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 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 129
Is separated single?Page 3 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
To the OP's question, "Is separated single"? In a legal sense, NO. In a dating sense, MAYBE. It's easy to have a knee-jerk reaction and say "separated people have baggage, they're likely to reconcile, they're on the rebound", etc. Every situation is different. In the US, depending on whatever state you live in there are different divorce laws that require a person to be legally separated for X amount of time.

You got to judge the situation before you discount the possibility of starting a relationship. Ladies, is Brad Pitt legally divorced? If he is, say right after he broke up with Aniston, you see him, he approaches you, you going to say "hell no I can't date Brad Pitt, he SEPARATED". Get real.

Every situation is different and a separated person could be as available as a single person. I don't blame rock.com with not posting every single detail about her personal situation on internet dating sites. And it's good that she determined that she is OVER with her husband and wants to move on to the next Someone Special (you go girl). I was in a similar situation, met a lady via the internet, her profile says "divorced", turns out she's separated. Normally I'd think "she lies about this, what else is she going to lie about?" Turns out one of the SMARTEST things I've done in my life is to have dated this woman. Needless to say she had a unique situation which I believed once I listened to her stories (which were very entertaining), her relationship was TOTALLY over, and she awaited the impending divorce. We had GREAT COMMUNICATION, of which I placed paramount value.

It's ok to feel like you cannot date someone who's separated, you can have whatever dating criteria you choose, but you are POSSIBLY limiting yourself to not meet your Someone Special. You only have a limited time on this earth, like the Rolling Stones said "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you'll get what you need!"
 dcandyman1
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 130
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:54:35 PM
im there now my wife left me two years ago, to find herself, and i was very loyal to her as i didnt know if she would come back. now we are getting a divorce and it takes too long and i want to get on with my life, i feel it is ok for me. now if they are living together please make sure you dont get hurt and find out someone is lying to you.
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 135
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/6/2006 9:34:27 AM
I now change my answer to it being on a case by case basis. Why?

I was chatting with a guy (finally opened up to it again) and last night decided to tell him I thought it would be best if he gave it another try with the ex. Again why? Because the ex is the one who ended it..and she's now found herself in quite the mess...and is telling the kids that there's a chance she and daddy will get back together.

That's a big ole red flag to me...why would I step into that situation...it's doomed from the beginning if you ask me...the kids would never like me because she's filling their heads with hope. So to me...either eliminate all hope...or try to fix it so you can have the family you used to. But it's not for me to be involved in.

So in answer to the question..Case by Case basis.
 hnbtrfly
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 137
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/6/2006 10:21:14 AM
I too am involved with someone who is married, yet seperated, I feel as though i am breaking a rule, though he does live on his own with his roommates, he says as soon as he gets the "money" they will file, want to push...no shove him in that direction to allow myself to not feel guilty for dating a married man, oh and this is not the first guy, yes there are many. I know divorce is prevelant but come on now, I am so tired of this.
 Lily47
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 144
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:56:41 AM
I understand snowflake ............I am in a situation where I obtained my religous divorce, but to get the civil divorce will cost me about $10,000 on top of the money already spent protecting my kids and fighting for child support ( 1.5 yrs and $10,000). He is on the second girlfriend in that time and living with her, yet everytime it is close to a court judgement - he stalls it or refuses to sign the final papers. I would rather spend this money on my children.

I don't think I or anyone else should punish me for something he refuses to finish. I would and will date a seperated man - but would wonder if he stayed that way after the mandatory year wait. At this point, I am not looking to remarry - so that isn't an issue.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 150
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:37:09 PM
I give up The white flag is out.

It seems that some people here are bent out of shape, based on their own miserable experiences, to show how bad and terrible "Seperated" people are regardless of the person's person circumstance.

You win! We are all so bad and terrible...everyone else that is not seperated, lying or not...are in fact just and genuine people. If you buy that then I have some property for you to look at too while your at it

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

Bandito
 RockDotChic
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 151
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:39:05 PM

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

AMEN Bandito! :o)


 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 153
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:48:44 PM
Thank you rockdotcomchic
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 154
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 1:50:03 PM
Sienna_leigh: I'm just saying that some people stick to their principles no matter what. :-)

As one gets older usually one's opinion can adapt to the many grey areas of life. Sticking to principles for princple sake limits your ability to grow and fully develop an informed and educated opinion. It's too bad many of us have been burned by involving ourselves physically, emotionally, and intimately with separated people who carried their relationship baggage into the new relationship and/or were really not "separated". You can choose to date anyone you wish, of course, but to classify all separated people as "undateable" is foolhardy. Use your gut instincts when sizing up the "separation" of someone who is separated. The separated person can get divorced and be a jackass--but it would be good for you to consider dating a divorced jackass?

