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 julietjuliet
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 840
Is separated single?Page 27 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
I was separated for about 8 or so years when i met my soon to become fiance, and was with him for 12 months when he asked me to get a divorce from my husband, which i automaticly did, had i not met someone else and my ex husband re marry then i would probably still be separated. I think time is a factor. Personally i wouldn't date anyone who has been separated for less than 12 months. The person i have had an interest in for the past six months is 'separated' and has been for 2 years. I actually asked him if he would ever go back to his wife and his answer no, he was 200% sure of it. I'm not saying wait a few years i am saying wait long enough to be absolutely sure the marriage is over, as a lot of emotions are still flying around in that 1st twelve months. ps: i got back with my 1st husband in that 1st 12 months, but it didn't last.
 FieryRedhead85
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 841
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 7:09:23 AM
Divorces aren't easy or cheap to go through sometimes and in my experience we quickly parted ways and I never looked back. So it's not a priority to make it all legal. When it is a priority then I will do it. In the meantime, it's not that big of a deal. No title or piece of paper tells you whether you are in a relationship or not. You can have a marriage with no love or have a boyfriend for 10 years and be madly in love with no paperwork. I think a prospective partner would have to get over the fact that the person is seperated and realize it has nothing to do with them and when the time is right they will make it legal. However, if you are in the beginning of a relationship you aren't going to be marrying the person so there is plenty of time to get the paperwork done.
 vfibsux
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 844
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:37:35 PM
I may be biased since I am one of the separated, but you have to take this on a case by case basis. Look at someone divorced after 3 months of separation compared to someone like me who has been separated almost a year. Does that piece of paper make the guy safer to date? Honestly the only reason we are still married is because the only thing that will change is the paper so we have not seen a need to rush. Not living together, already have all the visitation stuff worked out on our own. Now it is just proscrastination I guess, but we'll get it done eventually. ;)
 knytesprite
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 846
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 5:41:03 AM
I personally am seperated...and consider myself to be single! My husband left me after 9 months of marriage....that was 5 years ago. And he's basically kept me from learning his address etc for those 5 years so that I would be UNABLE to file for custody and divorce because even though he doesn't really want to be with me...he also refuses to let me go and have a life of my own.....however finally in May my lawyer found him in Ontario and served him custody papers....once those are completed I will finally be filing for my divorce...if he's still at the place where she served him!!!!!!! Which knowing him..he'll disappear before I can!

So for those of us who have no choice...it's unfair to say we shouldn't date because we're not leagally divorced! Should I have remained alone with my daughter for the past 5 years? I didn't date for the first 2 years of her life as I concentrated on her....but what more should I have done. I am a woman, an adult..and I do want to have adult companionship! God knows how long I would have had to wait, had I gone until I was divorced!
 Spunky64
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 848
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:06:16 AM
Although it probably depends on the individual, I am separated and definitely consider myself to be single. There will never be a reconciliation and I've moved on. But I often see couples separate who really don't know what they want and are up and down like a toilet seat with one another. In that case, I think it should be considered a marital problem and not single at all. It's a state of mind and you need to look at how much emotional baggage they're carrying.
 mizbex
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 850
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:39:49 AM
As I said before, I would not get involved with someone who was separated. I did this not so long ago and although I don't regret it, it was very hard to go through. You never know if the reason things didn't work out was because of his old relationship or the new one.

Just last week a man contacted me that was PERFECT for me, smart, cute, funny, good guy, but separated, as great as he would have been for me, I had to tell him, let me know when it is over and he was a total gentleman about it, gotta love that.
 SumpinNu
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 851
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:41:30 AM
No. Stills means married but intentions are to eventually get divorce.
 ScorpioMI77
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 852
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 1:06:42 PM
B4 I moved out of my x husband's home we had seperated for a year and living in seperate quaters, HOWEVER, out of respect and the fact that I was still legally married and living under the roof, I did not date anyone. Why would I want to bring another man in to my life when I was still fixing my own? Why would anyone want to involve themselves with a aman or a woman still married and living with the spouse..."seperated or not" Even after I moved out I did not date for well over a year and waited until my divorce was final b4 becoming intimate with anyone. That is just me and how I chose to respect and to follow through with my situation.

