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 Teusweet
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 505
Is separated single?Page 10 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Ok here goes:

As a rule of thumb? I dont date guys that are involved with a gf or seperated, married or such....

Reason 1: If they are involved with someone chances are their partner doesnt know that they are even looking for someone else.....

Reason 2: Chances are I'm the one in the end that will get hurt. I wont let that happen again.

Reason 3: There are usually a lot of excuses as to why they have to spend time with the real significant other. Sorry Im no ones second best....

Reason 4: They are usually a pig and if they did it to her they are gonna do it to me. Sorry I wont ever be there intentionally.

i'm not one that likes to be hurt, in fact no one is. But we seem to always put ourselves in those situations. I have not had a real bf so to say in over a year. Yes Im picky I think Im attractive and I dont settle for anyone that I feel is below my standards. I have walked away from damn goodlooking men because they dont fit within what I want in a man. But I have no regrets. So I guess you got my answer no I will not involve myself with someone that is not LEGALLY DIVORCED!!!!!

Best of luck to you!

Teu
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 506
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/20/2006 11:52:54 AM
Lots of different opinions here and I would say that those of us that are "separated" and those of us that are divorced see things differently because of our " label".

Teu, I would like to put this out there, basically an answer to each of your things you listed

1] My " wife" KNOWS I am looking to date, she supports it and encourages it. and if you really want to know if she knows... I would gladly have you give her a call to verify to settle any unanswered questions of if she knows or not. We have been separated for 2.5 years and have not filed due to me wanting her to succeed in her education and move form an LPN to an RN.. Which in my mind will only benefit our son’s future. Now if someone cannot understand what I am getting at and understand that it will have a direct impact on my son’s well being in the long run.. Well sorry about their luck! She is done with her school the first week of May and we are BOTH planning on going to the courthouse to fill out the papers together the week after she graduates as an RN. Some cal lit being too nice.. I call it looking out for my son’s future and doing what I feel is right. others just get p issed off because they didn’t have a " peaceful divorce and they made it much harder then what it really needs to be.

2] I am only using this in my case... chances are not even there that her and I will reconcile... we both agree that we just are not for each other. she is a very shy person.. I on the other hand am not. we were raised to completely different ways and have to completely different family back grounds. does it matter. yes and no.... her parents are still together after 38 years.. my mother has been married 4 times now...using a line my shrink told me { yes.. I do see a shrink once in a while, I can admit that sometimes.. you just need someone to talk to that has no biased opinion what so ever.. does that make me updateable too?} .. but my shrink told me that I know all of the WRONG things to do in a marraiage ..but I never had a positive male role model in my life to show me the RIGHT things to do in a marriage...make any sense?

3] as far as being no ones second best.... well I am not sure if you would be wiling to be second to my son.. but that is life...as I have told the last person I dated who did not have kids .. but was only separated and she was concerned that I was only separated....said that I might go back with my wife.. and got a bit p issed when I pointed out that she was only separated herself .. completely different story in itself....but she had no kids of her own.... told me that she wanted to be THE priority n someone’s life... and when I told her that it was impossible ..because my 7 y/o boy has that spot... but there is enough room in my heart for both of them....well... let just say I am single now....if you are not willing to share my heart with a 7 y/o.. perhaps you are being a bit selfish? now when I say YOU I do not mean YOU personally,,, but rather.. anyone.

4] is it possible that neither party "did" anything? it just happened? people do fall out of love and people do just drift apart and it isn’t any one thing or another.. it just happens? myself.. I can admit to where I went wrong.. my fault is that I was hearing her but wasn’t listening... which I didn’t even know I was doing until it was over.... I have learned a lot about myself in the last 2.5 years and know now that it is very important to communicate.. even if it is something that I feel is insignificant... maybe my partner just wants to hear me tell them about my day.... you know at work.. it may be a slow day.. and though I don’t think she wants to hear about the Automatic fire alarm we ran...because it was someone taking a shower and the steam got into the detector...if she asks if anything happened at work.. she really wants to hear about my day and I should not say " nothing". personally I do not find it interesting.. but perhaps she just wants to bond with me for a minute and that is it. that is where I went wrong.. now I am more aware of it and I know it will not happen again... so because I let it happen once and it ended my marraige ... does this mean it WILL happen again and therefore makes me " updateable?

