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 cutelildevil
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 601
Is separated single?Page 25 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
In my books... seperated is single... Come on .... when I climb in bed at night.. and no one is in it... wow..I do believe I am single.. Kind of feels that way too When you are paying all your own bills for about a year... and supporting your own kids by yourself.... and no man helping out... I call that single... Divorce? its a piece of paper!! That paper don't keep me warm at night... don't pay my bills... and doesn't feed my kids... I am single.. whether the paper says so or not....
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 602
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/4/2006 1:02:46 AM
@Redwine: So what kind of luck are you having dating men who aren't separated? They don't seem to be sticking around either if you're still here. I hear there's a lot of "trading up" going on around here.

Have you spent time and invested your heart in any others who have brought you pain? That happened a few times to me when I was younger. Never seemed to be a pattern to it that I could see. They were all women. Mmmm.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 603
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/4/2006 9:10:05 AM
YES....Seperated is DEFINATELY single....any status that involves being alone...and without a partner....is Single!!!

I'm going to jump over to the more conservative side of this argument now.

This statement INCORRECT. Labelling all separated folks as single is just as bad if not worse than labelling all of them undateable. You get in lots of trouble I say if using labels to help you understand complex situations. You merely confine yourself to ignorance doing stuff like this.

There are lots of people using the separation as a "license to cheat".

Often the separatee is the one causing their relationship problems, and that's why they are alone. To me, I throw them into the same "undateable" category along with all the other single and divorced women I'd never want to date.

I'm not thinking of "separated" in the legal sense, which is different in each state, I have no idea what goes on north of the border, whether it's provincial, local, or whatever.

I've learned that I have better chance of happiness if I EXPAND my dating horizons. That's why I have an open mind toward dating separatees. Many times the separatee has been divested emotionally from their relationship long before they became legally separated. Since I understand this, I don't automatically lump separatees into some dysfunction undateable bucket.


A married person is just that - a married person. He doesn't belong to you. The marriage is legally binding and the union is spiritually binding. So no. Separated is not single.

Incorrect. In the US there are different laws defining one as having a legally separated status. In those states they aren't married, they are separated. Your blanket description doesn't work here.

What you stated about being spiritually bound is highly questionable as well. I would imagine there are lots of marriages where one party was unfair to the other, where's the spiritual binding in that???
 floridian407
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 604
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/4/2006 10:54:01 AM
No, separated is not legally single, just not divorced yet....I'm divorced, and I have only dated divorced or single men, wouldn't mind dating a widower-especially with young children, but the one or more I responded to seem be looking for something different...But separated is a whole *'nother* ball of wax entirely....
 Cowtown Cowboy
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 605
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/4/2006 11:38:06 AM
Well in my situation, separated is most certainly single... my ex and I lived together for 3 years...and were commonlaw for 2 of those, due to the birth of our beautiful baby girl...now we didn't sign any papers making us legally commonlaw(I'm sure there is paperwork for it in Alberta Law), but about 2 weeks after I proposed to her(she did say yes...asked her on christmas eve), she broke up with me...so my daughter and I moved out. I am raising her on my own but my ex and I are still good friends...for the most part. She's getting married(4 months after meeting this "new" guy)...so yeah...I may be separated from a commonlaw marriage, but I am most certainly single as there is no chance for reparation...so yeah...I'm single
 albinobutterfly
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 606
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 4:44:32 PM
to me personally seperated is single

but my only problem is its one thing to be sepereated and even divorced

but all cause he is physically seperated from his wife doesnt mean his emotions are
 steve_lv
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 607
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 6:17:32 PM
IMO separated is totally single. I haven't been with my wife for over a year. We are 100% done. Just waiting for the paperwork to go through. She's gone on with her life, and I'm now going on with mine. Definetly believe separate is single.
 sweet_mocha
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 608
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:37:35 PM
Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha..........you are blunt and to the point. I would call that adultrey though.not single.
 kingstecgirl73
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 609
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:51:15 PM
Of course it is...LMAO......I mean duh he cheated on me and left me in nov 2003. The divorce wasnt started till jan 2005 as i had a bit of a nervous breakdown and he didnt care about getting one. I only did it to safeguard my child support. And its still not done as lawyers are slow and expensive. But as far as I'm concerned i was single the day he left after his 6 mo affair. I took off my rings then and have since lost em...couldnt care less either other then to wish i would have pawned em.

Definately...I mean think about it...no sex/dating/getting out for 3 years????Why would I ever do that when he is busy in bed with his new gf?????
 knopper3
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 610
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:59:58 PM
No, "separated" is not single. I don't think people who are separated and trying to date are really serious about committing to a relationship. They need to get off the fence and either get a divorce or go back to their spouse.
 OwlNVus
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 611
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:21:55 PM
I guess it depends on the length of time separated, and why the person hasn't actually ended it. I've looked a few of the profiles in here and when I seen that they were separated I felt my insides scream "DANGER, RETREAT, RETREAT!" And then I do, because those inner warnings are good enough for me, regardless of whether or not it's logical.
 VictorNorth
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 612
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:34:04 PM
My ex has leached enough money from me. If she wants a divorce she can pay for it.

I'll reconsider when I meet the woman of my dreams. For now, that small sum that would buy my divorce is paying for food for my children. I just can't justify (in my mind) taking away from the kids over a piece of paper.
 kingstecgirl73
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 613
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/5/2006 10:03:38 PM
so so true victor.....there is no way i could afford it as single mum/student.......my dad is paying and glad to as he thinks my ex is a jerk.......if i had no one to help me in this way i would likely be married forever as my ex would never in a million years pay for it. I'm just glad to get child support, wouldnt want to fight him to buy me a divorce...LOL....ya maybe its the higher income people who view this as a problem?????
Cause ya...lets see food? rent? divorce lawyer......? ...which is the most necessary?????


