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 LOTRfreak
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 63
How good mother's lose custody todays?Page 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I lost custody of my daughter when she was eight. Her father never met her until she was almost six. Not because I never told him about her but because he never had any intrest in her. One day out of the blue he shows up and two years later won custody. I stayed home with her until she was in school all day, doted on her, she was my heart and soul. He won because he could afford a big shot lawyer and I couldn't afford one or get one appointed because I made too much money. Go figure. Anyway, now I get all kinds of grief from him at every turn and he never makes things between my daughter and I comfortable. The day will come when she will be old enough to make the decision to come home to me and she will understand that he only did this to hurt me and she will never forgive him for keeping us apart.

I dont understand how the judge ruled in his favor knowing dad was never in her life, didn't pay child support on a regular basis, was living off his gf and the state, and it was proven in court that he lied about several of the "issues" he used for grounds of the filing for custody. I'm convinced he had won before we ever walked into that court room, but I'm also convinced that he will eventually get what he deserves.
 atrkyhntr™
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 64
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:47:33 PM
..see that is out and out wrong..
I am sorry to hear that...
 atrkyhntr™
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 66
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 6:28:04 AM
My X has a lawyer assigned, from the start via legal aid...
Again you do not know what you are talking about and show your obvious ignorance to the subject at hand... You can try to twist what you perceive as the truth but it is not the truth its only your uneducated/bias guess, at best...
I simply have more money now because I did what it took to get a higher paying job and now reap the rewards. I do not stand still I move on...
Bottom line is I can and will provide a better life for my children and if I am guilty of anything it is that I live for my children and value them over myself. I am guilty as charged I will do as my children ask and go to court to let them have their say in the matter...
Whether I had more money or not I would still do what my children ask...
If I was a bad Father/Parent the court should not give me the children no matter how much money I have, and I would hope that is what happens in the higher % then not. Here they look into your background, talk to neighbors, relations and your current employer. All that helps in making the proper decision as to who should raise mine and other children...

I'll take that bet you so elegantly offered
My children and I can always use the extra money... That is what this is all about, not the children but the money

Have a nice day
 genngi
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 69
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:07:24 AM
It is the leaning of all court systems today. It is the fact that the dads have more money for the legal battle. It is because they fight for them. It is because there are lots of women in those court systems today, and they are big time career women,and can not see that there is anything better about being home with your young children. These are the reasons I figured out. Not getting custody and knowing he should not have it, kept me in my marriage for ten years too long! I tried to divorce and he threatened that he would get custody because he would have the best lawyer in the state, and everytime he was right. But I wouldn't leave my children when they were too young, so I always went back to him. The sad part is that the courts always claim to work in the best interests of the children, but they really aren't. No, it is not always best for the kids to be with their mom. Both parents being good parents joint custody is best, but if they are both good parents custody isn't suchan issue!!! So, having tried and failed four times, in different states and countries,and having researched it, I know that it happens a lot today- good mothers losing custody! I did get joint custody, joint physical too, and it is everything I thought it would be. They were mostly concerned about his retribution if he didn't get joint custody!
 bouffon33
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 79
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 11:50:08 AM
Hi bibstar I did not read the entire tread so this has probable been said.

I took a little offence at your post, not very bad but still because it applies to me.

The best thing for a kid is a good parent not necessarily the one that gave birth, could be that they are not even related to the kid (adopted).

In my case, I have nothing against my ex just in case you are wondering. My ex is a pretty good person; she would not harm anybody else. And in general a good mother when my daughter lived with her she never had anything bad happen to her. She did the breast feeding thing and of course the birth thing also but as a parent she sucks.
Before I got custody my daughter she could not read, tell time, all she did all day was watch TV and play on the computer. She did what ever she wanted eat what she wanted and was more of the boss of the house then a kid. She went to bed at 22h. She never ever went outside to play, even if her friends from school live in the same condo. This is with 4 adults in the house. My ex has her parents living with her. Even with all those supposedly mature people my daughter was not being broth up she was just existing. That not how you bring up kids, since she lives with me she went from a C average student to a strait A student, just got the report card. She goes to swimming lessons every week, camping in the summer, goes to piano lessons etc. Her teachers see the difference; my and her family see the difference. I am involved in her school the PTA thing.

