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 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 524
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Is separated single?Page 12 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
I take offense to the statement made by delytful regarding " bogus excuses for why married people should be allowed to sleep around".....please rethink that statement. I've been separated almost 2 years and I DO NOT sleep around. I have had one relationship during that time that I have no regrets about. The person that I was involved with knew my situation, knew that I was legally separated with no intentions of a reconciliation, and was fine with it. Now recently, I met someone who seemed to be interested; but like some people, decided it was better not to date because I have not completely severed the tie. It's fine with me if a man thinks that I am not available because I haven't cut all communication with the "spouse/former husband". I'm not hard pressed to remarry and simply would like to go out, go to dinner or movies, sit on my porch and drink coffe.....in other words, I'd like social interaction. For some of us, it's not about finding a reason to sleep around; it's about finding a decent person that we can communicate, have some fun, and keep as great friends (if it never goes to another level).
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 525
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/26/2006 1:15:53 PM
THANK YOU Beaches.....that post was great. Some of us have kids and CANNOT cut all communication with the former spouse to be, and there are some of us who refuse to allow the end of a marraige affect our children and therefore make sacrifices and try their best to maintain a friendly relationship because believe it or not to all you anti-spearated people... THE ONLY PERSON WHO SUFFERS IN THE END IS THE CHILDREN. say what you will about those of us who are separated, but again you may very well be passing up the one who could really make you the happiest.. so whos loss is it really?
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 530
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 9:59:28 AM
I'm no bible thumper, but after reading the majority of the replies, its obvious that the separated people are excusing their behavior.. I suppose its only human to bend the tree in their favor.

If the divorce is not final, then you are separated although single if you live in different residences.. If you still reside in the same home you AREN'T single Or separated...

It is simple Logic, and none of my business unless I am being lied to. Then it is complete deception and it is plainly WRONG..

Just be truthful about it..
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 532
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:23:44 AM

Will this thread ever end?

Not as long as I read blanket descriptions of separated people.

its obvious that the separated people are excusing their behavior.. I suppose its only human to bend the tree in their favor.

Incorrect. This is not a black/white issue. There are shades of gray. Haven't you read the plethora of different scenarios from these separated people? The majority of separated people posting here are not looking to wash their hands from the relationship. Just move on from a painful experience which they have mentally have recognized as being reconciliation.

If the divorce is not final, then you are separated although single if you live in different residences.. If you still reside in the same home you AREN'T single Or separated...

True, personally I wouldn't date a separatee if she were still living with her husband. Technically I'd say she isn't even separated. What's your point here?

It is simple Logic, and none of my business unless I am being lied to. Then it is complete deception and it is plainly WRONG..

Agreement here. If I am corresponding to a separatee and sense deception, it's a turn-off, I don't pursue anymore. Dating a separatee isn't easy, but I tend not to over-judge someone's behavior; as I have never been married, I can only guess what it is like to deceived INSIDE a marriage. Which is the plight of many separatees; I feel compassion toward people who have been wronged by others, not disdain.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 533
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 10:38:15 AM
I clicked my heels three times but this thread still keeps going on

I guess there are no shortage of people willing to share their bad experiences and painfully gained wisdom here...it's all fair game and a reafirmation of the value of the forums even if we don't wish to see opinions counter to our way of thinking or living.

Seperated people rock like the rest!

Bandito
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 536
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:28:44 AM
mjr150 wrote:
A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single


I would have to say .. why didnt i think of posting that? I will introduce anyone i am dateing to my " wife". it may be a bit on the awkward side but .. then there is no doubt about the separation.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 537
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 11:31:27 AM
Its nice out today get out and enjoy yourself!

yes it is a nice day today, hopefully the evening will be nicer with a Flyers victory over the Sabres!

sorry i get tired of reading tired blanket answers to complex relationship questions. some people have to dumb down issues in order to understand them, i suppose. i'm not that dumb.

A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single.

