Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 worstguyonhere
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 109
Is separated single? Room for an argument????Page 3 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!

A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 113
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:26:44 PM
awww@bucsgirl, what a wonderful thing to say Canadian law is that you must be seperated 1 year before filing for divorce. A uncontested divorce takes about 3 months to process so all in total I have another 6 months to go before the final divorce decree is granted.

I am legally seperated from my ex. That means I am no longer responsible for any debt that my former wife creates after the date of the legal seperation. Of course I am still on the hook for any debt prior to this and fortunately there is none to worry about.

 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 115
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:36:14 PM
bandito My good friend, you are an exception in so many ways. And God bless the lucky woman that you find who is your match and is worthy of you.
Florida law is different. No required time of separation, we had one hearing in the judge's chambers, a final decree of dissolution. Whole process less than 4 months. From his first letter, me filing...and with 4 children no less. If I remember correctly the hearing was done and over in 45 minutes.
 ENDSEARCH
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:53:31 PM
Hold up guys and girls, this is real near and dear to my heart. I have been "legally seperated" for 10 months, eligable for divorce in two months, if the courts are running on schedule. Let's not forget in SC to get divorced, you have to be "legally seperated" 1 year. My lawyer wouldn't even hear of me leaving my husband/home until an agreement was on paper, which protected both my husband and I. Everything in my case has been decided and approved by the court, which free's up both of us, to live our lives, dating, etc. In this state if you just seperate/move out, etc., without the legal backing, you are screwing yourself! So much as look at someone else, and see how fast your significant other can come after you. As hard as it was to fork over the money, the "legally" has allowed me [and the ex]to get on with my/our life.

In the long run, it's only "terminology", if someone lies about it!!! I've talked to men, that have told me they are divorced and/or seperated many years, only to have them hang up on me, while on the telephone, when the wife enters the room. Honestly, it makes me sick!
 Le Roi
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 118
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:09:29 AM

Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses.....Viewpoints welcome...........


Not if they live under the same roof. I found myself in that position once. I really liked the girl too! But when I found out that she was still living under the same roof (albet different bedrooms), it didn't matter that her husband had a girlfriend, I broke it off before it went any further.
 Marvelicious
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 119
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:30:19 AM
I don't want to involve myself with someone who is only separated. They need to be ready to move on. . . need the paperwork!
 LunaLover
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 120
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:31:09 AM

I expressed my opinion on the matter and why I felt the way I did

Sienna, I thought your posts to be insightful and intelligent. I didn't see them as being judgemental, just expressing opinions that I'm sure that many would share. I know I do!
Luna
 Bdamnman
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 121
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:34:49 AM
Well, honestly, despite what everyone has said, each specific situation is different. I for one was separated and very over her and ready to move on. She had to stay in my house for a while to get her stuff together, but she slept in a different room and we no longer left the door open while taking a shower or any of that! :D

But.... I feel for you ladies out there because there are some guys who just want to cheat and that is the excuse they use. Bad part is that it is up to you to figure out the truth of it all. You may have to take off the love goggles and think it through logically for a minute.

If you can do it (not everyone can), then you should be able to figure out the posers and the real situations.
 Bdamnman
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 123
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:22:19 PM
There was no way on earth I would have went back with my ex. I don't care what she could have done, there was no way...

The question is... what are the secret thoughts of the person you are dating who says they are separated, and will you know them?????

I think one person can tell you they are separated and they are good to go for a new relationship, and another one isn't. Only they know... and they may be in denial.
 dimples196754481
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 124
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:49:32 PM
I think every case is different. I am seperated, and not divorced and I consider myself single. I have been seperated since 2000. The only reason I amnot divorced is because the to be x won't help pay for the divorce. I live on my own and it is tough enough without trying to add another darn bill, altho i am working on finding someone cheap. We live in different towns and even before we actually seperated I lived by myselfr and when we did live together we had seperate bedrooms for almost 2 years. I have already had a 3 year live in boyfriend. So I am sooo single inmy eyes.
 auntie-up
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 125
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:28:38 PM
If we are talking about being picky or "closed-minded" ... looks like we have a new winner in Mr. Stillinlimbo!!!!