The best for the kid is a good parent, giving birth to a kid does not make you a parent. Also it’s not a question of money either because I gave her every thing when I left her to make sure my daughter had a good roof and stuff. I also paid through the wazoo alimony and child support to see my not progressing towards being a proper successful adult. And it’s not the lawyer, although it make a big difference, because mine was a idiot I did every thing myself and gave him the money to go to court. I don’t make that much. But one thing I am, I am a good person, a good parent and a good father. That’s what counts in life
 bouffon33
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 81
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:08:05 PM
There is not need to apologize, like I said it’s not a big thing. It’s just that it’s so hard for a man to prove that he is a better parent because he is a man. A woman is automatically label good because she gave birth a man has to prove that he is good.
 pktchg919
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 82
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/10/2006 8:09:26 AM
Bibstar-

Did you loose custody at some point?? Living in Texas as you do, it is VIRTUALLY imposible for a mother to loose custody in this state from what I have found. Where ther circumsatances here that we are not privy too??? I had a terrible lawyer with my divorce that involved my son. Who was his lawyer if you don't mind I ask?

PktChg
 pktchg919
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 85
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:10:23 PM
Bibstar-

I changed my settings. Please email me the info.
 mpreston
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 89
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/12/2006 6:32:41 PM
bibstar,

are you saying that, "good mothers, who stay home with their kids, do the house work (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking etc...), plus being home with their child after giving a painful birth and breastfeeding for over a year" makes a good mother? were you married? wasnt that one of your repsonsibilities as a mother? did your hisband provide income? wasnt that his responsibility?

What I am saying is that marriage is a team and each person has their duties and responsibilities. Generally, the mothers stay home while the father provides income. That is a 50/50 partnership. Didnt your husband also cook and care for your child? I wiuld find it hard to believe that he did absolutely nothing.

Why thne do you think that mother's should be granted custody? Father's have just as much rights to raise a child as well.

Sorry, but, i just find this a petpeeve of mine that woman think thye deserve to be full custodians and the father only a source of income.
 mpreston
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 91
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:56:34 PM
sorry, i am new to this forum. in fact, i joined really only for the forum, becasue, though i have been divorced for nearly 2 years, i feel i really want to learn how others are dealing with similar situations.

i just had a visceral reaction to this thread as i read it. but, it seems that other people posted other things as well. i only addressed you since you began this thread. again i apologize.

but, you made the posting, "....but this post is really not about my divorce or custody deal...." isnt the title of this thread about custody? that is why i posed this question.

basically, from what i have seen from this forum (not just this thread) is that women think they should have custody for the main reason than they are women. i find this argument totally sexist. That is like saying I should get more money for a job because I am a man! if someone made THAT statement, he would be labled a sexist (and fired if at work). why then is a woman not labled sexist for saying since she is mother (gave birth and breastfed) that she should have custody?

Basically, i want to know (borrowing from your title of this thread) - How could good father's loose custody?
 mpreston
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 93
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/13/2006 10:25:12 PM
OH! I see what you are saying...thanks.

But, are you worried that you are going to loose custody or somethign?
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 94
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/14/2006 4:07:26 PM
I have three brothers and all of us are custodial parents.
With my brothers, the women left the children. My case was a little different, I got custody when I divorced her, then later this state took away her rights. So for me, I raised my child by myself with no child support.
But I don't think these situations are what the title post is looking for.
A lot of good mothers nowadays are losing their children in custody fights because of economics if everything else is equal. If the man has a $16 an hour job and the woman has a $6 an hour job, the man can provide better. And child support would not equal that out.
I have found that a lot of men really do not want custody of their children, they want the freedom and the next girlfriend most likely will not be interested in raising the children.
Dragon Rider
 mpreston
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 95
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/25/2006 11:01:49 PM
["SO you say you can't believe he did absolutely nothing??" How would you know what goes on in other people life’s?? Since when did God give you the right to judge others? ]

Sundance, what are you talking about? Where is the judgement in that statemetn? You are so defensive you are looking to pick an argument...no surprise, most recently divorced are in similar positions. But, you in particular seem to be really obivoius. "I find it hard to believe..." is not a judgement... But, saying that you are a bitter man-hater IS a judgement. See the difference? If not, I will be happy to simplfy it even more so even you could understand.

But, you do prove a point that the myopic thinking as you demonstrate is becoming too prevalent in today's community and court system. Just because you breast fed (which is biologically obvious), neither makes you a better parent, default custodial parent, or logical individual!

