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 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 51
Second ChancesPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
My lady gave me a second chance when I didn't really deserve it. I understand why a lot of folks in here say, "No second chances!" and I can't really blame them for that. But sometimes, it does turn out for the best.
 PourSugarOnMe
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 52
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:56:19 PM
Oh..I've given plenty second chances.. .. all of course turned out to be a waste of my time...and not one of those second chances involved cheaters....they never get a second chance



~Pour
 daylillies
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 53
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:01:53 PM
well i only did for myself...so i wouldnt regret later on and only becuase i didnt know any better like i do today...but as for the trust an honesty...hmmm...it wasnt there...even to this day....cause he cheated on his new wife now..lol. an she cheated on him..what a perfect pair..hehe but now he knows how it feels..least i hope so.
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 54
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:10:38 PM
Here's my advice on second chances.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts3739515.aspx
 SeaBug
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 55
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:14:39 PM
Second chance is like winning the loto twice.. not worth the effort.
 SwampPrincessGin
Joined: 11/29/2005
Msg: 56
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History
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:15:06 PM
I think most times. to go back to another former relationship is a big mistake..What made it go wrong to start with, will usually go wrong again..
 gemnest
Joined: 5/16/2005
Msg: 57
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:22:18 PM
I disagree with that Swamp princess . My wife were catering to the children instead of her husband . They had become disrespectful to me . I worked construction was only home say 4 months out of the year we wound up getting divorced over this We setlled it with the children got remarried 2 yrs later .And you know lots of things have gone wrong on both sides after that but not the same thing
 umnomore
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 58
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Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:36:33 PM
Hi,

I think it matters on why you are given them a second chance. i.e. fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. So good luck.
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 59
Second Chances
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:41:01 PM
Totally depends on what it was over for in the first place and the people involved

Some things dont deserve second chances, cheating lying stealing hurting and abuse etc

Other things, communication breakdowns - misunderstandings - growing apart but then realising your distance was caused by other factors other than the two people involved - yes I definitely think those things deserve second chances
 Say Hi to David
Joined: 8/2/2004
Msg: 60
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 7:53:39 AM
I have come to think that second chances are most often destroyed by the friend network of the one offended by the behavior and that this is nearly always a female phenomenon. Forget the offense, if the girlfriends are making it worse, it's just not possible to overcome this no matter how amazing the feelings were even when the offense was relatively innocuous.

Bitter...table for one...
 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 61
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 8:40:17 AM
giving a second chance is usually a waste of time .
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 62
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Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:00:34 PM

(Msg 61) I have come to think that second chances are most often destroyed by the friend network of the one offended by the behavior and that this is nearly always a female phenomenon.


I'm not sure if it's a female phenomenon but I agree friends/family/society like to destroy relationships. We see it on here every day. "Throw him to the curb." "Dump her." "Don't put up with that." "You can do better."

It's a shame, really.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 63
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:15:09 PM
I would have to say that depends on the resons it ended in the first place. Having been cheated on, I would say thats a tough one, I gave her the second chance option, if you aren't going to do it again I'm willing to stick it out and work on healing the damage... she said "I think I do want to do it again", ok, well.. thats that then. I don't know as I would do that again, because thats a big trust-breaker.

On the flip side, if you were both young and stupid, and things just didn't work out, and it ended ok (I won't say "on good terms", any breakup usually ends with at least one person getting hurt)... and now its years later and you've both grown and aren't the same young/stupid people you were, who knows. People *do* change, I know I have. Then again, there are some things about myself that will probably never change. It all to me would depends on the reasons for the original split.
 Flavia19
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 64
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:30:48 PM
I believe when its over its over for good.But if there is an exception, I might forgive.After all everyone deserves a fair chance.BUT...I won't forgive a cheater no matter what the circumstance was when he was cheating.Once a cheater always a cheater and I'm not the doormat types who take everything without a single complaint.Nor am I a saint with a huge heart who can forget and forgive.
 matso98
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 65
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Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:40:45 PM
My philosophy is two-fold...and come from a wise and wonderful woman...

