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 Rocky444
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 376
Is separated single?Page 16 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Yes separated is single if you are living in two different households. You're not separated if your in the same home. If you are not involved romantically and you are not getting any go get it and use a condom.
 Whatyousee ...
Joined: 4/26/2005
Msg: 377
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:15:01 AM
My 2 cents .....

Single is like virgin ...... You are a virgin once ... after you have sex you are never a virgin again .. even if you want to be or feel like you are. To tell anyone otherwise is not being honest.
You are single until you get married ... then you can never be single again. You either become seperated or divorced.

I think the real question here is not if you are seperated are you single again. It is more about being over and ready to move on.
Leagally you have to be seperated a year before you can get a divorce. For some when the seperation occurs it is over ... forever and always ... the rest is just paperwork. For others it is not over even after divorce .. some are scarred forever and will never be ready again.

Everyone is different. You can't make a blanket statement to cover everyone.

When you talk to someone you can tell if they have dealt with that part of life and have moved on or not. If they whine and complain and always talk about the ex then it is not over.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 378
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:10:10 AM
Haven't meet a man/women who is going through a separation that has little else in their mind. Don't want to hear about the drama. I have been widowed for several years now, and don't even think about it. I was actually glad when i finally forgot an aniversary date of my late husbands death - don't need past drama's in my head either.
 the computer guy
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 379
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:59:29 PM
as a receintly seperated man, i find it somewhat disheartening to see that some sites 'black ball' anyone NOT divorced.

there is one that will not even let you sign up if you are simply seperated.

in reading some forums... it seems that if you are newly seperated, you are treated like some sort of leper.

truth be told, if i could have done the seperation and divorce all at once, i would have.

looks like a 1 year minimum sentence must be served before a person is taken seriously...

i have noticed a few times... how the tone changes when the conversation goes from..
"so, how long have you been divorced?" to "just seperated?... oh, um well... ooh look at the time, gotta run now"

ok whew, i feel better now!


exit stage right

 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 380
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:09:50 PM
I wish plenty of fish would show your matches with their marital status attached to the photo, so I wouldn't spend time looking at profiles of separated men, or have to give them an explaination of why I won't date them. Those of us who are widowed or divorced didn't create the drama currently in separated people's lives. Think I will just say now, please see forum on is separate single. Please don't ask widowed or divorced people to share the (sentence as the last person put in) work you must do on your own healing. That's your job. We can't do it for you. We might want to help you, but it won't happen if we get in the way.
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 381
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:10:09 PM
yourdelights....nothing wrong with being stubborn in the right direction ya know...does not matter what has happened...well it has to you....but I agree....for her to move back in....not....what do you mean, however, that you paid for the legal separation?
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 382
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:13:28 PM
cegsfine.....email me.....you need to get out of that house
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 383
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:15:12 PM
thanks and well wishes....sheesh...doesnt happen to me...awwww I wonder why
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 384
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:18:06 PM
no.....separated is never single unless you have those papers to say....and there are many people living under the same roof that say they are single and looking but cannot afford to move out......opinion?
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 385
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:22:30 PM
yes, the concesus is that separated is married and I know canadian law.....and it does not really matter what any law says....when a marriage has got to the point of ending...esp after many years...there is a breathing period,,,,,a time of mourning so to speak....albeit a year....so be it....until then....reflect on who you are and what is next in your life
 paganbutterfly
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 386
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:30:33 PM
This forum just hit me where it hurts! My last relationship was with a man who was "separated". Funny how our relationship lasted only until his one year or "separation" was up. Can we say "killing time" boys and girls? I felt like such an idiot!
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 387
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:32:49 PM
I would presume that the killing time was with the fella....you are not an idiot at all.....consider it a learning experience
 paganbutterfly
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 388
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:37:20 PM
Believe me, the lesson was BRANDED into my brain. "Must not be married" couldn't have been checked faster!
 the computer guy
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 389
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:06:16 PM
Please don't ask widowed or divorced people to share the (sentence as the last person put in) work you must do on your own healing. That's your job. We can't do it for you. We might want to help you, but it won't happen if we get in the way.



you assume that all seperated people are all blubbering basket cases because a year hasn't passed?.. for me there was a huge weight lifted once the agreement was signed, i feel free and at peace.
just because some people may have required a few years to get over their ex.. please do not paint us all with the same broad brush and label us as 'damaged goods'.. i guess the same could be said for anyone still single after 2 years alone (what's wrong with her/him.. if there were a real catch, certainly they would be attached again... so if they are still single, whats wrong with them?

if you really feel strongly against the seperared-ones... ask POF to block access to all but singles and divorced... the seperated can be blocked like some of the other sites.