If you are no longer living together "legally seperated" and have filed for divorce, still waiting for the FINAL date..then perhaps..but to me that would still even be risky dating someone who was in that situation, you never know they may run back to them or refuse to sign papers, and then you are left with the choice of making a complicated decision...you need to make sure you KNOW EVERYTHING and every little detail..... I just wouldn't go there and avoid the whole thing.
 tonto60
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 853
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 4:01:14 PM
just because they are seperated doesn't mean it is over and i have even know a few couples get remarried after their divorce was final so paperwork don't mean much you have to look at each case on it's own
 Psybina
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 855
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 7:57:26 PM
Sunshine,

I would have to re-iterate what other members have posted - it all depends on the length of separation and the circumstances behind this.

I dated someone who declared himself as 'separated' for only a few months. Luckily, he and his wife had maintained an amicable relationship in that they did not require a team of lawyers to help them settle the terms (ie. division of property, visitation of child). Although I had my reservations about the situation, he had moved into his own place and only spoke to her when it concerned their child.

The relationship did not last between us, but it was not due to his previous relationship as there was never a doubt in my mind that he would reconcile with her.

Just my little contribution, for what it's worth.
 alerodriver56
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 856
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:11:58 PM
How could you ever expect to be taken seriously if you are "separated"? I have found that most people (both sexes) tend to live in a non committed state like that. If she/he gets bored, they could always run back to the ex... And I don't know how they ever think they can get away with "oppps it just happened one night when I stayed over for the kids". It's all a bunch of crap if you ask me. Cut the cord and get on with life I say...

Ok Ok, so in order to get divorced you have to be saparated. But if you are going to split then you have to move out and not go back, file the papers, and when it's final and you are over your emotional wreckage (again both sexes), then you can start to seek companionships. Otherwise you are only playing a sick game with the one your currently with, and causing others to become synical and non trusting to everyone else they meet. Just look around you on this site for instance. Everyone thinks everyone else is "playin" them in one way or another, or are at the least so cautious of it that they won't open up.
Divorced and widowed are single..... Separated IS NOT SINGLE!
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 857
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:13:16 PM
depends on each situation individually I think...dayum isn't this thread dead yet??!!
 JohnnyPopper
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 858
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:21:14 PM
IF ya don't have divorce papers sayin' ya are, then you ain't single 'n are still married to them!
I wouldn't give a 2nd look to someone that's seperated anyway!
 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 860
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:14:52 AM
Checkin-u...I agree...I'm separated and have been for 2 years. We'll be divorced, but for financial reasons, it's best that we not do it right now. However, he lives his life in his house...and I live my life in mine. We're friendly but we're not "into" each other nor is there anything romantic between us. (There wasn't the last few years we were married...why would there be now?..lol)

For those that don't want to be involved with people who are separated, that's fine...to each his own...but ya never know what ya might be missing out on.

Now...can we end this thread and go about our separate lives?...lol
 anewlife4me
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 861
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:21:50 AM
My divorce is not final. The bum is trying to bleed me financially. In my eyes I'm divorced, but only because in my eyes the bum is dead...........
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 863
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:59:33 PM
Yes it is. You're not seeing each other, living with each other , touching each other or supporting each other and not living in the same dwelling with each other and 99 percent of the time she'll already be with someone else. There may be the possibility of reconcilliation but I would think those people didn't know what they were doing to begin with and should have never separated from each other.

People are suppose to separate because they KNOW they are incompatible and can no longer live more with each other forever !!!. The Law generally makes it manditory that time pass before a Divorce may be issued just in case couples change thier mind.

I think before anyone separates they should ask themselves " Would I get divorced immediately if there were no separation time requirement ? " . If their answer is yes then they need to separate and if not then they are not sure what they want to really do yet and they should not separate.

