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Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 77
how many here are after 45 and without childrenPage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Well ....... I was ask just a week ago “how come you never had any kids of your own”.

I was married 16 years to the the first wife and was too busy making money and we were too busy spending that money.

Wife #2 (17 years) came with two little girls (just turned 5 and 7) - fast forward 20 years - their mom went off to “find out who she is” - that left me with one person in my life - my mom. My mom died in Feb 2005. I had zero people in my life.

Guess what .............. all those years helping to raise someone elses kids got me a daughter.

I met those two girls the day after my first date with their mom. We went over to a friend’s house - they had two little girls too. That very day the little one (just turned 5) came up to me and looked me right in the eyes and said “my daddy” - I guess she meant it right from the first day. She made it crystal clear to her mom - me and everyone else - I am her dad - period. Her mom dumped me but she sure as heck did not. The other daughter don’t know for sure how to work me in when grandma (my ex) is at her house all the time.

My bottom line (about never having any kids of my own) - my phone never rings except wrong numbers - or my ex calling every couple of weeks or ................................................ “Hi Dad”

I am also getting a great son in law out of the deal. The daughter I am speaking of has been with the same guy since she was in the ninth grade - they just bought a house and are getting married in Aug ......... he never divorced me either :)

Is she really only a step daughter - I think not. I guess I must have done something right.
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 78
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 4/28/2006 9:29:05 PM
Well I'm 50 and have 3 step kids & 5 gkids but have no biological kids. I have no regrets of never having my own cause I had the luxury of raising the 3 and enjoying the gkids. A memory that can't be replaced by any other. As far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter if there biological, it's where your heart is.
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 81
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 5/2/2006 5:38:00 PM
my wife and I had 2children. I took being a father pertty seriously, mainly because my father didn't. My fast paced, high stressed job and my terrible relationship with my wife, both I kept because I loved my kids, ended up breaking me down into a major case of clinical depression and I never worked again. My wife and kids didn't understand why I wasn't able to do things anymore, bring in more money,and they took it as something that happened to them, made it impossible for me to recover at home. I had to leave home, my wife and kids, and go live by myself, to try to recover from this devastating disease, with no support. My kids were 15 AND 17 and didn't speak to me for 3 years. That kinda took a lot of the joy of having kids out of it for me. I'll never be the same man again.
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 82
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 5/2/2006 6:22:03 PM
Well I was told at 28 I could not have children - strangely enough I did not fall apart, the only thing it did do, was make me unsure about how to approach that topic with any man I dated as at that age they expect you to be able to bear children - since I couldn't figure it out - I stopped dating altogether. I then a few years later became the caretaker for my elderly parents and that lasted for about the next 22 yrs - elderly parents can become like having kids LOL

I had a choice at 28 to accept it or not - I accepted and knew that while I loved children, it was not going to happen and I did not feel any less a person for it. Mind you a lot of women in the workplace were throwing me sympathetic glances and saying you poor dear
It was almost like they were holding a wake for me

If you like who you are - you can be happy married or single, with or without children - the key to you happiness has always been yourself
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 92
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:54:14 PM
Browneyedgagirl, you said a mouthful there!

About the only thing nice I can say about my ex, is that she gave me my son, who will turn 6 in October. he is my best buddy on the weekends....and I agree wholeheartedly that the blessings far outweigh the drawbacks.

To dominicd,

dirty house.....did you offer to help keep it clean?

Mess......have you taken the time to teach them to clean up after themselves, or even better, showed them by example?

Broke.....only if you let it are happiest if you give yourself to them....everything else is a bonus.

Abstinance....frankly, I can't say I blame her

Doghouse smell? Most dogs are relatively odor free....some people have a stinky attitude toward life.

How is this happiness? You might want to try being a real is quite rewarding.
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 94
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 7/24/2006 7:09:51 PM
I take it, luckybushpilot, that you are looking for 45 Without kids then?

