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Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 26
How do you spot a playerPage 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

That's called a loser, not a player.

I agree, loser too...

I was thinking player in the context that they play a con game for one's money misrepresenting themselves as looking for a date or friendship and or they play it out as having expectations for big money in someone they want to meet.
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 27
How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:57:52 PM
^^^That is so true! They charm you, impress you, encourage you, and pamper you until you've fallen hard for the person. They move on to their next one and it is only then that you realize they are saying and doing the same thing to a number of other people, quite likely at the same time they were playing you. Slowly, they start taking away all the things that made you fall for them in the first place. Yup, I've had it happen to me!

Oh, and the good players on POF do not give out any of their roses!! They wouldn't want the hassle from their 'special ones' who did not receive one!

My question is how long does a good player play somebody before moving on...a week, a month, a year or two ... or do they only move on when they can't handle the emotional attachment?
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 28
view profile
How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:11:20 PM
ATTENTION... after reading this topic and trying to put into words how I could contribute to this thread... I realized its just an innate talent of mine to be able to spot players of either gender... Im offering my services here. :) I cant put it into words but if you ever want a profession opinion Id be happy to spot them for you. ^_^
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 29
view profile
How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:32:09 PM
Same reasons The Lions suck. There are better players out there.
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 30
How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:14:40 AM
aww....but is everyone forgetting...players can't play you if you don't want to be played.

and some women title men as "players" when they are just hurt, confused, sensitive people in a bad place.

I do not think men are as calculating as some women want to beleive, I think they have issues and problems that have gotten them to where they are and they keep on hurting people unknowingly...yes, there are player out here, male and female, but more often than not, they just need understanding, honest communication and patience.
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 31
How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:13:54 PM
How do you spot a player?

Date a lot of guys, and assume that you have nothing worthwhile going for you except what's between your legs.

Then you'll see them all over the place.

Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 32
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:53:46 PM
OK, this is easy. They usually come on too strongly too quickly. If they have kids, they want you to meet their kids right away (or so they say), or they start talking about "love" too quickly, or they discuss vacationing together within a meeting, E-mail, etc. or two. They're often humorously self-deprecating and, at the same time, will flatter you to death. They often seem to like women who are a "challenge." (Gee, what happens when you're no longer a challenge?!!) Naturally, sex is brought up frequently. You get the idea. If you see this behavior, RUN! If you don't the player will.....soon enough! (Oh, and usually without warning or notice. Nope, they skulk off into lands and recesses known only to them...........well, OK, so we KNOW where they go!)
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 33
view profile
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/14/2008 10:36:06 PM
By the words they say, the clothes they wear, the looks given or not, at all the right and wrong times and places......

By being what they say, and not what they are..........and the last but not least........saying what they are and being much less, or nothing at all.....

Just my opinion.....
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 34
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:58:05 AM
One of the most stupid labels invented. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 35
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 7:05:04 AM
Good question.

I've never read any specific definition of the word. I've heard it bandied about, and know that it has negative connotations, but ..... I really think that it's a name that a lot of people throw around when they're feeling just a little hurt or rejected.

We ALL play games. By that I mean we all use strategies, even very simple ones, to gain an outcome. God, we're so used to doing it that it's natural. I teach swimming, and yesterday I saw one of my kiddies throw a tantrum. She had her Mum wrapped around her little finger - we learn very early in life.

A raised eyebrow here, a sigh there ... it's open to interpretation what is 'gameplaying' and what is innocent. Personally, I will avoid using the term. Glass houses and all that.

Sorry, to answer your question: I'd just say 'dishonest'. (Gawd, even then I ask myself if I've always been squeaky clean). Not wanting to sound too opinionated. Hope this suffices.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 36
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 7:31:07 AM

if you know another name to call these so called "players"---please share

To begin with, who cares what a dictionary says, particularly since the term is used to broadly by so many to mean so many different things. First of all, half the definitions that women have placed here on a player, are not really players, but using, abusing guys, or guys who happened to be the ones that at some point dumped them. Those are not players. What makes a player is first, his ability to get women to fall for them, second, that they do not commit. Most of them, are very straight forward in telling you about both, and while some women say here that they will be all over you trying to woo you, actually the contrary is true. They don't do that. A true player makes you feel like it was you the one that seduced him.

So next time you see a guy that looks like a player, walks like a player and acts like a player, guess what? You spotted the wanna be.
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 37
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:16:45 AM
Hi Angel

It is sad that there are dishonest / players that do not give a s>*t about people they hurt .

If and when you meet , try the direct approach but have to watch the body language, eyes and facial expressions .

Have a series of questions that you know the answers or expect.

Watch the facial and body language .