I believe I have said it before in this thread that I can freely admit to my flaws and past mistakes...EVERYONE here has some kind of flaw.. something about them that makes them " un perfect" because honestly... if everyone here was.. well.. we wouldn’t need dating sites such as this... so why don’t we all take a step back and evaluate WHY WE are all here. those who sit and say " well it wasn’t my fault" or well I did nothing wrong" or anything along those lines....I say GUILTY.. EVERYONE has a flaw with in them that others would consider them " updateable" whether you want to admit it or not.
does it make me a bad person because I am labeled as separated? as was said before... you may very well be passing up the one you are really looking for because of a label and you are not willing to hear or see the person for anything other then the label YOU place on them are below your “ standards” I ask.. how do you know they are below your standards if you immediately shut them out just because they are separated and YOU don’t even want to hear the story.. How much are you really an open and honest communicator?
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 507
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/20/2006 1:09:56 PM
Married is Married, with few exceptions.. I think painter, funny girl, oregano, and floky mirror my feelings. For those reasons I could not even begin to think about a relationship until the Divorce was final..13 years ago, and even then I need to repair myself emotionally, before I could give a significant other my all.

Most people get lonely, married, separated people want to be needed in ways their mate didn't give, and many times they look for a space filler for fear of not being able to walk alone.. like a 'Habit" maybe.. But, Being Alone will not kill anyone! I did it for years, and devoted my time to my children and repairing myself to be better next time..

I don't intend to be anyone's "Space filler" or stepping stone. Nor do I want to be a tool that solidifies the breakup of a Family.. Being a "Home wrecker" is not my thing! If not Divorced, and well mentally, and emotionally, No attempt should be made to start another one with Baggage still hanging from the surroundings... Gezz, at least FILE for a divorce, before dating! Can't people Stand their own company for a while?

Children Aren't Baggage in my opinion, but a whiny or mean stalking Ex is.

This just my opinion, but Separated is NOT single..yet! Been there, Done that and the Drama Sucks big time! So, The Blanket policy works for me..

 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 510
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/20/2006 10:28:39 PM
well horselady.. perhaps they were in a very commited long term relationship and it was like being married to them. and well.... oh heck i dont know...i just thought maybe i could compleat a sentance at 1:30 in the mornign while being way to tired to ebe on here....
 BIG NIGGA
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 511
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:33:33 AM
u are free as a bird........PARTY TIME....!!!!
 delytful
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 513
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 8:05:22 AM
" If it makes people angry that I don't believe in commiting adultry, then so be it.Tough s%$#."
And you can all get mad at me too. Have read a lot of this, and all the bogus excuses for why married people should be allowed to sleep around, which is what this all boils down to. Just lame excuses and rationalizations. No matter what crazy load someone tries to drop on me, if a man says he is separated, I will walk away just as fast as if he had his wife sitting on his lap.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 515
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:34:06 AM
You biblethumpers who are thumb their noses at separated people are a hoot! Could you possibly be more judgmental?

Reason 1: If they are involved with someone chances are their partner doesnt know that they are even looking for someone else.....

Yeah you'd rather choose to be involved with a person who would lie to you about their social status?

Reason 2: Chances are I'm the one in the end that will get hurt. I wont let that happen again.

Not true, same chances exist for the so-called singles some of you choose to date who either lie to you about their status or are using you as a stop-gap until they reconcile with their X. This behavior is not exclusive to the separated.

Reason 3: There are usually a lot of excuses as to why they have to spend time with the real significant other. Sorry Im no ones second best....

