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 beachchick
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 70
Fears In First MeetingsPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I worry that they won't be who they've portrayed themselves to be. And I'm not just talking about pictures, I'm talking about pretending to be someone you aren't...pretending to have certain values and beliefs to make an impression, and then turning out to be a fraud.

I don't want someone to waste my time telling me that we have a lot in common if we really don't. I don't know why anyone would do that. If someone does this, it's very obvious right away that they aren't who they've said they were.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 71
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History
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 6:22:59 AM
ASIDE from all the: what is he like, will he like me, am i wearing something stupid, how do i look, what he's expecting, etc 'fears'... Geez , i worry/freak about DROPPING/SPILLING FOOD ON MYSELF!!!
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 72
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:00:22 AM
OP, why would anyone worry about someone not liking what they see? It's what *you* yourself think that matters. No one will ever appeal to everyone, so we'll all run across people who aren't partial to our particular look, personality, etc. But if one is confident in who they are, then there's no reason to worry that someone might not like what they see; they either will or they won't, and it's no big deal, IMO.

The only time I ever got nervous was the first time I went to meet someone because it was something I'd never done before. After that, I didn't get nervous about it again.
 farmgrl4you
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 73
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 7:17:54 PM
Hmm all of this "meeting an axe murederer" stuff gives POF a bad name!

WELL.........I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with POF and giving it a bad name---but liars do indeed prey on these sites. BELIEVE ME I MET ONE!!!
I met a registered sexual predator(registered in the state of ILLINOIS database) Had I not been very vigilant in my "investigating" of him --I or even worse MY CHILDREN could have been hurt. It has made me take a step back and not really want to date right away....it was a scary experience for a woman.
 happystone
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 74
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:15:34 PM
I am afraid I will get nervous and chatter too much.
 str8ahd
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 75
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:46:19 PM
Ha! It would take more than the prospect of a first date with someone I have absolutely no real world connection with to scare me! Yes, I've been a little nervous, I've wondered if I'm wearing the right outfit, I've been worried that I'll trip or something. Same as when I meet clients, no big deal & certainly not FEAR.
The only thing I'm afraid of is losing my teeth & that isn't likely to happen on a first date!
 skyjumpinghoney
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 76
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:07:04 PM
I don't care if they don't like what they see. there are too many people in this world to waste any time with someone who's so superficial especially on a first date expectations shouldn't be very high. from online, I get worried someone is a psycho. I get nervous that I'm gonna get more nervous...laugh a little make a few jokes then get really quiet and not know what to say.
 Nehemiah
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 77
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:08:42 PM
I have some trepidation that the person will have misrepresented substantial factors regarding their lifestyle or desires.
 Verissa
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 78
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/12/2007 1:11:35 AM
I'll have to agree with the OP, I'm afraid that they will take a look at me and not like what they see. Or worse they will and I won't like them, or even worse we'll like each other and somehow, and I always seem to do it...I will mess things up. Maybe some people are meant to be alone? Maybe after a certain amount of time you cannot teach an old dog new tricks...
 000firefighter
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 79
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:35:56 AM
I don't agree with some of you saying "everyone fears rejection or everyone is nervous", I am neither of these. I don't look at it as rejection,we are just not compatible. Fear whats to fear, knowledge dispells fear, if you are a fearful person, know the person well enough before you go out on that date. There is only one triate that is hard to work with, if the person is boring. Some people really have done nothing with their lives or have no life experiences so its hard for them to relate to many things you might bring up in a conversation. That in itself is not a deal breaker,because we can now start to build on these things,which can be very fun in itself. I love bringing people out of their shells,there is so much to experience and it is just so much better to do as a couple...
 shellyme
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 80
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 9:21:11 AM
Yeah I agree. When they are super hot I get all stinkin nervous and don't act like myself. First dates make me sick and I guess I really don't show who I really am and how fun I am cause I am always scared of saying the wrong thing or falling on my butt or something. Then you always wonder...are they gonna call,did they think I was to fat,hair to ugly, outfit not right. Geez what a mess this dating thing is.
 mr. dynomite
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 81
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 10:54:56 AM
No fear in meeting over here. I am extremely picky in who i meet anyway so that cuts down on any nervousness. If i have doubts about the person, then a meeting won't happen.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 82
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:00:00 AM

I worry that they won't be who they've portrayed themselves to be. And I'm not just talking about pictures, I'm talking about pretending to be someone you aren't...pretending to have certain values and beliefs to make an impression, and then turning out to be a fraud.