Incorrect. Don't ASS-U-ME that because you don't see someone's family that they are not single. What if their family are a bunch of idiots, displaying immoral behavior that you disapprove of, etc. If you want to date someone from a solid family, that's one thing, but to blindly classify as "un-single" everyone who doesn't introduce you to their family is idiotic.
 poemer
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 538
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 12:12:31 PM
I would say no. Single to me means no legal ties to your former partner. I dated a seperated person in the past who was "legally seperated" by NH law, who stayed married for insurance reasons. Legally separated means "no new financial ties" to your former mate. You're still "bound" legally and financially up to the point you separated. NH law says you're still in a contract with your former and you shouldn't act outside that realm (of marriage) as a truly single person.
As far as I'm concerned if you want out then get out so both parties can move on and not be bound by any unfinished business. I got a "Pro-Say Divorce" with my former and it worked just fine. You don't have to pay Attorneys, you need to fill out the forms you get from the courts, meet with a mediator to settle whatever issues you may have, and go to court to a marital master to finalize it, legally. You needn't stay legally seperated for long with today's laws unless you want to.
 Reddwine
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 540
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 5:24:30 PM
NO, youre not single. Youre still married. I wont date a man that's separated. They either go back, or carry too much baggage, or talk trash about his wife, etc etc and blahblahblah.... Its just too much work for very little rewards. Get a divorce if you want my company.
 Reddwine
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 541
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/28/2006 5:38:12 PM
Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us.
 hoodovoodoun
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 545
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 2:42:23 AM
Unfortunately I as well as other, Im sure, have had relationships with people that were separated that were a disaster. Personally, on 2 ocassions, while dating someone who was separated, suddenly they decided to return to the spouse. Also separated people on dating sights may be looking for a quick bang to get even. I know I probably shouldnt, but I now shy away from any profiles that say separated. In your case since it has been 8 years, I would consider you single. So if you havent already done so, change your profile to reflect that. Most people, I believe, would understand your situation when it is revealed to them that you are actually separated.

Later
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 546
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 2:45:13 AM
lol....Thanks reddwine ...."Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us."

Ha.. we've got a 39 y/o, never been married, calling names and giving opinions about something he's never experienced.. other than dating separated people.. lol.. feeling guilty?

As I said, SOME of the Separated people bend the tree in their favor..The issue here is saying Single on a profile, when in fact the person is STILL in a contract of Marriage..

Thanks sunshine: "I am just wondering how 'bible thumper' and 'self righteous' came into the picture......we have threads to share viewpoints...but not to inflict name calling on ones that have opinions that differ....differing opinions make each of us unique.....and it is an expression of how each one of us feels on the subject....we, including me, might not agree with an individuals viewpoint....nonetheless....each is entitled"
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 547
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 10:45:48 AM

Bike boy.. give it up. Youre boring us.

Sorry redwine, you can have any opinion you like, however an intelligent person sees the grey in issues, it's not all black and white, perhaps your opinion can evolve, life isn't as simple as some make it out to be. People who see things in black and white quite frankly bore me.

Ha.. we've got a 39 y/o, never been married, calling names and giving opinions about something he's never experienced.. other than dating separated people.. lol.. feeling guilty?

I didn't call anyone a name--however if the shoe fits, wear it. BTW the fact that I've never been married has nothing to do with the issue of the "date-worthiness" of separated folks. You're mixing apples and oranges.

I don't feel guilty about getting to know separated women--the stories these ladies have told me about what kind of jackasses their husbands are, the irresponsibility of the husband's behavior, listening to all that actually makes me more resolved to have at most one marriage in my lifetime. Never being married is not I'm ashamed of, what's wrong with being selective and valuing your independence? I don't like making mistakes.

Proceeding to a divorce is a tough situation, it certainly isn't something that should NECESSARILY put your personal life in limbo. We only have one life to live on this earth, why should you be spending it with a jackass? Why should a separated person be concerned about how religious-types view them? Forcing someone to reconcile with a total irrecoverable jackass moron is against my religion.
 wildamythest
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 548
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 11:26:18 AM
I think the conditions surrounding the break up would decide if you are single while separated. If both parties are willing to let go and move on, then absolutely you are single and available......but if one or both are still holding on, then I would think you aren't ready to start dating or meeting anyone new.
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 551
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 8:50:30 PM
Bike Man, I don't have time to show you how many times you called people names, but I'll do it anyway..What the Heck!


Bike man says:

"I didn't call anyone a name"

"people, you're being damn foolish for NEVER considering to date separated people."

"so keep on living your life foolishly by labelling others with black and white colors;"

"giving open-minded people like me more chances of finding AWESOME people."

"You biblethumpers who are thumb their noses at separated people are a hoot!"

"Personally I think separated people generally have more class than many singles."

"Basically you're a fool if you label separated people"

"Another message to biblethumpers:"

"expand your mental capacities instead of confining them. Open your mind."

"yeah MA lots of people are SELF-RIGHTEOUS, they feel they don't make mistakes."

"use your brains, if you have any,"

"some people have to dumb down issues in order to understand them"

"i'm not that dumb."

"I didn't call anyone a name"


......Bike man, all you need is a Cape to go with the outfit, then you can save all the separated Damsels in distress...


lol..
 GoFyger
Joined: 1/9/2006
Msg: 553
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:11:25 PM
What ever happened to separation meaning that the couple is just not living together but still working on trying to fix the relationship? At least that's what it meant when I was growing up. So you're telling me now that "separate" in the year 2006 means something different? I don't date men who say they are separated because there is always that chance that he might go back to his wife. Stranger things have happened. Why risk it?
 youtouchedmysoul
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 556
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:50:52 AM
I would date a seperated person,but know in the back of your mind there is a chance they will try and fix things with there s.o. I just went thru this with someone I loved deeply and they decided to stay and fix things. It hurts,but I wished her well and I wish for her happyness, I told her that if things dont work out I maybe there and I may be not. For I can move on now and she cannot at this time.

