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 legallyblonde38
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 606
Is separated single?Page 12 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
separated still means you are married. I have met some men on this site who say they are divorced and have not even filed, be careful of that word, it is a red flag
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 611
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 7:37:22 AM
From the responses, those who are separated say separated is single, and those who are divorced and widowed say that separated isn't single. Amazing that once people have taken the time to heel, and got the divorce, then most of them realize that separated isn't single and won't date separated people.
 JavaMage
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 612
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:12:10 AM
Keep in mind that some states have legal minimums for how long you must be separated without "grounds".

In my case, my wife and I simply aren't in love, and we wanted to give each other the chance to find someone we do love. She's dating a really nice guy, and we're still friends, but we both know we're "done".

We need to wait one year in Maryland; been six months so far.

-- Scott
 Goldeneyed1
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 613
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:42:51 AM
My reply isn't specifically to sunshine, but there are reasons for separating and not divorcing that have nothing to do with game-playing or dishonesty. I am separated for over 10 years now. Marriage was over in ALL ways, more than 15 years ago. I started exploring divorce about 12 years ago, then we discovered that my "ex" was very ill with the most serious form of Multiple Sclerosis. I put the divorce on hold to get through the diagnosis and decision phase, got him into a good extneded car facility that had a special unit just for MS patients. Then found out that in my state, MN, divorce laws dictate that if I divorce him now that he ahs been declared 100% disabled, I am forced by the courts to support him. This meant selling my house in order to pay him 50% of the value, then giving him 50% of the difference between my GROSS income and his. This would have left me without a place to live, and with very limited means to find someplace else that was decent, and would have given him too much income to qualify for the assistance that pays 100% of his medical expenses. Bottom line - if I stay "married" to him, I keep my house, I keep my ability to support myself without help, and he keeps his medical care.
Am I single - you bet I am! I haven't seen him or spoken to him in almost 4 years, am not involved in his life at all, and don't want to be. He has hated me since I agreed with his doctors that he needed full-time care, so he doesn't care what I do. My family, including our adult son, is fully supportive of me moving on with my life and finding a partner to share that life.
I am sure that doesn't change any minds out there. In fact, if it makes you feel vindicated in your beliefs, I am constantly hit on by men as young as 20, looking for "lessons", and by men of all ages who think that because I am separated, I am an easy mark for a fling. Both groups are wrong about my intentions, but you probably think I deserve the attention from these jerks. I attract a better group of men when I list my status as divorced - so at least give me credit for being honest up-front!
 allh2h
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 619
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/8/2006 1:56:57 PM
I do not know how common law works, if there isn't a need for a divorce with that then I'd say single.
 smile14
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 620
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/8/2006 2:56:53 PM
Yes, you are right, but there are to many different situations. My husband left a year ago and he was living with other woman two weeks after. I still separated but not divorce. The Florida law say "No fault state" and 50% division of any marital things. Yes I will like some advise from you because I don't think that my lawyer is doing much of anything. We are having a pre-hearing with the judge on June 2 and I will like to know a little about what can I do and also what can I say. One more thing, my ex to be is only thinking in money, money, money, not about our son or 17 years of marriage. Would you advise me please?
 alaiyo2
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 621
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/9/2006 9:55:55 PM
I think that separated can mean much the same thing as single, but that it doesn't always. If someone is "trying out" being without their partner, that could be a very legitimate red flag. But in my case, for example, the legal status is just a formality we have to finish. Not a fear of really closing the door on the ex-relationship. If you see someone being honest enough to say they are separated, ask them about it. If they tell you that they share a house with their "spouse" and are planning at some point to move on, proceed with caution. If they say, "My ex lives in another province and we have no interest in having anything to do with each other, even after all this time," you can be pretty safe in treating this person like a "single".

