and people wonder how men get labeled as pigs, dogs, etc. Please. and truly no one means ALL men because no one has met ALL men. Maybe ALL men in her experience.

OP, i wonder if one day you'll meet someone and fall in love, and she will treat you, one of her many men, as you probably treat women you date. Yeah, she'll be going out with all kinds of men, and having sex with them on the first and second dates. I'm sure you won't like that so much. Of course, if you are incapable of love and respect, it won't bother you at all.
 estuk
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 83
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 7/11/2007 9:20:03 PM
Might have nothing to do with the second date...

It is the way of a great many (especially the British) to not be straight and be covert in their communication about EVERYTHING... (not just dating).javascript:smilie('')
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 86
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 7/18/2007 3:23:21 PM
I know the OP is gone, but if she liked the man she should have called him. If she had called/emailed him and he never returned the call/email, then IMO that's rude. I would always respond even if I'm no longer interested. I would be upfront and politely turn her down. Since she never contacted him, then she shouldn't complain about him not contacting her. There are many reasons why a man ( or woman ) wouldn't be interested in another date ranging from the man being too picky and having unrealistic expectations to the woman being completely rude or unattractive.
 welshgirl1
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 87
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:27:05 AM
hi judy [ im a aries girl 2 ] just read ur message meet as i thought i really nice guy about 5 months ago gave him msn chatted 4 hrs over the few nights then meet up just the day had a lovely day out we didnt get up 2 enythink lol he went home again chatted every night msn 2 weks later he came down on a sat 4 the night had a brill time got on like a house on fire seen him the was a spark ther if u know wot i mean. enyway we txt nearly evey day he got on brill with my daughter he tept teling how much he liked me he was a one woman guy he wonted 2 build on somhink special seen him about 7 times evey time wev had a ball really got on then on sunday the 21st chatted till 230 in the morning i went 2 bed told him how much i liked him witch is wot he wonted 2 here iv not heard from him since iv txt him left messages on his msn nowt it took me a whil 2 trust him i started 2 trust him then u bugged off IM HOPEING 2 FIND A REALY GENUINE GUY IF U KNOW ENY PAS THE ALONG LOL YVONNE X
 curiousambition
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 91
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/24/2008 8:57:55 AM
Good morning Judy,

Honestly, I wouldn't let it discourage you that much.
What may be a "great" first date for you - may not be for the other person, and that being no fault of your own. All I can suggest to you is that you keep your head up and keep smiling. What you are looking for will eventually come your way!

There are many reasons that people act the way they do - and most of them we cannot justify! Every person has their own reasons. I am a man, but have grown up my whole life around women and out of the friends I have, 80% of them are female. I've seen this happen countless times to "wonderful" women and have seen how much they beat themselves over it. It may be that these people in which you are dating are not interested in the long commitment, or are looking for a particular quality or comparing you to other women of their past... This would be no fault of your own!

I don't stereo-type the whole male race, afterall, I am one. It just might be the type of individuals that you are choosing for your dating experiences. Dating isn't the easiest thing in the world to do... Everyone has an expectation of what they want and what they are looking for. This applies to both men and women...

Just be yourself !!! Be as genuine as you can and people should be attracted to that quality about you!
If not, then they where never worth the time nor consideration, or the reason behind your stress.

There is a multitude of people out there and I believe it deep down that you WILL eventually find that lucky person that cares enough to get to know how wonderful you really are.

I wish you all the best and keep smiling Judy!!

Jason
 parteovahere
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 92
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:05:51 AM
I think the reason could have been because he really wasn't into you and you thought he was enjoying himself when in actuality he could have just been making the best of the situation. Just a thought there are many possible answers to this question.

also I would just like to add that there are differences in the way men and women are attracted to eachother and this can cause misunderstandings from both sides. Mens attraction is usually dominated by looks, where women are more attracted to social status, body language and sort of unseen characteristics.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 97
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:18:14 PM
Of course it's possible to have a great date with someone and not feel enough chemistry to want to see them again. It happens all the time where you like someone, but it's not that take your breath away, weak in the knees kind of attraction that a lot of people want to experience.


In this case, I would go on 1-2 more dates with a woman before making any type of a decision. I wouldn't lose interest in a woman simply because there wasn't earth shattering and / or instant chemistry on a first date. For me, it's not always yes or no on the first date. If the first date went reasonably well, then there is a chance that chemistry could develop in future dates when both people know each other better.
 Healthieguy
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 101
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:40:36 AM
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date, many of you come with an agenda or expectations that normally turns a guy off. Sometimes you are way to competitive trying to show how great you are and that you can compete with any man, no guy wants to hear that. Failure to give a guy some signs that you are interested, instead of being honest and forthright, tell guy you are interested isn't this a part of sharing equally. Too much makeup and acting too prissy.
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 107
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:12:31 AM
sometimes you get fooled. you think the girl is someone who you will be proud to be with and she turns out trashy.
 White_Scorpion
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 110
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 3:06:19 PM
For me, I look for interest beyond a hot body and good conversation.

As a man, I can usually determine those two things before ever meeting.

What would keep me from asking for a second date is a perceived lack of interest on her part or a failure to express basic affection and interest in me as a man.
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 111
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:04:44 PM
This proves again and again how hard is for many guys to keep up with a behaviour which is not specific for them on a daily basis. Yes sometimes guys can be nice, tell bedtime stories and tickle women personalities. And what a great date it was !!!! Waaaw. Next day --> go back to default. Learned anything from it? Nah....
Make me laugh, make me laugh, communicate, make me laugh, communicate, make me laugh.....f.ck I am out of breath.

Haha I am so happy !!
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 121
What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/30/2008 3:39:40 PM
it is not enough to be "nice"...you and everyone else...you have to be nice plus..what else do have to show them..i come dressed to kill...i could get arrested for the way i dress...but that's just me..my point is pump up the volume, woman.
 LuvsLaughs
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 124
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:19:24 PM
yeah... does it take that much time to say....you know..." I had a great time.. but there's just no chemistry for me... Best wishes on your search! " ??? I swear I won't cry and stalk him.... I have better things to do too.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 125
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What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:08:01 PM
heh. It's kinda like all those unresponded-to emails, LuvsLaughs; "It's a waste of time."

Online manners slide into RL, once its back online.

As to the whys - I can only speak from my experience.

What Appears to be a great date isn't necessarily. I've done time playing genial talk-show host while waiting for my date to express any interest in what I like, what I think: if I'm not being talked to - only responded to - I'm not interested in that kind of unilateral work. Jay Leno gets paid to do effortless interviews.

If the conversation can't take on some kind of life out of first gear, well, that's telling too. The interviewee might think that an exchange like this is successful -

"So... you said you like Coen Brothers films; what did you think about "Hudsucker Proxy?"
"It was Ok; it wasn't my favorite, though..."
(Why not? What was? What did I think of it? Dead space.... ask something else, Jay...)
"Which was your favorite?"
"I Loved "The Big Lebowski" - The dude abides, man - it was so funny!
(What did you like about it? How did I like it? Some comment about Jeff Bridges..? Dead space again. Ask something else, Jay..)
I know what you mean; that Jeff Bridges - I love a lot of his stuff. One of my favorite films is "The Fisher King."
(Blank Stare.) "I've never seen it...."
(What's it about? Why did I like it? Helloooo? )

After I get home and use brillo to crape the frozen smile off my face, I immediately look to see what I missed on Telemundo or HSN that I would have enjoyed more.

And, since this post has gone too long already, I'll leave you with that as only a single example.
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