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 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 651
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Is separated single?Page 27 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Now, now Hazel......he said legally 'able' to get married. He didn't say anything about wanting to. Personally, Being single (never married), I think it's a good definition.

Read all 27 pages. You'll see that people that are separated (as in - not divorced) overwhelmingly consider separated to be single. You'll also see that most (I didn't say all) people that are not married, consider separated to be "not single".

What you see apparently depends on where you are standing when you're looking.
 Esperanza143
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 652
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 6:01:15 AM
Bottom line in the scheme of things...if you state that you are seperated and it does not fit the "normally defined" terms ...then if you are serious enough to ask another person to date...or even to meet for coffee...then the full disclosure of an atypical "seperation" would be reasonable and prudent, to include in the discussions, either prior to a date or meeting, although if only meeting for a coffee....to hear that for the first time face to face would be much nicer than to get it emailed or chatted....
It takes a great leap of faith to buy into the litany of reasons people choose as their rationale to remain within a relationship...while outside of it as well..and what works for one person does not necessarily work for another.

Obviously many men and women have been burned by this scenario, to have this size of thread, but there is also rays of sunshine.
 rvlvr
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 653
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 8:21:38 AM
Well, I've been seperated for 5 yrs now, don't want it back, and want to move on. Financially it's a tax thing, so untill miss right comes along, why spend the money. never hear from her, don't see her and I'm 150 miles away from her, no kids and no regrets, she bankrupt me, and all i can say is good ridens.....Now, where's all the NICE women, who want a nice guy, that just wants to get on with life....and snuggle a bit..
 deajr65
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 654
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 9:22:39 AM
I feel being seperated is recovery time....Remembering who you were and who want to be..

Theropy..........And you never know what can happen...
 Teddy!!!
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 655
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 5:23:43 PM
Separated can be single….. I have been separated for over three-year and have not laid eyes on my ex, I claim income tax single… I pay my own bills and raise my child. There maybe special circumstances surrounding to why someone did not got the whole 9 yards. My situation takes the cake. But I am not going to post it for the world to read. HOWEVER … as long as the baggage is unpacked and the person has given enough time to get over the past relationship.. They are single!!!!
 swarthy
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 656
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/18/2006 5:47:53 PM
to me the definition of being single is no strings attached like never maried no boyfriend or girlfried or even divorced to me is single, being separated to me is married but living separate lifes., no pun intended but like the saying goes "Is not over untill the fat lady sings"
 hazel,eyes
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 657
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 5:16:57 AM
ok if im not classified as single ill give you my exes phone # and you can tell him im still married and that its not over betwwen us yet cause the fat lady hasnt sang yet,, ill laugh at you when you when he tells you where to go and how to get there
 vrb1955
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 658
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 5:34:56 AM
You are still legally married in the eyes of the law and certain churches . In the state of PA. We have a little thing called NO Fault Divorce..If you are serious about dissolving the marriage it's less than 500.00 to get one.


Pitty poor Sir Paul McCartney..no pre-nup, a 1.5 billion fortune , and child support to pay for the next 18 years ..he should have just stayed married
 iam_devilwoman
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 659
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 5:43:16 AM
If they have been separated for only a short time, then you risk that they might get back together. On the other hand...someone in my shoes, been seperated for 8 years, he has his life and I have mine....divorce, I can't afford a "crook" and he won't pay for one..tried the "free" thing but with that both parties have to agree on everything, right down to the way he dots his i's, and although I would be getting the sh*tty end of the stick here I have agreed to give it all to him just to get it finalized. I look at myself as being single.
 pam626
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 660
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 5:57:45 AM
in my book....OH YES!!!! I am seperated by my choice...but unfortunately have to wait until the $##% agrees to something...or the judge will decide. Some people...seperated is not by their choice so I think that they will have a harder time meeting someone..
 MissIcey
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 661
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 6:12:20 AM
No technically it isn't, however I would take a lot of factors into consideration before dating someone who is separated rather than divorced.

My current beau is separated, but he was separated for a year from his spouse before we met, and had already divided assets and come to a custody arrangement via a legal separation agreement. He is currently going through the divorce proceedings, but wasn't when we met. I can't lie and say I am not glad that soon his ex will indeed be his ex legally, however it has not been a huge issue.

I think though that l would be leery of anyone who had not gone through the division of assets, who still lived in the same home as their ex-spouse (for whatever reason), or who had only recently split up.

Just my 2 cents.
 bigcubsfan
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 662
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 7:52:49 PM
yes! seperated means that your on your own once again!
sepersted meaning not together! divorced means no
leagal ties together. my opinion, seperated is a word
that makes it ok to go out with other guys! im a big
time believer in either marr or not. please dont argue or
yell at me, its only my opinion.

jeff
 sassyvgirl
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 663
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/19/2006 8:50:39 PM

I feel being seperated is recovery time....Remembering who you were and who want to be..

Theropy..........And you never know what can happen...


