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 yourdelights
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 426
Is separated single?Page 18 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
wikkidd.....keep up the good work love your attitude in all of your posts in this thread.

Cougar in traning........you say seperated people are still hurting...HELL I CELEBRATED!!!

Sara1.......Well stated.

Lakelady51......anybody can do those things that you talk about. Single, Divorced, Seperated whatever, so to pin that on anybody that is "seperated", I have to say you are wrong. How many relationships of say for example - 2 single people break up becasue 1 is cheating???? Let me guess ....none right...lmao

This thread really gets under my skin..in a bad way.

I think women should all go join the nuns and the men can sign up for brotherhood. No more complaints.
 denimandlace46
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 427
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/9/2006 7:37:12 AM
Exactly Yourdelights!

Some haven't read all 18 pages of this thread like most have. Otherwise they would see that there are always different circumstances surrounding someone being only separated.
 yourdelights
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 428
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/9/2006 7:57:46 AM
lol...Since nobody wants to date a seperated person.....all the seperated people sould leave. Since the majority of this site is that of seperated people, what fun would you all have then??

You'd have 80% less threads in the forums....you wouldn't have anybody you could target.

For anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship regardless of "status" and have broken up....there is no difference into how a person feels, or what they go through.

So if I get this thread and its posts correctly understood....those of you who are single,divorced.widowed who have experienced LTR's that end....versus a marraige that ends....you are supposed to be and should be looked at differently?????

Would it not be just as easy for you to get back together with you ex's?

I'm not perfect I could be wrong.....but I see it as a 2 way street.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 429
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/9/2006 7:18:36 PM
Rocky444, Sorry ! Ask any Judge. He will tell you that a separated couple reguardless of whether they live together or in separate homes they are still married, not single. Even with a legal separation they are married until they are divorced. Once you marry you can never be single again. Check it out.I think a lot of people have got away from the question.I'm sure no one has anything against separated persons. It is one's own decision to or not to date separated , divorced, or widowed people. A lot of times it has to do with things they believe spiritual wise.
 wikkidd
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 430
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/9/2006 8:28:59 PM
A lot of times it has to do with things they believe spiritual wise.


I've read the whole thread and i'm not seeing the "spiritual wise" that you refer to...
I agree that a "separated" couple is stil married in the eyes of the law...but the word "separated" in reference to couples and marriages had to originate somewhere....
As for the rest....
I also agree that it is the personal choice of the individual to enter into a relationship with a separated person...but that is the same as making the choice as to whether or not to date a person with children, a person who lives long distance...etc etc..these are still workable decisions, it just takes more patience and understanding to make it work...however a "divorced" man is still committed to his "ex" to a certain degree..especially when children and extended family is involved (a judge/lawyer can attest to that as well)...so it seems to me we come full circle..if you don't want the "baggage" attached to anything noted above...then not only should you not come with any (baggage) but you should also only be contacting "never been married" "no children" people....
Just my 2 cents...
 azscubaguy
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 431
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 9:06:01 AM

Since the majority of this site is that of seperated [sic] people...


Where did you get that statistic?
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 432
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 6:44:29 PM
The spiritual wise I was refering to has to do with the bible. when your vows are read you promise to stay married till death parts you. You can not marry again till your spouce dies, unless one of you has cheated. The innocent pary is free to remarry. The guilty party may never marry again till the innocent party dies. Some of the churches still hold to this, which by God's word is right. Other churches make rules to suit themselves. To each his own, but this is what I meant
 angelgirl32
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 433
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:16:11 PM
I think that if you are still living in the same house.. even if you are not sleeping in the same bed... you are still "together"
I think that being seperated is okay.. but there has to be the entent for divorce. I think some people just use "seperation" as convenience.
I totally understand when children are involved that it is what is good for the kids.. but if you are not happy.. why be in the situation.

