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 Bdamnman
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 123
Is separated single?Page 3 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
There was no way on earth I would have went back with my ex. I don't care what she could have done, there was no way...

The question is... what are the secret thoughts of the person you are dating who says they are separated, and will you know them?????

I think one person can tell you they are separated and they are good to go for a new relationship, and another one isn't. Only they know... and they may be in denial.
 dimples196754481
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 124
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:49:32 PM
I think every case is different. I am seperated, and not divorced and I consider myself single. I have been seperated since 2000. The only reason I amnot divorced is because the to be x won't help pay for the divorce. I live on my own and it is tough enough without trying to add another darn bill, altho i am working on finding someone cheap. We live in different towns and even before we actually seperated I lived by myselfr and when we did live together we had seperate bedrooms for almost 2 years. I have already had a 3 year live in boyfriend. So I am sooo single inmy eyes.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 126
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:43:58 PM

Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses


IMO, separated means they physically live apart and the divorce papers are filed; it also means they have dated others before me, as rebound relationships aren't any fun. I personally wouldn't date someone who was still living in the same home; there are other ways to save expenses. I also wouldn't date a separated - or divorced - person unless they had been apart from their spouse for a while and had dated several others before me. Sure, there's always the chance that the separated people could get back together, but that's not a given. There's also the chance that they could meet someone else while they're with you; nothing is ever certain. But I believe that one has to look at the overall situation before they make their decision about whether or not to get involved.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 128
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:00:50 PM
cusema, I know how you feel...but when we get past our 30s we all have baggage of some kind; it's how we handle that baggage that makes the difference. Some people let it influence every decision they make, while others learn from it, realize what they do and don't want in their own life, and go on form there. Though that doesn't mean we don't make anymore mistakes ;)

I really believe that if we each figure out what we do and don't want in our own lives, it's easier to find someone who has done the same. If we don't know what's important to our self, we can't expect to find someone to make a good relationship with; it's like that old saying about how one has to be happy with them self before they can be happy with someone else.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 129
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:43:30 PM
To the OP's question, "Is separated single"? In a legal sense, NO. In a dating sense, MAYBE. It's easy to have a knee-jerk reaction and say "separated people have baggage, they're likely to reconcile, they're on the rebound", etc. Every situation is different. In the US, depending on whatever state you live in there are different divorce laws that require a person to be legally separated for X amount of time.

You got to judge the situation before you discount the possibility of starting a relationship. Ladies, is Brad Pitt legally divorced? If he is, say right after he broke up with Aniston, you see him, he approaches you, you going to say "hell no I can't date Brad Pitt, he SEPARATED". Get real.

Every situation is different and a separated person could be as available as a single person. I don't blame rock.com with not posting every single detail about her personal situation on internet dating sites. And it's good that she determined that she is OVER with her husband and wants to move on to the next Someone Special (you go girl). I was in a similar situation, met a lady via the internet, her profile says "divorced", turns out she's separated. Normally I'd think "she lies about this, what else is she going to lie about?" Turns out one of the SMARTEST things I've done in my life is to have dated this woman. Needless to say she had a unique situation which I believed once I listened to her stories (which were very entertaining), her relationship was TOTALLY over, and she awaited the impending divorce. We had GREAT COMMUNICATION, of which I placed paramount value.

It's ok to feel like you cannot date someone who's separated, you can have whatever dating criteria you choose, but you are POSSIBLY limiting yourself to not meet your Someone Special. You only have a limited time on this earth, like the Rolling Stones said "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you'll get what you need!"
 dcandyman1
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 130
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:54:35 PM
im there now my wife left me two years ago, to find herself, and i was very loyal to her as i didnt know if she would come back. now we are getting a divorce and it takes too long and i want to get on with my life, i feel it is ok for me. now if they are living together please make sure you dont get hurt and find out someone is lying to you.
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 135
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/6/2006 9:34:27 AM
I now change my answer to it being on a case by case basis. Why?

I was chatting with a guy (finally opened up to it again) and last night decided to tell him I thought it would be best if he gave it another try with the ex. Again why? Because the ex is the one who ended it..and she's now found herself in quite the mess...and is telling the kids that there's a chance she and daddy will get back together.

That's a big ole red flag to me...why would I step into that situation...it's doomed from the beginning if you ask me...the kids would never like me because she's filling their heads with hope. So to me...either eliminate all hope...or try to fix it so you can have the family you used to. But it's not for me to be involved in.

So in answer to the question..Case by Case basis.
 hnbtrfly
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 137
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/6/2006 10:21:14 AM
I too am involved with someone who is married, yet seperated, I feel as though i am breaking a rule, though he does live on his own with his roommates, he says as soon as he gets the "money" they will file, want to push...no shove him in that direction to allow myself to not feel guilty for dating a married man, oh and this is not the first guy, yes there are many. I know divorce is prevelant but come on now, I am so tired of this.
 tamarindnector
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:19:47 AM
After reviewing some of the perspectives here I'm left with the thought that those who lie, are emotionally not over someone else, and who might return to a former partner or re-commit fidelity to a current partner can be anyone irregardless of their marital status. Until we spend some time, get to know, and develop more intimacy will we know better if that person is emotionally available and over the past relationship. I've been separated from my husband for over 2 years. I haven't divorced because yes, of course, my ideal is that he will get a standing grip on his addiction, for which staying together was causing too much destruction and enablement. Until he gets some time in recovery, we can't really re-examine the shaken foundation of our relationship. In the meantime, my love for him has increasingly waned and I miss being in companionship of someone close that I care for. In my separation, I'm open to meeting friends, dating, sharing companionship. If something special develops with one person, I'm emotionally available, willing to pursue further, and able to put closure on my marriage. Until I'm into something that seems to be developing into a relationship, I'm not motivated to exert such finality regarding my marriage. I'm one of the few people who is straight-forward and puts my status out there when first meeting someone. I dislike being deceived so I don't do that to others. If someone is uncomfortable with my separation status, I don't judge them, respecting that it's just not something they want to get involved with.
 Lily47
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 144
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:56:41 AM
I understand snowflake ............I am in a situation where I obtained my religous divorce, but to get the civil divorce will cost me about $10,000 on top of the money already spent protecting my kids and fighting for child support ( 1.5 yrs and $10,000). He is on the second girlfriend in that time and living with her, yet everytime it is close to a court judgement - he stalls it or refuses to sign the final papers. I would rather spend this money on my children.