~~~~Alaiyo
 rainieday
Joined: 5/3/2004
Msg: 622
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/10/2006 5:41:55 AM
It really depends on the person and the situation. I am divorced but when in VA we had to be separated for a year before the divorce was final. I don't feel it is right that a person must put their life on hold and not see other people for that long, if it's over it's over. But there are some cases where a couple may be separated but to them it may meen taking some time apart and dating to see if they missed out on something more. I don't think I would date someone who has only been separated for a very short time because there are still very strong feelings that can not go away overnight and takes some time. I don't think I started dating again until about 5months into the separation because I didn't feel it was fair to someone else to go out with them if I wasn't really ready emotionally even though I knew there was no chance of me and my ex getting back together. I think that in most cases that is safe to say a person is as good as being single when they are separated.
 jackie13
Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 623
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:13:37 AM
I think I would tell her to blow it out her a s s
 TruckerLuv34
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 626
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/13/2006 3:42:28 PM
Well I don't have the time to go through all 23 pages as I will probably lose my signal here in these mountains. However, I have read a few and see alot of varying opinions. I will save my own as they have been expressed already.

However I will ask a favor.


Ladies, I am the last one to admit that marraiges (spelling?) fail. I hated to see mine go after 10 years. Do I have feelings about it? Yes of course. Does it stop me from wanting to move on? Not at all.

I have emailed a few nice ladies I felt would be a nice challenge for me. A few came back (rather brutally for a few) with the fact that I was either a truck driver, or seperated, or both in a few of them.

Don't label us guys in one lump sum. Look at each scenario first. There are guys like me that want to find a new lady to share his time and feelings with. The guy to be there and help fix the house, or play with the kids. Whatever the case may be.

I am trying like hell to be single again and do it right. I haven't had to date in almost 12 years. I have no damn clue what to say, when to say it, or what to do.

For me, it's the financial end. Everywhere we looked, it was upwards of 3 grand to get a divorce. Even with my income that is more than we can do. Trish and I seperated on good terms, so there is no hostility there. One lady on here told me on the phone how to get a divorce uncontested so it's cheaper. Now with that info, I may be divorced within the next 4 weeks. But still, please, look at each person's case before labeling him.


.............you might just miss out on the very same guy you have been looking for.
 Sweet Euphoria
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 633
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 7:57:41 PM
I've been legally separated for over 7 years now. I have not sought a divorce because I really do believe my ex should be the one to file. He left myself and my children to be with my ex-best friend. I figure he made the choices ..he should finish it. At this point in my life, I'm not heavily involved with anyone that would warrant a divorce. I haven't had one man I've dated complain about my situation. I think it would be painfully obvious that my ex and I will never get back together and it's been a very long time since I became emotionally available to love again. I gave myself a year after he left before I even considered dating. Enough time to get my head on straight. Of course the time frame does depend on the individual. I do, however think twice about dating men that have been recently separated.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 635
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:10:51 PM
Many people who get separated legally just stay that way rather then go through the expense of a divorce when they have no immediate plans for marriage in place.

Doesn't mean they wouldn't get divorced if it was important to the person they were currently with or wanted to marry. It also is NOOOOO indication that they have plans getting back with their spouse.

I put divorced simply because I don't want people to think I'm recently separated. Its been almost 10 years now and at least 7 since I last saw him. I'd have to track him down first to even get one.

I didn't get divorced because of complications which occurred when the marriage was registered. A divorce will cost me quite a bit more than if that little glitch hadn't happened. Not to mention he's approached me twice saying he was going to take care of it then I never heard back from him again (any wonder we broke up?).

I would love it if he would pay for it. But chances are he won't and at some point when I do have that kind of extra money laying around I will pay for it myself.

It's never been an issue with any guy I've dated.
 timmins911
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 636
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:27:49 PM
Hey, my 2 cents. I'm seperated, not divorced for one reason. It isn't necessary. As with most of my ex's (not many), my ex wife and I are friends now. Not close friends, but no enemies. Neither of us needed to pay lawyers big $ to say we were done. It just seems to be a question of honesty between people. Fyi, I'm seperated for 8 years and have meet her new guy about 6 months ago (had me over for coffee). I am happy my ex has a new love, who isn't limited by small stuff. Peace.
 sweet-tart
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 637
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 9:34:54 PM
Hey all,
Just wanted to share this. . .I am seperated myself, but I would be very cautious about dating a guy who said they were seperated, cauese I know a girl who was seperate from her husband for almost 10 years and they got back together. It just doesnt seem final enough, ya know?