Then ask a loaded question like

" I get the feeling that you are a player - am I right or wrong ? "


" I have experienced a lot of players on this site - what is your feeling on this "

Then watch and compare .

Not foolproof but may help to spot shit head players that make this site bad for honest guys with honest intentions

Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:01:56 AM

" I have experienced a lot of players on this site - what is your feeling on this "

And the answer to the question would be "Why do you ask, are you a player yourself?"
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 39
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:20:44 AM

Efe: "Of course I am dear, in fact I've had sex with three different girls in the last five minutes! By the way, don't look under the table..."

Three different girls.

Five minutes.

Do the math.

So a minute an a half with each girl.

Wow. There are places that can treat your problem.


(Couldn't resist)
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 40
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:40:32 PM
Oh your question has fallen on the ears of an expert my dear.
1. If he has had more girlfriends than you have fingers on your right hand
2. If he has never had a long term relationship
3. If he seems too good to be true
4. If he asks you out within hours of being in your presence
5. If he makes unusually extra effort to show off for you
6. If he is super popular
7. If he cannot keep himself from excessively smiling or staring at other girls while in your presence
8. If he doesn't want to talk about serious relationship matters
9. If he dresses in such a way to excessively attract the opposite sex, which includes his choice of transportation and/or "style"
10. If he mentions sex within the first hour of meeting you....
I have seen MANY players dear, and I can tell from first glance.

Any others have any input?
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 41
How do you spot a player
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:17:20 PM
I gotta agree with this.

I confronted a guy who I spoke to on the phone every night (about a month +) and who also had plans to fly to meet me in a few more weeks, about why he was still logging into POF daily. He said 'whoops, I must have left it on' lol, I knew long ago that it logs you out after 15 mins of inactivity but I didn't say anything more on it. Eventually, I log in tonight and voila, there he is again. Enough is enough I said...and I put my foot down and confront it once and for all that I have had enough of this game.

He had no excuses really, because he was caught, simple. This is a DATING site, we are not here to exhange recipes or knitting patterns, so there was no reason for him to be online unless he was trolling for something better in the meanwhile before we met. If so, don't plan to meet then, no loss to me. I can live during my search just talking to men without jumping into meeting anyways.

I am not even angry at the prospect that he played others along who didn't know about me, I am angry that he thought I was dumb enough to sit around for him. I feel sorry for whomever he has strung along besides me. There should be a website dedicated to players, but we all have to learn how to recognize and stop these people ourselves because we are adults. *sigh
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:09:49 AM
^^^^ How exactly were you "duped"?

Maybe it was your hyper-vigilance which undermined everything and caused the date to bomb.

Just because it didn't turn into The Romance of the Century doesn't mean he was a "player".
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 43
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:48:22 AM
Tells you what you want to hear....don't "friends and family" do that?

As far as leaving oneself open to options, that's part of dating.

Ladies, you don't wanna get "played" keep your legs crossed until there's a diamond and a wedding band on your finger . If a guy wants the milk he has to buy the cow.

Remember, guys get played too. Don't be so eager to buy that 5 karat bracelet until that wedding gown comes off on the honeymoon.
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 44
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How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:10:13 PM

1. Always trust your intuition. If you sense he's a player, he probably is. Despite his seeming very nice, he'll set off negative emotions in you.
2. He doesn't want to get to know you -- he talks more about himself and asks you very few questions.
3. He focuses on the superficial: clothing, appearances, etc; very little depth when it comes to conversation. His profile may reflect this as well.
4. He showers you endlessly with compliments right away.
5. Despite the endless array of compliments, he'll show selfish behaviour. Even though he opens doors, etc., he won't be especially concerned for your well-being.
5. Sex is often the topic of conversation.
6. He prefers text messages over actual phone conversations.
7. If phone calls happen, they will usually occur during business hours; if they have occurred during the evening, he'll likely be en route somewhere, in his car.
8. When he does call, he explains that this is a big deal for him, that he rarely calls anyone; this is somehow supposed to make you feel special. Since when should a phone call be special when getting to know someone?
9. He'll seem inordinately focused on you. No shy glances, or slightly nervous behaviour. But when he's not looking at you, he's checking out other women.
10. Even when you've arranged to meet on a particular day, he'll be relentless in trying to meet up with you before said time -- usually last minute, for a drink.
11. Very soon into your date, he'll be very bold or aggressive, trying to kiss you, touch you in inappropriate ways; very few boundaries in terms of sexual behaviour early on -- he won't care if the two of you are in a public place.
12. He'll persist in asking to come over to your place after the first date, and likely every date you have thereafter, if you continue seeing him.
13. He may be fixated on or obsessed with some idealized type of woman, and he'll go on at length about the physical attributes of said ideal.
14. He'll play into what he thinks you want to hear. Watch out for inconsistencies in the things he says.