I don't want someone to waste my time telling me that we have a lot in common if we really don't. I don't know why anyone would do that. If someone does this, it's very obvious right away that they aren't who they've said they were.

I agree with this...in my case I could care less if they like what they see, but I am more hoping I don't regret the meeting, because someone lied to me or tried to be someone they weren't.

It would be refreshing, honestly to find someone attractive and be nervous about them liking me, I can't even remember the last time that happened - could be nothing bothers me anymore, could be I can't find someone that "does it" for me, or both.

But I look at all meetings as nothing but a quick chance to chat with a new person, enjoy wherever I meet them (coffee, drinks, atmosphere) and nothing more.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 83
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:25:22 AM
I fear they will be disappointed and think I have been dishonest regarding my size which I categorize as a few extra pounds (IIRC). I saw comments in a thread on the subject which indicated an extra 10 lbs is a few extra pounds but 20 or more is BBW. I have asked the guys I've met in person about it. They agreed my description is correct.
 Apocalypso
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 84
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Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:44:21 AM
If I was nervous about meeting someone I: a) didn't get to know them well enough at first and shame on me; b) have let myself get emotional about what is a long shot in the best of circumstances or c) picked a place to meet that I wouldn't enjoy myself whether it went well or not.

You can't force these things and heaven help those who hope!
 jlbll
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 85
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:16:18 PM
i think it is the fear of -maybe they lied about how they look and how do you handle that, and or that some people take great pictures but in real life they look different, but all in all you never know untill they get there and then its too late to change your mind with out being rude or hurtful
 jlbll
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 86
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:20:34 PM
i relly like how you put your words together! and you are so right its not rejection, thank yu on your insights.
jlbll
 kariharte
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 87
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:28:17 PM
Long thread I have to start thinking of work... however.. wanted to chime in on this one!
I say in my profile that I don't like to date, but prefer a meet and greet , perhaps I am old fashioned but to me a date is something you go on with a person you have already met in person and have talked to in person about who and where you both are. Then you go do something that you both enjoy due to mutual insterests.

THAT is of course not a guarantee it will work out, but still feel more comfortable calling such a thing a date.

Meeting someone you have chatted with online has many obvious pitfalls as all the pics and names and personalities and stories have more of a potential to only a facade in order to obtain a first meeting.

I have said this before, but I have talked with many men who have met a woman on line who's pic was not accurate and when he showed for the 'date' she was nothing what he expected physically nor was she someone he would be attracted to. I often wonder what is going on in the mine's of these poor women. DO they think since they had such great internet coorrespondence that the man will overlook eveything about her physically that he is NOT attracted to? Men are prety vocal about wht they wawnt physically in a woman usually. So why lie just to get a free dinner or nite out?

To me that is false advertising and entrapment! LOL

Hopefully these woman who do this don't turn into whiney stalkers wondering why after the first meeting the guy doesn't want to talk anymore. Don't get me wrong, men misrepresent themselves intentionally as, they seem more to misrespent their intentions (ie.. they just want to get laid or they are married).

All this game playing I don't get as why waste each others times and also put yourself and the other person in at best an awkward situation (at worse, you end up with a stalker type just because of the one meeting).

Personally, I normally like to take my time in chatting on line with a guy before meeting, I know there are many people who are not literary enough to know how to convey thereselves in writing, but those are the men I don't really have interest in. I am not tlking about proper spelling or all that bs.. I am talking about being able to carry on a converstain in writing that convey who you really are.

I get the whole 'I can get to know you better by talking on the phone or meeting right away.' I have tried that and found the phone conversations stilted and the few times I have met someone sooner than I wanted.. we seemed to have nothing to talk about that would be of benefit to a possible second 'date'.

