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 mizbex
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 850
Is separated single?Page 28 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
As I said before, I would not get involved with someone who was separated. I did this not so long ago and although I don't regret it, it was very hard to go through. You never know if the reason things didn't work out was because of his old relationship or the new one.

Just last week a man contacted me that was PERFECT for me, smart, cute, funny, good guy, but separated, as great as he would have been for me, I had to tell him, let me know when it is over and he was a total gentleman about it, gotta love that.
 SumpinNu
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 851
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:41:30 AM
No. Stills means married but intentions are to eventually get divorce.
 ScorpioMI77
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 852
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 1:06:42 PM
B4 I moved out of my x husband's home we had seperated for a year and living in seperate quaters, HOWEVER, out of respect and the fact that I was still legally married and living under the roof, I did not date anyone. Why would I want to bring another man in to my life when I was still fixing my own? Why would anyone want to involve themselves with a aman or a woman still married and living with the spouse..."seperated or not" Even after I moved out I did not date for well over a year and waited until my divorce was final b4 becoming intimate with anyone. That is just me and how I chose to respect and to follow through with my situation.

If you are no longer living together "legally seperated" and have filed for divorce, still waiting for the FINAL date..then perhaps..but to me that would still even be risky dating someone who was in that situation, you never know they may run back to them or refuse to sign papers, and then you are left with the choice of making a complicated decision...you need to make sure you KNOW EVERYTHING and every little detail..... I just wouldn't go there and avoid the whole thing.
 tonto60
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 853
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 4:01:14 PM
just because they are seperated doesn't mean it is over and i have even know a few couples get remarried after their divorce was final so paperwork don't mean much you have to look at each case on it's own
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 854
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 7:43:22 PM


just because they are seperated doesn't mean it is over and i have even know a few couples get remarried after their divorce was final so paperwork don't mean much you have to look at each case on it's own


Exactly.

As for me, the relationship ends the second one party walks out the door. Not before, and not if I suspect they are still emotionally attached.

I don't believe in "I cheated on my spouse during that six month period when we were separated". My reaction to that is Huh??? How can you cheat on someone you are not in a relationship with?

To demonstrate how literally I take this...I dated a woman very seriously for three months. My intent was long term. She had several mental health issues so it was a very dramatic courtship.

Then she confesses that everything she did was a lie. She had no mental health issues (well, not the ones she previously told me she had!). Almost everything she told me was a lie. The only things I know are true are literally her name and home address and phone numbers. That's it.

She is one of those women who play with men's heads on the Internet. Really messes them up. She wanted to try it in real life, and I am the sucker who fell for it. This was in 2002, and I still have effects from it.

It was very late when she told me, so I told her I'd sleep on it. The next morning, I told her that it was over.

I escorted her to her car, and she drove away. As I walked into the house, the phone rang.

On the phone was a lover with whom an arrangement was made. If either of us were involved in a relationship, no deal. Otherwise maybe.

She asked to come over. I said, "Well, my relationship with Lee ended about two seconds ago. Sure, why not."
 Psybina
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 855
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 7:57:26 PM
Sunshine,

I would have to re-iterate what other members have posted - it all depends on the length of separation and the circumstances behind this.

I dated someone who declared himself as 'separated' for only a few months. Luckily, he and his wife had maintained an amicable relationship in that they did not require a team of lawyers to help them settle the terms (ie. division of property, visitation of child). Although I had my reservations about the situation, he had moved into his own place and only spoke to her when it concerned their child.

The relationship did not last between us, but it was not due to his previous relationship as there was never a doubt in my mind that he would reconcile with her.

Just my little contribution, for what it's worth.
 alerodriver56
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 856
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:11:58 PM
How could you ever expect to be taken seriously if you are "separated"? I have found that most people (both sexes) tend to live in a non committed state like that. If she/he gets bored, they could always run back to the ex... And I don't know how they ever think they can get away with "oppps it just happened one night when I stayed over for the kids". It's all a bunch of crap if you ask me. Cut the cord and get on with life I say...