Perhaps, you have to judge each situation. Again being devils advocate, I'd be in contact with single women, try to arrange dates, get the runaround, and then find out she is back with the X (yeah right), or suddenly is in love with another guy (yeah right there too). I get this behavior more from the singles I date than when I have chosen to date separated women.

Reason 4: They are usually a pig and if they did it to her they are gonna do it to me. Sorry I wont ever be there intentionally.

Personally I think separated people generally have more class than many singles. Usually separated folks have been involved in lengthy relationships, this generally indicated loyal and honest personality qualities which I value. Singles often exemplify the exact opposite of these attractive qualities, as they simply play the field and make notches on their bedpost.

Basically you're a fool if you label separated people into the above four categories, and don't recognize that the single people that you choose exclusively as possible partners aren't pulling a fast one on you and playing you for a fool.

Another message to biblethumpers: we all have a limited time on this earth. Why should a separated person submit themselves to basically throw away a big piece of their life while they negotiate through the mindfield of divorce proceedings? I'm not telling you that all separated people are saints. What I'm saying is there are many good separated people that you choose not to date while you date a bunch of single people who are not of the highest character. Within the limited time of your life, expand your mental capacities instead of confining them. Open your mind.
 Garuda
Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 516
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:00:09 PM
Who ya asking? Ask many, you will get many answers, so try the dictionary!
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 519
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:44:02 PM
^^^exactly adreena. people, you have to "read" someone. do you take everything someone tells you for face value? if the story doesn't add up, whether it's from a single or someone who's separated, you don't go further.

i've had as good as or better dating experiences with separated women compared to those who claimed they were "single". there was no way these separated women would reconcile, i knew that after i invested time in getting to know them.

i've dated divorced women who claimed they were "single" because they couldn't get the right responses from guys. not every single profile actually represents a "single". same thing with age--women often post inaccurate ages to get preferred age groups to look at their profile.

you just don't take what people say on face value. correspond with them, meet them, size them up before you discount that all separated people are desperate pigs.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 521
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:59:01 PM
yeah MA lots of people are SELF-RIGHTEOUS, they feel they don't make mistakes.

it's common sense to take some time to learn about ANYONE (single, divorced, or separated) before getting serious with them. use your brains, if you have any, before getting involved. think if it's possible.

i'm not saying all separated people are great to date. what i'm saying is that EVERYONE makes mistakes, a separated person's relationship mistakes are more obvious than a single person's mistakes, in a way you know more personal information quickly when dating a separatee. you should know WHY someone is separated, then ask for a story, you listen to it, and if it doesn't add up, DON'T DATE THEM. if you don't get a story when you ask, DON'T DATE THEM.
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 523
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:00:10 PM
you know what i have learned from all of this.......

I need to move to the Ontario area... there are some very very beautiful SINGLE.. { Included in that SINGLE word are thsoe women whom are SEPARATED} women liveing up there.

Any of you SINGLE woman wanna date a firefighter if i move up there?
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 525
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/26/2006 1:15:53 PM
THANK YOU Beaches.....that post was great. Some of us have kids and CANNOT cut all communication with the former spouse to be, and there are some of us who refuse to allow the end of a marraige affect our children and therefore make sacrifices and try their best to maintain a friendly relationship because believe it or not to all you anti-spearated people... THE ONLY PERSON WHO SUFFERS IN THE END IS THE CHILDREN. say what you will about those of us who are separated, but again you may very well be passing up the one who could really make you the happiest.. so whos loss is it really?
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 530
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 9:59:28 AM
I'm no bible thumper, but after reading the majority of the replies, its obvious that the separated people are excusing their behavior.. I suppose its only human to bend the tree in their favor.

If the divorce is not final, then you are separated although single if you live in different residences.. If you still reside in the same home you AREN'T single Or separated...

It is simple Logic, and none of my business unless I am being lied to. Then it is complete deception and it is plainly WRONG..

