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 TruckerLuv34
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 626
Is separated single?Page 26 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Well I don't have the time to go through all 23 pages as I will probably lose my signal here in these mountains. However, I have read a few and see alot of varying opinions. I will save my own as they have been expressed already.

However I will ask a favor.


Ladies, I am the last one to admit that marraiges (spelling?) fail. I hated to see mine go after 10 years. Do I have feelings about it? Yes of course. Does it stop me from wanting to move on? Not at all.

I have emailed a few nice ladies I felt would be a nice challenge for me. A few came back (rather brutally for a few) with the fact that I was either a truck driver, or seperated, or both in a few of them.

Don't label us guys in one lump sum. Look at each scenario first. There are guys like me that want to find a new lady to share his time and feelings with. The guy to be there and help fix the house, or play with the kids. Whatever the case may be.

I am trying like hell to be single again and do it right. I haven't had to date in almost 12 years. I have no damn clue what to say, when to say it, or what to do.

For me, it's the financial end. Everywhere we looked, it was upwards of 3 grand to get a divorce. Even with my income that is more than we can do. Trish and I seperated on good terms, so there is no hostility there. One lady on here told me on the phone how to get a divorce uncontested so it's cheaper. Now with that info, I may be divorced within the next 4 weeks. But still, please, look at each person's case before labeling him.


.............you might just miss out on the very same guy you have been looking for.
 valhallaguy
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 627
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/13/2006 8:30:47 PM
I agree with Truckerluv34. "Don't label us guys in one lump sum"
I am separated, And yes I love my wife - I always will. I spent 10 + yrs working on that relationship. She was my best friend and is the mother of my beautiful daughter.

But things change.

I agree with the "emotional separation" as the final line in whether someone is single or not.
Am I lonely? yes
lonely enough to go back to the situation I left? no
Am I dating? no
Am I still human and need companionship? Damned rights!
Do I deserve it? yes

Ultimately it comes down to the person your dealing with and are they truly in touch with themselves.
Are they interested in friends or dates?

Friends in my case.
Unfortunately POF set up is such that looking for friends still dictates only women
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 628
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/14/2006 1:50:09 AM
@Sunshine. I don't understand the question. I have the kids, in my case. Having my ex sleep in a separate bedroom for a couple of years may have helped the kids understand what was happening, so that they were fine with my dating the weekend after Mom left town. Maybe if they'd had to go with Mom, they'd be pissed off that I wasn't trying to win her back or something. But the kids make no difference to the feeling of the relationship being finished. Although they were, as previously mentioned, the reason that it wasn't ended long ago.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 629
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/15/2006 12:59:15 PM
just a thought.....and I am the OP.....usually the kids of a marriage are legally awarded to the Mom...and the odd occasion the Dad....but....does that make a difference of feeling separated pending a divorce?


Still wrestling with the question about the kids. Its a bit off-topic, but maybe related in this manner: I would think that the non-custodial parent might have a greater interest in trying to salvage the marriage as that person would be the loneliest of the two and have his or her life most changed. So a divorce would close the door more effectively on that person's hopes or expectations and so make them more ready to move on.

That's all pretty hypothetical and limited. My ex and I did a four month split three years ago and she came back out of loneliness for the kids. For me now (for both of us, I think) the fact that we've tried to reconcile and have split again puts 'paid' to the relationship. But my lifestyle is totally unchanged now except for a few issues of transportation for the kids and such. And my abillity to start dating, of course.

I'm probably not dong much for my marketing with this one, probably looking insensitive, but I just don't see the deal with childless couples who decide their relationship isn't working. It was good for a while, now its not, can't be fixed, goodbye. Without kids as the glue to hold a family together, for better or worse, where's the trauma? I mean: once the finances are agreed upon, you never have to meet again. Its over. Much different with kids. There is an on-going relationship that lasts a lifetime.

As to the question regarding "feeling separated", I have a fear of the ex's car being in the driveway someday because she's lonely for the kids. But I have a co-worker who has just ended a ten year living apart relationship that began back in high-school and he's always worried, sometimes for cause, that his ex will show up at his door because she misses him. That's not something I have to worry about. LOL.
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 630
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:10:21 PM
the reason behind me asking the question is.....no matter I guess who has custody or the kids....I did....my ex never ever wanted to have them visit...I had them with me 24/7 365 days a year for a few years. So, I did not feel single as I had my hands full with a relocation, looking for work, and doing everything I could to make the adjustment for the kids easier. So, I am thinking that it might be easier for the non custodial parent to feel "single" because the house is quiet and alot of time is their own to decide on what to do, who to see and who to have over. Does, that clarify where I was coming from with the question?
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 631
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/15/2006 10:29:31 PM
That's funny. I came at it from the exact opposite direction. Depends on the age of the kids, for one thing. I see your point. Whether the non-custodial parent left or was sent away probably also would be an issue. I'd think if you were told to leave, you might hope to earn your way back. If you left and left the kids behind, I guess that's party time for some. Not all.