Ok Ok, so in order to get divorced you have to be saparated. But if you are going to split then you have to move out and not go back, file the papers, and when it's final and you are over your emotional wreckage (again both sexes), then you can start to seek companionships. Otherwise you are only playing a sick game with the one your currently with, and causing others to become synical and non trusting to everyone else they meet. Just look around you on this site for instance. Everyone thinks everyone else is "playin" them in one way or another, or are at the least so cautious of it that they won't open up.
Divorced and widowed are single..... Separated IS NOT SINGLE!
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 857
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:13:16 PM
depends on each situation individually I think...dayum isn't this thread dead yet??!!
 JohnnyPopper
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 858
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:21:14 PM
IF ya don't have divorce papers sayin' ya are, then you ain't single 'n are still married to them!
I wouldn't give a 2nd look to someone that's seperated anyway!
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 859
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:56:32 AM
checkin-u, I just read your profile.

You are my kind of lady. Good thing you live way over there, so I can't bug you.

Love your sense of humor, your looks, everything. If there were an award for profiles, I'd give it to you.

And of course...another perfect woman who isn't looking.... *sigh*
 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 860
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:14:52 AM
Checkin-u...I agree...I'm separated and have been for 2 years. We'll be divorced, but for financial reasons, it's best that we not do it right now. However, he lives his life in his house...and I live my life in mine. We're friendly but we're not "into" each other nor is there anything romantic between us. (There wasn't the last few years we were married...why would there be now?..lol)

For those that don't want to be involved with people who are separated, that's fine...to each his own...but ya never know what ya might be missing out on.

Now...can we end this thread and go about our separate lives?...lol
 anewlife4me
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 861
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:21:50 AM
My divorce is not final. The bum is trying to bleed me financially. In my eyes I'm divorced, but only because in my eyes the bum is dead...........
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 863
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:59:33 PM
Yes it is. You're not seeing each other, living with each other , touching each other or supporting each other and not living in the same dwelling with each other and 99 percent of the time she'll already be with someone else. There may be the possibility of reconcilliation but I would think those people didn't know what they were doing to begin with and should have never separated from each other.

People are suppose to separate because they KNOW they are incompatible and can no longer live more with each other forever !!!. The Law generally makes it manditory that time pass before a Divorce may be issued just in case couples change thier mind.

I think before anyone separates they should ask themselves " Would I get divorced immediately if there were no separation time requirement ? " . If their answer is yes then they need to separate and if not then they are not sure what they want to really do yet and they should not separate.

Really I don't feel the Law should have anything to do with marriage. It should be an issue of the Church only as the concept of Marriage is a religious creation.
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 865
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:24:42 PM
I understand. I am kinda in the same boat myself in different sort of way but there is one damm thing for sure I'm done 100 percent and never going back. The day the law say I can now receive my divorce I will be outside the courthouse as early as collectors are waiting for a new Beannie baby at the Halmark Shop
 unknown biker
Joined: 3/13/2004
Msg: 867
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:18:34 PM
unresolved issues does not a relationship make
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 868
view profile
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/4/2006 7:28:25 AM
Catonic, I agree completely.

I thought about separating for a year before we actually did. I told her the next day that there would be NO reconciliation.

I believe that marriage should not be a legal or government issue, Use civil unions instead. Marriage should be a religious, church or book club thing.
 sunshine_24_7
Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 869
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:09:20 PM
My ex and I have been separated almost 18 mnths now. The only reason that we are not divorced is the fact that he is living with his current girlfriend and sees no reason to cooperate. We have gone back to court 3 times for it to be finalized and each time he has a rason for it to be delayed again. He doesn't see the kids, doesn't pay child support, and has had no contact with us over a year now. The divorce is a tool he uses to jerk us around because it still gives him a little control over us. But, the next hearing is in Sept, and I hope, pray and am keeping my fingers crossed that this is it. So, I think I am kind of in limbo. Until it is over, how can I ask anyone to be with me seriously? It would be wonderful to find someone, but I keep thinking that if it is meant to happen it will, regardless of the circumstances. I guess separated is single, depending on the situation, the person, and the story behind the length of the separation.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 870
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:52:58 PM
"I believe that marriage should not be a legal or government issue, Use civil unions instead"

Would it make a difference what its called? After the lawyers are finished with it, its going to mean the exact same thing and be subject to the same standards and legalities.
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 871
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:01:41 AM


Would it make a difference what its called? After the lawyers are finished with it, its going to mean the exact same thing and be subject to the same standards and legalities.