Just be truthful about it..
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 532
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:23:44 AM

Will this thread ever end?

Not as long as I read blanket descriptions of separated people.

its obvious that the separated people are excusing their behavior.. I suppose its only human to bend the tree in their favor.

Incorrect. This is not a black/white issue. There are shades of gray. Haven't you read the plethora of different scenarios from these separated people? The majority of separated people posting here are not looking to wash their hands from the relationship. Just move on from a painful experience which they have mentally have recognized as being reconciliation.

If the divorce is not final, then you are separated although single if you live in different residences.. If you still reside in the same home you AREN'T single Or separated...

True, personally I wouldn't date a separatee if she were still living with her husband. Technically I'd say she isn't even separated. What's your point here?

It is simple Logic, and none of my business unless I am being lied to. Then it is complete deception and it is plainly WRONG..

Agreement here. If I am corresponding to a separatee and sense deception, it's a turn-off, I don't pursue anymore. Dating a separatee isn't easy, but I tend not to over-judge someone's behavior; as I have never been married, I can only guess what it is like to deceived INSIDE a marriage. Which is the plight of many separatees; I feel compassion toward people who have been wronged by others, not disdain.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 533
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:38:15 AM
I clicked my heels three times but this thread still keeps going on

I guess there are no shortage of people willing to share their bad experiences and painfully gained wisdom here...it's all fair game and a reafirmation of the value of the forums even if we don't wish to see opinions counter to our way of thinking or living.

Seperated people rock like the rest!

Bandito
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 536
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:28:44 AM
mjr150 wrote:
A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single


I would have to say .. why didnt i think of posting that? I will introduce anyone i am dateing to my " wife". it may be a bit on the awkward side but .. then there is no doubt about the separation.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 537
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:31:27 AM
Its nice out today get out and enjoy yourself!

yes it is a nice day today, hopefully the evening will be nicer with a Flyers victory over the Sabres!

sorry i get tired of reading tired blanket answers to complex relationship questions. some people have to dumb down issues in order to understand them, i suppose. i'm not that dumb.

A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single.

Incorrect. Don't ASS-U-ME that because you don't see someone's family that they are not single. What if their family are a bunch of idiots, displaying immoral behavior that you disapprove of, etc. If you want to date someone from a solid family, that's one thing, but to blindly classify as "un-single" everyone who doesn't introduce you to their family is idiotic.
 poemer
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 538
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 12:12:31 PM
I would say no. Single to me means no legal ties to your former partner. I dated a seperated person in the past who was "legally seperated" by NH law, who stayed married for insurance reasons. Legally separated means "no new financial ties" to your former mate. You're still "bound" legally and financially up to the point you separated. NH law says you're still in a contract with your former and you shouldn't act outside that realm (of marriage) as a truly single person.
As far as I'm concerned if you want out then get out so both parties can move on and not be bound by any unfinished business. I got a "Pro-Say Divorce" with my former and it worked just fine. You don't have to pay Attorneys, you need to fill out the forms you get from the courts, meet with a mediator to settle whatever issues you may have, and go to court to a marital master to finalize it, legally. You needn't stay legally seperated for long with today's laws unless you want to.
 hoodovoodoun
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 545
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 2:42:23 AM
Unfortunately I as well as other, Im sure, have had relationships with people that were separated that were a disaster. Personally, on 2 ocassions, while dating someone who was separated, suddenly they decided to return to the spouse. Also separated people on dating sights may be looking for a quick bang to get even. I know I probably shouldnt, but I now shy away from any profiles that say separated. In your case since it has been 8 years, I would consider you single. So if you havent already done so, change your profile to reflect that. Most people, I believe, would understand your situation when it is revealed to them that you are actually separated.

Later
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 546
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 2:45:13 AM
lol....Thanks reddwine ...."Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us."

Ha.. we've got a 39 y/o, never been married, calling names and giving opinions about something he's never experienced.. other than dating separated people.. lol.. feeling guilty?

As I said, SOME of the Separated people bend the tree in their favor..The issue here is saying Single on a profile, when in fact the person is STILL in a contract of Marriage..

Thanks sunshine: "I am just wondering how 'bible thumper' and 'self righteous' came into the picture......we have threads to share viewpoints...but not to inflict name calling on ones that have opinions that differ....differing opinions make each of us unique.....and it is an expression of how each one of us feels on the subject....we, including me, might not agree with an individuals viewpoint....nonetheless....each is entitled"
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 547
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 10:45:48 AM

Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us.

Sorry redwine, you can have any opinion you like, however an intelligent person sees the grey in issues, it's not all black and white, perhaps your opinion can evolve, life isn't as simple as some make it out to be. People who see things in black and white quite frankly bore me.

Ha.. we've got a 39 y/o, never been married, calling names and giving opinions about something he's never experienced.. other than dating separated people.. lol.. feeling guilty?

I didn't call anyone a name--however if the shoe fits, wear it. BTW the fact that I've never been married has nothing to do with the issue of the "date-worthiness" of separated folks. You're mixing apples and oranges.

I don't feel guilty about getting to know separated women--the stories these ladies have told me about what kind of jackasses their husbands are, the irresponsibility of the husband's behavior, listening to all that actually makes me more resolved to have at most one marriage in my lifetime. Never being married is not I'm ashamed of, what's wrong with being selective and valuing your independence? I don't like making mistakes.

Proceeding to a divorce is a tough situation, it certainly isn't something that should NECESSARILY put your personal life in limbo. We only have one life to live on this earth, why should you be spending it with a jackass? Why should a separated person be concerned about how religious-types view them? Forcing someone to reconcile with a total irrecoverable jackass moron is against my religion.
 wildamythest
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 548
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 11:26:18 AM
I think the conditions surrounding the break up would decide if you are single while separated. If both parties are willing to let go and move on, then absolutely you are single and available......but if one or both are still holding on, then I would think you aren't ready to start dating or meeting anyone new.
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 551
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 8:50:30 PM
Bike Man, I don't have time to show you how many times you called people names, but I'll do it anyway..What the Heck!


Bike man says:

"I didn't call anyone a name"

"people, you're being damn foolish for NEVER considering to date separated people."

"so keep on living your life foolishly by labelling others with black and white colors;"

"giving open-minded people like me more chances of finding AWESOME people."

"You biblethumpers who are thumb their noses at separated people are a hoot!"

"Personally I think separated people generally have more class than many singles."

"Basically you're a fool if you label separated people"

"Another message to biblethumpers:"

"expand your mental capacities instead of confining them. Open your mind."

"yeah MA lots of people are SELF-RIGHTEOUS, they feel they don't make mistakes."

"use your brains, if you have any,"

"some people have to dumb down issues in order to understand them"

"i'm not that dumb."

"I didn't call anyone a name"


......Bike man, all you need is a Cape to go with the outfit, then you can save all the separated Damsels in distress...


lol..
 GoFyger
Joined: 1/9/2006
Msg: 553
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:11:25 PM
What ever happened to separation meaning that the couple is just not living together but still working on trying to fix the relationship? At least that's what it meant when I was growing up. So you're telling me now that "separate" in the year 2006 means something different? I don't date men who say they are separated because there is always that chance that he might go back to his wife. Stranger things have happened. Why risk it?
 youtouchedmysoul
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 556
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:50:52 AM
I would date a seperated person,but know in the back of your mind there is a chance they will try and fix things with there s.o. I just went thru this with someone I loved deeply and they decided to stay and fix things. It hurts,but I wished her well and I wish for her happyness, I told her that if things dont work out I maybe there and I may be not. For I can move on now and she cannot at this time.

I knew this time might come and had already started protecting my own heart!!!!!!!!!!!


The time we had together was beautiful,but the book is closed now.


For now she has the memmories of two to contend with as I only one.


youtouchedmysoul
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