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 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 225
How good mother's lose custody todays?Page 11 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Anyone who is honestly a "good parent" will not lose custody of kids. In Florida the State believes that the best place for the children is with the parents and they do all they can to allow the parents to keep the kids. So if you get your kids removed from your home something really bad is going on!
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 226
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:10:16 PM
The parent who has been the primary caregiver is considered the best placement for the child, absent evidence to the contrary.

If a full-time working parent has left the children in the custody of his/her spouse who you are now arguing is an "unfit" parent, what does that say about your judgement in leaving them with that spouse? Therefore, the burden of proof falls on the parent trying to dislodge the primary care giver.

Another factor that plays into this is that research has shown that women will reduce their expectations for child support in order to keep the kids, and men played on this--making custody demands to drive down the amount of child support the mom would ask for. Most states have taken this possibility (working in either direction) out of the picture by applying formula that takes into account the number of kids, percentage of time they will be with each parent, and the earnings of each parent. If mom was a stay at home mom, the courts are likely to provide significant support until the youngest is in school, and then mom will have a couple of years to get back to work before spousal support ends.
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 227
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 1/2/2012 7:19:07 AM
Good mothers who have been the primary care givers, especially of young children and even more so with girls, who want custody do not lose custody.

With that said, the courts are driven by money. If one parent can pay a small fortune, hiring a battery of "experts" and such, while the other parent cannot, this parent may be able to sway the court.

However, the battle should never be about who gets the kids. The actions taken by both parties should always be done with the children's best interests at heart. Typically, if both parents are stable adults, it is in the child's best interests is to have both parents active in their children's lives.

Just because two people don't want to be together anymore, it shouldn't mean that children lose a parent.

(And if that means you can't move far way to take that new job or promotion, be in a place you like better, or be with your new significant other, so be it. You've got kids. It's not about you. It's about them. If you aren't willing to make sacrifices for you children, you should have never had them to begin with.)
 ANABANANABOO1991
Joined: 7/14/2011
Msg: 228
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:00:59 AM
i see that you were offering help with legal research. my sister is going through a custody battle and she had her children taken from her because her ex husband has paid off a very powerful attorney and he then has paid off judges. she is the best mother i have ever met or heard of. she does not deserve the heart ache she has endured and I need to help her any way i can. my nieces and nephew are with an abusive father and they are scared and needing help. we live in missouri. i dont know what to look for or i would do this on my own but its not that easy.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 229
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/9/2012 10:15:05 AM

why the hell are you posting in a thread from 2005..come on now


The mods want us to do a search and do our best not to duplicate.

In answer to the question:

I've seen biological mothers, good parents with clean records, lose custody to stepfathers. The difference? The stepfather had a significantly better attorney. That is the sad reality of the system in California, at least.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 230
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:28:47 PM
The family courts in the USA, many of them are trafficking in child custody rights. They are corrupt and the judges are the same bigoted, evil old men who used to leave women destitute in the 1950's while forcing them to take the kids while their mistress enjoyed all the man's money. Most of the seated judges are also white males. You have to realize, the more then get you to pay local attorneys and to keep the dram going the more money they make. Many of the judicial officers are not even real judges, they are appointed through nepotism and or they are pro tem attorney's who are "returning a favor" when they pass judgement on a case before them with another attorney they owe a favor to.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 231
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:47:50 AM
Um, this thread boggles me, family courts are generally biased, this is one place that men get the shaft. I somehow do not think the whole story is being told. Generally the courts either favor the mother, or the better ones go for some sort of joint custody arrangement, it is really hard for either to get sole custody, one parent has to be proven unfit.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 232
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:00:10 AM
Bibstar, The law states "The best interest of the child" but is sometimes not adhered to. It is sometimes the Judge's belief that the best interests of the child means, whoever makes more money, gets custody of the child. Sometimes a mother can lose their children if she cannot support them and is poor. It has nothing to do with her parenting skills if she is a good mother. There are also those mothers who have addictions and cannot even take care of themselves let alone their children. In this case the dad should get the kids. It is sad when both parents cannot take proper care of the children, then it is the children that suffer and are affected for life.
For this post: Good moms should keep their kids and the dad should pay child support and spend quality time during his visitation. Good Moms should not lose their kids because they make less money than the dad. Money does not always spell out that they are the better parent. Kids ultimately need both parents in their lives even if they live separately. Dads are very important too. A daughter will look to her father's role model to determine her mate and build her self-confidence on how her father treats her usually.
 godessgaia
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 233
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/11/2012 4:11:34 AM
Single fathers get credit for being heroes for raising their children; while single mothers are chastised, blamed, and denigrated because they are single and raising children.
 missme2much
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 234
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/11/2012 2:37:50 PM
I agree that mothers aren't always the best parent. With that said, fathers aren't always the best parent either. I have found one trick that possesive abusive mates will pull to get custody in an attempt to get the battered spouse back (could be male or female), and believe me it is absolutely dispicable....but it works. I know because a cousin of mine did it. And got full custody that way . Not telling on here though.
 gourmetliving
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 235
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/13/2012 7:52:19 PM
I live in Canada. For a child to be taken from his mother, she needs to be proven unfit, at the father's financial expense. The father usually needs to prove he is fit to parent. (I friend of mine left the familly home after his kid's mom cheated on him. Had to set up a whole new place (furniture and such) and get a second job to be able to pay the lawyer. Only to be told he works too much to have joint custody. Even though the reason he worked so much was to be able to have access to his kids.)