I've read profiles of women that say that they've been alone for years, raising the kids, and now that the kids are on their own, they're ready to start dating. I find that odd, no disrespect intended. I just find a nice continuity in the household with my social life now switched from Friday nights with my buddies to Friday nights with a date. A nice smooth transition.
 dee-licious trouble
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 632
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 5:45:32 PM
it totally blows my mind to see how narrow-minded people are in this day and age. just black and white...no looking at what the situation behind the separation is, not looking at a person because they are separated. i can tell you right now. i have only been separated for one month, but that's just separate HOUSES. he had been sleeping on the couch for 5 months prior to that. (which here in bc, constitutes separation) as long as you are living plutonically under the same roof, for the sake for the sake of the kids, it counts as separation. HOWEVER, you must somehow PROVE this, which is what our problem right now is. even if we both SAY that is the case, they want a sworn affidavit from a counsellor or a doctor or a priest stating this. so, our separation starts "legally" one month ago. the laws suck here, the justice system is ass-backwards, but whatevs...it's life, and it's how we have to live it. but please don't JUDGE us for it...i know in MY heart and mind, there is no chance for reconciliation EVER, due to distrust and infidelities and overall lack of love. i just want to move on with my life...
*~dee~*
 Sweet Euphoria
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 633
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 7:57:41 PM
I've been legally separated for over 7 years now. I have not sought a divorce because I really do believe my ex should be the one to file. He left myself and my children to be with my ex-best friend. I figure he made the choices ..he should finish it. At this point in my life, I'm not heavily involved with anyone that would warrant a divorce. I haven't had one man I've dated complain about my situation. I think it would be painfully obvious that my ex and I will never get back together and it's been a very long time since I became emotionally available to love again. I gave myself a year after he left before I even considered dating. Enough time to get my head on straight. Of course the time frame does depend on the individual. I do, however think twice about dating men that have been recently separated.
 lvlarge69
Joined: 3/5/2004
Msg: 634
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:09:11 PM
So what about this...my wife and I have been separated for just over three years now..we have three children who we share responsibility with but we have not lived together during that time and she has liver with her boyfriend for about a year now and they just had a baby a couple months ago...so all of you would not consider Me, then single as per my situation????? Geez its hard enough finding a girl who can deal with the fact that I have kids let alone having to worry about not being considered single?????cause I am only separated..
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 635
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:10:51 PM
Many people who get separated legally just stay that way rather then go through the expense of a divorce when they have no immediate plans for marriage in place.

Doesn't mean they wouldn't get divorced if it was important to the person they were currently with or wanted to marry. It also is NOOOOO indication that they have plans getting back with their spouse.

I put divorced simply because I don't want people to think I'm recently separated. Its been almost 10 years now and at least 7 since I last saw him. I'd have to track him down first to even get one.

I didn't get divorced because of complications which occurred when the marriage was registered. A divorce will cost me quite a bit more than if that little glitch hadn't happened. Not to mention he's approached me twice saying he was going to take care of it then I never heard back from him again (any wonder we broke up?).

I would love it if he would pay for it. But chances are he won't and at some point when I do have that kind of extra money laying around I will pay for it myself.

It's never been an issue with any guy I've dated.
 timmins911
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 636
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:27:49 PM
Hey, my 2 cents. I'm seperated, not divorced for one reason. It isn't necessary. As with most of my ex's (not many), my ex wife and I are friends now. Not close friends, but no enemies. Neither of us needed to pay lawyers big $ to say we were done. It just seems to be a question of honesty between people. Fyi, I'm seperated for 8 years and have meet her new guy about 6 months ago (had me over for coffee). I am happy my ex has a new love, who isn't limited by small stuff. Peace.
 sweet-tart
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 637
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/16/2006 9:34:54 PM
Hey all,
Just wanted to share this. . .I am seperated myself, but I would be very cautious about dating a guy who said they were seperated, cauese I know a girl who was seperate from her husband for almost 10 years and they got back together. It just doesnt seem final enough, ya know?