 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 96
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 4/26/2006 2:22:51 PM
it could be as simple as...HIS attorney plays golf with your presiding judge (sad, but true). it could also be that the judge is looking for the parent who will MOST advocate the relationship with the ncp (usually the dad). you could be the most fabulous mom in the world, stand up in court, start hurling psycho allegations at your ex, while the judge looks on and thinks, "hm...losing her cool in court, also likely to lose her cool with the kids, not to mention that she has some lingering anger for the ex that will both damage the children and muck up the visitation schedule. getting caught in a lie will lose a "good mother" custody.. this happened to a friend of a friend of mine, her children are with their dad as we speak.
not to say that any of these scenerios "fit", and i have more often seen the flip side of the coin, where whoring, drug-abusing mom STILL gains custody of the kids OVER the gainfully employed, responsible, genuinely concerned father.
 sly848484
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 98
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/24/2006 11:55:35 PM
i read an artical about custady . back in the early 1900's the men use to always get the kids becouse back then the kids were considerd property . then in the late 40's the women allways got the kids becouse they were allways at home taking care of them ...and then in the 60's and 70's there was the womens rights thing and today women go to work just like the men do and custady can be awarded to eather parent ...
 lacepantieshalfoff
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 102
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 7:59:14 AM
any parent can lose cutody if they make bad decisions that put thier kid at risks an others report it as such, an prove it. sometimes parents do not know all the things that can put thier kids at risks becuase they just are not well informed or did not even think of something as a risk. i will not name what i am thinkin of here even as an example becuase i do not want this to go off topic but parents should stay educated an open minded to hear what others have to say without gettin defensive becuase what they have to say may help you keep your kid from being at risk.
 sweetascandy99
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 103
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/29/2006 8:40:45 AM
well most of the time that mom has either started to use drug and alchol and other things that dont seem to other poeple and the judge that they are fit to be a mom but all in all if she fight her hardest to get the child back that will happen.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 105
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/3/2006 10:37:42 PM
Whew you got my blood flowing...

Custody?? Physical Custody?? Joint Custody?? Temperary Custody??Legal Custody??Cuardenship??,legal,physical,joint.etc etc etc. These are all legal Mumbo-Jumbo terms that are different from state to state. Lets jump to the Supreme Court Level......."Perental RIGHTS". This way my next statment blankets all 50....and I can agree with mes. #7 99.99% (leaving that .o1% open the the word never)

Good Mothers N-E-V-E-R lose their Parental Rights in the USA....N-E-V-E-R..Period.

FYI(not being cathartic) I just spent 3 years, 8 attornies,around 100K, several arrest, 4 jurisdictions, a total bumbombment of government requirements to get my daughter from a Herion Addict mother...While the state went on a "BAD FATHER WITCH HUNT" Get this...Keep reading....I seeked the courts protection with documentation when my daughter was still in my house. KEEP READING......For 3 years to the date in 3 weeks. Mother is homeless,Herion Addict,refused all government demands...counseling, threatment,get a job, get a house. Has not seen her daughter on a visit in a year, and here is the...... KICKER.....................
.................................................
STILL LEGALLY HAS PARENTAL RIGHTS...Welcome to good old USA.....where every politician's third sentence in front of a camera is "BLAH BLAH BLAH.........for the children"

More FYI..... Her rights have been all stripped down to 1 hourly visit per/month in a courthouse.(Which she has not asked for) Hopefully that will be stripped from her July 24th... and she can appeal to a Federal court if she so likes.....LMFAO.....

You think this is a isolated case......you are insane... Get off this site and start researching....REAL REAL EASY... Try Ask jeves or other search engine.....try ...."Mothers that killed child and have custody"..."Herion Mother that wins custody".... MY FAVORITE... "Abusive mother that has custody." You won't live long enough to read the hits.

By the way the court system is a Joke. ALL Lawyers are the lowest from of humans on the earth.A Lawyer is a paid Liar.PERIOD EVERY court System is a self-pepetuating money marker, ran by lawyers. I might have spent 100K on my daughter, but you all spent over a millions dollars easily. The other 15-20 attornies involved are paid by the state. MINE where the only privately paid.dozens of state postponed dates and a total around 35(lost count) court dates. All in which a minimum of at least 13 government employees had to be present.

Tried to stay on the ?? , but show where I have 1,000's and 1,000's of hours on researching this.

IN CLOSEING.....PLEASE GOOD PARENTS....LISTEN....STAY OUT OF THE COURTS AT ALL COST.. ONLY WINNER'S ARE THE LAWYERS...AND THE CHILDREN ARE THE VICTIMS. WORK IT OUT...IF YOU ARE TRULY DEALING WITH A BAD/DANGEROUS SPOUSE. TAKE YOUR KIDS AND MOVE.

A Loving/Happy Single Dad.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 107
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 8:37:06 AM
Oceans2424,

Money!!!! Not true in USA. Can I site legal courtcases here??

Okay read my 1st comment. At one time I had 3 lawyers at the SAME time. Also the years I had may case postponed , or for hearings only I sat and listen to the other cases.

However, I agree 1,000% on the rest of your input " WORD for WORD".

Also don't badmouth the other parent...you are only hurting the child (they also have a loving built in mechanism that will go into defend mode for the parent being badmouthed). They will fig out the truth one day...now...tommorrow.....when they are 35 maybe..and you are worm food.

A truly good loving parent will put there needs,wishes,and desires to the side for the BEST interest of their child.