It may see odd, but and exhaustive internet search found no record of anyone whose last words were "I wish I never had kids"
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 99
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 7/25/2006 5:37:20 PM
(luckybushpilot said)Your right Geodweeb!!!! i'm changing my point of view right now. how can i argue with your AWESOME SIX YEARS of experience

How silly of me not to mention the other 6 kids from previous marriages...a couple of which are approaching 40 and have kids of their own....shame on me! I guess it is an AWESOME lack of experience from which I speak.

Nuff said, Sally?
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 102
how many here are waaaaaay too young?
Posted: 7/25/2006 6:53:31 PM

and if you weren't waaaaaaaaaaay tooo young

That has to be the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day!
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 103
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how many here are waaaaaay too young?
Posted: 7/25/2006 7:27:53 PM
am 54 never wanted kids...have coached kids in basketball softball tennis and work in the school system...but never regreted not haven to coach them...then send them home...
Joined: 3/3/2006
Msg: 107
hanging in there
Posted: 7/26/2006 4:39:56 PM
I read these threads and as expected, nearly everyone who responded re-affirmed their personal choice to not have kids. I don't remember reading too many emails from men or women who regret it. I guess if you always wanted kids but don't have them, at some point you need to accept the fact that you didn't have them and aren't going to. But I know there women out there who always had a burning desire to have kids and are crushed because they didn't. I seem to meet them at places like my gym and at work.

Well my brother is older than me and has two little ones, and I have a hockey bud that has two littles ones and is in his mid 50s. I am still hoping it might happen for me.. we'll see.

I was brought up in a large Italian family. Having kids seems to be a good way to have support when you get older.. I see it all the time in my family. And I always liked having a huge family around during the holidays. Saying that my neices and nephews are my kids never cut it for me.

Two more thoughts.. those who made comments about having kids that are grown and out of the house should not have responded to this topic. I don't think they can objectively comment on never having kids.

Secondly, I sometimes get emails from the older ladies blasting me for still wanting them.. one even called me "sick".. never could understand it. I guess she was mad because I was not interested in her.

Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 116
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:03:08 AM
I am 49, no kids. I am a teacher so have definitely taught many children in my 20 yaers of teaching. I often wonder if I would feel the need to be a mother if I did not teach, since maybe my maternal instinct has been somewhat met. If I had married younger, maybe I would have considered adoption with my husband, but have not had the desire to adopt as a single parent.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 117
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:08:57 AM
In my late50's no kids here either... knew at 18 I'd never be able to conceive, told the Ex when he proposed and he had no objections... the old expression is.... You don't miss something you never had, is soooo true.

When I divorced at 38 I was glad that I didn't have children in the realtionship becuase so many young folks are messed up by divorce these days..... one of the things I check for on profiles are the persons involvement in their childrens lives... it does effect how I view them. I wonder if they will think I'm "damaged" in some way for not having a "family" too. Does anyone else pull back from the "crowd effect" of a potential partner having Kids and grandkids?

Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 118
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:51:45 AM
I don't pull back from a crowd effect,but it's easy to feel like I have more in common with a woman with no kids.

I knew better than to have kids when I was young and stupid,(read wild,experimental,immature),and then when I was ready and married a woman who had two,it just didn't work out.I know I've missed out on a lot,but I also know better than to dwell on it.

When/if I find that rare one to share adventures with,there's always the option of adoption.But I'll always cherish when my neice called me "Uncle Daddy".

Of course I could be like some of the famous celebrities who father children well into their eighties...but I'd better have enough money to hire someone to play ball with 'em!
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 119
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 9:56:33 AM
Have a child and there is a huge chance that you will automatically bond with that child. Don't have one and at the age of 45+ chances are you won't miss it much, or at all.