sorry if this is coming off like a raging flame, but i think that making a 'carved in stone' rule like not giving anyone seperated/divorced for less than 3 years the time of day is perhaps a bit short sighted.... possibly like assuming that any divorced woman will never be ready to get back into a serious relationship ever again.

i will agree that SOME folks are basket-cases for a while after splitting up.. SOME NEVER recover... 1 year or 10, divorce or NOT.

take the people on a case by case basis, please don't label me as some emotional cripple just because you or others you have known needed a year, then day 366 they were 'cured'.

let me be the devil's advocate for a moment.......
i guess the question is this... what is THE zone that dating is possible?
we know that it is NOT before the divorce is final, so how any months after the big D.. then the big question... whats the BEST BEFORE DATE? If after 2 years of divorced life are they ready for the compost heap?

OK i am done for now, back to the colony for me.
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 390
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 6:32:31 AM
^^^ agree with ya computer guy...you sick em boy!!!! grrrrrrrr
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 391
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 8:11:16 AM
My profile clearly states that I am only interested in dating widowed and divorced men. I get a lot of emails that say - "I am separated but my case is different." "Here is the story of why I am different and why you should date me." I am not interested in dating anyone who isn't listening to or respecting the lifestyle I have choosen to live. You are welcome to think that there is something wrong with me because I haven't rushed out to get a new partner. When and if I remarry it will be because I have found the right partner for me, and not a moment sooner.
 jcstjean
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 392
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:16:17 AM
The answer is NO cause just think about the xtra bagage a person gots to offer you Children if yes more power to you. I'm not knocking people down with children that is part of ones life believe me

there is the emotionall stress that the partners as to live with the bad feelings and all this good stuff. you dont need a picture do ya. i speak with experience and sometimes i want to hide in the deepest places. Of course many of you will think otherwise cause your living in denial. I undesrstand separation is the tuffest thing will ever well the majority of humans will face. Just take the time get that baggage of your shoulder yes cry do what you have to I know you will come out of it a winner in the end not a weiner (spelling good) cause you are a winner its the other person that is the yunno what (wow bold hey) and than live your life to the fullest cause you know why THERE IS PLENTYOFFISH OUTHERE. and there is one that is going to meet the eyes i know.

PS dont hide that xtra baggage it will show in the end we only hurt yourself and your partner and than your back to the drawing board all over again with more baggage to carry OUCH that hurts... And please dont pretend that your OK when your not. There is a process involve please accept it it will be easier on you and the person you want to please so much i could go on on and on and on but you get my drift

Regards

Jean-CLaude
 frokkisser2
Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 393
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 10:17:16 AM
...Is separated single?
[[[[...Message: I had a b/f once who told me he and his "wife" were living separate lives and just needed to sell the house before the split was final. We dated for 15 months ... and still ... he lived with her. Every week there was a new excuse for why the house was still not up for sale. Well ... I called off the relationship (when I caught him making a date with someone else). But years later ... learned that the "wife" knew absolutely nothing about any house sale or that they were splitting up. According to her, they were definitely married. I was very young and naive back then (20 yrs. old).

A few weeks ago ... I met with a friend who told me about a man she was seeing ... someone she really liked. He had been separated for 2 years ... and so she was positive that it wasn't a factor in their relationship. Well ... didn't he spend a weekend with the ex and kids (some big birthday bash) ... and they decided to get back together.

You just can never know. ...]]]

