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 HerpesSactoCal
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 192
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship? Page 3 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
"No one wants to play games on here ..." !?! Original Poster, have you been online (or otherwise) dating long ? As to your query, I wonder why some need to play life by some imaginary rules ( but I suppose that we all do, one way or another). I can only speak for myself, as I can't speak for all men, but the longest relationship I've been involved in started with our having sex on the night of our first evening out together. She was lovely, it felt right, and we proceeded. I assessed her, subsequently, by how she treated me and how much we enjoyed one another's company and contributed to growth, on many levels. To be quite candid, the sex was a draw which kept us together when we were not otherwise happy or growing, but I never thought " this is the slut who gave it up on our first night together." More like, "this poor wretch doesn't WANT to be happy, does she ?" If you really need to overthink such a situation, or expend that much thought trying to project what a guy will think of you later ( and yes, I realize that there are double standards for males and females in such situations ), I suppose that you are not experiencing that much passionnate attraction, anyway. Personally, I'd be more apt to consider what an Aids trap (hep c, etc. ) such a woman might be, and is this just a one night stand for her, or me.
 HerpesSactoCal
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 193
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/4/2006 8:40:06 PM
RE: Monkeycmonkeydo- I have no interest in talking for months before meeting. We get to know one another by doing things together, and I get to see, hear, smell, touch, and perhaps taste a woman that way. Call it a guy thing, we're more physical ( there I go speaking for most, if not ALL men !). Keyboarding is difficult, and drudgery, for me, as I am not an office worker. I BUILD offices. I'd prefer to talk by phone and hear a woman's voice ( and learn more in one conversational give-and-take than in a month's emails ping -ponged back and forth. Call me old school ( but call me !), but I remember when we exchanged phone #s first, in order to get better acquainted. Now I can email dozens of women, play ping pong for a while with some, perhaps exchange phone #s, then after several 2-3 hr. phone calls (and having a woman's health issues and her abused adopted childrens' horror stories , etc. dumped on me, be told that she's seeing someone - without OUR even having a date after months !- She was too busy talking about the history of her family's problems to talk about what WE could possibly enjoy doing together in the near future!) To me, the priority is on getting together and doing something, like going to an outdoor concert for free at the park, which I would do solo, anyway, but with a companion. We don't have to ride off into the sunset together. The attraction between human beings is quite a mysterious thing; words on a page don't really prove anything, compared to how a woman carries, and presents herself, and how she treats me, and others, while we are on a date. I say, let's talk enough, by phone, to discover if we share basic values and common interests, then get together and actually DO something. I regret that too many women , apparantly , are being inappropriately groped, and telephone stalked, but I ain't looking for chat buddies, but for companionship.
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 196
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/13/2006 2:59:37 PM
To me, I really like this last guy I went on a date with few days ago & when we went on our date we had an instant connection. We enjoyed ourself & I let him meet my friends I work with. It was a nice time & he was rather Affectionate towards me.

The date went well basically but I havent heard from him nor has he checked the emails that I have sent him since we went out few days ago. I called him & wonder what is going on bec before we went out on a date if I called him he would call right away after that.

But since we met on our first date & hang out & something happen between us things seem to have went DOWNHILL.... I havent heard from him & I dont know what went wrong bec he has returned any of my calls & When I saw him on MSN MESSENGER I always catch him at the wrong time while he is working....

I dont know what to think, I am very disappointed hopefully he has the gutts to call and explain himself because this is getting ridiculous...
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 201
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/22/2006 7:47:35 AM
finally i got closure with what happen to my last date.... he realize that he is still EMOTIONAL attached to his ex that he regrets going too fast with me despite he liked me & he cant let the ex know about his feelings towards me bec she was threatened by me when he mentioned to her that we slept together... too much drama,,,, its a shame that he didnt have the audacity to tell me sooner that he was just there to get some BOOM BOOM and left me hangin bec he wants to get back with his ex.... what a waste of time & emotion in my end ......
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 208
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/23/2006 8:17:03 AM
my close friends are guys as well & I asked their opinion about this.......about the last date & his hang ups with the ex.... they believe its a way out bec if he is so much worried not to date other ppl according to him why is that he is still in this dating website looking for a long term relationship if he is already taken on by his ex who he has a friends with benefit relationship with? that is something like a casual relationship sort of.....you sleep with each other & date other ppl.


But the downside to that arrangement when someone like me comes along & the emotions get involve....then what?
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 209
Having sex with a current girl ur dating & your ex at the same time?
Posted: 8/23/2006 8:19:27 AM
Dont u think that complicates things when that happens.... it did with me.....
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 211
IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO
Posted: 8/24/2006 8:52:31 AM
What happen was the person I went out on a date with was in a debating situation... he was still caring for his ex but wanted to try dating other ppl when he met me.

thing got complicated according to him, when he realize that he values her feelings than mine eventhough he realize that he went too fast, too soon without thinkin the radification of his actions.

