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 Pi
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 757
Is separated single?Page 18 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
No. But seperated is.
 Bearmun
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 759
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/15/2006 6:39:34 PM
OK so Seperated is still leagly married;So What If both have gone their seperate ways and he/she is dateting;I see nothing wrong with Him/Her(You) dateing.Just because nither one of you have went to the expence to hire an attorney.No Big Deal--UNLESS--You and Your Current SO Deside to marry then a Divorce Is A Must.The person /persons who want date a seperated man/woman just isn't with it and not living in the 21st century in my opinion and that is only my opinion and YES Everyone has an opinion and if they disagree with mine that is ok that is their right and I respect them for exercising that right.I'm not Slaming/Slandering or putting anyone down they have a right to their opinion.So They Don't agree with me --So What-- no big Deal.
 Bearmun
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 760
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:01:09 PM
I Think your post is the most senable thing I've read so far here.I think you are probably doing the right thing.Although I'm Sure that there are some out there that would Disagree and say you still have a thing with your wife.After reading your post I doubt that you do.In my Opinion it is very noble and responcable thing you are doing.I say go for it Take care of the kids see the x has a good job to help support them.Stick with it Friend no matter what anyone else thinks or says.You are Quite A Man and have my Respect and Admiration
 Lovingmom1981
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 762
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/16/2006 2:54:29 AM
Well I think it depends on the people. I was not divorced yet but dating a guy and he helped me with my divorce. But my ex had been gone for months before I started dating. So I would say its single it depend on how you view it!!!!! But I also was in the prosses of getting my divorce.
 DriverKen51
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 763
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/16/2006 3:43:31 AM
Seperated is NOT single. There are a lot of emotional changes one has to go through AFTER the divorce is final. I go by the one year rule, NO dating the first year after the day the judge signs the papers.
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 765
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:51:24 PM
I haven't read all 32 pages of this thread, but thought I'd put in my two cents anyway.
Isn't it really about the person you are considering dating? I was "separated" for just over a year before my divorce was final, and dating during that period helped me emotionally during that period, but I certainly wasn't ready for a serious relationship, so it was good for me but probably not good for anyone who might have wanted to form something serious with me. But other people are probably in a much different place emotionally from that: everyone is different just as every marriage/divorce is different. The danger is always there that they will go back to their spouse, but that could happen whether the divorce is final or not (and there is no guarantee that they might not meet someone else anyway, just as in any relationship--they are all risks). However, I think that the one great barrier for me in dating a separated guy would be if he was living in the same house with his wife--that, for me, would be a deal-breaker, whatever the financial situation, etc. Whether I trusted him or not I couldn't handle it (and I'm not particularly inclined to jealousy), and it is hard for me to imagine how anyone could. Wouldn't it have to be an issue, somehow, in a negative way?

 azsunshine72
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 766
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:58:05 PM
That's such a hard question. I knew someone who is separated for over 5 years. My question is then why not get divorced?

But the bottom line is NO!!
 sassypeach67
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 767
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:01:42 PM
go online to mydivorce dot com i believe it is....file the paperwork yourself!!
 Nature23
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 768
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:02:55 PM
I'm in somewhat the same place. I was emotionally separated from my husband. But some how thought that the love that we had would magically repersent it's self. Well you can see just how far that got me. I'm 23 years old and going though the same thing my mother went through with my dad. Oh God, for me to be so young and go though all this for this man. Well, all that I can say is pray for me cause I'm going to need all the help that I can get.
Now it's not hard to sleep but it's hard to be not just lonely but now alone.
 goldenphoenix
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 769
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/19/2006 10:27:12 AM
It depends on your comfort level. I personally feel that a person hasn't moved on, be it physically or emotionally, unless they are divorced. Moving on for another person is also not right. You divorce because you want to, not because someone else wants you to. I would like to be with someone who is free!
 ronscons
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 775
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:21:55 AM
Goddess23- go ahead and talk about affairs of the heart- very laudible and gracious but it cost me over $60000.00 in legal and court costs, 13 lawyers in two provinces in 3 levels of courts, at least seven lien notes of various kinds, 3 separate bank account seizures during a so called "seven year legal" separation, my son[12 yrs old at the time] and me spending a night in jail[1988] - yes I am somewhat bitter and yes it damn near broke me and yes I probably have baggage over it but that being said its finally over [actually has been for 10 years now]- it is damn hard to think of affairs of the heart when your power was cut off for non-payment because of a bank account seizure- What I am saying is MAKE SURE ALL YOUR AFFAIRS ARE IN ORDER- cause when you least expect it, screwups will occur and judges and lawyers make LOTS of mistakes and it is usually the client who pays- I say no more! The record speaks for itself.
 allh2h
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 777
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 5:58:29 AM
^^^^well I guess if he was was really worth in it your eyes then it wouldn't ahve mattered, not to me anyways. Life happens and unfortunetly she can do this shiit AFTER it is over with too...comes with the territory of an ex-wife/husband. Name of the game. If you do not want baggage you need to stay away from men that are divorced period...just my 2 cents.

Even though my ex was divorced she still put us through hell...name of the game hun.
 valioso
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 779
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 10:19:10 AM
I am separated and I think yes, we live in separate houses, we barely talk and is 100% no chance of fixing it. The problem is that most women hear this, and you automatically have the mark of the beast on your forehead and become undatable no matter what kind of guy you are. Or so has been my experience so far
 Darkwolf46
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 783
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:23:46 PM
A good decision, TJ2........life is too short and there are no guarantees, so, you have to play the percentages.....and the odds are just a little much in favor of the house when you are in a situation like that........