I AM 100% single.....
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 614
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 12:47:57 AM
considering, contrary to popular belief, their is no such thing as separation papers. One may sign something, but it all depends on the situation. For example, my wife and I are separated, with no chance, (so I'm told) of reconciliation, and we drafted our own agreement, 1) to be civil (we have a daughter, who stands as a whole to lose the most), and 2) to save money on lawyer fees. Surprisingly, we split everything without any arguments at all. BUT, once we had the contract drawn up and things in place (child support, house settlement, etc.) I was very adament in informing her (since this was her choice, the divorce) that once I signed that contract, it was to be treated and interpreted as if the divorce was final.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 615
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 7:13:48 AM
seperated = in between , unsure, not willing to commit to a divorce just yet.
that to me = NOT SINGLE!

kinda wanting to test the waters but knowing you can go back to your spouse if the grass isn't greener on the other side!

not fair to anyone involved if you are really not sure. yes many people have been seperated for years- that's not who I mean - I'm talking about the fence sitters.

Had an experience once with a seperated man , assured me time and time again he wasn't in love with his "wife" , blah blah you know the drill, ended up going back to her - there was a child involved so I can understand it's never easy.
 RBM
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 616
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:29:30 AM
To me, separated is not single.

Several times I've chatted/emailed/talked with/met women who were separated, and more often than not, the first thing that they talked about was the drama going on in their lives from being separated. "He showed up at my house this morning!" "He's seeing someone else!" "I got together with him and had sex last night, and now I'm feeling (fill in the blank)."

And so on, ad nauseum.

There is simply too much emotional baggage left unchecked.

And the possibility of reconciliation exists. It happens.

I do not respond to profiles that say "separated" for those reasons. I prefer to communicate with someone who is 2-3 years post divorce.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 617
view profile
History
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:51:14 PM
My profile states that I will only date divorced or widowed. They had better have been "Single" for a few years, and they will still have to convince me that they have got over their baggage before I will spend any time with them.


Morie
 legallyblonde38
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 618
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/6/2006 7:23:51 PM
separated still means you are married. I have met some men on this site who say they are divorced and have not even filed, be careful of that word, it is a red flag
 am here
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 619
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/6/2006 7:54:41 PM
No, I don't believe separated is considered being single
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 620
Depends on the situation........
Posted: 5/6/2006 11:30:24 PM
]quote]contrary to popular belief, their is no such thing as separation papers.

Gotta call BS on that one, Mofo, even though you're on my side. That may be true in your jurisdiction but not in mine. Separation papers must be signed and the ink dry for a year before a divorce can be applied for. The terms of the separation are, I think, automatically the terms of the divorce (although I'd best double check that in a bit.)

And in other news, one of my 'favourites' has apparently re-united with her ex after two years being divorced. So go figure. Best to stick with virgins, I say.
 Noln
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 621
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 4:30:14 AM
I am separated, and I would consider myself single. I would be divorced, if it weren't for my (stupid money grabbing lawyer), it has been over a year now.
That being said, I am not living with him either....if anybody is, well that's a whole other issue, that yells (it isn't over).
 thisgirlismissingonething
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 622
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:34:13 AM
i'm seperated and days away from being divorced but the moment i moved out i became single.........law or no law i was physically and emotionally single........

K
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 623
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 7:37:22 AM
From the responses, those who are separated say separated is single, and those who are divorced and widowed say that separated isn't single. Amazing that once people have taken the time to heel, and got the divorce, then most of them realize that separated isn't single and won't date separated people.
 JavaMage
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 624
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:12:10 AM
Keep in mind that some states have legal minimums for how long you must be separated without "grounds".

In my case, my wife and I simply aren't in love, and we wanted to give each other the chance to find someone we do love. She's dating a really nice guy, and we're still friends, but we both know we're "done".

We need to wait one year in Maryland; been six months so far.

-- Scott
 Goldeneyed1
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 625
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:42:51 AM
My reply isn't specifically to sunshine, but there are reasons for separating and not divorcing that have nothing to do with game-playing or dishonesty. I am separated for over 10 years now. Marriage was over in ALL ways, more than 15 years ago. I started exploring divorce about 12 years ago, then we discovered that my "ex" was very ill with the most serious form of Multiple Sclerosis. I put the divorce on hold to get through the diagnosis and decision phase, got him into a good extneded car facility that had a special unit just for MS patients. Then found out that in my state, MN, divorce laws dictate that if I divorce him now that he ahs been declared 100% disabled, I am forced by the courts to support him. This meant selling my house in order to pay him 50% of the value, then giving him 50% of the difference between my GROSS income and his. This would have left me without a place to live, and with very limited means to find someplace else that was decent, and would have given him too much income to qualify for the assistance that pays 100% of his medical expenses. Bottom line - if I stay "married" to him, I keep my house, I keep my ability to support myself without help, and he keeps his medical care.
Am I single - you bet I am! I haven't seen him or spoken to him in almost 4 years, am not involved in his life at all, and don't want to be. He has hated me since I agreed with his doctors that he needed full-time care, so he doesn't care what I do. My family, including our adult son, is fully supportive of me moving on with my life and finding a partner to share that life.
I am sure that doesn't change any minds out there. In fact, if it makes you feel vindicated in your beliefs, I am constantly hit on by men as young as 20, looking for "lessons", and by men of all ages who think that because I am separated, I am an easy mark for a fling. Both groups are wrong about my intentions, but you probably think I deserve the attention from these jerks. I attract a better group of men when I list my status as divorced - so at least give me credit for being honest up-front!
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