You have to use the grey cells in your brain to accurately size up the grey areas of life. Inflexible dating attitudes regarding dating someone who is separated only encourages separated people to be deceptive about their status, and nobody wants that.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 156
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 2:58:05 PM
sienna, i've got principles too, but my opinions are flexible, and that doesn't mean i'm wishy-washy. i've experienced things that have caused me to rethink my opinions, you've experienced things that have strengthened your convictions.

but just when you think you've seen everything, you see something you've never seen before. and just when you have all the answers, that's when someone changes the questions.

i'm just as stubborn as you sienna. i like that in a person, here's a hug to help bury the hachet.
 Bytronix
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 158
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:49:43 PM
Seperated is not single.
Seperated is "too afraid to finish off the relationship".
 Trailer Trash Barbie
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 164
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:44:16 PM
Well that would depend on whether or not I have to share the doublewide with his ex.....
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 170
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 8:29:53 AM
@sweetie....onehelluvawomandid a great job echoing my sentiments.

We differ in our position and that is fine.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 173
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 3:39:31 PM

hmmm...is it my imagination or is bandito doing the flirt thang with onehelluvawomen?


Nope...not your imagination sunshine2tan Even though I don't date I do like to flirt

but shhhhh....I think its against the forum rules
 Oakluv
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 175
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 4:58:34 PM
NOT a good idea to get involved with someone who claims to be separated. I was burned badly by someone who was separated, claimed her and I were soulmates, said she loved me, said she was committed, and ended up going back to her ex'. Live and learn...."
 Ementat
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 178
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:34:41 PM
seperated is just another way of getting your nookie behind your husbands or wifes back. File the paperwork, sever you connection to your former S/O, and contine your now non illicit romance, that you were having anyways, with less sneaking around. Unless of course, that was the point?
 worstguyonhere
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 182
No
Posted: 3/11/2006 6:00:07 PM
Now where the hell did I put my copy of Satanic Verses to chant while hanging idiots? Shug you seen it around?
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 186
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 3:25:35 PM
When some men say they are `separated` from their wives...they mean since BREAKFAST!!!! I personally won`t date a separated man...Just MHO...
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 187
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 3:56:26 PM
legally seperated is sperated.... not divorced or single.
 ItsMeDoggie
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 188
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 4:21:58 PM
i was separated from my x for 3 years before i had the money to start the divorce.i was in no way going to even entertain the thought of dating until the whole deal was over. if the person ius just separted,that means that there is still another person envolved...
 nasajack2003
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 190
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:07:00 PM
In some states, separate(d) (ion) is viewed, and legally worded, as being 'single'. Stated in the petitions for divorce it will legally show separated parties can carry on as if they were single without interference from the other party, i.e., Florida and North Carolina. These two states recognize single conditions (at the time I divorced in NC in 1993, this was the case, and currently going through in FL) while divorce proceedings are ongoing. Even the wording and status can change from county to county within your own state! I'm going through that phase of 'time' which all it is to me is just that, TIME! You wait until the lawyers and courts tell you when the word 'divorced' can be officially used. Until that time, there are laws that allow you to live as a single person. I've been in this limbo status for over a year. The main house is for sale, and I currently live in another house bought in the past year on the eastern side of the state. There are no visits, midnight rendevous, or secret meetings with the soon-to-be-ex living on the western side of the state. I'm on POF, she is on eHarmony. So, have I moved on? Hell YES!

If all you know are the laws of your state, then of course there will be some doubt about another person's situation from across your own borders, making your decision to date someone 'separated' somewhat difficult morally and/or mentally. INDIGO ROSE is right...know what is being said, or legally worded, in your own state as well as the state of the other person. It could prove that being short minded might end up costing another chance at happiness.

In no way will the word 'separated' hinder my decision to move forward in my life while someone else (lawyers, courts, documents) decides for me when and where and how I conduct myself. If you (3rd person) can't handle the word 'separated', obviously its your ultimate decision. But to banish, condemn, or scoof at another person's status, lawfully different from your own, than you may be losing a chance to actually move ahead with someone you happen to like or vice versa.
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 193
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:46:52 PM
Lots of opinions, lots of different circumstances. Being "separated" is the gray area between "married" and "single." No, it is not the same thing as being single. For some people, it's pretty damn close. The caution - and probably a large portion of the venom - toward people who try to date while separated comes from the fact that some people claim to be separated when they are not, or when they are simply going to get back with the ex and just sipping some nookie on the side. The waters are further muddied by the differentiation between "separated" and "legally separated."

To answer the original question, I have dated women who were separated legally, and women who were separated but had not declared so legally. I am leery of this, however, and I need to have a strong sense of that person being separated and genuinely headed toward divorce before I would consider getting involved.

Having been divorced, myself, I am somewhat sceptical of the claims of finances being the only reason someone is not divorced. Divorce paperwork does not require a lawyer in the United States. I filed a copetitioner's divorce in the state of Oregon. No lawyer was involved on either side. We paid a mediator $350, and beyond that, split the cost of the filing between the two of us. All told, it cost maybe $200 apiece for both of us.

That's a small price to pay for getting on with my life.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 195
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:59:46 PM
nope.... Married - living together = separated.... ( i would want to be a man's 'first' date/partner after his DIVORCE, anyway...) ohwell, Hugs to all...
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 196
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:01:34 PM
Vorax...No offense but I wouldn`t get involved with a man who paid `alimony`...WTF??? She can`t support herself??? Child support I understand...but alimony I don`t understand!! Just my honest opinion!!
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 197
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:01:57 PM
big OOPS! ^^^^ "WOULDN'T" want to...........
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