Courts here will give custody to single welfare mothers, thereby guaranteeing child poverty. But if the man does not have a job, a stable home, a clean criminal record, etc. etc. etc. his odds of having more than supervised visits are quite slim.


It's also been shown that children of single fathers have lower rates of suicide, dropping out, and criminality than those raised by a single mother. (Food or thought, and before you say I am biased, I am a single father who was raised by a single mother. I have seen both sides of the coin, up close)
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 236
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/13/2012 8:07:16 PM

The parent who has been the primary caregiver is considered the best placement for the child, absent evidence to the contrary.


Quite true, although often ignored or misstated by those wanting nothing more than an opportunity to rant and/or vent.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 237
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/15/2012 12:43:14 AM

Actually, money can be a big issue in the sense that it's almost impossible for someone with no attorney to win a custody case against someone who does have an attorney. There are attorneys who will take a low income parent's case for free, but they prioritize and mostly end up only helping women who are victims of domestic violence. I have been lucky in that sense - my ex tried for full custody 3 times, but I still have primary custody


Most women can get a court appointed attorney if they do not have an income by simply filling out the forms. Which once again IMO is not fair but I am not going to argue fair or not. Or else they can try and get the judge to make the male party pay who is probably the bigger bread winner but not necessarily the case.

Good Women in the news lately... Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Octomom, Mary LeTourneau...and the list goes on and on. The Bridezillas, the 16 and pregnant, the Jersey Shore.....Yeah...okay. Just how egrious does it have to become before someone calls the bluff?

I find it particularily appalling that judges and courts won't allow testimony from minor children in seeking a restraining order either temporary or final but when it comes to divorce are all in. In my opinion they should in both. Maybe one would not lead to the other happening if they acted sooner.

I also think the mental health professionals in this country have such different standards based on the sex of the parties and their addictive behaviors are virtually worthless in seeking help for or by a male.

I am pained by any good person that loses custody. Even out the system and stop with all the BS false child/sex abuse claims along with domestic violence cases right before filing for divorce and will believe you more.

Personally I did think those old white haired men who presided over family matters that involved children and addictive behaviour parents who faced losing them really went out of the way to try and give the person another chance. Apparently the three strikes and your out only applies in California or other things.
 bluffsc
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 238
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/19/2012 7:11:10 PM
rrrrrrrrrrrrr wrong , ive spent $25,000 my son from his bipoler mother and it took me 10 months and that was even when she had another child taken and fosteres years befor , the court always feels and i feel the only place for a child is with its bio mother befor its bio father SO I GTTA AGREE WITH ALL THE OTHER POSTS MOMMY HAD ISSUES AND ISNT DISCLOSING THEM (ANOTHER ONE SIDED STORY ID SAY)
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 239
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:40:14 PM
Maybe she's not all that great a mother? Maybe the father can provide the better home for the children? Isn't it about what's best for the child, not what's best for the mother?