I knew this time might come and had already started protecting my own heart!!!!!!!!!!!


The time we had together was beautiful,but the book is closed now.


For now she has the memmories of two to contend with as I only one.


youtouchedmysoul
 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 557
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:29:16 AM
Wow, this thread is still running. Well, kinda - now it's a "slam anyone who disagrees with me" thread. Oh yeah, and slam bikeman, too. Kinda off-topic, dontcha think? Anyhow, like I said many, many pages ago......separated is not single. Before I would go out with a woman that's separated, I'd need to get (some) details of the situation. Each instance is different, as has been pointed out about 450 times here.
 Reddwine
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 558
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:55:25 AM
(Sorry redwine, you can have any opinion you like, however an intelligent person sees the grey in issues, it's not all black and white, perhaps your opinion can evolve, life isn't as simple as some make it out to be. People who see things in black and white quite frankly bore me.)

OUCH. Why do you name call? You imply than Im not intelligent because I don't think your way? You want name calling? I can do that and in a polite way. Darlin' you're insulting, rude and condescending. Now all I hear from you is blah blahblah blahblah.

Its a nice day out, go ride your bicycle and take a deep breath. It will all be okay tomorrow.


p.s. single in the dictionary is defined as 'not married'.
 not high maintenance
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 559
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:54:39 PM
I would just like to comment on this statement.

A simple way to answer that question is to ask the person your dating to meet their family and friends. If he/she has to keep you secret, then they are not single.

FALSE.
EX: My ex had introduced his new girlfriend and her children to my in-laws on numerous occasions. At which time we were still together, going through counseling, etc. He actually brought her to his mother's to have sex with her when they first met. What a winner I divorced. My in-laws and I weren't speaking at this time. So, whether or not they believed what he told her (that the divorce was in the works) is another topic. Though I don't believe it would've mattered to them regardless.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 563
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:22:28 AM

What ever happened to separation meaning that the couple is just not living together but still working on trying to fix the relationship?


The term, common in the 60's/70 for this was "trial seperation" in the days where divorce still was not popular and not forthcoming by certain churches in some countries.

Few people today bother with "trial seperations". Even fewer marriage councilors suggest this as a method for repairing a marriage. Research shows the majority of seperations lead to divorce. If you think the majority of people that are physically seperated are looking to return to their marriage your wrong. However, that said, there are the minority that do so there does exist the possibility that seperated people will go back to their marriage as some posters have experienced.

Bandito

Btw...I just drop in from time to time on this thread to support the "seperated" but not divoced yet camp. I got a few months to go yet before I get my legal status set to divorced...yet another stigma to hit then
 bigteddybear
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 565
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 12:28:35 PM
There is a difference betweeen physical seperation and emotional separation. Physical would be just not intimate but still wanting that person back in there life. Emotional would be they are not in that relationship anymore and some cases like you mentioned still living with. But in that case how is that sparing the kids if one parent is bringing home dates while still living with the other parent. One would have to find out what level that separated person is on before getting "involved"
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 566
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 1:56:20 PM
I'm sorry if my thoughts on this topic were taken personally. I apologize for using invective language to describe my opinions on this topic and to color other's opinions as wrong and/or not well-thought-out. That is not the best way to anyone to help others see a wrinkle on a topic that they might have seen otherwise.

It's ok to disagree; I'd much rather have conversations with people who have strong opinions that those who have weak opinions.

It's obvious that this is a polarizing topic, let's live and let live.
 Malstyne
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 567
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:11:41 PM
I would view a seperated person in the same with as a married person. If you want your freedom get the divorce. There is no excuse for it to me. If you really want to "be apart" then get the hell apart already :) If you are using some excuse to stay "seperated" than you are obviously still dependant.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 568
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:22:35 PM
It is not single legally. But the issue to which we are referring to is whether they are being honest if they are dating. I think there are men out there who are separated and will remain so until they divorce and are not playing games and I think there are other men who are just d*cking around.

I have a friend who got separated, met a new lady while separated. Ended up marrying that new lady (still married after 6 ot 7 years). The ex-wife also found a new man and they have been together just as long.

Unfortunately for the men who are being honest about being separated and are actually really cutting ties, just haven't done so legally, the dis-honest men make it hard for them to date.

I have to say for myself I am not keen on dating a separated man. If I was to date a man who is separated, I would have to meet him initially outside of the internet dating world, through friends perhaps. And BTW, that's how my friends above met NOT online. BIG difference.
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