- You have to wake up every day wanting and willing to fight for the relationship. If that desire to fight for the relationship goes away, then it's time to end it for both of your sakes.

- In order to walk away from a relationship and be able to hold you head high, you do everything you can to keep it. After you have exhausted every avenue, it's time to walk away, and do it with a clear conscience.

So, for me, it's not about 1st, 2nd...5th chances. It's about the potential for change and the willingness to effect change for the better.
 haylspa27
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 66
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:51:40 PM
I use to give second chances. it always unded up the same way. they would do it again. I don't give second chances any more. it was a hard lesson but I did lern it. you get one chance with me thats all you will get if you hert me
 lorie1
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 67
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 2:09:04 PM
Hi! It depends on what they do. I found that when my ex caused me the BIG pain(The gut ache that is indescribable) I found I put m'self on hold- never did love him as deeply as before , I observed that he wasn't who I thought he was, but who he was, wasn't someone I could learn to love over again.It took time to see this, but I was married, and after 12 years,I stuck around for another 4 . My first hurt proved accurate, in what followed.It wasn't worth the wait,but I had to find out about my own thinking.
I believe that if someone dosen;t appreciate you enough look at themselves after they hurt you, they don't appreciate themselves enough that merits your sticking with them.Lifes' too short- don't experiment with it.Or let someone experiment with you!
 Say Hi to David
Joined: 8/2/2004
Msg: 68
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 2:18:52 PM
So do the:

- sincerity of the apology,
- visibility of the change in behavior,
- dedication to the relationship,
- devotion to the other person,
- depth/length/breadth of the relationship,
- other

matter more than the reason things went down to begin with? After all, we are merely human and all make mistakes. Some lie in their profiles, some use misleading pix, etc. and yet those people can still end up starting relationships despite that kind of deception. Even if there was something really big, is there always some point from which there is a second chance or is that just a dream? Or is it simply up to the person (or her/his friends/family)?
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 69
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Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 6:53:48 PM
It depends on what the 2nd chance is for............

For leaving the lid off the toothpaste... sure
For Lying/cheating/being disrespectful/condescending/hateful/bitter...........NOPE NOPE NOPE
 toyoux
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 70
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 7:18:56 PM
Mat: Those are very wise words! Who was the "she" that said them to you?
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 71
Second Chances
Posted: 5/28/2006 7:33:24 PM
depends on what it's for really. Some actions can reveal a lot about a person's character. If the issue is a moral or character flaw then he11 no!! No waste no time with that nonsense. Let the other person, live and learn and leave and grow up elsewhere. On the other hand some issues are jsut stupid, impulsive, unintentional boo-boos. those can be worked out, moved beyond. It depends on the issue and where you draw your lines. But regardless of the "type" of issue it is....each person is only allowed a limited number of infractions. Even if it is the silliest, most unintentional thing, if it is done repeatedly he's OUT.
 Splinter
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 72
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Second Chances
Posted: 5/29/2006 2:52:54 AM
Everyone well almost everyone deserves a second chance. It all depends on the situation.
 laurelmoonstar
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 73
Second Chances
Posted: 5/29/2006 4:14:24 AM
Although I honestly believe that everyone deserves a second chance, there are situations in which maybe they dont. Infidelity is one. I believe that is a man cheats once, He will do it again. Also, abuse. Same scenario. If he did it once, he'll do it again. I ve lived it. Other than those two factors, I truly believe everyone deserves a second chance.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 74
Second Chances
Posted: 5/29/2006 5:42:51 AM
I can forgive and put things behind me very well , but that doesn't mean I believe in second chances. I have given people second chances before and it always ends up the same- with me kicking myself for giving them said second chance!
Depending on what they needed a second chance for , I might entertain the notion ,but if it's anything like lying,cheating,abuse etc, well no second chances available, so sorry sir!
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 75
Second Chances
Posted: 5/29/2006 1:37:49 PM
Timing is everything for me. If it's too early in a relationship, forget it. Later on, if too much time goes by, forget it. I think it's easier to forgive someone if you were able to evolve and be yourself while in the relationship.
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