Just got out of "Baghdad" myself......relatively intact......will keep the postcards and that's about it! :)
 lonelynights
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 784
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:56:11 PM
No way is separated single. You have to be careful because in God's eyes you are still married and it would be considered adultery. You dont have to spend money on a lawyer if you and your husband agree to everything. Just remember in a divorce if you fight then it will cost you more money.
 sweet2meetU
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 786
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 6:54:52 PM
Separated means not getting along with the Wife right now. Miserable, angry and just horny. Reconcilliartion with the Wife is still possible, and maybe his Wife isn't even aware that they
are separated.
Steer clear. Separated = Married.
 theadra
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 787
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 7:54:27 PM
Hi sunshine;

I'm totally stunned by the many negative replies to your question.....As we mature we realize (or should) that generalities do not apply to specific situations.....May I remind everyone here that Jacqueline Kennedy, undoubtedly the most elegant, courageous first lady ever; dated, was committed to a married man for the last ten years of her life. He was at her bedside when she died. Why he was not divorced is unknown.....money? family? politcs?...When one is young and seeking to start a family of course you can't be merely separated, but later.....Things, situations arise that can put a different spin on how we feel about a belief.

So no separated isn't single, but it is not unacceptable.
 midgey43
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 789
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/2/2006 1:47:25 PM
Just to let you know right from the start, You are a GREAT man. I hope you know that and I'm sure your wife knows that also.

My husband and I have just recently seperated. He is a truck driver over the road. Us keeping life as normal as possible makes the transition better and easier for everyone for many different reasons.

The greatest factor is that we can still be friends without any hate. A family with hate isn't a happy family.

Was so happy to see that my husband isn't the only terrific man out there.

Take care.

Shirley
 airforce_tazman
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 790
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 1:51:57 PM
My 2 cents to add to why the paperwork is just that paperwork. In this day and age how many people don't get married at all but still live together have kids do all the same things married people do. As a few seperater people in this forum have stated. By the time you start to date again after a seperation you have already gone thru many lets try again and emoyional situations. My particular case is op allow her to get on her feet before I cut off the medical insurance. If your worried about baggage I don't know anyone over the age of 18 that don't have at least one bad break-up. I can go back to high school and remember X girl/boy friends that tried to break up anything new. This will be a factor for everyones entire life. The one thing I have not read yet is honesty. Think about this if I select seperated instead of single then I am being honest. I have a public web page on MySpace where my X {who is a friend also) can see my friends and even e-mail them. I could sneak around by putting single but I don't because I don't Lie. I would rather date someone who is honest than worry about lables. I did the myspace thing so that any potential dates could see thet I am not sneaking around. In any situation take into account that the Man or Women stating they are seperated are at least being honest.
 CharmGuru
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 791
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 2:07:40 PM
Is separated single? In the eyes of the very religious obviously not. Some of us are not religious however and separated can very well mean single to us. In Canada for instance (and in some states as I understand it) you must stay separated for a year before you can apply for a divorce. If that's the case why should you have to wait for an arbitrary time period before you can really be single.

So if you have decided, after trying for years to make it work - that it will not work. If you have committed to leaving. If you've really moved out - in every conceivable way - and are not looking to go back - what else can you be but single?

If your beliefs prevent you from being with someone who has not divorced yet - they stay away.

Tazman's post is right on - if someone puts "Separated" on their profile they are being honest. What else can we ask of people.
 singleblueeyes
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 792
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:08:26 PM
I am not legally divorced. I filed for divorce waited my 90 days signed my final divorce papers but he wont sign them. To top it off he is living with his ex girl friend in a different state. In my eye I see that I am divorced because I signed the papers.
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 793
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:02:26 PM
Seperated to me means; I'm looking around, I may or may not go back with my wife, We may end up going to counseling, people will think your a Bi_ch if we do get divorced, and will you do the "deed" while I'm thinking this stuff over???
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 794
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:37:31 PM
As long as the state is involved in the marriage, then thats one person too many.

Separated people are, for all intents and purposes, still married.

I think to be fair, separated people still do not have their finances completed sorted out until they get a divorce. Even immediately after a divorce, you'll still see possible complications with the legal bills, various bills, etc.

I hate to say it, but as a male, you have to really think hard on this kind of deal. You don't want to be the safety valve for a codependent who is trading one paycheck for another. Often recently divorced people are living at a quality of life lower than when they were married. If they have kids, that compounds the financial issues even more.

I think its a good idea to have a clear idea what you consider deal breakers from not only an emotional 'separation' but also a financial 'separation' They just aren't the same thing and they don't always come packaged together.
 old_girl
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 795
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:12:48 PM
I've been separated for 4 years now. I filed for divorce but he refused to sign the papers. We live completely separate lives, I moved out of our marital home and bought a new house 2 years ago. He has had at least 2 relationships that I know of and I have been involved in one. That one relationship that I had was harder to get over than the 14 years I spent with my "husband" So do I view myself as single? Yes I do. I'm just waiting for the day he wants to remarry so we can finally put a legal end to this.
 Clematis
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 796
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:51:44 PM
If you are separated because you are the cheater, then --- no; you are not really single. You're cheating and fooling around.

If you are separated because someone cheated on you and left you - the damage is done. It's a fait d'complie (Sp). You are single, by default.
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