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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 752
Is separated single?Page 17 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)

I've gotten to the first date with two women from here who have told me that they are no longer in my dating pool for a second date because they've gone back to old boyfriends.

Feeniks, STOP trying to be reasonable and logical! Don't you know all separatees are weak-minded, and all "single" folks are upstanding citizens?
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 753
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/13/2006 3:18:41 PM
I hope you are being sarcastic, bike_man. I for one am currently separated, and I do not find that it is a weak-minded state. Because of the he11 my STBX put me through, there is NO way I would EVER go back to her. Besides, I am better off now than I was all through the marriage. Remember, it is great to be single, but not all singles are upstanding citizens. I have seen singles on this site who are NOT. Don't mean to slam on you in particular, but generalizing an entire group, come-on....
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 754
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/14/2006 3:02:19 PM
The question isn't " Is separated single? " the question is " define separated? "


a)To set or keep apart; disunite.
b) To space apart; scatter: small farms that were separated one from another by miles of open land.
c)To sort: separate mail by postal zones

My point is that you can classify yourself as being single if you are separated and not wanting to work things out with your " ex " ,however I wouldn't consider myself single if there was still a chance of working things out with my " ex "


a) Consisting of one part

Now ask yourself are you single...

Love and thoughts from,
Drew 3:16

lol :)
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 757
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/14/2006 4:49:32 PM
No. But seperated is.
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 759
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/15/2006 6:39:34 PM
OK so Seperated is still leagly married;So What If both have gone their seperate ways and he/she is dateting;I see nothing wrong with Him/Her(You) dateing.Just because nither one of you have went to the expence to hire an attorney.No Big Deal--UNLESS--You and Your Current SO Deside to marry then a Divorce Is A Must.The person /persons who want date a seperated man/woman just isn't with it and not living in the 21st century in my opinion and that is only my opinion and YES Everyone has an opinion and if they disagree with mine that is ok that is their right and I respect them for exercising that right.I'm not Slaming/Slandering or putting anyone down they have a right to their opinion.So They Don't agree with me --So What-- no big Deal.
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 760
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:01:09 PM
I Think your post is the most senable thing I've read so far here.I think you are probably doing the right thing.Although I'm Sure that there are some out there that would Disagree and say you still have a thing with your wife.After reading your post I doubt that you do.In my Opinion it is very noble and responcable thing you are doing.I say go for it Take care of the kids see the x has a good job to help support them.Stick with it Friend no matter what anyone else thinks or says.You are Quite A Man and have my Respect and Admiration
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 762
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/16/2006 2:54:29 AM
Well I think it depends on the people. I was not divorced yet but dating a guy and he helped me with my divorce. But my ex had been gone for months before I started dating. So I would say its single it depend on how you view it!!!!! But I also was in the prosses of getting my divorce.
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 763
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/16/2006 3:43:31 AM
Seperated is NOT single. There are a lot of emotional changes one has to go through AFTER the divorce is final. I go by the one year rule, NO dating the first year after the day the judge signs the papers.
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 765
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:51:24 PM
I haven't read all 32 pages of this thread, but thought I'd put in my two cents anyway.
Isn't it really about the person you are considering dating? I was "separated" for just over a year before my divorce was final, and dating during that period helped me emotionally during that period, but I certainly wasn't ready for a serious relationship, so it was good for me but probably not good for anyone who might have wanted to form something serious with me. But other people are probably in a much different place emotionally from that: everyone is different just as every marriage/divorce is different. The danger is always there that they will go back to their spouse, but that could happen whether the divorce is final or not (and there is no guarantee that they might not meet someone else anyway, just as in any relationship--they are all risks). However, I think that the one great barrier for me in dating a separated guy would be if he was living in the same house with his wife--that, for me, would be a deal-breaker, whatever the financial situation, etc. Whether I trusted him or not I couldn't handle it (and I'm not particularly inclined to jealousy), and it is hard for me to imagine how anyone could. Wouldn't it have to be an issue, somehow, in a negative way?

Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 766
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:58:05 PM
That's such a hard question. I knew someone who is separated for over 5 years. My question is then why not get divorced?

But the bottom line is NO!!
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 767
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:01:42 PM
go online to mydivorce dot com i believe it is....file the paperwork yourself!!
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 768
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:02:55 PM
I'm in somewhat the same place. I was emotionally separated from my husband. But some how thought that the love that we had would magically repersent it's self. Well you can see just how far that got me. I'm 23 years old and going though the same thing my mother went through with my dad. Oh God, for me to be so young and go though all this for this man. Well, all that I can say is pray for me cause I'm going to need all the help that I can get.
Now it's not hard to sleep but it's hard to be not just lonely but now alone.
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 769
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/19/2006 10:27:12 AM
It depends on your comfort level. I personally feel that a person hasn't moved on, be it physically or emotionally, unless they are divorced. Moving on for another person is also not right. You divorce because you want to, not because someone else wants you to. I would like to be with someone who is free!
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 777
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 5:58:29 AM
^^^^well I guess if he was was really worth in it your eyes then it wouldn't ahve mattered, not to me anyways. Life happens and unfortunetly she can do this shiit AFTER it is over with too...comes with the territory of an ex-wife/husband. Name of the game. If you do not want baggage you need to stay away from men that are divorced period...just my 2 cents.