~Linds
 dee-licious trouble
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 638
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 12:01:12 AM
why is it so different about a separated guy and a separated woman so different...you seem to put all the blame of the 'reconciliation' on the man...now...excuse me if i'm wrong...but...wouldn't the woman, who got back together with her ex after 10 years, be just as much to blame as the man?! and on a side note...i know people who have been DIVORCED...NOT separated for over a decade and remarried...so, sh!t happens...to EVERYBODY...and NOBODY should be lumped into a category because of their marital status. If you're not interested in somebody...you're not interested...all these stereotypes of what a separated person is, as opposed to a single, or a divorced person...it really kinda sickens me.
 valhallaguy
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 639
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 12:31:02 AM
Hallelujah Sister!
Personally I've already stated where I'm at.
BUT in the end it comes down to people change and feelings change. That is what led to the break-up and I guess in some cases leads to the reconciliation.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 640
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 1:13:01 AM
When I was in my twenties, I had a friend who worked up north on the oil rigs. Mailed his cheques home to his wife so he wouldn't blow it. Came home one day to find both the bank account and the house empty. We thought it was pretty funny that she even took the roll of toilet paper off the holder. Couldn't even sit down to think about it. So they divorced. He married someone else. Had a kid. Then divorced that one a little later. Then he remarried the first girl!. They lasted a year or two. And when she left him again, she did exactly the same thing. Including the toilet paper. So you never can tell.

But risking reconcilliation or risking getting traded in for a better model, I fail to see the difference in danger level.
 blkknght414
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 641
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 1:41:27 AM
I am separated and consider myself single. The law in my state says that a divorce is not granted until 1 year after both parties have agreed to the terms. The parties must also agree to end physical relations and cannot reside at the same residence. During the 1 year period, you are considered separated although all real and emotional ties may have been severed, as in my case. I'm now 3 months from finalization in the legal sense, but long DIVORCED in the real sense. There is no chance of reconsideration or reconciliation.
 cva14
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 642
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 9:06:47 PM
not according to the legal stuff, I consider myself single but because the divorce is not final i am listing as seperated, have been living single for 3 months now, havent seen hser since the hearing when she threw things at me. just cant wait for that day to arrive, and there is a good chance she may be looking at prison time. so take your pick
 sassyvgirl
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 643
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 9:23:47 PM
Well, technically, I guess it's not....you are still legally married.

It's a personal choice for me not to date men that are "separated"....I know people that do and they are fine with it...
 hazel,eyes
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 644
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/17/2006 9:45:30 PM
i have been separated for almost 15 monthes now and have no intentions of ever going back .so if you dont want to date separated people dont ..why make a big issue out of it god people get a life
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 645
only stuck with the debt.......
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:46:14 AM
if a joint account. Again,in my situation, separated is as good as divorved. And actually, given your scenario, the ex goes into debt on their own (or, as stated by me before, that we agreed on certain things as far as bills),poor them. Personaly, and I have, one should make sure every base is covered before the ex get's an insanity fit.

What would I do? Nothing, except make sure my daughter was still taken care of, because that was part of the deal.
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 646
Technically...............
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:51:01 AM
define it.There is a big difference between bullshitters out looking for ass, and ones who know the real deal as far as their pending divorce. I really do respect your opinions on the sep/div deal, but you should be able to tell who's full of shit or not.
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 647
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:58:01 AM
"you may not feel married, but you are."

Bullshit bro,why should that supposed legality override the wrongdoing of another, or even two that have agreed to part ways amicably? Again,I'll say there is no such thing as actual 'separation papers', as in, the old way of thinking we'll all carry them with us. Why does just about everyone seem to think separation is the equivalent of a high school break up?
 mofo8578
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 648
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 1:03:18 AM
"It seems all I meet are still legally married men. "But then nobody knows what I have been through on all of these dating sites I have been on."

Well,then stop hitting all the sites. I'mnot condemning you for dating, but your choice of men (or their interest in you) hinges on what you emulate.
 RBM
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 649
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 3:22:40 AM
Define it?

Okay.

Single = legally able to get married.
 hazel,eyes
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 650
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 4:45:11 AM
ha ha your a funny guy single = being able to get married. i cant speak for every one here that has been married BUT i know for me i would never make the stupid mistake ever again
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