Single parents are great no matter what the gender! I agree! But that statement is at complete odds with the rest of your post..
 Plays_With_Squirrels
Joined: 4/2/2012
Msg: 240
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:55:43 PM
ANABANANABOO1991:

If he is an abusive father, and she is a good mother, she won't lose custody. I live in Missouri too. I've seen plenty of good dads spend loads of money to get partial custody from drug-addicted mothers, but NEVER the other way around. She'll be fine.

Furthermore, if he truly is an abusive father, why isn't he in jail? As the sister, you may not know all the details.
 valleyfosh
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 241
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:21:10 PM
no it does not happen in canada as long as mom stays clear of the drugs she will get total custody in canada men are only considered as a source of income for mom and child to live off instead of going on welfair ,
 valleyfosh
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 242
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:22:44 PM
yes ask any man the courts in canada are going to give mom custody no matter who or what the dad is reying to do
 valleyfosh
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 243
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:38:16 PM
the canadian courts are set up to prevent men from doing anything more then weekends every other and keeping that good job so he can pay up after the courts award all to the single mom .in canada men fathers are only a spurce of income to draw on after the women walks out or ends it ,even the legals are free for mom they will make dady into an abuser so they can remove all the assets to award to the unemployed asingle mom ..only in canada shared custody or equal custody is the dreaming of many
 gourmetliving
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 244
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/22/2012 6:01:23 AM
^^^ Just to say, I live in Canada. I was there supporting my ex while we lived together. When we split, (a year after the child was born) she moved out. No court would take my from me (high level security clearance, psych and drug tested for work, steady employment, stable home, good support network, etc.). It might be different if you've never lived with your child prior to the split. Men do have a shot at getting custody. The only time they will be awarded full custody of a child, however, is if they can prove that the child's mother and maternal grandparents are unfit. A fit mother in Canada will never lose her child. I fully acknowledge the bias in the system though.
 SmartSarcasticSweet
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 245
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/22/2012 8:04:05 PM
A good mother won't lose custody of her children. I think there's something missing in the original post. Some part of the story is not in there. Even in this day in age, it's incredibly difficult for a father to get more custody than the mother without there being some extreme mitigating factor creating that.

On a side note...once you separate from your partner, most stay-at-home mom's have to get a job and contribute to the financial aspect of raising their children. The courts don't really look highly on someone who expects someone else to financially provide for them just because they don't want to. I'd love to be a stay at home mom too, and yes that would be the ideal situation for the child as well, but I understand that my child needs me to get out and provide for them. IMO anyways...
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 246
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/23/2012 7:27:09 AM
Why should one parent have more time with child than the other? In the marriage are we not supposed to be equals? Why deny the child equal time with each parent given the parents are both "good"!

The statement made about who was the primary care giver, and who should get the primary custody is b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t.!! Most of the time, men are a victim of circumstance. In the first year or so the man can not do the things the mother must. And this is the time where she stays at home while the father works, and has the least time with the child. And often times, the man has a higher salary, and the COUPLE make a MUTUAL decision about who should work and who should remain with the child. But then when a divorce comes into play, the man becomes that victim of circumstance.

This topic fires me up like you would not believe......joint 50/50 should ALWAYS be the decision unless one of them is proven unfit, not having to prove you are good enough to have your child. Divorce for a man is like being in a court case where you are guilty until proven innocent. I am very happy to see things beginning to change!

So to the women losing custody, or only getting 50/50, cry me a effing river...welcome to our world!
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 247
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/23/2012 1:02:08 PM
Not every mother is fit to have custody just because she stays home with her kids? Most likely there is a reason why she lost custody, Women who do work do all those things while working fulltime with kids, So lost their kids? Is what we want to know and what was the reason?
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 248
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:19:59 PM
I've known plenty of stay at home moms who were LOUSY mothers... the fact that someone is the primary caregiver does NOT automatically make them the best choice for the custodial parent... Like a previous poster, I'm THRILLED to see the system making adjustments... Dads no longer get every other weekend... 50/50 means splitting the time "as equally as possible". The only exception is when one parent is PROVEN to be unfit.
 island_mel
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 249
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/29/2012 10:43:05 PM
wow 77 you sure know lots about this stuff, are you a lawyer?
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