Even though my ex was divorced she still put us through of the game hun.
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 779
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 10:19:10 AM
I am separated and I think yes, we live in separate houses, we barely talk and is 100% no chance of fixing it. The problem is that most women hear this, and you automatically have the mark of the beast on your forehead and become undatable no matter what kind of guy you are. Or so has been my experience so far
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 783
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:23:46 PM
A good decision, is too short and there are no guarantees, so, you have to play the percentages.....and the odds are just a little much in favor of the house when you are in a situation like that........

Just got out of "Baghdad" myself......relatively intact......will keep the postcards and that's about it! :)
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 784
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:56:11 PM
No way is separated single. You have to be careful because in God's eyes you are still married and it would be considered adultery. You dont have to spend money on a lawyer if you and your husband agree to everything. Just remember in a divorce if you fight then it will cost you more money.
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 786
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 6:54:52 PM
Separated means not getting along with the Wife right now. Miserable, angry and just horny. Reconcilliartion with the Wife is still possible, and maybe his Wife isn't even aware that they
are separated.
Steer clear. Separated = Married.
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 787
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 7:54:27 PM
Hi sunshine;

I'm totally stunned by the many negative replies to your question.....As we mature we realize (or should) that generalities do not apply to specific situations.....May I remind everyone here that Jacqueline Kennedy, undoubtedly the most elegant, courageous first lady ever; dated, was committed to a married man for the last ten years of her life. He was at her bedside when she died. Why he was not divorced is family? politcs?...When one is young and seeking to start a family of course you can't be merely separated, but later.....Things, situations arise that can put a different spin on how we feel about a belief.

So no separated isn't single, but it is not unacceptable.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 789
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/2/2006 1:47:25 PM
Just to let you know right from the start, You are a GREAT man. I hope you know that and I'm sure your wife knows that also.

My husband and I have just recently seperated. He is a truck driver over the road. Us keeping life as normal as possible makes the transition better and easier for everyone for many different reasons.

The greatest factor is that we can still be friends without any hate. A family with hate isn't a happy family.

Was so happy to see that my husband isn't the only terrific man out there.

Take care.

Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 790
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 1:51:57 PM
My 2 cents to add to why the paperwork is just that paperwork. In this day and age how many people don't get married at all but still live together have kids do all the same things married people do. As a few seperater people in this forum have stated. By the time you start to date again after a seperation you have already gone thru many lets try again and emoyional situations. My particular case is op allow her to get on her feet before I cut off the medical insurance. If your worried about baggage I don't know anyone over the age of 18 that don't have at least one bad break-up. I can go back to high school and remember X girl/boy friends that tried to break up anything new. This will be a factor for everyones entire life. The one thing I have not read yet is honesty. Think about this if I select seperated instead of single then I am being honest. I have a public web page on MySpace where my X {who is a friend also) can see my friends and even e-mail them. I could sneak around by putting single but I don't because I don't Lie. I would rather date someone who is honest than worry about lables. I did the myspace thing so that any potential dates could see thet I am not sneaking around. In any situation take into account that the Man or Women stating they are seperated are at least being honest.
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 791
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 2:07:40 PM
Is separated single? In the eyes of the very religious obviously not. Some of us are not religious however and separated can very well mean single to us. In Canada for instance (and in some states as I understand it) you must stay separated for a year before you can apply for a divorce. If that's the case why should you have to wait for an arbitrary time period before you can really be single.

So if you have decided, after trying for years to make it work - that it will not work. If you have committed to leaving. If you've really moved out - in every conceivable way - and are not looking to go back - what else can you be but single?

If your beliefs prevent you from being with someone who has not divorced yet - they stay away.

Tazman's post is right on - if someone puts "Separated" on their profile they are being honest. What else can we ask of people.
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 792
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:08:26 PM
I am not legally divorced. I filed for divorce waited my 90 days signed my final divorce papers but he wont sign them. To top it off he is living with his ex girl friend in a different state. In my eye I see that I am divorced because I signed the papers.
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 793
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:02:26 PM
Seperated to me means; I'm looking around, I may or may not go back with my wife, We may end up going to counseling, people will think your a Bi_ch if we do get divorced, and will you do the "deed" while I'm thinking this stuff over???
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 794
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:37:31 PM
As long as the state is involved in the marriage, then thats one person too many.

Separated people are, for all intents and purposes, still married.

I think to be fair, separated people still do not have their finances completed sorted out until they get a divorce. Even immediately after a divorce, you'll still see possible complications with the legal bills, various bills, etc.

I hate to say it, but as a male, you have to really think hard on this kind of deal. You don't want to be the safety valve for a codependent who is trading one paycheck for another. Often recently divorced people are living at a quality of life lower than when they were married. If they have kids, that compounds the financial issues even more.

I think its a good idea to have a clear idea what you consider deal breakers from not only an emotional 'separation' but also a financial 'separation' They just aren't the same thing and they don't always come packaged together.
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