I am no lawyer but if a civil union is the same as marriage, then why the huge outcry against gays marrying? Gays have had civil unions for decades.

What I mean is that there should be no such thing as marriage as we know it. The laws that apply to common-law couples would be more than adequate.

That way, couples could break up and remarry as they wished. Children and property issues are handled as they are now. In Canada, after 2 years common-law spouses have the same rights as married spouses.

I find the fact that I can get married in a few days ridiculous. Especially when it takes a minimum of one year to divorce. Looks like the law has it backwards.
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 872
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:53:36 AM
Ummm Let me make a point here. If separated isn't single then there should be no issue with bank accounts still being joint and your ex picking the kids up from school and taking them where ever they choose without your consent or knowledge or even coming to your place unannounced while your new friend is there or with their new friend just to visit. ??
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 873
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 9:05:49 AM


Ummm Let me make a point here. If separated isn't single then there should be no issue with bank accounts still being joint and your ex picking the kids up from school and taking them where ever they choose without your consent or knowledge or even coming to your place unannounced while your new friend is there or with their new friend just to visit. ??


Good points.

The first thing I did when we separated was to untie myself from her financially. I don't think we had a joint bank account because two people using the same bank account is a nightmare. Got that teeshirt and tore it to shreds long ago.

Let her keep the house key so she could visit the kids. Then she read my emails, so I took the house key back.

An aside: Windows 95 is so easy to hack, even she could do it. All she had to do at the login screen was click Cancel. Windows 95 then uses the default account. Since there was only one account, mine, it defaulted to mine. No wonder everyone thinks Microsoft security is a joke.

As far as new friends, no problem. She introduced me to her boyfriend who is a former model, a singer and a chef.

She didn't want to meet my new friend though.

As far as picking the kids up from school, she moved to Sweden so that is not a problem.
 Nvrgiveup
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 874
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 11:46:48 AM
I have been seperated for 7 years now. Not a chance in HELL of a reconsiliation! Why not divorced? Because I was using him for healthcare coverage to be honest. I had none and he had not taken me off his. This was the ONLY thing I got when I left, no support, NOTHING. Now he doesn't even have that. He changed employers.

In 7 years I have spoken to him twice - both times I initiated the contact over our youngest son. His side of the conversation started out with "what the f**k do you want". He was abusive in the relationship and continues to be so even though it has ended. He continues to blame me for everything - even his drinking and he has been to rehab!

He is now living with someone - poor woman!

As for not being divorced at this point - I don't give a crap! He is still bitter and has made it clear through the grapevine that he will make it very difficult for me should I attempt to divorce him. Soooooo, I have no reason to divorce at this time - not like I want to get married or anything. I'll let him take the initiative. Just to make my life easier! The minute I get papers from him, it's all over. I'm not making contact!

You have to take each situation as it comes. I wouldn't date anyone who is still living in the same house and claiming they are seperated. I also would have to think very hard about someone who has been seperated for less than a year.
 beachbounddee
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 875
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:08:25 PM
It's just not worth the risk.........In my situation his family introduced me to him when his wife left him for the 3rd time. Without a doubt, the love of my life. When she met me, she begged him back and he went. He has great family values which is one of the traits I loved about him. The risk for me was just way tooo great!
 classact504
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 876
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:22:20 PM
Is separated was single you wouldn't need a divorce.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 877
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:38:23 PM
"Is separated was single you wouldn't need a divorce"

There it is right there in a nutshell. It can be sliced and diced but thats the truth.

A single person can legally marry anyone whom they desire to marry. A seperated person can't.

Whether you call it semantics or a formality or a worthless legality does'nt matter. It is what it is and what is...is

My take is that a seperated person has the right to date other people, they have the right to have sex with other people, they have the right to live their life as they see fit. They can do whatever they choose that fits within their own personal moral standards. Makes no difference what I say or think.

The one thing that they can't do though is say that they are'nt married.
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