I can't really say I'm quite in agreement with this one.

1. Intuition is just your imagination filling in the blanks and can definitely be wrong, especially if you have been wronged before. Don't make false presumptions and do not fall into the myth of "female intuition"
2. Not really a player... just a narcissist. (Would you consider a narcissistic women a player?)
3. Not really a player... just vain.(Would you consider a vain women a player?)
4. Not really a player... just insecure or trying too hard(possibly inexperienced)
5. Not necessarily a player... maybe just someone who doesn't want to appear asexual.
6. Not necessarily a player... might just be uncomfortable with direct confrontations or prefer the lag time text message offers(more time to think about what you want to say instead of just having to say it on the spot)
7. I don't really understand this one... if someone has free time during work hours he's a player?!
8. Not really a player... just someone who is likely introverted or inexperienced
9. Not necessarily a player... could just be nervous or anxious around you. There are also plenty of married men who have no issues looking at other women.
10. Not necessarily a player...he might just be trying to get to know you or maybe he's just impatient
11. not necessarily a player... maybe just sexually frustrated or simply unrestricted sexually
12. see #11
13. Not necessarily a player... maybe just obsessive or inappropriate
14. Yes, I agree with this one, it could very well be a sign of a player but a good player wouldn't make it that obvious.

Honestly, from the few players that I do know, those points would all be characteristics that they are not. What they did have in common though is this: they are all tall, good looking, work out, outgoing, funny, making very good money and over confident(Which is a very obvious tale for a player to me. True confidence is something that can only be achieved through experience and competence; so, for a men to be that confident with women, you know he's played women before). Also, bonus points if they play an instrument or play to that whole bad boy facade.

Players are usually the guys women want (Not to say that guys who are popular with women are all players or that guys who are unpopular with women would be players if they were popular but it is just to say that it's a lot easier for someone to take commitment for granted when it is offered to them on a regular basis) and they are usually surrounded with women (Not married women or legitimate female friends but good looking and desirable single women). This makes him look more desirable to other women and he will most likely have no issues calling them up at any moments notice for some play time.

Anyway, I'll just finish with this: The signs are obvious, no one is perfect, and if it looks to good too be true, it might just be. And more often than not, the very same characteristics that you would find in female players, you will find in male players as well.
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 45
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:20:39 PM
I find when they are constantly complementing you on the first date and try and make sexual advances on you right in public.

The best one I have heard so far is "I'm inexperienced and have only been with one woman". (The guy was 32, good looking and his profile pic was him with his arms around two girls at Hooters...)
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 46
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:37:35 PM
"Again, this kind of "player" can be filed in the "dumb ass wanna be" category. No real player is going to say something so pathetic and ineffective".

Oh please sass man, guess I should have stated that his opening line was "I'd love to get my hands all over you"? Yeah someone who's inexperienced would of course say that and was actually being sincere about it.
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 47
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:29:21 PM
Honest truth, a player is not really hard to spot. But since you are new to the dating world, in your case it might be hard. Lot's of sweetalking and trying to get you in bed in the beginning stages are a few signs to begin with. As for more info on this, sorry but your gonna have to find out for
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 48
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:51:19 PM
OP, you just gave me a few ideas. Think Im gonna post a thread on this subject,lol
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 49
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:11:19 PM
Here's a few characteristics:

1. an honest player doesn't commit
2. they can never be tied down
3. they date multiple people...hence point 2
4. they may get their stories mixed up or repeat them because he'll forget what he's told to per point 3
5. they're easy to be attracted to...they're physically appealing and generally a good person...hence point 3
6. but at the end of the day...they can never be tied down...hence point 1

If you want something attractive to play with...then a player is your man...but never fall for one!!

I will say some point in time...someone will knock them flat on their ass and their playing days will be happens to the best of them :)

Good luck!!
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 50
How do you spot a player
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:17:00 PM
A player is a man who seeks women not for love or companionship, but for domination and control. Players are all about puffing themselves up by using, abusing, and humiliating women. The are not so different from pimps.

There are lots of signs you may be dealing with a player. Does your boyfriend lavish you with attention then suddenly ignore for long periods? Might be a player. Does he do things to make you feel bad about yourself? Might be a player. Does he chip away at your self esteem, or try to make you feel insecure about your relationship with him? Might be a player. Does he take advantage of you or other women financially? Might be a player.

Players are witty, good-looking, charming guys with no souls. They are very good at becoming what they think you want them to be, but only long enough to take soemthing from you.
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