This coming from a girl who has never been married.
 wikkidd
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 434
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:36:26 PM

I totally understand when children are involved that it is what is good for the kids.. but if you are not happy.. why be in the situation


Could it be because the childrens happiness has to be first and foremost?..We all want to be happy...but not at the expense of our children...perhaps separation is a way of easing them into a new lifestyle rather than just dropping the "Your father and i...." out of the blue...children are very perseptive...they see things long before you take the initiative to discuss them...
You are required by law to be separated for one full year before you can apply for a divorce..that is to give both parties time to see if there is any other resolution...sometimes its whats needed...sometimes not even time can heal that one...
I still maintain that separated means exactly that "separated"....
 angelgirl32
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 435
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:42:38 PM
Hey Wikkid
I totally agree with you. I think that it is easier for the children. Then again I guess I have never been in a situation like that. My parents have been happily married for 42 years.. and have never seen them fight...

I think that it depends on the situation.. it you are not meant to be together it is easier to not be.. everyone in the situation has to be happy!
 Alana2
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 436
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:49:06 PM

Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses....


No, separated is not single. Separated is still married, in the eyes of the law and the Church and most of society.

Honor the marriage until the divorce occurs, whether it's your own or someone elses. You will be a better person for it.
 babyfarmer
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 437
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:56:00 PM
I have been seperated from my husband for almost a year. He ruined our marriage with a drug habit and caused us to lose everything we have. We had to borrow 1000's of $$$ from my family and finally I gave him the boot. Now he is leaving me to raise 3 children on my own financially because he has not worked in 8mths. I feel that I don't owe him anything and especially not a divorce. He owes me a divorce. He f***ed up and he should have to pay for it. I'm doing enough. We don't live together. We are divorced in everyway except for the sheet of paper that costs 100s or1000s of dollars that says otherwise. Being a single mother of 3 I don't have much of a choice but then again I don't disagree with it either.
 wikkidd
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 438
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:24:41 PM
That is the point that i'm trying to make here...sometimes circumstances dictate what status we find ourselves in...in this case "separated" or "divorced"...
It seems that people are quick to pass judgement on "separated" people...and apply their own interpretation of the word to others without giving them the benefit of a doubt...
If that were the case then we could view "divorcees" as people quick to sign a piece of paper to end a chapter in their life as if it never happened....and certainly that is just a comment i certainly don't feel that way about divorcees...i'm just trying to make a point here...
 fishette
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 439
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:50:14 PM
I'm dating someone that's separated but I think he's doing alright emotionally.

I have a question though... what does it mean if he says he's been served and all the papers are signed? Why does it take so long after that for the divorce part to happen?
 pickem
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 440
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:56:13 PM
fishette.. its known as a cooling off period i believe.. the courts still treat a marriage as a sacred contract and it is part of their purpose to not allow them to be treated as trivial so there is a period of time that the parties can change thier mind.. in alberta anyway
 angel4u518
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 441
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:57:30 PM
i dont think so becuase you never know if they will go back to their ex. And I actually know from bad experience. I was talking to a guy on here a while back and we talked for a longtime. We would talk for at least 2-3 hours every night it was almost like a routine. We finally decided to meet up and it seemed to go well and I thought we hit off pretty well and I even got a goodnight kiss then like a week later our phone calls started to not be as long and even stopped and then he told me his ex was following him and threaten to take him to court and that and we slowly after that stopped talking. So I never get involved with a man unless he is divorced. But i'm now giving this site another chance and I actually been talking to and met someone who I feel is great so far.
 Night Out
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 442
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:02:31 AM
As someone who is separated I would have to say it up to the person whos making the claim. I can safely say that I am "seperated single" as I have waited the year as required and plan to file for divorce as soon as I can pay for it. But I have known people who have separated due to problems and have played the field only to go back to there spouse. As much as saying this hurts me when trying to meet someone of this site, I think you have to approach the separated party with some caution untill you know how solid the ground your standing on is.
Happy fishin
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 443
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:28:49 AM
lots has been said here but I totally agree with the ones who say you need to look at each situation cause you never know, each is different thats for sure.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 444
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:30:34 AM
cegsfine.....email me.....you need to get out of that house I would like to email you sunshine2tan but it wont let me cause I am a woman and you are not lookin for a woman.........lol tell me how to contact you and i would love some advice on how to get out. thanks
 buzzingbee
Joined: 3/25/2005
Msg: 445
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:56:52 AM
Well, when it comes to children and separated people still living under the same roof, it is very different to what parents think and how children see their separated parents acting.