I don't think I or anyone else should punish me for something he refuses to finish. I would and will date a seperated man - but would wonder if he stayed that way after the mandatory year wait. At this point, I am not looking to remarry - so that isn't an issue.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 150
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:37:09 PM
I give up The white flag is out.

It seems that some people here are bent out of shape, based on their own miserable experiences, to show how bad and terrible "Seperated" people are regardless of the person's person circumstance.

You win! We are all so bad and terrible...everyone else that is not seperated, lying or not...are in fact just and genuine people. If you buy that then I have some property for you to look at too while your at it

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

Bandito
 RockDotChic
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 151
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:39:05 PM

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

AMEN Bandito! :o)


 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 153
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:48:44 PM
Thank you rockdotcomchic
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 154
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 1:50:03 PM
Sienna_leigh: I'm just saying that some people stick to their principles no matter what. :-)

As one gets older usually one's opinion can adapt to the many grey areas of life. Sticking to principles for princple sake limits your ability to grow and fully develop an informed and educated opinion. It's too bad many of us have been burned by involving ourselves physically, emotionally, and intimately with separated people who carried their relationship baggage into the new relationship and/or were really not "separated". You can choose to date anyone you wish, of course, but to classify all separated people as "undateable" is foolhardy. Use your gut instincts when sizing up the "separation" of someone who is separated. The separated person can get divorced and be a jackass--but it would be good for you to consider dating a divorced jackass?

You have to use the grey cells in your brain to accurately size up the grey areas of life. Inflexible dating attitudes regarding dating someone who is separated only encourages separated people to be deceptive about their status, and nobody wants that.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 156
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 2:58:05 PM
sienna, i've got principles too, but my opinions are flexible, and that doesn't mean i'm wishy-washy. i've experienced things that have caused me to rethink my opinions, you've experienced things that have strengthened your convictions.

but just when you think you've seen everything, you see something you've never seen before. and just when you have all the answers, that's when someone changes the questions.

i'm just as stubborn as you sienna. i like that in a person, here's a hug to help bury the hachet.
 Bytronix
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 158
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:49:43 PM
Seperated is not single.
Seperated is "too afraid to finish off the relationship".
 Trailer Trash Barbie
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 164
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:44:16 PM
Well that would depend on whether or not I have to share the doublewide with his ex.....
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 170
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 8:29:53 AM
@sweetie....onehelluvawomandid a great job echoing my sentiments.

We differ in our position and that is fine.
 aegean_odyssey
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 172
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 2:07:58 PM
Sunshine2tan is correct and I do not see why this thread persists

Is separated single?
Absolutely not!

Separated is still legally married..
as in the State of Florida (as in many others)-- there is NO legal separation
and it is a NO- Fault Divorce State-- you can be done in 30 days here

I know people here who have been "separated" for 5 or more years here
and carry on as if they are single,, other relationships, living etc.

But in the eyes of the LAW they are very much still married..
{this is not a religous perspective but a matter of LAW.}

In most ALL cases Separated means do not go near this person

In the State of Florida --sexual relations/actions while separated are ADULTRY

*********************************************************

States such as New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Connecticut and others
require a legal separation in order to complete the divorce process
the time may vary from one - two YEARS but the red flag is still held high
stay away

In my case I was over 100 miles and three States apart from my wife and
woman would still say I was married ,, even though we had no intentions to
spend any time together....

In more recent times I did date a woman who said she was "separated" her husband
moved out of the house with another woman,, But since the coals were still relatively
warm and wounds had nit yet healed I was hurt in the end..

Fair is fair -- LAW is LAW --- your not Single again in the eyes of the LAW until the divorce
is FINAL... no further explanation there...

Should you decide to continue in limbo/separated for an extended period for whatever host of
justifications -- so be it --- BUT YOUR STILL MARRIED ---

So shag away and play,, in the end a spade is a spade and your commiting ADULTRY
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 173
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 3:39:31 PM

hmmm...is it my imagination or is bandito doing the flirt thang with onehelluvawomen?


Nope...not your imagination sunshine2tan Even though I don't date I do like to flirt

but shhhhh....I think its against the forum rules
 Oakluv
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 175
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 4:58:34 PM
NOT a good idea to get involved with someone who claims to be separated. I was burned badly by someone who was separated, claimed her and I were soulmates, said she loved me, said she was committed, and ended up going back to her ex'. Live and learn...."
 Ementat
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 178
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:34:41 PM
seperated is just another way of getting your nookie behind your husbands or wifes back. File the paperwork, sever you connection to your former S/O, and contine your now non illicit romance, that you were having anyways, with less sneaking around. Unless of course, that was the point?
 worstguyonhere
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 182
No
Posted: 3/11/2006 6:00:07 PM
Now where the hell did I put my copy of Satanic Verses to chant while hanging idiots? Shug you seen it around?
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 186
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 3:25:35 PM
When some men say they are `separated` from their wives...they mean since BREAKFAST!!!! I personally won`t date a separated man...Just MHO...
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 187
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 3:56:26 PM
legally seperated is sperated.... not divorced or single.
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