All that being said, I believe honesty beforehand (from the time a person contacts another on line to the intial meeting) is important.

I recently did a stupid thing, I felt a great need to start meeting others as I found myself having feelings for a friend who is no longer a potential mate, but whom I still have intense feelings for (we are roommates now). I wanted to get out and quit doing the 'pretend bf/gf' thing as it was obvious he cares, but not in the way I thought he did originally. The hole time to move on scenario. So I told a guy I chatted with for a bit I was open to him stopping by for coffee at my work.

He showed up, I was not attracted, didn't think I would be, but I have surprised myself in the past where personality overrides looks. So we have coffee for waay longer than I wanted. Then he put innapropriate moves on me!

That is why I don't like meeting ppl off line. If it's a mutual no attraction. that's cool, if I may have an idea it could work but he obviosuly thinks not that is cool too ( I can take a hint...lol) if it turns out to be more whether friendship or more.. that is the BEST!
 Sassybabee
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 88
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:40:44 PM
I really enjoy meeting ppl offline. I am niether nervous or worried. Any guy i have met offline doesnt think I dont like my pictures. Some though havnt looked thiers. And I will call them on that. Like the one guy who showed up 15 yrs older than his pic and 5 yrs older than his profile.
Had a nice coffee with him..got out of the house...But told him if he had been honest..i wouldnt of met him. Never saw him again and told him soo too.
I like the adventure of it all. Its like opening a kinderegg...you never know what your going to get
 sugarmag710
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 89
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 10/7/2007 11:19:45 AM
I recently added to my profile, under "First Date": "don't invite me to your home for our first meeting" because that happened last week...after we had made plans to do something else, and he changed them right before the 'date' (that never happened).

So today I got this message from some guy on POF:

Geez, if you're that scared, ain't nothing gonna ever happen. Just thought I'd say something

wtf!? This guy has a young child in all his pics, so I wrote back and asked him if he'd been inviting female strangers to his house for the first meeting and how that's working out for him. "Geez" is right!
 talksalot02
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 90
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 10/7/2007 8:07:08 PM
I always give people the option of me getting there first, and if they don't like what they see, to leave before they speak. I set it up so we meet someplace where they can do just that without me knowing. It's never happened, but I'm always afraid they'll look and leave.
 LBP
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 91
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Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 10/7/2007 8:33:44 PM
Only one? lol

1. They won't like what they see is definately the biggest. I'm 5'10" and can hit 6' in heels. Despite the pictures, I don't think they are quite prepared for just how tall I am. My preportions would look different on a shorter woman. If they lie about their height like A LOT of men, it can be very awkward for both of us.

Sorry, have to say #2

2. Guys who will go way too fast on a first meeting. It makes me wonder if they were too cheap to pan out for a hooker so decided on a free dating site instead.
 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 92
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:17:56 PM
If I am with a man who I feel neutral about, a friend perhaps, I can appear confident and maintain a normal conversation. If I am with someone I am head over heels about then I'm either nervous and tongue tied or can't stop talking just to fill the gaps in the silence.
 p-trishTHEdish
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 93
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:35:07 PM
I know everyone has something they worry about when they are about to meet someone new
NOT EVERYONE!
i can honestly say, that i dont go thru all that useless trepidation over a first meeting.
i guess its because i have considered this from all angles,, firstly, the two ppl dont know eachother that well and dont know what to expect. so to expect anything more than enjoying the company of another person is just self defeating to me. i dont even bother with the "sparks" thing. i go into it with ,, either we are gonna click or not,, and at the very least, because we come from two different circumstances we have things to talk about that can make for an interesting conversation. i am more of a content of character gal,, i dont care what he drives, what job he does, etc.
 coloradorider
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 94
Fears In First Meetings
Posted: 10/8/2007 2:29:50 AM
I cant say that I fear first dates. I can say they make me nervous as all end.

I think Ive come to accept the nervousness though. Hell I get nervous around women in general that I have any kind of attaction too. Lately that has meant "going out" without any intentions of meeting anyone I put on the horse blinders and be myself. Lately Ive found this really has helped me.
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