I know someone that was dating a "single" man that was living his "ex wife" in the same house for the sake of their 2 teenagers daughters
When she told me that I laughed What divorced man would still like to live in the same house with his ex???.
She did find out later that he was obviously still married
And yes...it happens:separate people might reconciliate with their ex's
That is the risk you have to take if you want to date a separate person
Some people consider themselves "single" when they are actually separated,so obviously is not the same thing,before the law that is still being married
 azscubaguy
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 394
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 10:37:55 AM
Of course separated isn't single, but it's much more important to understand both your dating goals and those of the person you're considering. I personally don't want to date someone who is separated or even recently divorced for several reasons: recent baggage is extra stress on a new relatationship, they are less likely to be ready for another long term relationship (my goal), and especially for the separated there is possibly competition and even a psycho jilted mate to deal with. Just not for me.
 asingle.redrose
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 395
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 11:50:48 AM
First off ...I'm new here so bear with me...This is my 1st forum I've joined in on…but it seems to hit home. When I was going through my divorce (separated) I met a really cool guy ( I can say that it was 23 years ago, lol), when I told him I was separated he said, "Get the divorce, wait 6 mo, and call me if your interested", WOW I thought he was a real jerk then. Needless to say, we never spoke again. Soon after that I met the man that I spent the next 18 years with... not married... but we went through our divorces together (we were both separated when we met). Funny thing, when the divorce's were final...even though we had someone else in our life, we both found our heart's broken. But it also finalized something and we were able to move on. Now, when my LTR ended it did just that... ended. And without the divorce I didn't have anything to help finalize it. After I spent 6 MONTHS, with my best friends ANGER, and DISPAIR.. My ex B/F got married, and I realized... that cool guy years ago really WAS Cool (and smart too). Life got better and now I can be a contributor to a new relationship. Unless the strings are cut (divorce) or in my second case one of you marry, there will always be obstacles in the way of making a new relationship work. So I guess my answer would be "No" ....Hope I did this right LOL
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 396
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 10:56:48 PM
^^^^ I can't stay off this stupid thread! So you're saying that while you were separated, you met a guy that you spent the next 18 years with. And what was the rest? I've been waiting a while to hear a testimonial from someone who has found success dating someone who was separated. Waiting in vain, up til now, because those who have found success are not here. 18 years isn't bad.
Lots of testimonials from those who've dated someone who was separated and it didn't work out. So now you all are having much better success with your better criteria? No. You all are still here.
 AntiSocial2
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 397
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/3/2006 9:50:40 AM
I am a "seperated" woman. Have been for 3 years. I won't pay for the divorce because he already ended up with everything, (most I had paid for). I wanted out so bad and he wouldn't agree to the divorce, I left with my cat and my clothes. I may be alone with nothing, but it was a releif compared to married life. I will NEVER go back. Just waiting til I NEED a divorce, or he does. If he wants one, he will pay for it. Marriage is the biggest trap in life if you end up unhappy.

Also.......... some don't divorce because of children, or money, etc........ This doesn't mean they WANT to be IN the marriage. If they have lived APART from their spouse for quite awhile, it isn't really a marriage is it? Even Uncler Sam agrees with me. I am allowed to file as single.
 asingle.redrose
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 398
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:11:06 PM
Well stillinlimbo... The rest is we raised our children...he hated the empty nest... he found someone that had small children decided he liked the idea of starting over with a family ...I loaded my car with whatever I could get in it ... $400 in my pocket and drove from Ca to the Florida Panhandle.. had $35 to my name and started pumping gas.... gotta have a job to find a job. The main reason our realation worked thru the separations was because we were fighting all the evils together. That's a rarity... but who knows if we'd waited til we were both divorced and then gotten married.... maybe instead of a LTR we would've had a Life Time Commitment. We had lived together for 2 years before both divorces were over... He didn't want to "mess up a good thing" by signing a paper. Now...it's all or nothing!!! I want the LTC this time. So my motto.... Get the divorce ...wait 6 mo and if your still interested call me... Hmmm...Where have I heard that before?
 EbonBetta
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 399
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/3/2006 11:12:50 PM
ok so my head is spinning... seperated is NOT single....
But there is also a lot of crock in a lot of what I have read here...
Are we only talking about JUST finding friends or an activity partner ?
There is NO way in hell I will remarry anytime soon and with or with out a divorce that will not be happening. Why you may ask....Money says I
Both me and my ex receive our checks from the government.
So here's a question ? If I divorce I will have to pay alimony. IF she gets alimony wont the fed then reduce her payment? So I lose bucks..she gets bucks from me and they turn around and she loses more bucks ? So what money does she raise my daughter on ?
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 400
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:30:14 AM
^^^I agree ebonetta, there is a lot of crock in what is being said burried amongst the carnage of some failed relationships between single and not-single people.

However if you changed the question around slightly to hooking up with peoplke rebounding from LTR's that were not married...ie living together or LTR, you would
get similar horror stories of going back to their ex's.

There are plenty of responsible seperated people here that are not here dating, not here looking for relationships other than friendship or companionship, that are viable matches to other single, seperated, divorced or widowed matches.

So what are the general things you can learn from this post.
1) Not wise to "date" people that are still living together with their ex's
2) Not wise to "date" people on the rebound
3) After exiting a LTR, one should wait up to a year before dating
4) LTR with someone that is seperated is risky if you are looking to get married in the near future
5) People dating people that are newly seperated do have to deal with the fact that the person is in an adjustment phase specially if there are kids involved. This isn't necessarly a negative thing in fact it can be quite positive.
6) Dating and relationships are risky things to begin with. A certain number of opinions were expressed not to stack the odds against you by dating a seperated person. I
personally don't dispute this just the judgement is required first in assessing what that risk is rather than flatly ruling out all seperated people,

This thread keeps on living which is a good thing even though I don't agree with
a significant number of posts. Free speach and thought rules!

Banadito
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