My parents lived together for the sake of me. Fortunatelly there was another childless couple in my life from my tender age of 6 who treated me as own daughter. I saw affection, respect, care and loving gestures I've never seen with my natural parents. These differences stayed for the whole life with me.
As a child I could not understand parents' cold-ish rapport, sort of living "separate life", not having family holidays. There was just something missing and I could not put my finger on.
Of course it doesn't have to be the same pattern in every separated family living under the same roof, not at all but the bottom line is the same. All I want to say is that children at every stage of their age are very perceptive and try to figure out in their own capacity
why(?), which is not easy.

Final example was my past marriage. My son being 6 that time one morning out of blue told his father while he was giving him his farewell kiss before heading for work:"Daddy why don't you kiss to mummy (like me) before you go to work?"

I wanted and want healthy environment for my child, no pretence, no false impressions. Who is to make the life easier for? Children? I don't think so. If you lived that life then you would understand.
 dolphinegirl
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 446
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:09:58 PM
In reply to buzzy i have to say that i totally sympathise, my upbringing was much the same, but as she say`s i also want more for my children. I have managed to "break"the mould, my children are not angels but they are open and honest(to honest sometimes lol) they know i am there with a hug and i listen. I think its called unselfish care and love. Buzzy you have it right.
 wikkidd
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 447
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:39:16 PM

I wanted and want healthy environment for my child, no pretence, no false impressions. Who is to make the life easier for? Children? I don't think so. If you lived that life then you would understand


Believe it or not...i do understand...but just as you want a "healthier environment" for your child and choose to "go your separate way" in the interest of sparing your children from a "coldish" rapport between their parents...can you not see that separated people are doing the same thing except their choice was different...they want to spare their children from growing up in a "broken home" and the stigma's attached to it...so weather it out as best as they can to give their children during their "formative years" a united front with mommy/daddy...

I am NOT saying that your choice is wrong...but i don't think that separated people's choices are wrong either..there are no handbooks for these things...you wing it as best as you can and just hope and pray you made the right decision....
 A fish in the sea
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 448
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 1:09:12 PM
In my case the marrage ended long before the separation actually happend, divorce is just another piece of paper to file away why should not having one stop you from finding love while you wait for it.
 buzzingbee
Joined: 3/25/2005
Msg: 449
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 2:25:41 PM
Believe it or not...you've hit the nail on its head by saying "broken home" and the stigma attached to it.
Stigma, my mother could not face or live with back in 1960-70s, "dysfunctional families" I've heard calling it by one of a high ranked person in education dept. over here and actually we are sort of distant colleagues for that matter. And giving my colleague a closer look into her statement about "dysfunctional families" - surprise surprise - she too comes from one of "these" but the higher on the professional ladder, the blinder about own roots of existence. Hypocrites are everywhere.

Still though, there is more of these "dysfuncional" families around than "united" families in these days. Disease of society? Perhaps.
Parents make decisions for themselves and on behalf of their children too and in their best interest, I don't have any doubts about it.

As for the formative years, my son just tackled them, he is a well balanced boy who sees (& gets) the best in mum and his dad, who feels genuine love from both of us and at the same time understands why his parents' rapport is civil, friendly and honest.

The decision, we both took - go separate ways with separate roofs - was the best for our son especially. We both were and are strong people who faced adversities in life but would not compromise when it comes to healthy unbiased rapport mum & dad have in front of the children.

Society in these days hasn't changed much from the past. Image prevails substance.
 nergal
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 450
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 2:27:07 PM
Nope .. single is single .. seperated is still attached ....
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