Really I don't feel the Law should have anything to do with marriage. It should be an issue of the Church only as the concept of Marriage is a religious creation.
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 865
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:24:42 PM
I understand. I am kinda in the same boat myself in different sort of way but there is one damm thing for sure I'm done 100 percent and never going back. The day the law say I can now receive my divorce I will be outside the courthouse as early as collectors are waiting for a new Beannie baby at the Halmark Shop
 unknown biker
Joined: 3/13/2004
Msg: 867
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:18:34 PM
unresolved issues does not a relationship make
 sunshine_24_7
Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 869
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:09:20 PM
My ex and I have been separated almost 18 mnths now. The only reason that we are not divorced is the fact that he is living with his current girlfriend and sees no reason to cooperate. We have gone back to court 3 times for it to be finalized and each time he has a rason for it to be delayed again. He doesn't see the kids, doesn't pay child support, and has had no contact with us over a year now. The divorce is a tool he uses to jerk us around because it still gives him a little control over us. But, the next hearing is in Sept, and I hope, pray and am keeping my fingers crossed that this is it. So, I think I am kind of in limbo. Until it is over, how can I ask anyone to be with me seriously? It would be wonderful to find someone, but I keep thinking that if it is meant to happen it will, regardless of the circumstances. I guess separated is single, depending on the situation, the person, and the story behind the length of the separation.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 870
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:52:58 PM
"I believe that marriage should not be a legal or government issue, Use civil unions instead"

Would it make a difference what its called? After the lawyers are finished with it, its going to mean the exact same thing and be subject to the same standards and legalities.
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 872
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:53:36 AM
Ummm Let me make a point here. If separated isn't single then there should be no issue with bank accounts still being joint and your ex picking the kids up from school and taking them where ever they choose without your consent or knowledge or even coming to your place unannounced while your new friend is there or with their new friend just to visit. ??
 Nvrgiveup
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 874
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 11:46:48 AM
I have been seperated for 7 years now. Not a chance in HELL of a reconsiliation! Why not divorced? Because I was using him for healthcare coverage to be honest. I had none and he had not taken me off his. This was the ONLY thing I got when I left, no support, NOTHING. Now he doesn't even have that. He changed employers.

In 7 years I have spoken to him twice - both times I initiated the contact over our youngest son. His side of the conversation started out with "what the f**k do you want". He was abusive in the relationship and continues to be so even though it has ended. He continues to blame me for everything - even his drinking and he has been to rehab!

He is now living with someone - poor woman!

As for not being divorced at this point - I don't give a crap! He is still bitter and has made it clear through the grapevine that he will make it very difficult for me should I attempt to divorce him. Soooooo, I have no reason to divorce at this time - not like I want to get married or anything. I'll let him take the initiative. Just to make my life easier! The minute I get papers from him, it's all over. I'm not making contact!

You have to take each situation as it comes. I wouldn't date anyone who is still living in the same house and claiming they are seperated. I also would have to think very hard about someone who has been seperated for less than a year.
 beachbounddee
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 875
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:08:25 PM
It's just not worth the risk.........In my situation his family introduced me to him when his wife left him for the 3rd time. Without a doubt, the love of my life. When she met me, she begged him back and he went. He has great family values which is one of the traits I loved about him. The risk for me was just way tooo great!
 classact504
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 876
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:22:20 PM
Is separated was single you wouldn't need a divorce.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 877
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:38:23 PM
"Is separated was single you wouldn't need a divorce"

There it is right there in a nutshell. It can be sliced and diced but thats the truth.

A single person can legally marry anyone whom they desire to marry. A seperated person can't.

Whether you call it semantics or a formality or a worthless legality does'nt matter. It is what it is and what is...is

My take is that a seperated person has the right to date other people, they have the right to have sex with other people, they have the right to live their life as they see fit. They can do whatever they choose that fits within their own personal moral standards. Makes no difference what I say or think.

The one thing that they can't do though is say that they are'nt married.
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