I agree with that....however, I do understand that there are sometimes extenuating circumstances that keep people legally married for longer than they would like...I just don't beleive that money should be one of them...just my .02
 zadsghost
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 664
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/20/2006 2:31:51 AM
For the las time. Separated means it's over. The fat lady (my ex) sang. With the exception of some usless piece of paper, it's done with. I'm happier now then I have been in a decade. I used to think that this would be a bad thing. Now I'm learning to take time for myself. Which is something that I had totally forgotten how to do. I'm not going back. The agreement has been written. What's going to change during the year that I HAVE TO wait before the divorce is finnal?
 carcar68
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 665
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/20/2006 12:59:55 PM
Good one Christina!!! I agree with you.
 edm_liz
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 666
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:01:33 PM
my divorce cost me $175 dollars, and an afternoon of paperwork. If they don't bother getting a divorce, there is a reason they are hanging on to that person....and it's creepy.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 667
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:05:59 PM
"What's going to change during the year that I HAVE TO wait before the divorce is finnal?"

A year from now, you can look back and see for yourself what has changed. You will probably be surprised.
 zadsghost
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 668
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 12:14:32 AM
^^^^We seperated two years ago now (verbally). Legally, because we only sold our house a few months ago. We can not actually divorce untill Jan 2007. We are as done as done can be. It's the law that's in our way now. Everything has been divided. Joint costody of the children has been settled. IT'S NOTHING BUT PAPER!!!

You also have to keep in mind, that laws change for one province to another. (and for you Americans here, I'm sure that they change from one state to the next.)

I'm just geting a little tired of the ones that think that you can just go out and get divorced tomorrow, and it's all done with. The law is horribly slow.

 KrissiNJ72
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 669
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 12:40:44 AM
I'm technically considered "seperated"...I haven't slept with my kids' dad in over 5 years or had any other relationship with him other than for the sake of our children..I have very young children and don't think a divorce/ custody battle is what they need right now...We all do what we feel is best in our lives but that doesn't mean we don't deserve the right to move on..so long as you are honest.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 670
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 6:33:36 AM
How can separated be single when almost every sentence separated people write contains the word "We". When we become I, then you are getting a lot closer to being healed and ready to move on.
 mai_ling
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 671
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:18:30 AM
separated=separated
divorced=divorced
single=single
widowed=widowed

separated doesn't not mean single and does not mean divorced.
 nicodomeus
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 672
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:41:56 AM
Coming from a marriage broken because of this same question, I am somewhat biased on the subject. If you are seperated, and are sleeping with someone new, IT IS STILL CHEATING!!!!

It still hurts your spouse when they walk in on it, it's not fair to them. Bottom line, if your seperated, and you want to start a relationship with someone new, at least give your spouse a heads up first, and go through the divorce.

It's sad, really.....it's not just the married couple that get hurt, we're grown up and can take care of ourselves. It's the children that now have to deal with the decisions that were made, and they depend on their parents to look out for them...

Sorry, sometimes different situations are okay, like when the other person dissapears, I can't imagine the pain that would cause, but a cheater is a cheater, no matter what. Being seperated is just an excuse some people make.
 nicodomeus
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 673
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Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:48:05 AM
on a side note, once the steps are taken to end the marriage, and both parties agree that it's actually over and time to move on, it's okay to start looking. It's been over a year now for me, and I'm only just now starting to come out of my shell. No, i'm not divorced yet, but will be by the end of the summer. what a loaded question....
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 674
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 9:36:39 AM
^^^^^ Wow. That was a sharp U-turn. So you thought a "trial separation " was going to bring you closer together and he saw it as the beginning of the end. I did the "trial " part three years ago and should never have backed away from the process at that time.

@Edm liz
my divorce cost me $175 dollars

As devilwoman stated, your budget divorce is only good if you both agree on all terms. Furthermore, I would have my doubts as to how legally binding it is without having advice from a lawyer (and a voucher saying you have) so there's no danger that one party can claim to have been tricked, or signed under duress.
 dee-licious trouble
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 675
Is separated single?
Posted: 5/21/2006 10:22:13 AM

Coming from a marriage broken because of this same question, I am somewhat biased on the subject. If you are seperated, and are sleeping with someone new, IT IS STILL CHEATING!!!!

It still hurts your spouse when they walk in on it, it's not fair to them. Bottom line, if your seperated, and you want to start a relationship with someone new, at least give your spouse a heads up first, and go through the divorce.


from this i can only assume that you would still be living with your spouse?...
A) legally, if you are separated, it is NOT cheating, or does not constitute adultery, or else a divorce would be a hell of a lot easier, as with adultery and/or cruetly, you need not wait the year to get a divorce.
B) if you are still living with your spouse, then you are not REALLY separated. and i agree that it would hurt.

However, as a separated woman, as i've stated many times before, i believe that because of my own personal circumstances, as with EVERYBODY else's personal circumstances, it makes each situation individual. if you are living with your spouse still, you obviously still love them enough to tolerate them. personally, i couldn't do it, which is why i asked him to leave. my marriage ended because of infidelities (not on my part) as well, but my now ex and i have agreed that we're done, and that we are free to move on with our lives.


i don't know why i keep coming back to this thread, as the ignorance and narrowmindedness of some people just...AARRGGGGHHH...
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