~Linds
 sassyvgirl
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 643
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 9:23:47 PM
Well, technically, I guess it's not....you are still legally married.

It's a personal choice for me not to date men that are "separated"....I know people that do and they are fine with it...
 hazel,eyes
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 644
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 9:45:30 PM
i have been separated for almost 15 monthes now and have no intentions of ever going back .so if you dont want to date separated people dont ..why make a big issue out of it god people get a life
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 645
only stuck with the debt.......
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:46:14 AM
if a joint account. Again,in my situation, separated is as good as divorved. And actually, given your scenario, the ex goes into debt on their own (or, as stated by me before, that we agreed on certain things as far as bills),poor them. Personaly, and I have, one should make sure every base is covered before the ex get's an insanity fit.

What would I do? Nothing, except make sure my daughter was still taken care of, because that was part of the deal.
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 646
Technically...............
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:51:01 AM
define it.There is a big difference between bullshitters out looking for ass, and ones who know the real deal as far as their pending divorce. I really do respect your opinions on the sep/div deal, but you should be able to tell who's full of shit or not.
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 647
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:58:01 AM
"you may not feel married, but you are."

Bullshit bro,why should that supposed legality override the wrongdoing of another, or even two that have agreed to part ways amicably? Again,I'll say there is no such thing as actual 'separation papers', as in, the old way of thinking we'll all carry them with us. Why does just about everyone seem to think separation is the equivalent of a high school break up?
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 648
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 1:03:18 AM
"It seems all I meet are still legally married men. "But then nobody knows what I have been through on all of these dating sites I have been on."

Well,then stop hitting all the sites. I'mnot condemning you for dating, but your choice of men (or their interest in you) hinges on what you emulate.
 RBM
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 649
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 3:22:40 AM
Define it?

Okay.

Single = legally able to get married.
 hazel,eyes
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 650
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 4:45:11 AM
ha ha your a funny guy single = being able to get married. i cant speak for every one here that has been married BUT i know for me i would never make the stupid mistake ever again
 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 651
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 5:06:17 AM
Now, now Hazel......he said legally 'able' to get married. He didn't say anything about wanting to. Personally, Being single (never married), I think it's a good definition.

Read all 27 pages. You'll see that people that are separated (as in - not divorced) overwhelmingly consider separated to be single. You'll also see that most (I didn't say all) people that are not married, consider separated to be "not single".

What you see apparently depends on where you are standing when you're looking.
 Esperanza143
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 652
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 6:01:15 AM
Bottom line in the scheme of things...if you state that you are seperated and it does not fit the "normally defined" terms ...then if you are serious enough to ask another person to date...or even to meet for coffee...then the full disclosure of an atypical "seperation" would be reasonable and prudent, to include in the discussions, either prior to a date or meeting, although if only meeting for a coffee....to hear that for the first time face to face would be much nicer than to get it emailed or chatted....
It takes a great leap of faith to buy into the litany of reasons people choose as their rationale to remain within a relationship...while outside of it as well..and what works for one person does not necessarily work for another.

Obviously many men and women have been burned by this scenario, to have this size of thread, but there is also rays of sunshine.
 rvlvr
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 653
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 8:21:38 AM
Well, I've been seperated for 5 yrs now, don't want it back, and want to move on. Financially it's a tax thing, so untill miss right comes along, why spend the money. never hear from her, don't see her and I'm 150 miles away from her, no kids and no regrets, she bankrupt me, and all i can say is good ridens.....Now, where's all the NICE women, who want a nice guy, that just wants to get on with life....and snuggle a bit..
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