It takes two to tango as my friend said after I told her.... he didnt take responsibility that if u sleep with someone that is not reversible u made a connection with someone else..... esp if u are the one who pursue her that is the thing.... yea i know there is more to all of us but this guy i went out with never thought about it that way....

he was sending me mixed signals & telling me things on the phone that made me believe that he wanted to be with me then when he talked with his ex the complication of us where out the window... which hurt a lot.
 harryv05
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 213
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/24/2006 1:10:27 PM
I AM 64 YEARS OLD, AND CAN SAY TWO OF THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS STARTED WITH GREAT SEX ON FIRST MEETING. PUT ALL THE GUILT TRIPS AWAY LADIES, THE FACT IS THAT MOST OF YOU AREN'TY VERY SEXY. THERE A LOT OF GUYS THAT ARE JUST BS-ERS ANYWAY, SO DON'T COUNT ON THEM. IF THERE ISN'T GOOD SEX BETWEEN A MAN AND A HEALTHY WOMAN, THERE IS NO REAL RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL LAST. THIS'LL PISS OFF ALL THE BLUE NOSES, BUT IT IS TRUE. ALSO: WHAT A WOMAN HAS DONE WITH SOMEONE ELSE IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHAT SHE DOES WITH ME.
 BuschBrosFan
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 216
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2006 3:24:36 PM
Ok, so maybe if it was the last night on earth, impending doom and all that! Maybe then the first night would have reason.

Other than that, I think the heat should be held off, afterall, the initial meeting is about seeing the person in real, getting to know them. This should be the quest for the first meeting. I agree with one of the first people's responses on this, the person is still a stranger on the first meeting. Previous info on the phone and emails? C'mon, I could put on a pretty good show using both communications and make you think what I want you to think about me. In person, its a harder thing to do. We all have to be careful of who we all know is out there... the liars, cheats etc etc. You havent a clue the first night.

In other words people... keep it in your pants, and keep the legs closed!
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 220
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:10:35 PM
Seal the deal, lol I thought only guys said that.

i'll have to read this book of a thread later. But right now I will just say my buddy is a big time player. Was. He's 34. Loves to sleep with girls on the first night if he can. Wham bam type of guy.

One night, we meet this cute little 22 year old. Exactly his type of victim. He takes her home and she ends up sleeping with him. Damned if they aren't together a year later! I always thought if a girl slept with you on the first date, she sleeps with ALL the guys on the first date and she's not really my type. But somehow on that first 'date' they found out enough about each other to decide they wanted each other for more than sex. I spend a lot of time with them and frankly I never would think she would sleep with a guy that soon. She told me she used to make guys wait but in the end, the love em leave em type would still leave, whether she made them wait a month or 8 months. But the 8 month ones hurt more because she had developed feelings. So she decided to sleep with her next interest early, basically to see what he was after, SOONER. Well, he was just after sex but something in her personality caught his attention and now they are inseperable.

So I would say sleeping on the first date can ruin a chance, but it's not a given. A good solid relationship is still possible. Even with players.
 loves being tickled
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 224
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 9/24/2006 6:42:30 PM
Having sex with a man the first time you meet is in MHO wrong on many levels. What kind of message about yourself do you want to give a man? And really, do you a man in your life that would just pop into bed with you the first night?
Women equate sex with relationships....the fact is men don't. When you have sex with a man right away 8n his mind you are either easy....and therefore how special could he be? Or he thinks you are trying to manipulate him into a relationship....a sure fire way to make him run.
Is this 100% of the time? Of course not. There are always exceptions....but they are rare.
Once you have slept with a man there may be a physical drive that keeps the relationship burning but when this fizzles there is nothing left to maintain the relationship unless a relationship on other levels has already been built. Sex is the ultimate intimacy 2 people share; there fore before reaching this level they should build trust and rapport. They should also already be intamate on an intellectual level. They should have a past to look back on.
Personally, I want a man in my life that has more integrity then to want a women who would sleep with him right away.
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 227
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 9/24/2006 8:17:20 PM
Well, for me first meeting will just be talking and meet and greet. Next thing is wants to know each other first and trying to see if there's chemistry and if there will be a second date. Knowing each other's attitude, knowledge and personality and family information. Its not about sex on first meeting, I ussualy let them know that there will be no expectation on first meeting and it depends on between the two of us to agree. Old fashion? Maybe? but thats what I am.
 milldog2427
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 243
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/27/2006 9:58:09 PM
YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL AFTER YOU ARE MARRIED. HAVING SEX EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP ONLY SPEEDS THINGS UP AND ARE SET-UP FOR FAILING. IF A WOMAN IS GOING TO DROP HER PANTIES EARLY FOR YOU! SHE IS GOING TO BE MORE THAN WILLING TO DROP THEM FOR THE NEXT GUY WHO COMES AROUND WINING AND DINING HER!