- no one who has had anything less than a 15 yr. relationship
- no one who has NOT had children
- no widows
- no women with a few extra pounds ("chunky", as he calls it)

Have I left anything out? ... Hmmm... let's see ... how do you feel about women who can't cook...
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 126
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:43:58 PM

Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses


IMO, separated means they physically live apart and the divorce papers are filed; it also means they have dated others before me, as rebound relationships aren't any fun. I personally wouldn't date someone who was still living in the same home; there are other ways to save expenses. I also wouldn't date a separated - or divorced - person unless they had been apart from their spouse for a while and had dated several others before me. Sure, there's always the chance that the separated people could get back together, but that's not a given. There's also the chance that they could meet someone else while they're with you; nothing is ever certain. But I believe that one has to look at the overall situation before they make their decision about whether or not to get involved.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 128
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:00:50 PM
cusema, I know how you feel...but when we get past our 30s we all have baggage of some kind; it's how we handle that baggage that makes the difference. Some people let it influence every decision they make, while others learn from it, realize what they do and don't want in their own life, and go on form there. Though that doesn't mean we don't make anymore mistakes ;)

I really believe that if we each figure out what we do and don't want in our own lives, it's easier to find someone who has done the same. If we don't know what's important to our self, we can't expect to find someone to make a good relationship with; it's like that old saying about how one has to be happy with them self before they can be happy with someone else.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 129
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:43:30 PM
To the OP's question, "Is separated single"? In a legal sense, NO. In a dating sense, MAYBE. It's easy to have a knee-jerk reaction and say "separated people have baggage, they're likely to reconcile, they're on the rebound", etc. Every situation is different. In the US, depending on whatever state you live in there are different divorce laws that require a person to be legally separated for X amount of time.

You got to judge the situation before you discount the possibility of starting a relationship. Ladies, is Brad Pitt legally divorced? If he is, say right after he broke up with Aniston, you see him, he approaches you, you going to say "hell no I can't date Brad Pitt, he SEPARATED". Get real.

Every situation is different and a separated person could be as available as a single person. I don't blame rock.com with not posting every single detail about her personal situation on internet dating sites. And it's good that she determined that she is OVER with her husband and wants to move on to the next Someone Special (you go girl). I was in a similar situation, met a lady via the internet, her profile says "divorced", turns out she's separated. Normally I'd think "she lies about this, what else is she going to lie about?" Turns out one of the SMARTEST things I've done in my life is to have dated this woman. Needless to say she had a unique situation which I believed once I listened to her stories (which were very entertaining), her relationship was TOTALLY over, and she awaited the impending divorce. We had GREAT COMMUNICATION, of which I placed paramount value.

It's ok to feel like you cannot date someone who's separated, you can have whatever dating criteria you choose, but you are POSSIBLY limiting yourself to not meet your Someone Special. You only have a limited time on this earth, like the Rolling Stones said "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you'll get what you need!"
 dcandyman1
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 130
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:54:35 PM
im there now my wife left me two years ago, to find herself, and i was very loyal to her as i didnt know if she would come back. now we are getting a divorce and it takes too long and i want to get on with my life, i feel it is ok for me. now if they are living together please make sure you dont get hurt and find out someone is lying to you.
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 135
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/6/2006 9:34:27 AM
I now change my answer to it being on a case by case basis. Why?

I was chatting with a guy (finally opened up to it again) and last night decided to tell him I thought it would be best if he gave it another try with the ex. Again why? Because the ex is the one who ended it..and she's now found herself in quite the mess...and is telling the kids that there's a chance she and daddy will get back together.

That's a big ole red flag to me...why would I step into that situation...it's doomed from the beginning if you ask me...the kids would never like me because she's filling their heads with hope. So to me...either eliminate all hope...or try to fix it so you can have the family you used to. But it's not for me to be involved in.

