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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 108
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hanging in therePage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I sometimes get emails from the older ladies blasting me for still wanting them.. one even called me "sick"

She's the one who's "sick." Or bitter, like you suspect. I hope you ignored her. These days especially, it's perfectly viable for older men (and women) to be good parents. People live longer, and if you're healthy you can offer as much, if not more, than a younger parent. Follow your heart. Good luck.
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 109
hanging in there
Posted: 7/26/2006 6:08:13 PM
One of my brothers, decided at a very YOUNG age, NO KIDS for him. He met his "significant other/partner/mate and made it crystal clear he was having NO kids. She accepted this. A week after they were married, he got his vasectomy, he was 25.

They have no regrets and are active in a lot of activities that do involve kids. She's a teacher for one thing, elementary age. He has been involved in all kinds of organizations dealing with kids.

So, to each their own. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. He and she got to enjoy them, when they were little. The peanut butter/jam sticky fingers!!! Yay!
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 110
hanging in there
Posted: 7/26/2006 7:01:14 PM
Best of luck to you in fulfilling your dream. I have a friend who, I think, has also put a post on here. He cannot have kids of his own, but would gladly adopt. There is nothing sick about that. Men like the two of you, from what I gathered by reading your posts and profile, would be very good for some child who otherwise may not stand a chance in life.
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 111
no children
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:00:31 PM
Hello people, I have read some different views on having children or not, and you know how I feel, to eaach his own. I am 56 years old and have no children of my own. I was married, but no children evolved from that relationship. Not from lack of trying. It sometimes really bothers me, because of my Grandfathers wishes that I the last male living with my last name, and I have failed to carry on the family name. I often think about it, but try not let it get me down. Now that I am wheelchair bound and the look of anyone ever wanting to get together with me is not that positive right now, and who ever I meet will more than likely be older and not want to start family a new. Plus at 56, I kinda think I'm getting to old as well for children. Just have to accept my dogs as my children.
Have agreat day all.
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 112
no children
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:10:31 PM
I have the same problem as you, Fltrkr21 -- I'm the same age as you, have no kids (and am not expecting that I ever will) and I'm the last 'male' to carry on the family name of a very large branch of the family (goes back many generations). What that's done to me is cause me to 'drift' from my extended family and only show up to large family functions for "marryin's and buryin's". I just got sick of hearing the 'comments'. And as far as not having children ... yes occasionally I do miss not having my own (mostly at Christmas and times like that) but I've long since let it bother me to any extent. I'd rather save my 'worry' for things that I can do something about. Having young children at my age is just not something I'd care to do. Those days are over for me.

cdn guy
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 113
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no children
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:26:17 PM
have to agree with you cdn guy I am 55 and never married or have any kids. Love kids to death but can't and of no fault of my own so I never let it bother me. Like you said age is a factor with kids. best left for younguns to have them there younguns.

Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 114
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 2:01:32 AM
I have none, I love kids and they usually feel the same way. I think people talk so awful to their kids it hurts to listen sometimes.
they are such tender little creatures,not much point in feeling bad if you don't have any. I never found a sperm donor. Ha besides if I had a kid and they had a childhood like mine I would feel so bad. It they looked like me, I would feel so sorry for them. It would have broken me to see them have a bad time.. so maybe it is good I never had one.
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 115
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 2:59:20 AM
Someone here mentioned that kids take all your money,time and energy..True...but I wouldn't change any of that..No greater gift in the world for me..I have adaughter 22 and son16..and I wrk with 75 of Troubled badass kids in my city ..and I love each and everyone of them as if they were my own..But my brother and his wife both in 40's decided a long time be DINKS as kymber mentioned and they have No regrets.I guess to each thier own.You can't miss what you have never had..
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 116
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:03:08 AM
I am 49, no kids. I am a teacher so have definitely taught many children in my 20 yaers of teaching. I often wonder if I would feel the need to be a mother if I did not teach, since maybe my maternal instinct has been somewhat met. If I had married younger, maybe I would have considered adoption with my husband, but have not had the desire to adopt as a single parent.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 117
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:08:57 AM
In my late50's no kids here either... knew at 18 I'd never be able to conceive, told the Ex when he proposed and he had no objections... the old expression is.... You don't miss something you never had, is soooo true.

When I divorced at 38 I was glad that I didn't have children in the realtionship becuase so many young folks are messed up by divorce these days..... one of the things I check for on profiles are the persons involvement in their childrens lives... it does effect how I view them. I wonder if they will think I'm "damaged" in some way for not having a "family" too. Does anyone else pull back from the "crowd effect" of a potential partner having Kids and grandkids?

Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 118
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:51:45 AM
I don't pull back from a crowd effect,but it's easy to feel like I have more in common with a woman with no kids.

I knew better than to have kids when I was young and stupid,(read wild,experimental,immature),and then when I was ready and married a woman who had two,it just didn't work out.I know I've missed out on a lot,but I also know better than to dwell on it.

When/if I find that rare one to share adventures with,there's always the option of adoption.But I'll always cherish when my neice called me "Uncle Daddy".

Of course I could be like some of the famous celebrities who father children well into their eighties...but I'd better have enough money to hire someone to play ball with 'em!
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 119
view profile
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 9:56:33 AM
Have a child and there is a huge chance that you will automatically bond with that child. Don't have one and at the age of 45+ chances are you won't miss it much, or at all.

Sure we all have days where we wish we had this or that, but there are just as many days we could say thank God I don't have to take into consideration that I can't do this or than because of children.
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 120
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:32:29 PM
I am 59 and have no children. I have no regrets. It was just not in the cards for me. I am sometimes sad about it but life offers so much that I do not miss having had them.
I do work with aboriginal children a couple of days a week. I really enjoy them and my contact with them.
I would love to be a step grandmother.
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 121
view profile
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:20:01 PM
I just turned fifty and dont have children, I lost a daughter just over ten years ago and it almost killed me. She and I both got very sick with a blood infection, I made it she did not. She was seven months old and on that same day 5/27/97 a woman was arrested for leaving her infant in a trash can, the tornado in south texas wiped out an entire town ( one small infant was found alive in a tree) and a herion addict gave birth to an addicted baby in the mid cities. I was depressed for a very long time and all of my friends that were pregnant at the same time felt strange because they were so happy and I was so sad.

I feel that there are so many children on this planet that have nothing, that if I ever really get over the loss, I may adopt a child or open a animal rescue, but for now... I really cant be around children especially girls without thinking... that is how old Melody would be, or I wonder how she would look now... and even though I know that nobody makes it off this planet alive, that things are just not fair sometimes, I know in my heart that I have been blessed and do count my blessings... I am happy for everyone that has and loves children... and happy for the people that didnt have children for the wrong reasons... I really admire their strength. Once you start counting how old the child would be if you had one late in life, or have seen a child of an older couple, you see that both miss out on alot.

I feel the young are the ones that have the energy and patience for the children...

I have worked hard all my life and feel sad that I have no direct heirs to leave my estate to, but... there are lotsl of worthy groups that save children and animals that need funding too.

Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 122
view profile
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:22:37 PM
Im 45 here no kids. Dont ind kids just never got that involved with a woman that I wanted kids with her.
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 123
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/29/2007 11:25:14 AM
I will be 45 in 3 days. I still dream of family and at lease one child. Is that so wrong?. I see a lot of people talk about having no children being happy, and I am glad for them. But part of me doesn't feel compete if I don't have a family. Of course i never been married. Sadly what I am afraid of is having to settle for someone to have a relationship with. she will not want to have a child but wants to be with me. part of me doesn't know what to do, because I feel a conflict inside of myself. As if I am giving up one dream, as so not to be lonely the rest of my life. Yet if I stay single and free, and can do as I please, I am afraid of sleeping single in that double bed. so how do I find solace in this situation?.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 124
view profile
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:28:57 PM
Wow this is awesome to see all of you-
I thought I was the only one sometimes.
I was never with someone I wanted to have a child with.
Now I am and it is too late .
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 125
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/29/2007 3:53:16 PM
AT 42, I had al little surprise. A bouncing baby boy. My sisters were like "Ohhhh... and you were almost alone" (I had 15 & 17 year old boys). At first I was like "Ya.. I know... but I soon realised that I was at a point in my life where I didn't want to be alone anymore. My boys were getting more indeopendant and were getting on with their lives. "See ya later dad can I have the car keys?" (Cats in the craddle?). So we were in the water, so why not have another. Boom.... had my GIRL!!! I'm 49 and can braid her long blond hair in a flash, soccer, barbies, school plays, kid parties, watching them discover the world around them, etc. I have a pretty full life and I'm loving every minute of it. Would have been nice if their mom wanted it too, but that's spilled milk.

Mr. Mom&Dad
BTW, it's WAY easier this time around, and don't fret about jumping on the beds this time. Probably because I've mellowed so much.
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 126
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/29/2007 5:04:59 PM
"I also dont think that having children after 40 is a problem"...Im 45 and havent ruled it out...If I cant with the right guy, I will adopt....If he already has kids, I will help him parent them...You are so right...I have much more patience, time and resources and drive to be a parent now than in my 20, early 30s....Maturity goes a long way when having a child...That makes up for the lack of energy at times....I see young 20 somethings with babies and toddlers looking very trapped and resentful....
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 127
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:37:21 AM
Having children after or later in life is a choice.. my brother married a girl 12 years older than himself... so at 39 she had her first child and at 42 her second. They've been married over 30 years now... All in all I think its a matter of the parents commitment to each other as to when and how children be raised. Are we talking about singles having babies or couples ... Afterall this is a singles site.. it it's a matter of a single older Mom alone to raise a child... the age would be very important as to what would happen to the child if she died and the child was left alone.... ?
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 128
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/30/2007 5:00:46 AM
Any single parent has to be concerned with what would happen if she/he died and the child was left alone. We're not guaranteed any particular time on Earth. A former student of mine just became a single parent at the age of 23 because her husband was killed in Iraq.
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 129
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:43:37 AM
Well me myself as a man think that it is the worst decision that I have ever made. I fell in love with a woman who had two kids and could not have more. I was young and full of piss and vinager. We had a wonderful life I help her raise her two children and they call me daddy and father, until she passed away last year and now they do want anything to do with me. Now at 49 years of age I want a child of my own. I have been and if the Lord will see fit to send me someone to have a child or children with still will be a great dad and father. There is a saying "There is nothing better then Love" but to see that love grow into a little one is the greatest gift that a person can give! To give life to, to nuture, to take care of, to love that little one that has your name, to see them grow, to moled their thoughts, to teach them right from wrong, to see them grow into a teen, and then an adult and have their only kids . The saying is true "There is nothing better then Love".............
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 130
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 7/2/2007 3:58:06 AM
I turned 45 this year and still childless - like some posters here said, they have not found the right person and that's exactly my case.

I've been in two long term relationships and both men didn't want children. I figured, how can I have a child from my partner if it's not wanted mutually.

Of course there are times I have regrets - I would have been a good mother ( I came from a big family of 11 kids!) but I try to make up for that for being a good aunt to my nieces and nephews - they just adore me!
 Janice T.
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 131
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:02:34 AM
I decided not to in my earlier years. For personal reasons.....
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 132
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:55:10 PM
I'm a 45+ male with no kids; no regrets either. I was reading something online recently than men over 45 also have an increased risk of having children with birth defects.

I feel the young are the ones that have the energy and patience for the children...

I'd have to agree with betterlate on this point. Having gone my whole life thus far without children it would be a tremendous shock to my system to start now!

A friend was just telling me today that if one doesn't have children he/she can still be a parent to many. God knows there are more children in the world than parents to take care of them. Perhaps youth volunteering/charity would be a good avenue for us 45+ without children.

Oh, and betterlate, my heartfelt condolences on your loss. Your post contained so much pathos and beauty.
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