Sure we all have days where we wish we had this or that, but there are just as many days we could say thank God I don't have to take into consideration that I can't do this or than because of children.
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 120
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:32:29 PM
I am 59 and have no children. I have no regrets. It was just not in the cards for me. I am sometimes sad about it but life offers so much that I do not miss having had them.
I do work with aboriginal children a couple of days a week. I really enjoy them and my contact with them.
I would love to be a step grandmother.
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 121
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:20:01 PM
I just turned fifty and dont have children, I lost a daughter just over ten years ago and it almost killed me. She and I both got very sick with a blood infection, I made it she did not. She was seven months old and on that same day 5/27/97 a woman was arrested for leaving her infant in a trash can, the tornado in south texas wiped out an entire town ( one small infant was found alive in a tree) and a herion addict gave birth to an addicted baby in the mid cities. I was depressed for a very long time and all of my friends that were pregnant at the same time felt strange because they were so happy and I was so sad.

I feel that there are so many children on this planet that have nothing, that if I ever really get over the loss, I may adopt a child or open a animal rescue, but for now... I really cant be around children especially girls without thinking... that is how old Melody would be, or I wonder how she would look now... and even though I know that nobody makes it off this planet alive, that things are just not fair sometimes, I know in my heart that I have been blessed and do count my blessings... I am happy for everyone that has and loves children... and happy for the people that didnt have children for the wrong reasons... I really admire their strength. Once you start counting how old the child would be if you had one late in life, or have seen a child of an older couple, you see that both miss out on alot.

I feel the young are the ones that have the energy and patience for the children...

I have worked hard all my life and feel sad that I have no direct heirs to leave my estate to, but... there are lotsl of worthy groups that save children and animals that need funding too.

Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 122
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:22:37 PM
Im 45 here no kids. Dont ind kids just never got that involved with a woman that I wanted kids with her.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 124
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:28:57 PM
Wow this is awesome to see all of you-
I thought I was the only one sometimes.
I was never with someone I wanted to have a child with.
Now I am and it is too late .
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 126
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/29/2007 5:04:59 PM
"I also dont think that having children after 40 is a problem"...Im 45 and havent ruled it out...If I cant with the right guy, I will adopt....If he already has kids, I will help him parent them...You are so right...I have much more patience, time and resources and drive to be a parent now than in my 20, early 30s....Maturity goes a long way when having a child...That makes up for the lack of energy at times....I see young 20 somethings with babies and toddlers looking very trapped and resentful....
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 127
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:37:21 AM
Having children after or later in life is a choice.. my brother married a girl 12 years older than himself... so at 39 she had her first child and at 42 her second. They've been married over 30 years now... All in all I think its a matter of the parents commitment to each other as to when and how children be raised. Are we talking about singles having babies or couples ... Afterall this is a singles site.. it it's a matter of a single older Mom alone to raise a child... the age would be very important as to what would happen to the child if she died and the child was left alone.... ?
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 133
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:41:09 AM
Please take heart, Steeleagle. Love will find you, when you least expect it. Years ago I worked with a man who was 52 and never married. He was lonely, depressed and had nearly given up hope of finding love. I told him just what I told you. Not 6 months later, he began dating a young female captain in the US Air Force. After a year, she left active duty and joined the reserves, married him. Several years later, I saw them in the store, they had two young daughters, he was retired and playing house-husband, she was pursuing her career as an engineer. They were both very happy. A second example for you...just last year, I gave the same talk to a man I worked with. He was 48 and never married, extremely depressed, and desperately lonely. His depression made him lose interest in his apprearance, so I helped give him hope enough to dress better, bathe more often, etc. He found a lady at a dance, they began corresponding, and just last month were married. He is happier than I have EVER seen him. So, please don't give up hope. You can find the one you're meant to be with, and still have a family. It's never too late....find a young lady, so she can have children...and you CAN realize your dream.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 137
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:23:04 PM
I read once (I can never name my sources; maybe I dreamed it) that a group polled people living in a retirement home about their biggest regrets in their long lives:

Many said "I regret never having had children"--because they had no one to visit them in the home
Just as many said "I regret ever having had children"--because no one visited them in the home

Having children is just one of those things that you can't go back on--once you've done it, you can't very well go around saying it was a poor decision.
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