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 CoffeeCanuck
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 2
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
First of all, this is not a single parent issue, this thread should be in the dating forum.

When anyone directly or indirectly lies about who they are as a person, physically, emotionally or spiritually, the potential friendship is off to a rough and rocky start. It's not shallow to be taken aback by something that was not expected. What would be shallow is if a person said they will only date someone who has superficial beauty, or state they only date someone without any kind of limitation, will only date a person with lots of money etc.

The guy should have been up front and honest in his profile, and especially once he started talking with you. Just for the record, there are many people with handicaps that can be called 'athletic'.

~D
 crazymoronx
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 6
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:06:57 AM
What was this mysterious disability you are refering to?

Was he mentally handicapped? Blind? Deaf? One armed? No fingered?!?!

I suppose if you were staring at it, he must of been in a wheelchair or an amputee of some sort.

I guess I would suggest next time that happens, you RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

And don't post on this forum for real help, all of the people here that think they can give good advice, are idiots.
 crazymoronx
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 8
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:18:20 AM
I'm not interested in finding dates with single parents.

But I am interested in helping then, in any way I can.
 crazymoronx
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 10
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:34:09 AM
I've already seen that women aren't interested in my brash humor and honesty, why do I care anymore?

I don't have a large bank account, rock hard abs, or anything. I have honesty, humor, intelligence, and boyishly good looks. Women aren't into that sort of thing these days. It's all about the sex with rich guys.
 ColdHeartedBastard
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 12
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?
Posted: 2/28/2006 11:24:24 PM
There are no universal answers to the questions posted.. Just a lot of different opinions.. So here's mine..

Also, read the "Hidden Features" thread. It's pretty much the same as this one..


Why do we lie about who we are?

First off, I do not assume it is a lie. A lie, in this context, means:

1. A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood.
2. Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.
(Source: The American Heritage Dictionary)

You can argue that he meant to deceive, to which I will argue that you are merely assuming his intentions and motivations. He may be so used to his disability that he does not give it much consideration either way. Second, The "body type" field is irrelevant, given that it does not present a "hadicapped" option of any sort. If you ignore his disability, whould his choice have otherwise been accurate?

But to answer your question as presented.. You are asking what motives people have to lie. And that is difficult to answer. What are your motives when you lie? Even a "little white lie?" Most people will lie to avoid a negative or hurtful situation; Self-preservation or to protect those we love. Some will lie to seek an advantage or improve their chances at something. And most people will do one and/or the other often in their daily lives, thinking nothing of it, but get very hurt and angry at others who do it to us.


Why do people feel the fear of hiding something that is not perfect about them?

Again, I point out the motives of why people lie. Negative or hurtful situations.. well.. they hurt. Unless you are a masochist, you fear pain. Emotional pain is often far worse than physical pain, and it can leave hidden scars that never quite fade. Try to see things from the other person's point of view. "Walk a mile in their shoes.." Err.. Rather, "Roll a mile in their wheelchair."

It is a sad fact that we are a screwed up society. Many of us will frown and look down upon those who we can see are disability or otherwise obviously disadvantaged. We pull back from them as if they were not merely handicapped, but as if they were infected with the plague or leprosy. Or we kill them with excessive pity and sympathy, treating them like they are not capable. They may as well be hideous, subhuman monsters.

In short, we tend to treat them as if they were a form of life even lower than say, a serial killer or child molestor.


And if they do lie, why do they just ignore the fact of not mentioning it when it comes face to face?

See my previous answers. Or perhaps he simply does not let his disability keep him from being all that he can be, and as such, does not think it is even an issue? Or any of a number of possible reasons.

If you really think about it, the entire situation is a "Catch-22." If the man tells you he's disabled, he's already giving you prejudice against him. Some wouldn't even go through with meeting him at that point. If he waits and let's you find out on your own, you are angered because you feel he has hidden things, lied and misled you. Either way, the deck is stacked against him. Maybe from his point of view, his best chance may be to get you face to face where you may just like him for who he is, and barely even notice his disability.



The Devil does not appear before us as a hideous monster and tempt us with that which we know to be wicked and cruel; The Devil appears as a prince amoung princes, offering naught but the sweetest wines and finest pleasures in which we joyfully seal our own fates.

C.
 PlaynWithDummies
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 29
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:39:30 AM
Disabilities come in all forms and sizes. Some are not visible to the eye. If someone omits that they have a disability it doesn't mean that they are lying. It just means that they haven't told you that part of them yet.

Alot of people who have physical or mental disabilities do not look at themselves as having one. It is the people who look at them with these challenges are the people who have them.

When I see someone in a wheelchair, I look past the chair. These are the people who tend to have a better outlook on life, and a huge sense of humour to boot.

Nothing funnier than having your deaf friend yell at you in a crowded place and tell you that you are deaf. Or someone who is confined to a wheelchair or crutches say don't make me run after you, because you know I will.

They are a person with a disability. That disability does not constitute them as a person.
 PlaynWithDummies
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 31
How do you handle if your blind date has a dissability that you did not know of?
Posted: 10/22/2006 12:36:56 PM
Panchoman, I met and dated a man who has progressive MS. I never knew him prior to him developing this dibilitating disease. Like you said above, he is a man who happens to have MS, MS is not what makes him the man. I knew very little about MS, and I read everything I could get my hands on about the illness. I wanted to fully understand what he was going through and what I was getting myself into. Never at anytime did his disability ever become an issue for me.

Unfortunately we were only dating and were not exclusive. He met a lovely woman who also sees past his MS. They will be getting married in 2007. I still think of him as a wonderful friend, and happy that I am able to be part of his life. He is one of the most likeable men I have ever met. Makes me laugh and has an amazing outlook on life. I care about him a great deal and I am personally happy that he has met someone who he can share the rest of his life with.
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