 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 244
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/27/2006 10:39:12 PM

IF A WOMAN IS GOING TO DROP HER PANTIES EARLY FOR YOU! SHE IS GOING TO BE MORE THAN WILLING TO DROP THEM FOR THE NEXT GUY WHO COMES AROUND WINING AND DINING HER!





well wouldn't you feel quite the "unlucky" one if she doesn't drop 'em
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 247
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/27/2006 11:36:33 PM
umm .. couple more inches ... just to tickle his butt for fun
 wildrascal
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 250
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:03:15 AM
you have the best answer. you need to know a person if you want a relationship. I am old fashion too
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 253
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:32:05 AM
fyi: since it takes two to tango, if one is being a dead fish so to speak... the other is just as much at fault for bad sex because he/she is not doing anything about it

with a good communicative foundation, a couple can work out any sexual frustrations
perhaps too lazy to work on that part??

ps... you CAN have sex on the first night and still build a good communicative relationship, all it takes is doing one thing; open your mouth and speak!

Dr.Ruth would be so proud of me
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 256
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/30/2006 9:35:30 AM

In reality you are having sex with everybody he or she had sex with prior to you. I wouldn't waste my time or oxygen getting tested for all the nasty diseases that are out there.



what makes you think waiting to have sex with him is going to change the amount of past partners he's had????
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 259
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/30/2006 5:12:39 PM

the easy answer to this is the person who waits generally has a better idea of their partner's sexual history, that being done by getting to know someone and getting a better sense of their propensity to indulge in random sexual behavior, then that person can avoid having sex with someone who they believe to be promiscous and therefore at a higher risk of possessing sexual diseases. if you hop in the sack without making any effort to figure out if a person is promiscuous and/or has a disease, you can't have a "do-over". sex ain't a playground game.



The problem with this is ANYONE can get an std... anyone.. it can happen to those who are frequently sexually active and it can happen to someone who had sex for the first time, very often I think of all the married people who cheat then acquire stds and pass it on to their innocent partners

Any one of a past partner can carry an std and not even know it and past it on

Std does not discriminate.. it isnt just for the overly promiscious
The more you use preventive measures the more likely you are safe. And communication goes hand in hand with using such measures. So yes .. limiting the amount of partners you have can help but dont knock those who do have sex on first dates or whatever.. as long as they communicate their preventive measures.
 niceman51
Joined: 9/22/2006
Msg: 279
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2006 9:24:57 AM
Sex on the First date. If both Parties want it , why not. It kind of tells you if you are sexually made for each other. We are all adults and I know that everyone, either Male or Female has used that one person for sex. You know, you are really horny, and he/she isn't that good looking but I need it bad. After you are done you feel bad.

Sex on the first date-its up to each other to decide
 waingro909
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 289
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2006 12:27:05 PM
Thanks for saying that perplexo!
I agree one hundred percent!
Any woman who aproaches me with distrust and preconcieved ideas about me because of my pictures or any other reason is nixxed IMEDIATELY!
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 297
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2007 11:23:15 AM
I have learned that giving into sex at anytime before marriage can ruin a relationship. I am the kind of guy who loves emotional attachments and I have attachments formed instantly when I have sex. To this day, I still remember the scent, sound, and feel of several ladies of the night I paid to help me deal with my sexual needs. And I tell you, the feeling of wasted time and energy with women I have slept with (and I am never the initiator, I try to show them that not all men are after sex from them) still sticks with me. So, I will try very, very hard not to have sexual relations if I met the woman for the first time or if we have been committed for 3 years. If she isn't going to be my wife, I can't be her lover.
 Mortavius
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 301
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:58:12 PM
Two relationships started like this in my life. One became the mother of my son. Meeting them was like being struck by lightning.

The two best relationships in my life, so far, strangely enough.......

Based on my experience, then, I would have to say that having sex DOESN'T damage the chance of having a relationship... but may, in fact, be an indication of the kind of chemistry possible.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 321
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2007 5:44:26 PM
Hey, if a guy says "meet my mom" to a girl on the first date, would u do it?
Some girls would.
But I think most would say the guy's coming on a bit too strong, and is a bit too needy.

Best to play it safe.
Can't hurt to hold it back a little.

Except for Coastergal. I can't see a reason not to kiss on the first date. Gives them an appetizer for the main meal, huh?
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