Thanks Again

BDJ
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 108
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 8:47:50 PM
Okay momoftwins...

I'm not bashing.... Your profile says your honest...

Don't piss in my face and tell me it's raining.

You lost your son and didn't do a thing.. Do you mean you lost your child and did nothing wrong to cause this?? OR You lost your child and did nothing to get him back??

Okay you have 3 children now. What happen to the one you lost... You stopped fighting and decided to have more children???

In ever state in the United States child custody starts at the lowest state court usually called District... Then there is at least a 2 tier court system in EVERY state... sometimes 3. then there is two Federal court levels, and finally Supreme court....

Lastly,I never heard of any court in any jurisdiction in the United States giving you 48 hours to get an attorney (Plan and simple.ITS unconstitutaonal). Hell, my Daughter's FIRST trail after the state had been postponing it for over a YEAR.. Had me send the highest Judge in my state a personal 8 page letter(Chief Judge Bell),......AND GET THIS a Separate Judge (Judge Joseph Kaplan)assigned just to my case and my case only from the felony court over to Family Court. No court in the USA is going to take a child from a good mother for doing nothing wrong in 48 hours....PLEEEEEZE!

No I'm not a lawyer, I have more self respect and as my profile states. HONEST. Just been studying law.

BDJ

P.S. You want your child back.... contact me I'll be more then happy to point you in the right dirrection.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 109
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/4/2006 9:03:15 PM
Sweetascandy99

Message 153 you are 100% correct.

If you have OR just have been accused of being a bad mom you child will only be removed from the home temporarily, wants you clean up OR prove (as myself) you are a good mom/parent you child will be turned home never actually to have lost custody.

BDJ
 Jamie4380
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 111
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:04:53 AM
hi, i was reading alot of responses n was just wondering if intriguing77 could message me, bc i have some questions id like to ask her/him.
 mc4u2c
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 112
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:13:21 PM
OMG I have read alot of the posts on here and I cant beleive some of the things that I read. And some of the states you people live in really suck with Child custody laws. I am from Wisconsin and I have Custody of my 15 year old daughter. she has been with me since she was 11. You know why? Not becuase My ex wife screwed something up.....Not because I have a ton of money....Not because I paid for a lawyer to trash her...... Because I am a good Dad and I take care of my child!!!! This all starts in the home people. I bet some of you who are complaining that you dont have custody went into court in front of the judge and started whinning and b.itching about your ex... Instead of showing that you CAN and WILL be a good father to your child/children. If you show in court that you are a moron and that your Ex might be a better choice where the hell do you think the child is going to live. And for the other states that just normally give the woman the child without a fight. You elected the Government there. REelect and change it. If you dont do something to change it you cant b.itch about it.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 113
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:27:00 PM
^^^^Dude^^^^^^

You are in the best state in the United States for a single Dad's with the most private and public assistance available per capita. I can't dig in boxes right now, but alot of grassroots movements started in your state. I thought I was gonna have to move there.

BDJ
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 114
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:51:51 PM
Here's a little example of Canadian family law, at least as applied in Ontario. My son was born Oct 17, 1985. On Jan 3, 1986, my twentieth birthday, as a matter of fact, his mother went to Sears, supposedly to buy me a birthday present. The next time my son or I saw or heard from her was Oct. 17, 2001, my son's 16th birthday. In spite of three convictions for prostitution, one for breaking and entering, and four for various drug offences, coupled with the fact that she was living in a homeless shelter, she was able to get legal aid, and initiated a custody battle. In Sept. 2002, she called me at home, approximately 3:30 am. She informed me at that time that she was willing to drop the custody case the very next morning, if I would give her $10,000 in cash, and that we would never see her again. I refused, and reported the incident to my attorney. In spite of the fact that I had the whole conversation on tape, he told me it would not be allowed.
During the years my son's mother was gone, he spent nearly five years in foster homes, starting within a week of my reporting his mother missing to the police, while I jumped through every hoop imaginable trying to prove I was not an unfit parent. 50% of my income was garnisheed to pay for support, while the Children's Aid Society kept telling me I didn't make enough money to support a child. This was out of an income of $70,000 per year.
I'm not sure where the support money went, every time I saw him he was chronically under-nourished and wearing worn out clothing. The only skinny kid in my family in 5 generations. My attorney informed me that this was normal for a single man in a custody case. He told me that in common practice of CAS, men were considered a paycheque, with no rights at all.
In April of 1992, I was granted TEMPORARY custody, subject to CAS review at any time.
That order was terminated Aug. 6, 2004, along with his mother's custody application, two months short of my son's 19th birthday, and the day after he was inducted into the army.
The Children's Aid Society is still pursuing a claim against me for court costs.
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