So in answer to the question..Case by Case basis.
 hnbtrfly
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 137
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/6/2006 10:21:14 AM
I too am involved with someone who is married, yet seperated, I feel as though i am breaking a rule, though he does live on his own with his roommates, he says as soon as he gets the "money" they will file, want to push...no shove him in that direction to allow myself to not feel guilty for dating a married man, oh and this is not the first guy, yes there are many. I know divorce is prevelant but come on now, I am so tired of this.
 tamarindnector
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:19:47 AM
After reviewing some of the perspectives here I'm left with the thought that those who lie, are emotionally not over someone else, and who might return to a former partner or re-commit fidelity to a current partner can be anyone irregardless of their marital status. Until we spend some time, get to know, and develop more intimacy will we know better if that person is emotionally available and over the past relationship. I've been separated from my husband for over 2 years. I haven't divorced because yes, of course, my ideal is that he will get a standing grip on his addiction, for which staying together was causing too much destruction and enablement. Until he gets some time in recovery, we can't really re-examine the shaken foundation of our relationship. In the meantime, my love for him has increasingly waned and I miss being in companionship of someone close that I care for. In my separation, I'm open to meeting friends, dating, sharing companionship. If something special develops with one person, I'm emotionally available, willing to pursue further, and able to put closure on my marriage. Until I'm into something that seems to be developing into a relationship, I'm not motivated to exert such finality regarding my marriage. I'm one of the few people who is straight-forward and puts my status out there when first meeting someone. I dislike being deceived so I don't do that to others. If someone is uncomfortable with my separation status, I don't judge them, respecting that it's just not something they want to get involved with.
 Lily47
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 144
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:56:41 AM
I understand snowflake ............I am in a situation where I obtained my religous divorce, but to get the civil divorce will cost me about $10,000 on top of the money already spent protecting my kids and fighting for child support ( 1.5 yrs and $10,000). He is on the second girlfriend in that time and living with her, yet everytime it is close to a court judgement - he stalls it or refuses to sign the final papers. I would rather spend this money on my children.

I don't think I or anyone else should punish me for something he refuses to finish. I would and will date a seperated man - but would wonder if he stayed that way after the mandatory year wait. At this point, I am not looking to remarry - so that isn't an issue.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 150
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:37:09 PM
I give up The white flag is out.

It seems that some people here are bent out of shape, based on their own miserable experiences, to show how bad and terrible "Seperated" people are regardless of the person's person circumstance.

You win! We are all so bad and terrible...everyone else that is not seperated, lying or not...are in fact just and genuine people. If you buy that then I have some property for you to look at too while your at it

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

Bandito
 RockDotChic
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 151
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:39:05 PM

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

AMEN Bandito! :o)


 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 153
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:48:44 PM
Thank you rockdotcomchic
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 154
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 1:50:03 PM
Sienna_leigh: I'm just saying that some people stick to their principles no matter what. :-)

As one gets older usually one's opinion can adapt to the many grey areas of life. Sticking to principles for princple sake limits your ability to grow and fully develop an informed and educated opinion. It's too bad many of us have been burned by involving ourselves physically, emotionally, and intimately with separated people who carried their relationship baggage into the new relationship and/or were really not "separated". You can choose to date anyone you wish, of course, but to classify all separated people as "undateable" is foolhardy. Use your gut instincts when sizing up the "separation" of someone who is separated. The separated person can get divorced and be a jackass--but it would be good for you to consider dating a divorced jackass?

You have to use the grey cells in your brain to accurately size up the grey areas of life. Inflexible dating attitudes regarding dating someone who is separated only encourages separated people to be deceptive about their status, and nobody wants that.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 156
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 2:58:05 PM
sienna, i've got principles too, but my opinions are flexible, and that doesn't mean i'm wishy-washy. i've experienced things that have caused me to rethink my opinions, you've experienced things that have strengthened your convictions.

but just when you think you've seen everything, you see something you've never seen before. and just when you have all the answers, that's when someone changes the questions.

i'm just as stubborn as you sienna. i like that in a person, here's a hug to help bury the hachet.
 Bytronix
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 158
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:49:43 PM
Seperated is not single.
Seperated is "too afraid to finish off the relationship".
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >