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 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 557
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History
Is separated single?Page 11 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Wow, this thread is still running. Well, kinda - now it's a "slam anyone who disagrees with me" thread. Oh yeah, and slam bikeman, too. Kinda off-topic, dontcha think? Anyhow, like I said many, many pages ago......separated is not single. Before I would go out with a woman that's separated, I'd need to get (some) details of the situation. Each instance is different, as has been pointed out about 450 times here.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 563
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:22:28 AM

What ever happened to separation meaning that the couple is just not living together but still working on trying to fix the relationship?


The term, common in the 60's/70 for this was "trial seperation" in the days where divorce still was not popular and not forthcoming by certain churches in some countries.

Few people today bother with "trial seperations". Even fewer marriage councilors suggest this as a method for repairing a marriage. Research shows the majority of seperations lead to divorce. If you think the majority of people that are physically seperated are looking to return to their marriage your wrong. However, that said, there are the minority that do so there does exist the possibility that seperated people will go back to their marriage as some posters have experienced.

Bandito

Btw...I just drop in from time to time on this thread to support the "seperated" but not divoced yet camp. I got a few months to go yet before I get my legal status set to divorced...yet another stigma to hit then
 bigteddybear
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 565
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 12:28:35 PM
There is a difference betweeen physical seperation and emotional separation. Physical would be just not intimate but still wanting that person back in there life. Emotional would be they are not in that relationship anymore and some cases like you mentioned still living with. But in that case how is that sparing the kids if one parent is bringing home dates while still living with the other parent. One would have to find out what level that separated person is on before getting "involved"
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 566
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 1:56:20 PM
I'm sorry if my thoughts on this topic were taken personally. I apologize for using invective language to describe my opinions on this topic and to color other's opinions as wrong and/or not well-thought-out. That is not the best way to anyone to help others see a wrinkle on a topic that they might have seen otherwise.

It's ok to disagree; I'd much rather have conversations with people who have strong opinions that those who have weak opinions.

It's obvious that this is a polarizing topic, let's live and let live.
 Malstyne
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 567
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:11:41 PM
I would view a seperated person in the same with as a married person. If you want your freedom get the divorce. There is no excuse for it to me. If you really want to "be apart" then get the hell apart already :) If you are using some excuse to stay "seperated" than you are obviously still dependant.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 568
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:22:35 PM
It is not single legally. But the issue to which we are referring to is whether they are being honest if they are dating. I think there are men out there who are separated and will remain so until they divorce and are not playing games and I think there are other men who are just d*cking around.

I have a friend who got separated, met a new lady while separated. Ended up marrying that new lady (still married after 6 ot 7 years). The ex-wife also found a new man and they have been together just as long.

Unfortunately for the men who are being honest about being separated and are actually really cutting ties, just haven't done so legally, the dis-honest men make it hard for them to date.

I have to say for myself I am not keen on dating a separated man. If I was to date a man who is separated, I would have to meet him initially outside of the internet dating world, through friends perhaps. And BTW, that's how my friends above met NOT online. BIG difference.
 Malstyne
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 571
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:14:15 AM


You all will think I made up Malstyne's profile to illustrate my point.

I would view
graduating this week and working on volunteer stuff for the resume

as
unemployed.

If you want
to join the adult world,

get a God damn job, already.


There is no excuse for it(being unemployed) for me.


What's that? Its a work in progress? Just have to get your diploma?

If you really want
a job, you'd have had one already. At 29, you are using college as an excuse to avoid working.



Holy crap! I got attacked out of nowhere!? What is wrong with working internships while bettering yourself with school? Why bartend the rest of your life when you have an opportunity to make something of yourself? I'll give you that I am a bit old to be in school, but I made my mistakes partying life away at 21-24 and decided I needed to fix it, I would think most people would agree that it is better later then never.

Now I am done. I sacrificed 4 years to become successful, worked my ass off doing 16 hours day of school + internships. I haven't even gone to the ceremony yet. My resume is out there, but I'll be damned if I bite at the first $20/hr job that comes along when I see my peers getting 60k a year. I am glad and proud of myself for my achievement. I just got a call to set up an interview for my dream job making more than $1400 a week, so if it goes well I'll probably be sitting better in 2 years than I could have for 25 years of work in the barscene. , Can I have a few weeks to get a job that suits me? Sheesh!

In summary: piss off!
 Malstyne
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 573
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:57:37 AM
6 months of waiting to hump someone else is hardly a comparison to 4 years of hard work in order to achieve a successful life. Married or not I think anyone should wait awhile before moving on just to heal and get it all out of thier system.

If I am mistaken and it is a longer time then that, then let me know, I may have a little more understanding.

As far as my profile. I don't give a crap if it attracts the most mails. I'd rather have someone willing to accept who I am and what I am doing then present myself in any other way. My profile is me, if they don't like it boohoo for me. I really have little faith in online dating anyway, I am perfectly capable of meeting people out in the big wide world the old fashion way. My online search is just a bonus.
 SugarPlum11
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 574
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 1:52:51 PM
By Law if you are "legally seperated" you are considered single and can't be held as an adulturer in your final divorce hearing. But to be legally seperated you have to file for that at the court house and it is not cheap.

I know this because I was legally seperated for 2 years and 6 days before I was legally divorced. And I had to confirm that I was single with my lawyer after filing for seperation.
Even after being legally seperated, I waited about 9 months to get laid again......and that turned into a relationship....a 3 month relationship. And come to think about it.....I haven't had sex in almost 15 months. Lots of self control....or should I say....NO TIME TO FIND SOMEONE WORTH GIVING IT UP TO.
 Malstyne
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 576
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 2:58:28 PM
Do you have self esteem issues? It's no wonder your relationship didn't work when you have to counter every argument with a personal attack instead of a counter argument.

A) I am not trying to tell you how to live your life, it seemed to me the point of the thread was more to gauge why a person would not be interested in someone that is seperated.

B) I stated my opinion on the matter and all you have done is point out that I have been unemployed for a week. Big whoopty dodah. It's one thing if I sat on the couch and drank beer all day, it's another when I am spending 14+ hrs a day improving my life. Either way it is completely irrelevant to the topic at hand and is more junior high than anything else. Talk about growing up?

C) Your profession does not imply you are currently employed doing it. If I have held a job for more than 4+ years in my life time doing something and intent to hold another job doing the same, I can claim that as my profession.

D) I wasn't trying to romance you. In essence that is what you are asking for otherwise there would be no question. There is no dilema on whether or not you can talk to someone else, the dilema is whether you can have a relationship, which infers sex, otherwise you'd call it a friendship. I can talk to my friends all day, but I don't have sex with them. So, yes, you want to feel better about humping someone else.

Sorry Charley, not many people are hip about jumping into a relationship with someone that can't cope with being alone. To go from a seperation to a relationship within a year raises that flag for me. I would have to think to myself, "sheesh doesn't this person want to get thier head on straight first?"

But, go ahead and talk about my week lapse from school to career all you want. You really aren't promoting your argument by doing so.
 rednails
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 577
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 8:24:46 PM
No!!! Separated is still married. I dated a guy that had his x wife living in the house. As soon as I found out she was an x I was out of it. I don't play that game and I don't advise anyone to.
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 578
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 9:50:31 PM
bike man, My respect for you just jumped tenfold:............

"I'm sorry if my thoughts on this topic were taken personally. I apologize for using invective language to describe my opinions on this topic and to color other's opinions as wrong and/or not well-thought-out. That is not the best way to anyone to help others see a wrinkle on a topic that they might have seen otherwise.

It's ok to disagree; I'd much rather have conversations with people who have strong opinions that those who have weak opinions.

It's obvious that this is a polarizing topic, let's live and let live."



Thats an excellent opinion, and well said!
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 579
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 10:03:02 PM
Hey Malstyne, you are making total sense, and it obvious that stillinlimbo is Still in Limbo. He is simply trying to justify his actions, or else he wouldn't be posting on this subject so often.

Some people are terrified to be alone:

"not many people are hip about jumping into a relationship with someone that can't cope with being alone. To go from a separation to a relationship within a year raises that flag for me. I would have to think to myself, "sheesh doesn't this person want to get their head on straight first?"

And so they grasp at straws.. One would think that a person who recently separated would be an easy Lay... predators would prey on the weak...Yes?
 luv2laff61
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 580
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/2/2006 10:09:14 PM
malstyne I think you are a smart and articulate man and I agree with you 100%.
 Simply Divine
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 587
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/3/2006 4:12:25 PM
A married person is just that - a married person. He doesn't belong to you. The marriage is legally binding and the union is spiritually binding. So no. Separated is not single.
 babyfarmer
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 588
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/3/2006 8:05:33 PM
I think marriage should be made illegal....PERIOD! Noone can see into the future and the statistics we have now a days most marriages end in divorce. Nobody is perfect...nobody knows how it is going to end wether it be marriage, long-term relationship, dating or just a roll in the hay. Marriage is just an expensive peice of paper that is a way of the government and lawyers making more money and we all buy into it like idiots..well alot of us. You can love someone more than the earth, moon, stars and sky and not have a peice of paper to prove it. You can also hate someone with everything in your heart and be married to them. If you married the wrong person then yes you made a mistake that you have to live with and if there are children involved you made a mistake you have to live with the rest of your life...but who hasn't made a major life-altering mistake?...I don't know of very many. I can't even believe this thread is still going and now it is to the point where people are name calling and judging other people's situation they don't even know. No one lives without sin or mistakes in their life and we have no right to judge others for theirs. We all have faults...just because your faults are different than mine doesn't make them right.....they are still faults so could we please quit cutting each other down and have a little respect for people who may have had it a little tougher than the rest. We have no right to judge only God has that right and in the end he will.
 cutelildevil
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 589
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/3/2006 8:24:18 PM
In my books... seperated is single... Come on .... when I climb in bed at night.. and no one is in it... wow..I do believe I am single.. Kind of feels that way too When you are paying all your own bills for about a year... and supporting your own kids by yourself.... and no man helping out... I call that single... Divorce? its a piece of paper!! That paper don't keep me warm at night... don't pay my bills... and doesn't feed my kids... I am single.. whether the paper says so or not....
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 591
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/4/2006 9:10:05 AM
YES....Seperated is DEFINATELY single....any status that involves being alone...and without a partner....is Single!!!

I'm going to jump over to the more conservative side of this argument now.

This statement INCORRECT. Labelling all separated folks as single is just as bad if not worse than labelling all of them undateable. You get in lots of trouble I say if using labels to help you understand complex situations. You merely confine yourself to ignorance doing stuff like this.

There are lots of people using the separation as a "license to cheat".

Often the separatee is the one causing their relationship problems, and that's why they are alone. To me, I throw them into the same "undateable" category along with all the other single and divorced women I'd never want to date.

I'm not thinking of "separated" in the legal sense, which is different in each state, I have no idea what goes on north of the border, whether it's provincial, local, or whatever.

I've learned that I have better chance of happiness if I EXPAND my dating horizons. That's why I have an open mind toward dating separatees. Many times the separatee has been divested emotionally from their relationship long before they became legally separated. Since I understand this, I don't automatically lump separatees into some dysfunction undateable bucket.


A married person is just that - a married person. He doesn't belong to you. The marriage is legally binding and the union is spiritually binding. So no. Separated is not single.

Incorrect. In the US there are different laws defining one as having a legally separated status. In those states they aren't married, they are separated. Your blanket description doesn't work here.

What you stated about being spiritually bound is highly questionable as well. I would imagine there are lots of marriages where one party was unfair to the other, where's the spiritual binding in that???
 albinobutterfly
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 594
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 4:44:32 PM
to me personally seperated is single

but my only problem is its one thing to be sepereated and even divorced

but all cause he is physically seperated from his wife doesnt mean his emotions are
 steve_lv
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 595
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 6:17:32 PM
IMO separated is totally single. I haven't been with my wife for over a year. We are 100% done. Just waiting for the paperwork to go through. She's gone on with her life, and I'm now going on with mine. Definetly believe separate is single.
 knopper3
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 598
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:59:58 PM
No, "separated" is not single. I don't think people who are separated and trying to date are really serious about committing to a relationship. They need to get off the fence and either get a divorce or go back to their spouse.
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 602
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 12:47:57 AM
considering, contrary to popular belief, their is no such thing as separation papers. One may sign something, but it all depends on the situation. For example, my wife and I are separated, with no chance, (so I'm told) of reconciliation, and we drafted our own agreement, 1) to be civil (we have a daughter, who stands as a whole to lose the most), and 2) to save money on lawyer fees. Surprisingly, we split everything without any arguments at all. BUT, once we had the contract drawn up and things in place (child support, house settlement, etc.) I was very adament in informing her (since this was her choice, the divorce) that once I signed that contract, it was to be treated and interpreted as if the divorce was final.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 603
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 7:13:48 AM
seperated = in between , unsure, not willing to commit to a divorce just yet.
that to me = NOT SINGLE!

kinda wanting to test the waters but knowing you can go back to your spouse if the grass isn't greener on the other side!

not fair to anyone involved if you are really not sure. yes many people have been seperated for years- that's not who I mean - I'm talking about the fence sitters.

Had an experience once with a seperated man , assured me time and time again he wasn't in love with his "wife" , blah blah you know the drill, ended up going back to her - there was a child involved so I can understand it's never easy.
 RBM
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 604
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:29:30 AM
To me, separated is not single.

Several times I've chatted/emailed/talked with/met women who were separated, and more often than not, the first thing that they talked about was the drama going on in their lives from being separated. "He showed up at my house this morning!" "He's seeing someone else!" "I got together with him and had sex last night, and now I'm feeling (fill in the blank)."

And so on, ad nauseum.

There is simply too much emotional baggage left unchecked.

And the possibility of reconciliation exists. It happens.

I do not respond to profiles that say "separated" for those reasons. I prefer to communicate with someone who is 2-3 years post divorce.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 605
view profile
History
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:51:14 PM
My profile states that I will only date divorced or widowed. They had better have been "Single" for a few years, and they will still have to convince me that they have got over their baggage before I will spend any time with them.


Morie
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